Monday, July 26, 2004

winding down

Only one full day of vacation left, now.  *sigh*

It was cool today, just over 70 degrees, and the sun was off-and-on, but we finally said, OK, let's go to the beach, in the late afternoon... surprisingly, it was calm and there were no waves to speak of when we got there.  DS2 had such fun marching in and out of the water, even though the air felt very cold once you got out of the warm water.  I didn't swim today, DH went in with the kids and I looked for shells for a dear friend back in AZ... slim pickings, but I did find her some small pretty ones. 

On the beach today I was overcome with resistance to the idea of leaving.  See, I know, really and truly, that living here is not the same as visiting on vacation.  It isn't always summer.  It doesn't always look this glorious.  Even though we haven't had idyllic weather, it has still been nice... no hot humid muggy days except for when we were in CT which was OK because the ILs have a/c!  Timing is everything...

I told DH I didn't want to leave.  He said, "Well, get your writing career going so we can buy a house out here,"  and he was only half-kidding, or perhaps not kidding at all.  He likes it here, too.  So that's an interesting thought, a new goal, past the kids' college educations and just keeping everything paid up and saving for the eventual new cars and vacations and what not: what would it really take for us to get a house out here?  Lots and lots o' cash, that's for sure...

Still, I think this vacation has gone very well, and I don't see any reason why I can't do it again next year.  That's something to look forward to... I'm sad I didn't get into Boston at all, but with the DNC starting, it was a mess anyway, it was just not a good idea.  And with DS2 getting sick that threw a wrench into the works as well.  But we've had a splendid time and we'll be able to do more and more as the kids get older. 

I'm thrilled with my arthritis meds.  Sleeping could be better, but I'm going to wait and see how it is at home before upping the Ambien.  I only take a half now, so I have a lot of leeway there.  I do think my thyroid meds will need further adjustments, too, but we'll just wait and see.  Right now I know there are a lot of things to be done when we get home, so I'm just going to relax for the next two days until we actually get there, and then start worrying about all that!

Last blog till we get home!

Thursday, July 22, 2004

adrift amidst the charms of New England

it's lovely here.

We alternating doing too much with doing nothing, and there has been way too much eating going on, too.

Took the kids to Mystic Aquarium with my MIL today, as DH and FIL drove into Boston to go to Fenway and watch the Sox lose the first half of a double-header. It was a long day, but fun. DS2 is getting heavy! The drive was really pretty, and I even glimpsed a few masts and some riggings of the tall ships as we drove over the bridge in New London.

I'll have to fill in later, there's too much to say and not much time to say it in...

Friday, July 16, 2004

unexpected beach

The weather cleared out yesterday afternoon, so I was hopeful we'd be able to go to the beach today.  Success!
The kids were up around 6:30AM.  How cruel.  Especially since they didn't get to bed very early, either. 
At any rate, we went out for lunch to Seafood Sam's (not as good as Sandy's, but good) and then to Chappaquoit, where it was very very windy and the waves were huge.  DS1 had a blast jumping in the waves again, and DD joined him periodically.  I was afraid she would get washed out to sea, she's such a little thing.  I was right out there with them for most of the time, even though it was pretty chilly... there was quite a strong push to the waves and they kept moving down the beach, so I kept an eye on where we were and made sure we didn't go to far away from where DH was sitting with DS2.  Poor little guy.  He was very sleep and didn't like the wind at all, and the waves were much too rough for him.
We let them get a treat from the ice cream truck again, and again DS2 picks a superhero thing that melted all over him... fortunately I remembered that Mom had some paper towels in her trunk so that made it a little easier to deal with. Still, he was covered with goo.  When they finished their snacks we loaded them up to go check out Wood Neck, hoping it would be less windy and so we could relax and they would perhaps nap on the beach (DS2, at least -- ) all 3 of them fell asleep in the car.  So I took a very leisurely route home and let them nap, and then we hung out all afternoon (DH did early baths).  DS1 watched The Two Towers, and it was great to see all the extra scenes, although I really wasn't able to pay it sufficient attention.  DD and DS2 kept busy playing games and drawing with their new markers (I love them!)... it was a really nice day.
Tomorrow: get up, have breakfast, pack, drive to CT.  Who knows what we'll be doing while we're there, DH says the forecast is not that great. Oh well... at least we got in one more really nice beach day.  My hands are so tan, it's weird.  But I like it.  Hee!
Thank God the sun came out today because I was beginning to doubt I would ever be warm again... no such problems today.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

whirlwind, or tilt-a-whirl?

DH came in on Tuesday, tihngs have been non-stop since then, it seems...
Kids are doing great.  Weather has been pretty lousy, until this afternoon when the clouds and drizzle finally blew out.  We're hoping for beach weather tomorrow, please please please?
We've been eating, driving, playing... took the kids to Battleship Cove today, that was cool.  A good thing to do on a not-beach day.  We're heading to CT on Saturday morning.  I think I will cry if it's beach weather.  Seriously.
Other things... the air mattress sprung a leak! Fortunately there are others... kids love DS1's new card game, Hisss! (DF recommends Set for when they are a little older...)  Even though the weather has been pretty dreadful, the kids are wonderful, really getting along well.  They haven't even been too much glued to the TV, which is amazing.  They poke around outside in all the nature, or play with their animal friends from home, or draw pictures, or play games... they really are extraordinary.

We're seeing some major attitude problems with DD lately, and I'm trying to get through them without going negative on her.  She needs a ton of patience and lots of hugs & kisses to get out of these goofy little funks of hers.  This evening we drew some pictures together.  She liked that a lot.  I was surprised, but I don't know exactly why.  I had a lot of fun just sitting and making a picture with markers, I don't remember the last time I did that -- used to all the time, when I was a kid/teen-ager.  Hmmmm.
It's not so bad (quite wonderful, really) having DH here.  I have to try and remember not to make negative assumptions about what he's going to do/think/say -- because he isn't negative.  I don't know exactly why I should be doing that anyway.  I think there is some pre-emptive resentment of the fact that I'm not in complete control anymore?  Hee!  Anyway, he's great, and the kids are so happy to have him here.  And I am sleeping so much better!
Speaking of which, off to bed... I wonder if this mattress will deflate under me tonight? Always another adventure...

Monday, July 12, 2004

end of vacation, part 1

Tomorrow afternoon, DH arrives. Things are going to be a lot different with him here. When it's just me & the kids, we're a lot more relaxed and go-with-the-flow. At least it seems that way. I'm not sure how we're all going to adjust to having DH here. We're in a pretty good routine now...

We're all excited about his arrival though. We have all really missed him a lot. Still, since it was our last night of vacation-from-DH, I let the kids stay up until 10 watching Pirates of the Caribbean. Say what you will, I contend that is a near-perfect movie.

Having said that, though, it was a quite a shock to me to find that my mother couldn't stand it. Yes, it's violent -- but the violence is very clean, there's barely a drop of blood in the entire movie... I'd say it's on par with any Errol Flynn movie. It's basically a live action cartoon. But Mom gave up on it after the first really good sword fight between Jack and Will at the blacksmith's workshop. I believe the word she used was "barbaric", and she was kind of annoyed at me for letting the kids watch it. (DS2 pegged it, though: "This reminds me of Peter Pan," he said.) This is the same woman who intends to screen the literally hundreds of movies she has on VHS tapes (long story) before getting rid of them... she never watches movies, and if PotC is too violent for her, the idea of her going through all those tapes becomes even more absurd. That was a telling moment.

We had a pleasant day today, even though it was cool and cloudy. We went out and did a litte shopping, got DD a beginning piano book, and then went downtown to the splendid Eight Cousins Bookshop, where I got the kids some books and a really cute card game called Hisss, where you have to build snakes. It all depends on luck, and in the last game we played I felt really guilty because I kept on drawing heads or tail pieces and I ended up with 5 snakes and DS1 had none. He handled this loss impressively well, though -- not even the slightest sign of a tantrum. I found DS2 and adorable Kipper pop-up book so of course I had to buy it even though it was $16. Yes, he's spoiled, but the truth is we all really love those books, so it's not like it was just for him.

We took a very long route home, past Wood Neck beach which is gorgeous. I hope we get to go with there with DH at least once... the forecast for the next few days is pretty bleak. C'mon, I want my beach weather back! At least with DH here, I have someone to spell me on the driving if we head up to Boston for the day...

DS2 seems to finally have turned the corner on his illness. He threw a couple of major tantrums this evening but they were just that, tantrums, not indicators of illness or anything. You can always tell when they switch from crying and screaming to laughing like turning a page... it's remarkable. He ate a little more today, too, mostly sweets of course but we'll work on real food more tomorrow. I'm relieved because I was wondering when the antibiotic was going to kick in. Seems as if it's finally working... I didn't have to give DS2 any Motrin or Tylenol today at all.

Well, now I truly have no idea what's in store for the next 2 weeks... this should be interesting, and fun, I hope!

Saturday, July 10, 2004

nostalgia run amok

Or something like that.

Today I drove up with the kids to Sudbury and visited with P&C and their two kids. Their DS has ADHD and some associated OCD and other socialization problems, but he's a sweet boy who actually has a lot in common with DS1 when they can connect. Their DD is just a half-year younger than my DS1 and she is very much like my DD... the girls had a very good time.

Poor DS2, it is very hard for him to be the little guy all the time, and he phased in and out of feeling well all day long. We probably stayed over-long but it had been such a long time since I had a chance to talk to P that it felt good just to veg out with her while the kids entertained themselves... there were no dust-ups, other than DS2's occasional whines... it was nice.

When we left, we drove over to S Natick to go past my old house. That was a trip and a half. It all seemed simultaneously familiar and strange, and not that deja-vu "strangely familiar" feeling, either. Like, I recognized everything but couldn't believe I used to travel that route dozens of times a week, for 2 and a half years. It just didn't seem possible. When we got to the house I was quite ticked because whoever is living there now really needs to do some work on the yard, the bushes are running wild. They un-screened the porch which made it look quite nice, but other than that, it looked just the same. It was weird.

We had dinner at Bertucci's in Wellesley, which went fine until I told DS1 he couldn't save his Hoodsie cup ice cream for later. For some reason, he didn't believe me, and he had a minor breakdown, so I hustled them out of there... so quickly I forgot the leftovers on the table! I hate it when I do that. The waitress must've thought I was a total ditz, since I made her box up the leftovers, and then bring the ice creams, which the kids barely touched before I dragged them out of there. I felt a tiny bit awkward but I knew it was better to get DS1 out of there than to have him create a huge scene. I didn't have the energy to manage that.

On the way to our car, I witnessed a fender-bender in the parking lot: the driver hit a parked Honda Odyssey, trying to park his own car. It was the weirdest thing. I saw it, but there wasn't a chance that I was going to do anything about it with the 3 kids to handle. So I stuck them in the car and we headed down to Rte 9 to find a Radio Shack to buy a car adapter for the portable DVD player.

I think the battery on the new one is not the full 6 hours, but it could be that I didn't prep it properly... I have to check that out, maybe tomorrow. I found a Radio Shack pretty quickly and the clerk there was really nice and helpful and we found one with the appropriate voltage and amps (my old one was too weak -- correct voltage, not enough amps)... so the kids watched "Spy Kids" all the way home. Of course there was junk on the disc or something that made it go wonky when we were only about 15 minutes away, though. So I pulled over to fix the disc and in that 2 minutes a police car pulled up to make sure we were OK. I thought that was really nice and thanked the officer for stopping.

I keep using the word weird tonight but that's how today was. It was weird being back in my old stomping grounds. Unlike here on the Cape, there was absolutely no tugging on my heart strings. I talked a little with P&C about their kids' school and curriculums and whatnot, and realized even more how happy I am with my kids' schools. I'm glad I drove by my old place because I had been wanting to do that for quite a while, it was good to finally scratch that particular itch... but now that I have, I have no desire to ever drive through Wellesley or Natick again. I've been gone nearly 10 years but it seems as if nothing has really changed there, and I have changed a lot. I can't imagine having kids and living there! Eeek.

So... a good, strange day, and the kids were terrific. Didn't talk to DH at all, though. Another oddity.

Friday, July 09, 2004

beachin', bitchin'


DS2 was only marginally better today, until late this evening when he really perked up. That was strange but welcome.

Went to the beach today with the kiddos and my godson, the pharmacist, and his girlfriend. They make pleasant conversation. I'm afraid they think I'm a right-wing whacko now, though, because they mentioned that they had seen "Farenheit 9/11" and asked me if I had seen it or would see it, and I replied, no, because I am as opposed to Michael Moore as it is possible to be. Girlfriend asked me, "Why is that?" and I gave a rather impassioned and lengthy reply as to how he lies and manipulates the media (the whole distribution flap) but I was pleased because when Girlfriend mentioned that, well, wasn't it odd that the bin Laden family got to leave the country when no one else was, I said I didn't know, she'd have to take that up with Richard Clarke because he's the one who gave them clearance to leave... then I changed the topic to "Spider-Man 2" which is much safer, of course.

The beach was wonderful even though DS2 got a bit cranky. Poor dear. DS1 and DD had so much fun playing in the waves. I got them all their first-ever ice cream truck treats. That was a lot of fun.

Tomorrow, driving up to Sudbury to see P&C and their kids. I am really looking forward to it.

Oh, had a long and somewhat upsetting conversation with DH last night where I realized once again that I just can't ever question what he does, no matter what my tone or circumstances, because he just gets all defensive and nasty. He has been so happy lately because we don't have these fights, and I realized we haven't been fighting because I have just learned to let it all go, because I don't need to understand him, and there's no point in rehashing something that has already happened if there's nothing to be learned from it... perspective, timing, etc. But yesterday I forgot that "no questioning" rule I had imposed on myself (to keep the peace) and so of course there was a fight.

That's all surprisingly OK, because I don't need to pick fights with my DH. I can get everything I need to know from him in other ways... it's just a matter of my own discipline. I know what sets him off, so I (usually) just don't do it.

It was hard talking last night because he brought up the time when, he says, I was "completely insane." That's rough to hear, although there is some truth to it, but I'm better now. But even writing about it makes me sad, because I don't think I have ever been a vindictive or mean person, and he said I was vicious. Or something like that. I never meant to be mean. I have honestly never done anything intentionally to hurt him (a few other people, yes, but him, no --) I have thoughtlessly, carelessly hurt him probably many times but I have never said or done anything deliberately to cause him pain, and I don't think he believes that.

Anyway, he attributes our current peaceful era to the advent of my thyroid treatment. I thought that was interesting. Depression was a huge deep pit for me and it took me a lot longer to climb out of it than I realized at that time. I would reach a certain level of recovery and look back and think, "Wow, I'm so much better now," but then a few months later, I would,could, and did honestly think the same thing again.

I don't know now if I'm completely well yet. I think I'm pretty close but there are a few odd things, here and there, strange paranoid/fearful patterns of thought that I attribute to my thyroid being out of whack again, or lack of sleep, I don't know. So far they are not preventing me from living my life so I am not stressing about it.

To bed now, but first, SI exercises, I can feel how "out" my hip is from carrying DS2 around all day...

Thursday, July 08, 2004

doctors, prescriptions, screaming


Took DS2 to the urgent care center this morning. As predicted, his right ear is still infected. The dr prescribed another round of Omnicef ($60), this time at the higher dose. Apparently DS2 is right on the cusp of needing the higher dose, last time he did the lower dose...

We were actually there for only about 45 minutes which is extraordinary for a walk-in clinic, but DD didn't seem to think so. She was an imp after about the first 10 minutes: lying on the floor, flopping about, complaining about everything. Her uncle had given her a pretty little toe ring he had found on the beach, and she threw it at me, saying she didn't want it anymore... "I don't want anything!" I retrieved it. When I was trying to pay, she ran out and I had to send DS1 after her to keep her from going into the parking lot. Then when it was time to go (30 seconds later), she refused... I ended up taking the boys to the car, then I had to come back in and carry her out. It was ridiculous. Sometimes she has to make everything about HER, and at times like those, I could just as well leave her there. (*gasp*! child abandonment!)

Not that I'd ever do it, but sometimes she makes it seem like an attractive alternative.

DS1's Motrin stopped working about 11:30, as we were in the dr's office, and then we had to go get the Rx... there was a long line at the local CVS. After about 10 minutes (which is a really long time if you are carrying a 30+ pound 3 year old), we get to the head of the line only to find out that they are out of Omnicef. They call down to the downtown branch, and they have it... so back in the car, back through the traffic to downtown. The downtown branch has a drive-thru! Yay.

Drop off the scrip, then take the kids through the drive-thru at BK which was just around the corner, but the backway, and so avoided the traffic... after enduring the line at BK, we got back to the pharmacy and picked up the Rx. Nothing like dropping $100 in an hour, huh? Eeesh.

I ended up running out again at 8:45 tonight to pick up some Tylenol for DS2 because the Motrin just isn't getting his fever down. It's weird how sometimes the Motrin works better and sometimes the Tylenol does. I got him the Tylenol at 9 and by 9:30 he was practically chipper. Of course then I hustled him into bed. I'm hoping with the 2 doses of Omnicef and the Tylenol he'll sleep better tonight...

Had a screaming match with DH today. He called me early to say that the pharmacy called and said he had to pick up my prescription by Saturday. I thought that was weird but realized that it must've been the minocycline. So later, he called to say he got it but it cost $64 because it was too soon to be getting a refill and have it be covered by our prescription drug plan. I asked him why he did that -- I'm sure I was snippy if not downright bitchy -- but he ended up going completely berserk and screamed at me about doing all sorts of errands for me (which is complete bullshit) and he did it because I asked him to, blah blah blah.

Well: yes, I asked him to get my prescription, but not to drop $64 on it unnecessarily. He could've waited and called BC/BS and seen if there was something to be done, right? Turns out when I called BC/BS they said they would reimburse us the difference , we just have to send them the info and explain that we are traveling out of state. I emailed DH this info and he replied quite snippily that he had already made 2 trips to my PT because when he brought them their check he forgot to bring the statement of benefits...

You know what? I don't care! It's not like he has a whole heckuva lot to do there. The only thing he's responsible for besides himself is the CAT and she can be problematic but honestly? She's not that big a deal. He knows I'm dealing with all 3 kids here and trying to keep them sane while DS2 is sick and does he cut me ANY slack today? No, he jumps all over me. I know I shouldn't have been bitchy but seriously, I admitted I was wrong and apologized and he still acted like a complete jerk.

Now I'm really looking forward to his arrival Tuesday... NOT. It's nice being here without him, because we can do what we want to do instead of having to do what he wants. Generally he is much more reluctant to actually DO anything with the kids, at least he is at home, which sucks. So I am trying to get in as much as possible before he gets here, which is tough because now DS2 is sick and we don't have that many more days left.

Saturday we are going up to Sudbury to visit P&C and their kids, just for the day. I have to call other friends too and see when we can get together... it seemed like I had so much time, but I don't, really, between family visits and the trip last weekend to CT and now DS2 down for a few days, it's impossible. There's never enough time. Of course we will have 2 more weeks once DH gets here, but I'm not counting on being able to do anything I want to during those 2 weeks.

Wow, that's an incredibly negative attitude, but I am really mad at him right now. I know that he's waiting for another apology/admission of guilt from me before he softens and apologizes himself, but I'm just not in the mood. I know this was my choice to travel with the kids on my own, and so I am dealing with it, but you know, it wouldn't kill him to acknowledge that he is getting TWO vacations: one on his own, and then the one with us. Sure, he has to work now, but he also doesn't have anything or anyone else to deal with while he's there.

He seems to be having a fun enough time buying himself a new cell phone and surround sound system... man we have run through a lot of money lately. Sheesh.

Now I'm online so he can't call on the landline. Heh. I really am being bad but I'm allowed from time to time. I think the kids are doing really well (notwithstanding DS2's illness) and they are having a good time, too. I don't regret being here, and I refuse to accept being screamed at.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

now what?

DS2 spiked a fever this afternoon. He fell asleep on the way home from lunch, slept all afternoon, woke feverish. After meds, he was fine this evening. If he follows his usual pattern, tomorrow he will be miserable. I'm taking him to the walk-in clinic in the morning... it seems I have to do this every summer. *sigh*

Everyone else is gone, it's just Mom, me, and the kids. The house is quiet. I like it.

Weather has been beautiful, and we have been busy doing lots of vacation-y things. I bought marshmallows today and made the kids s'mores for snacks. They are in love. Hee!

Time for bed.