Monday, March 15, 2004

One ride

I'm getting closer to understanding why I continue to do things I know I shouldn't. Like, for example, stay up late and write or just hang out on the computer until a ridiculous hour... that has to do with the pain. It's a vicious cycle though, because I'm pretty sure that not getting enough sleep contributes to the pain, which then contributes to the restless. If I went to bed at what mothers typically call "a decent hour", I wouldn't sleep, I'd just lay there, throbbing. Hands, feet, hips, ankles, back... everything competing for attention. Cacophony. So I wait until I'm literally falling asleep on my feet and then go to bed so I will go to sleep without having to listen to all that.

There's got to be a better way.

Last night, I took 2 Bextra in the hope that the morning would be better. It wasn't. And the weather was great today, too, definite high pressure system in town now. On good days, I wake up and get up. On days like today, I wake up. After about 15 minutes I can deal with sitting up, and after another 20 minutes or so I can finally haul myself out of bed.

So, duh, I realized I'm having a flare. Is this leftover flare from the surgery, that I hadn't noticed before because I was on the Vioxx? Or is it a new flare, because I've been having wine, maybe? Or because I've been eating gluten? Or maybe because of where I am in my cycle? I think if I were still capable, I'd have my period now. Maybe it's just because I've stayed up late a few nights in a row (vicious cycle thing). Sometimes it gets very frustrating, having so many variables to consider.

Today, we took the kids to the Chandler Ostrich Festival. Yet again, we did not see any ostriches, but that's OK. We wised up this year and got all day passes for everyone, and the kids had a great time. DH took DS2 around on the smaller kids' rides, and I had DD and DS1 who went on the bigger kids' rides together.

I got to go on one ride: the swings. I don't know what happened to me, but I am seriously chicken these days. Oops, I forgot, I stood on the merry-go-round with DD, and that made me queasy. LOL I always have to focus on a spot now. I never used to be that way. Anyway, the swing was lovely, it wasn't the little kid one or the adult one, but sort of in between. So it went middling-high and fast -- I closed my eyes and felt the wind and the force pushing me into my seat, and it reminded me of sailing. I liked it better with my eyes closed than open, though. Too much wind in the eyes and seeing everything go by so fast would start freaking me out so I just kept 'em closed after that. Yes, I am a wimp. Don't care.

Ate horribly today. Breakfast: baby bel cheese and snapea crisps, which isn't really too bad. Lunch: gyros on a whole wheat pita. Lots of water to drink. Snack: vanilla ice cream, not too much, just what I got off the kids' cones while keeping them from becoming big drippy messes. For dinner we went to Mimi's Cafe and I got chicken breast broiled with garlic and over stuff, it was pretty good. I only ate half of it though, way too much food. Especially after the salad and the glass of wine. Mimi's Cafe has most generous pour I have ever seen. It'd be 2 glasses anywhere else. I had a glass of white, Lindeman's Chardonnay. It was OK. Nice for a change.

Now, I'm still up but tomorrow is spring break so I don't care! I've tons of work to do but am ready to do it... the kids are psyched that we have nothing planned, too. I think that's pretty funny. If it's hot enough, I will relent and get out the paddling pool. DD has been begging me since the weather snapped hot here over a week ago. It is annoying as all get out but there's no reason to say "no" if we're not going anywhere. But it has to be hot enough or they will all freeze! Not that they care.

One thing I will do is have DH drop off my Vioxx prescription on his way to work, then I can pick it up later. Those days after my surgery when I was on Vioxx I felt better than I have in ages. I had energy & enthusiasm and mental clarity -- I was myself again. On the Bextra, not so much. OK, not at all.

So I will take the drug and reclaim my life, again. I have hope.

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