Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Weirdness (addendum)


At dinner time somehow we got on the topic of DD's earliest days (previously discussed here in riveting detail). DH swore up and down that DD never drank from a bottle when she was an infant. I had to remind him of the 6 weeks (or was it 8?) that I nursed her while pumping to bring down the milk, and then gave her the bottle from the side that was pumped. He honestly didn't remember it.

It was one of the most traumatizing periods of my life, and he had completely forgotten about it. What's worse, even after talking about it a little bit, he still doesn't remember it. Maybe it's repression. I felt like I was crying all the time in those days. Maybe I never let the tears out? That part I don't remember. I do remember that DH often gave her the bottle so I could go and clean up the pump and get it ready for the next feeding. That time was one big blur punctuated by nursing&pumping sessions. My universe collapsed down to the point of, is my daughter eating? It was the only thing I cared about. Poor DS1, I have no memories of him during that time... I'm not sure how different it would've been had everything been fine, either. New babies tend to be overwhelming, even when you've been through it before.

I just think it's really weird that DH has no memories at all of that time. I swear that stuff still influences me today, and here he is, oblivious to the fact that it even happened. Perhaps I should take a page out of his book, but I don't believe that's possible for me!

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