I'm into my second week on my newly-lowered thyroid medication dose, 88 mcg/day. This is astonishingly small, since I've also dropped the 5 mcg/day of T3 I was taking... essentially half of the dose I had been on for, oh, about 15 years.
Biggest problem so far: gastroparesis, big time. Small meals without too much fat or protein aren't too bad, but just about every dinner has me reaching for my crystallized ginger in the hope of getting my stomach working again. Fortunately I haven't noticed any reflux but the bloated, nothing's-moving feeling is yucky. And I'm still trying to get my intestines to function properly, too, but that at least seems to be getting better? Who knows.
Parent-teacher conferences were last week so the week was a blur, but it was overall really positive. I got a lot of great responses to the science fair. If it was brought up, it was in a complimentary way, which was just awesome. Still glad it's over.
Chem labs started today and I'm exhausted with all the extra running around campus! Of course it's my week to clean the teacher's lounge, too -- timing is everything. Perhaps with all the extra running around and having absolutely no appetite, I can finally lose the weight I piled on over the last few months of 2019...
Admin requested a blurb describing our proposed electives classes, requested by Friday. This is really a shame since we were hoping to dodge this particular bullet. I had the thought, What if I just don't do it?
I've already decided I want to stay, so I'm doing my best not to get too spun-up about it. We'll see how it goes. We're using a Robotics curriculum for our spring meetings, and I'll just adapt that, but I am a bit cranky about this. I would much rather do other things!
Lent starts on Wednesday, and Saturday is Leap Day. I can't believe how quickly this year is flying by.
Monday, February 24, 2020
Thursday, February 13, 2020
babies
My baby turned 19 years old today. One more year with a teen-aged offspring! How odd.
I feel surrounded by babies these days. One of my co-workers just announced she's expecting. Another has an absolutely charming 3-year-old at our preschool, and I get to see her practically every day. This afternoon, one of the school moms stopped by for something or other and she had her own adorable infant hanging off her arm. He was such a sweetie, ready to smile at everyone (well, me, anyway!).
There are no babies in my personal immediate future but I do enjoy being baby-adjacent. I get a tiny bit wistful hoping my own kids will have families of their own some day, but since not one of them has any kind of significant other on the horizon, who knows?
They all have plenty of time for that, anyway. I'll have to stick with vicarious grandbaby experiences for now.
I feel surrounded by babies these days. One of my co-workers just announced she's expecting. Another has an absolutely charming 3-year-old at our preschool, and I get to see her practically every day. This afternoon, one of the school moms stopped by for something or other and she had her own adorable infant hanging off her arm. He was such a sweetie, ready to smile at everyone (well, me, anyway!).
There are no babies in my personal immediate future but I do enjoy being baby-adjacent. I get a tiny bit wistful hoping my own kids will have families of their own some day, but since not one of them has any kind of significant other on the horizon, who knows?
They all have plenty of time for that, anyway. I'll have to stick with vicarious grandbaby experiences for now.
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
checking in, again
I came down with a slight cold over the weekend, of course. Lack of sleep and too much stress will do that to a person. I won't say anything more about that for (superstitious) fear of making it worse. The real reason I'm writing is because my hands were really bothering me today, and this is the first time I can remember them feeling like this in a very long time.
I had a hard time putting on my rings this morning, and even had to wear my wedding and engagement rings on my pinkie finger for a while before the swelling went down enough so I could move them over to the proper finger.
As far as I know, the only bad stuff I ate yesterday was a very tiny bite of a brownie from the tasting station at Trader Joe's. I did a lot of driving in the afternoon, and then made dinner, but nothing else involved wheat, so I have no idea what's going on.
I'm also keeping an eye on my digestion. It's been dysfunctional for long enough that I finally broke down over the weekend and bought Imodium and a super-strength probiotic. I'm glad I did because the best cold medicine by far I've found is Mucinex, and that stuff also does a number on my intestines. I hate being on so many meds but I do have to be able to stand around a classroom and talk most of the day, and I'm grateful the meds make that possible.
I've been off the T3 for a few weeks now, so of course I'm wondering if that has something to do with the arthritic-feeling hands. Also, it rained like crazy last night and today was cold and blustery, which, if I actually had arthritis, could be enough to explain my bad hands and other creaky joints. But as far as I know, I don't have arthritis! I mean, I thought I did, for years, but then that diagnosis was amended to "allergic reaction to wheat." Plus, we've had numerous cold and blustery days this winter and none of them involved my hands feeling as bad as they do now. They've really bothered me all day. Harumph.
I had a blood test Monday afternoon and am waiting for the doctor to call in my new dosage. I missed a call from her today, but I hope I'll be able to take it when she calls tomorrow. I'd like to know what's going on. I don't feel particularly tired or brain-fogged or any of the typical hypothyroid symptoms, so I'm not going to worry about further dose-tinkering.
In other news, a long-time online friend has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Cancer sucks.
I had a hard time putting on my rings this morning, and even had to wear my wedding and engagement rings on my pinkie finger for a while before the swelling went down enough so I could move them over to the proper finger.
As far as I know, the only bad stuff I ate yesterday was a very tiny bite of a brownie from the tasting station at Trader Joe's. I did a lot of driving in the afternoon, and then made dinner, but nothing else involved wheat, so I have no idea what's going on.
I'm also keeping an eye on my digestion. It's been dysfunctional for long enough that I finally broke down over the weekend and bought Imodium and a super-strength probiotic. I'm glad I did because the best cold medicine by far I've found is Mucinex, and that stuff also does a number on my intestines. I hate being on so many meds but I do have to be able to stand around a classroom and talk most of the day, and I'm grateful the meds make that possible.
I've been off the T3 for a few weeks now, so of course I'm wondering if that has something to do with the arthritic-feeling hands. Also, it rained like crazy last night and today was cold and blustery, which, if I actually had arthritis, could be enough to explain my bad hands and other creaky joints. But as far as I know, I don't have arthritis! I mean, I thought I did, for years, but then that diagnosis was amended to "allergic reaction to wheat." Plus, we've had numerous cold and blustery days this winter and none of them involved my hands feeling as bad as they do now. They've really bothered me all day. Harumph.
I had a blood test Monday afternoon and am waiting for the doctor to call in my new dosage. I missed a call from her today, but I hope I'll be able to take it when she calls tomorrow. I'd like to know what's going on. I don't feel particularly tired or brain-fogged or any of the typical hypothyroid symptoms, so I'm not going to worry about further dose-tinkering.
In other news, a long-time online friend has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Cancer sucks.
Friday, February 07, 2020
at last!
It's always an odd feeling when a long-anticipated event draws near: the processes that brought this day about have been in progress since the apparent Dawn of Time, and now, suddenly, here it is! Weird.
I'm talking, of course, about the science fair, which kicks off in approximately 8 hours, give or take a few minutes.
I've been managing my students' work on their projects since August. It really is quite a long time!
I'm in good shape for the day, I think -- I have a map, and a key, and I've sorted out which projects the judges should look at, and I've actually graded everything except the students' log books. That in itself is a testimony to my determination, because I just didn't want to have to do any grading on the day of the fair itself! (At least not project grading... I have a couple of assignments to plow through before next week's end-of-term deadline.)
There are 64 projects this year, a full 50% increase over last year. Now I finally see why I keep getting crunched by my grading! It's a lot easier to manage the process when there are only 40-odd projects to keep track of.
I am up too late again after checking the map, typing it up, and creating the key... but mostly because I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until after 10, so I got a solid 2 hours in there. Off to bed now, though. It's going to be a very long day!
It will be lovely to have it over with, that's for sure.
(Apologies for all the exclamation marks in this post. They are unnecessarily ubiquitous these days but I do feel they're appropriate here!)
I'm talking, of course, about the science fair, which kicks off in approximately 8 hours, give or take a few minutes.
I've been managing my students' work on their projects since August. It really is quite a long time!
I'm in good shape for the day, I think -- I have a map, and a key, and I've sorted out which projects the judges should look at, and I've actually graded everything except the students' log books. That in itself is a testimony to my determination, because I just didn't want to have to do any grading on the day of the fair itself! (At least not project grading... I have a couple of assignments to plow through before next week's end-of-term deadline.)
There are 64 projects this year, a full 50% increase over last year. Now I finally see why I keep getting crunched by my grading! It's a lot easier to manage the process when there are only 40-odd projects to keep track of.
I am up too late again after checking the map, typing it up, and creating the key... but mostly because I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until after 10, so I got a solid 2 hours in there. Off to bed now, though. It's going to be a very long day!
It will be lovely to have it over with, that's for sure.
(Apologies for all the exclamation marks in this post. They are unnecessarily ubiquitous these days but I do feel they're appropriate here!)
Thursday, January 30, 2020
news: not-so-good, and more than good
I had my appointment with my wonderful endocrinologist today, Dr. A.
First, the not-so-good news: my status has been revised from "cancer free" to "indeterminate." This does not surprise me in the least, so it's not upsetting. This is partially good news, though, because this new status is the result of a new, highly sensitive test for the thyroid cancer tumor marker. This is a blood test that doesn't require any special preparation, so there's no reason, say, for a really expensive and inconvenient protocol that drags me to a hospital four days out of five prior to testing for this same thing.
Anyway, the test result should have been zero or undetectable, and instead it was 0.3. (I can't remember the units, and it doesn't really matter -- although my students would be jumping all over me if they saw me saying that! I don't let them get away with that!) Since this is a new test, I couldn't really assess whether 0.3 whatevers was something I should worry about, but Dr. A confirmed that 0.3 is indeed a very small number, and given that there is no physical evidence of disease, we're just going to do ultrasounds and blood tests every 6 months and that should do it, unless something changes. Ultrasounds are cheap and painless. Blood tests aren't that painful. Both of them are infinitely preferable to Thyrogen-stimulated RAI whole body scans, low-iodine diets, CT scans, PET/CT scans, or MRIs. I'm looking forward to a less-medicalized and much less expensive future.
Speaking of MRIs, the most recent one (last Monday), was perfect and -- here's the really good news -- I don't have to have another one for two years! Yay!
For all that I've written about it, my appointment was the smallest part of today, DS1's birthday. I don't really understand how I am old enough to have a 23-year-old, but that's the reality. We cooked his dinner together: surf and turf (strip steak cooked by DS1, scallops and shrimp by me), spicy delicata squash "fries", and salad, with brownie cake with the best chocolate frosting ever* for his birthday "cake". I was in the kitchen from just after 4 when I got home from my appointment until nearly 8 o'clock when we finished up dessert. I was wiped out afterwards but it was time so well spent!
After dinner, the boys all disappeared upstairs as they usually do, and I called DD and caught up with her for a delightful hour. She is having a great time at school. It's her second semester of junior year and she is really enjoying her classes, which include studying anthropology and the human micro-biome. I often worry about what's she's doing up there, but today she looked and sounded wonderful. (We face-timed so she could join us in singing Happy Birthday to DS1. He tolerated it well -- we sound terrible, mostly because everyone else makes no effort to sing on key!)
Good news, very good food, and wonderful family time. An excellent day.
* Best Chocolate Frosting Ever:
This recipe was hiding in my Fannie Farmer Baking Book all these years and I somehow recently discovered it: Melt 6 ounces of chocolate chips; stir in one half-cup of sour cream and a pinch of salt. That's it. Spectacular. I use Trader Joe's Pound Plus Belgian Dark Chocolate when I'm out of chocolate chips, weighing out the 6 ounces, and it's just the best. It doesn't make too much, enough to frost the top of an 8-inch cake,but that's OK. There was a little left over after frosting the brownies. (Trader Joe's Truffle Brownie mix, made with an entire stick of butter! Highly recommended.)
First, the not-so-good news: my status has been revised from "cancer free" to "indeterminate." This does not surprise me in the least, so it's not upsetting. This is partially good news, though, because this new status is the result of a new, highly sensitive test for the thyroid cancer tumor marker. This is a blood test that doesn't require any special preparation, so there's no reason, say, for a really expensive and inconvenient protocol that drags me to a hospital four days out of five prior to testing for this same thing.
Anyway, the test result should have been zero or undetectable, and instead it was 0.3. (I can't remember the units, and it doesn't really matter -- although my students would be jumping all over me if they saw me saying that! I don't let them get away with that!) Since this is a new test, I couldn't really assess whether 0.3 whatevers was something I should worry about, but Dr. A confirmed that 0.3 is indeed a very small number, and given that there is no physical evidence of disease, we're just going to do ultrasounds and blood tests every 6 months and that should do it, unless something changes. Ultrasounds are cheap and painless. Blood tests aren't that painful. Both of them are infinitely preferable to Thyrogen-stimulated RAI whole body scans, low-iodine diets, CT scans, PET/CT scans, or MRIs. I'm looking forward to a less-medicalized and much less expensive future.
Speaking of MRIs, the most recent one (last Monday), was perfect and -- here's the really good news -- I don't have to have another one for two years! Yay!
For all that I've written about it, my appointment was the smallest part of today, DS1's birthday. I don't really understand how I am old enough to have a 23-year-old, but that's the reality. We cooked his dinner together: surf and turf (strip steak cooked by DS1, scallops and shrimp by me), spicy delicata squash "fries", and salad, with brownie cake with the best chocolate frosting ever* for his birthday "cake". I was in the kitchen from just after 4 when I got home from my appointment until nearly 8 o'clock when we finished up dessert. I was wiped out afterwards but it was time so well spent!
After dinner, the boys all disappeared upstairs as they usually do, and I called DD and caught up with her for a delightful hour. She is having a great time at school. It's her second semester of junior year and she is really enjoying her classes, which include studying anthropology and the human micro-biome. I often worry about what's she's doing up there, but today she looked and sounded wonderful. (We face-timed so she could join us in singing Happy Birthday to DS1. He tolerated it well -- we sound terrible, mostly because everyone else makes no effort to sing on key!)
Good news, very good food, and wonderful family time. An excellent day.
* Best Chocolate Frosting Ever:
This recipe was hiding in my Fannie Farmer Baking Book all these years and I somehow recently discovered it: Melt 6 ounces of chocolate chips; stir in one half-cup of sour cream and a pinch of salt. That's it. Spectacular. I use Trader Joe's Pound Plus Belgian Dark Chocolate when I'm out of chocolate chips, weighing out the 6 ounces, and it's just the best. It doesn't make too much, enough to frost the top of an 8-inch cake,but that's OK. There was a little left over after frosting the brownies. (Trader Joe's Truffle Brownie mix, made with an entire stick of butter! Highly recommended.)
Monday, January 20, 2020
ow ow ow
That nice plan didn't work out... the lab had to draw six tubes of blood from the back of my hand. Not too bad, actually, but I have no idea why my doctor ordered so many blood tests.
So I just realized I could log into the patient portal and all the results would probably be posted already, and they were! Well, some of the labs, anyway. My TSH has finally budged up to 0.04, but I still have a long way to go to get to 0.5. I was wondering if my pituitary gland was just not up to the task of producing TSH anymore, but my T4 (the primary hormone that TSH is regulating) was still quite high, so that explains the low TSH. I predict another drop in my thyroid medication dose, but the official blood test for that won't be for another month.
My blood work that was posted looked fine, but my glucose is at the high end of the range. I was fasting today but they never even asked me if I was or not, and I think the range for fasting is a little tighter. It will be interesting to see what the endo says. I have been eating way more sweets over the holidays, and my weight is up alarmingly. Usually I can lay off sweets for a few days and it goes right back down, but I think the lowered thyroid dose is affecting that. Anyway: clean eating (and way less drinking of anything other than water, tea, or coffee) for the foreseeable future, lest I have to invest in buying all new pants.
The MRI was... not bad as MRIs go. It is impossible to concentrate on anything in there, so I mostly tried to pray, kept getting distracted by the loud, non-rhythmic noises, and then trying to get back to it. The worst part of the day by far was the IV placement, which took 2 tries and about a half-hour, even using the ultrasound machine. My best veins are in my left arm, of course: I'm left-handed. Now every time I go to do something I'm reminded of both the blood draw and the IV. I'm going to have some spectacular bruising.
BUT everything is apparently OK, even though I have no idea why my TSH is still so stubbornly high. I have an appointment with the endo to talk about all this next week. I'm hoping we can back way off on these fishing expeditions.
In other news: the FLL state tournament at ASU was a long, exhausting, and sort-of-fun day. The team did very well in some areas, and not so well in others, but it was a good experience for them all. And now, finally, we get a break from robotics for a while!
My students handed in their science fair project reports on Friday, but I didn't grade them this weekend. Yesterday was just too long a day and today really wiped me out. I'll grade them over the course of this week, and all should be well. I purposely didn't set the next assignment (putting together display boards) until next week, so I could have the time to grade that I need.
Last but not least, admin at school announced we are receiving another grant and will purchase all kinds of things with it, like new desks (desperately needed) and also some new technology. I'm thinking that's going to have an impact on the electives, because what good are 3D printers if they just sit there? Someone has to use them for something, and it had better not be me, since I know next to nothing about them! We'll see.
So I just realized I could log into the patient portal and all the results would probably be posted already, and they were! Well, some of the labs, anyway. My TSH has finally budged up to 0.04, but I still have a long way to go to get to 0.5. I was wondering if my pituitary gland was just not up to the task of producing TSH anymore, but my T4 (the primary hormone that TSH is regulating) was still quite high, so that explains the low TSH. I predict another drop in my thyroid medication dose, but the official blood test for that won't be for another month.
My blood work that was posted looked fine, but my glucose is at the high end of the range. I was fasting today but they never even asked me if I was or not, and I think the range for fasting is a little tighter. It will be interesting to see what the endo says. I have been eating way more sweets over the holidays, and my weight is up alarmingly. Usually I can lay off sweets for a few days and it goes right back down, but I think the lowered thyroid dose is affecting that. Anyway: clean eating (and way less drinking of anything other than water, tea, or coffee) for the foreseeable future, lest I have to invest in buying all new pants.
The MRI was... not bad as MRIs go. It is impossible to concentrate on anything in there, so I mostly tried to pray, kept getting distracted by the loud, non-rhythmic noises, and then trying to get back to it. The worst part of the day by far was the IV placement, which took 2 tries and about a half-hour, even using the ultrasound machine. My best veins are in my left arm, of course: I'm left-handed. Now every time I go to do something I'm reminded of both the blood draw and the IV. I'm going to have some spectacular bruising.
BUT everything is apparently OK, even though I have no idea why my TSH is still so stubbornly high. I have an appointment with the endo to talk about all this next week. I'm hoping we can back way off on these fishing expeditions.
In other news: the FLL state tournament at ASU was a long, exhausting, and sort-of-fun day. The team did very well in some areas, and not so well in others, but it was a good experience for them all. And now, finally, we get a break from robotics for a while!
My students handed in their science fair project reports on Friday, but I didn't grade them this weekend. Yesterday was just too long a day and today really wiped me out. I'll grade them over the course of this week, and all should be well. I purposely didn't set the next assignment (putting together display boards) until next week, so I could have the time to grade that I need.
Last but not least, admin at school announced we are receiving another grant and will purchase all kinds of things with it, like new desks (desperately needed) and also some new technology. I'm thinking that's going to have an impact on the electives, because what good are 3D printers if they just sit there? Someone has to use them for something, and it had better not be me, since I know next to nothing about them! We'll see.
Friday, January 17, 2020
not where I should be
By rights, I should be looking forward to this 3-day weekend. I mean, I just finished grading my 7th graders' not-too-wretched geology papers, and that was the last thing I had to grade before diving into grading science project reports. I actually kept up this week!
That's a minor miracle, especially since I've been off the T3 all week with no appreciable side effects. I've been feeling slightly more creaky, but that comes with the territory of, say, sitting for hours on the couch, grading on my laptop. I tweaked my right arm disposing of some old furniture some time ago, and most of the time it doesn't even hurt anymore (I just have to remember not to put any muscle into pulling with that arm, because that just makes it hurt again.) I've also somehow messed up something in my right leg; it hurts behind my knee if I keep it straight and try to touch my toes. So I don't! I've been good about keeping up with my other exercises and I think that's one reason I'm staying mobile.
The reason I was on the T3 in the first place was to try and keep a handle on the (apparent) auto-immune crap that was attacking me. I'm willing to admit now that I have no idea what was going on back then. But I can put my rings on every morning, and that was impossible 15 years ago.
Amazingly, my energy levels are fine, my focus is fine (cf. my ability to get all my grading done this week), and blessedly, my digestion is fine. Sleep... not the best, I have to admit, but not so bad, either. And I may as well finally write this one out: inner tremors seem to have increased, to about one a week, still almost always at night but I had one this evening while I was waiting in the car for DS1 to finish an errand. I'd say it was just the car, but it was off, and all the cars around me were parked and empty, and there was no one driving by. It's a very disconcerting feeling, like everything inside is shaking ever-so-slightly. It might be time for another round of research on it, since last time I didn't find anything I can remember, from which I deduce that I didn't find anything useful.
I applied for my passport this week! DH and I are planning a quick trip up to Canada this summer, but once I have a passport, all sorts of other possibilities open up...
Really I'm just feeling sorry for myself and a little bit angry about having my long weekend interrupted with a robotics tournament on Sunday and ending with a brain MRI on Monday. The nice nurses from Banner MD Anderson called me today, twice. I told the first nurse I have tiny veins so they usually need to use the ultrasound to place the IV for the MRI contrast. A couple of hours later, a second nurse called me back to suggest that, since I need labs in the morning, I go early to the lab and have a nurse there both place the IV and do the blood draw, saving me a stick.
If you have never been through anything like this, you won't realize how wonderful this small act of kindness really is. For surgery, anesthesiologists usually just give me a pediatric IV which they can place pretty easily in my wrist. But for the brain MRI, they have to infuse the contrast at a rate which the pediatric IV can't meet (it's too small for that rate of through-put), so they have to find a bigger vessel, which involves going deep. The entire process is simultaneously cool -- the technology is pretty amazing -- and painful. My blood draws have all been bad lately, too. No matter how hydrated I am the tech just says, "Let's go with the back of your hand," which hurts a disproportionate amount. But now at least on Monday they can place the IV and do the draw from there, so at least I'll be spared a little bit. I hate MRIs, though. I feel like I'm in a coffin being used for target practice -- all the clicks and bangs feel exactly like I'm being shot at. Fortunately I'm not in there for very long and I'm not (so far) the panicking type.
I'm feeling a lot of pressure to enjoy tomorrow, my only real day off. I wish I weren't so ridiculous!
That's a minor miracle, especially since I've been off the T3 all week with no appreciable side effects. I've been feeling slightly more creaky, but that comes with the territory of, say, sitting for hours on the couch, grading on my laptop. I tweaked my right arm disposing of some old furniture some time ago, and most of the time it doesn't even hurt anymore (I just have to remember not to put any muscle into pulling with that arm, because that just makes it hurt again.) I've also somehow messed up something in my right leg; it hurts behind my knee if I keep it straight and try to touch my toes. So I don't! I've been good about keeping up with my other exercises and I think that's one reason I'm staying mobile.
The reason I was on the T3 in the first place was to try and keep a handle on the (apparent) auto-immune crap that was attacking me. I'm willing to admit now that I have no idea what was going on back then. But I can put my rings on every morning, and that was impossible 15 years ago.
Amazingly, my energy levels are fine, my focus is fine (cf. my ability to get all my grading done this week), and blessedly, my digestion is fine. Sleep... not the best, I have to admit, but not so bad, either. And I may as well finally write this one out: inner tremors seem to have increased, to about one a week, still almost always at night but I had one this evening while I was waiting in the car for DS1 to finish an errand. I'd say it was just the car, but it was off, and all the cars around me were parked and empty, and there was no one driving by. It's a very disconcerting feeling, like everything inside is shaking ever-so-slightly. It might be time for another round of research on it, since last time I didn't find anything I can remember, from which I deduce that I didn't find anything useful.
I applied for my passport this week! DH and I are planning a quick trip up to Canada this summer, but once I have a passport, all sorts of other possibilities open up...
Really I'm just feeling sorry for myself and a little bit angry about having my long weekend interrupted with a robotics tournament on Sunday and ending with a brain MRI on Monday. The nice nurses from Banner MD Anderson called me today, twice. I told the first nurse I have tiny veins so they usually need to use the ultrasound to place the IV for the MRI contrast. A couple of hours later, a second nurse called me back to suggest that, since I need labs in the morning, I go early to the lab and have a nurse there both place the IV and do the blood draw, saving me a stick.
If you have never been through anything like this, you won't realize how wonderful this small act of kindness really is. For surgery, anesthesiologists usually just give me a pediatric IV which they can place pretty easily in my wrist. But for the brain MRI, they have to infuse the contrast at a rate which the pediatric IV can't meet (it's too small for that rate of through-put), so they have to find a bigger vessel, which involves going deep. The entire process is simultaneously cool -- the technology is pretty amazing -- and painful. My blood draws have all been bad lately, too. No matter how hydrated I am the tech just says, "Let's go with the back of your hand," which hurts a disproportionate amount. But now at least on Monday they can place the IV and do the draw from there, so at least I'll be spared a little bit. I hate MRIs, though. I feel like I'm in a coffin being used for target practice -- all the clicks and bangs feel exactly like I'm being shot at. Fortunately I'm not in there for very long and I'm not (so far) the panicking type.
I'm feeling a lot of pressure to enjoy tomorrow, my only real day off. I wish I weren't so ridiculous!
Monday, January 13, 2020
shocker!
For me, anyway: my T3 (Cytomel) prescription ran out and I didn't bother to refill it.
My endocrinologists have for years been trying to take me off it, and I've always resisted. I experimented a while ago - maybe 10 years ago? - with dropping it, and I didn't feel well, so I went back on it. But now my endo is trying to regulate my TSH and get it up to a more euthyroid level, and it hasn't responded at all. I think the T3 is the culprit!
We'll (maybe) find out on Monday, when I'm having labs done before my brain MRI. (sigh)
I feel OK. All systems are working reasonably well, but I did get a killer headache this afternoon and that's atypical for me.
DH and I went to Tucson to hear David Sanborn as part of the Tucson Jazz Festival last Saturday, and had a lovely and extravagant time. Lots of drinking and eating! And of course the scale is creeping up up up... perhaps my decreased thyroid meds have something to do with that?
I won't blame my meds for the fact that I have had zero self-control this past holiday season! But we're back in Ordinary Time, liturgically and otherwise, so I'll be sticking to indulgences that don't involve calories for a while. Tonight's indulgence: BB&W "Comfort" frankincense and myrrh scented candle and Moulin Rouge! helping me get through updating all my grade books!
My endocrinologists have for years been trying to take me off it, and I've always resisted. I experimented a while ago - maybe 10 years ago? - with dropping it, and I didn't feel well, so I went back on it. But now my endo is trying to regulate my TSH and get it up to a more euthyroid level, and it hasn't responded at all. I think the T3 is the culprit!
We'll (maybe) find out on Monday, when I'm having labs done before my brain MRI. (sigh)
I feel OK. All systems are working reasonably well, but I did get a killer headache this afternoon and that's atypical for me.
DH and I went to Tucson to hear David Sanborn as part of the Tucson Jazz Festival last Saturday, and had a lovely and extravagant time. Lots of drinking and eating! And of course the scale is creeping up up up... perhaps my decreased thyroid meds have something to do with that?
I won't blame my meds for the fact that I have had zero self-control this past holiday season! But we're back in Ordinary Time, liturgically and otherwise, so I'll be sticking to indulgences that don't involve calories for a while. Tonight's indulgence: BB&W "Comfort" frankincense and myrrh scented candle and Moulin Rouge! helping me get through updating all my grade books!
Thursday, January 09, 2020
been a while
I fielded a thyroid cancer support call this evening... for about 3 hours, and now my right arm/shoulder are feeling messed up. I don't really get it, because I hold the phone to my left ear, but the best I can figure is tweaked a muscle somewhere, again -- I slept on it badly over the weekend (I think) and it was bothering my on Sunday while I was doing errands, but I took some ibuprofen and it quit. Now, days later, it's back again.
Another blast from the past: I made us Quick Shrimp Diane for dinner tonight, doing the vast majority of the prep one-handed while I listened and occasionally responded to the new patient. Came out awesome, and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
I haven't been sleeping well. I think my thyroid meds are out of balance now (too much T3 for the amount of T4 I'm taking), but mostly I think I'm distressed about DD being back up at school and doing God-knows-what. She posted on Instagram about bleaching her hair again (looks cute, but she just spent literal years growing out the last bleach job...) and getting back together with her ex, and that has been giving me literal heart-ache. Her ex was not good for her, in more ways than I can count, and was a big reason that the entire family started off last year in a state of upheaval. In a brief but friendly text exchange DD tells me they're just texting "for now, we'll see," to which I responded: I have a total lack of objectivity here, but you can do MILES better. Guard your heart, sweetie.
She lol'd and said thanks, so there's that.
I feel better that we've at least acknowledged that it's happening. I hate when she hides significant parts of her life from us... she has a track record of ending up hurt from these situations. She's 21 now, but I think all the pot-smoking is prolonging her adolescence. I don't think it matters how old she is, anyway. I can't be casual about one of my children putting themselves in a perilous situation. I pray I don't have to get used to it!
Another blast from the past: I made us Quick Shrimp Diane for dinner tonight, doing the vast majority of the prep one-handed while I listened and occasionally responded to the new patient. Came out awesome, and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
I haven't been sleeping well. I think my thyroid meds are out of balance now (too much T3 for the amount of T4 I'm taking), but mostly I think I'm distressed about DD being back up at school and doing God-knows-what. She posted on Instagram about bleaching her hair again (looks cute, but she just spent literal years growing out the last bleach job...) and getting back together with her ex, and that has been giving me literal heart-ache. Her ex was not good for her, in more ways than I can count, and was a big reason that the entire family started off last year in a state of upheaval. In a brief but friendly text exchange DD tells me they're just texting "for now, we'll see," to which I responded: I have a total lack of objectivity here, but you can do MILES better. Guard your heart, sweetie.
She lol'd and said thanks, so there's that.
I feel better that we've at least acknowledged that it's happening. I hate when she hides significant parts of her life from us... she has a track record of ending up hurt from these situations. She's 21 now, but I think all the pot-smoking is prolonging her adolescence. I don't think it matters how old she is, anyway. I can't be casual about one of my children putting themselves in a perilous situation. I pray I don't have to get used to it!
Tuesday, January 07, 2020
ever-so-slightly crushed
I was finally able to overcome technical hurdles and get a message to my new endocrinologist about my perfect vision field test results: Do I still need that brain MRI that's scheduled for later this month?
The answer came back very quickly: Yes.
I'm confused about this, because I thought it was scheduled because of the VFT that went poorly a while back, so if this one was OK, we'd back off. I mean, I just had one 6 months ago, and they are really not fun.
I'm surprised how much this is upsetting me, probably because I had already settled in my mind that I wouldn't need to do it! Hmmm.
Back at school, consequently exhausted simply from being out of practice. The additional task of trying to get our young robotics team ready for the state competition isn't helping.
I'm noticing I lack emotional resilience right now. I'm trying to go-with-the-flow and not let inconsequential things upset me, but I'm not being too successful. Perhaps with more sleep? Time to give that a try.
I want to be able to enjoy all the good things that are going on in my life (like DS2 cooking a spectacular dinner tonight) but those efforts are being constantly sabotaged. I do think more and better sleep will help bolster my defenses. Here's hoping.
Friday, January 03, 2020
last Star Wars
DS2 and I went to a matinee of Rise of Skywalker.
I had no expectations of any kind. I knew it was going to be really long, and it was -- and it felt -- interminable.
I had fun, during some parts, but DS2's refrain on the way out was That was a bad movie. It was, but I appreciated that they tried to fix some of the past two movies' more egregious problems. In the end, though, it's not possible to retcon two entire movies but they tried.
I'm still a sucker for redemption stories, and we got one of those. But DS2 and I both decried the lack of a character arc for Rey, who never got one.
With any luck, they'll stop making these movies for a while until they can figure out how to make a good one.
I had no expectations of any kind. I knew it was going to be really long, and it was -- and it felt -- interminable.
I had fun, during some parts, but DS2's refrain on the way out was That was a bad movie. It was, but I appreciated that they tried to fix some of the past two movies' more egregious problems. In the end, though, it's not possible to retcon two entire movies but they tried.
I'm still a sucker for redemption stories, and we got one of those. But DS2 and I both decried the lack of a character arc for Rey, who never got one.
With any luck, they'll stop making these movies for a while until they can figure out how to make a good one.
Thursday, January 02, 2020
New year retrospective
I'm down to the wire here, vacation-wise, and I still haven't touched my grading. I know I'm going to regret that, but I have enjoyed lounging around in bed until noon or 1 o'clock, reading the internet. It's not like I'm sleeping that late! But I have been very lazy about getting up and doing things.
Today got off to a similarly slow start, but I de-Christmas'd both the outside (including putting the reindeer family up in the garage crawl space) and the inside, and only made the boys help put the tree away. I made dinner, too, but then not-so-strangely ran out of ambition to do anything else.
This is that time of year to look back, right? Last year started in upheaval which eventually settled down. Occasionally I feel after-shocks but overall I think we've weathered that particular storm.
2019 was a pretty momentous year for the offspring:
DS1 graduated from college and spent several agonizing months looking for a job before he finally landed his current contract. He did not enjoy his summer off, and the contract came in just as we were on the verge of telling him to get something to pay the bills (even though we aren't charging him any money for anything!) Anyway he is very good at his job and more importantly, he likes it, and he is making decent money especially considering his low expenses. They are already talking about bringing him on full-time when his contract is up.
DD is living up north and in her junior year, studying micro-biology. Last semester she landed a research study and is now the Assistant Curator of the "bug museum" on campus. She has an opportunity to do research with the faculty adviser, too. She's working hard on her grades and generally seems on top of everything... except that she's a stoner. She lives in an adorable apartment with her cat and a friend she's known since high school, and she loves her life style up there. In other words, she has psychologically moved out even though we are supporting her in every way: she doesn't have a job. While she appreciates the financial support, she also chafes at it, because it's coming from us and we have expectations as her parents. I will never be happy to see her using her little one-hit pipe multiple times a day. You might think, It's one hit, how bad can it be? My brother confirmed for me what I had heard, that the pot these days is much, much stronger than the stuff that was around when we were in our 20's. It's definitely strong enough for her to get high from that tiny little pipe. (And one tiny little pipe's worth is enough to make the house reek if she's too lazy to go outside to smoke it!) Still, she did a really nice job of decorating the Christmas tree for us, and cooked us all a lovely dinner one night. I just never feel like I see enough of her when she's here, and I'm sure that's because she knows I don't approve of some of her choices and feels I'm judging her.
Does she smoke so she can ignore that "Mom's judging me again" feeling?
I was going to say, I try not to judge her, but that's not right. I actually don't talk about how I feel about her choices, which isn't the same thing at all. The two of us, we just pretend that strong-difference-of-opinion isn't there. I did call her out on how much she smokes, though... and how her breath stinks when she smokes! That right there is true love, because telling someone she stinks is not an easy thing to do. I worry about her, but she tells me I don't have to, she's doing well in school and that's what counts. I agree that school is important, but it's not the only thing.
DS2, my baby boy, graduated high school in the spring and landed a job not long after. He works 4 days a week for 4 hours, cleaning, and he loves it. He doesn't have to talk to anyone, and he's earned enough money to buy himself some very nice swords. He also started community college in the fall, and did fine in calculus and engineering, OK (C) in chemistry, and then managed somehow to squeak out a D in a ridiculous 3-credit "how to go to college" class that he somehow got signed up for. The semester did not start well with DH logging in to check on his grades all the time and then nagging him when he missed assignments. I love my husband but understanding adolescent psychology is not his strong point. I swear, literally every time DH checked DS2's grades and said something to him about it, the boy said, screw this, I'm not gonna do it. And he didn't, until it was too late. This then required a re-negotiation, because we had agreed that if he did not keep up his GPA (currently less than 2.5), then he'd have to take at least a semester off to get his head straight. But DS2 insists that he can do better and asked for another chance, so yes, that's what we're doing. Only this time I will be working with him to make sure that he stays on top of things, and he's agreed that he will quit his job if he needs more time for schoolwork. Personally I think 16 hours of mindless physical labor is a great way to keep him away from video games and endless internet rabbit holes, so I hope he can keep the job. DH doesn't see that's there's a difference in me asking DS2 to check things out with me, as opposed to me looking at them and then going to DS2 to nag him.
The other thing that I know is driving DH a wee bit nuts is DS2 is growing out his hair for the first time ever. He's good about taking care of it but it's kind of all over the place now. I've asked him if he'll go full Jesus but he admits his beard is too patchy (and too blond). Eventually he'll get sick of it, but I think he was inspired by his cousin last summer. My dear godson has hair as long, thick, and wavy as mine -- past shoulder-length. I don't know if DS2 will let his get that long.
DH brings up retirement more often now: he's only a little more than 5 years out from his target, but I've got a few more than that. We're both very grateful to be healthy, too.
One of the best things about 2019 is that we had more family visits than usual. DH's parents came for DS2's graduation in May, and we saw them again, and my siblings, over the summer. Later in the summer my niece and nephew came for a visit. DD and I were supposed to go to New Orleans for a visit in October, but she got the flu; I went anyway. Then my brother and his wife and daughter came for Thanksgiving! I love being able to spend time with people I love. My boys all take this for granted... usually when we're all home we're all off in different corners, each doing our own thing. This is one reason why I cook! If we didn't sit down to eat together, we'd rarely see each other.
Some happy repeats in 2019: a Tucson Jazz Festival concert, visiting wineries in Cottonwood and Connecticut, a field trip to Mt. Lemmon, co-coaching our school's Lego robotics team. Firsts included flying in a friend's small plane to Block Island! I was terrified but I got over it, and it was really spectacular. Also: my paper being published (this will probably end up being an "only"), being declared cancer-free for the first time since 2004 (even if I don't really believe it, I'll take it), working a one-week summer STEM camp at my school, and celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary! We got a lovely blessing at our regular Mass, and many "Congratulations!" afterwards.
Unpleasant repeats: breaking a toe and being laid up over the summer, and yet-another plumbing failure with the upstairs bathtub drain failing. When I wrote about the plumbing disaster, I said that I'd forget it ever happened as soon as everything was fixed up again, and I was right! I only remembered when I looked back through this year's posts.
A constant: lack of work-life balance during the school year. I've made some changes that I think will help, but I'm still constantly being swamped with grading, I need to figure out a method that doesn't rely on having perfect work ethic - and no surprises! - to get everything done. If I was going to make a New Year's Resolution, that would be it, but it's more like a work already in progress. The thought literally just occurred to me to estimate grading times before I assign things to my students. I have never considered that before: I make assignments based on what and how I need to assess the students. But I could change how I grade some things, so that they take less time. This is an intriguing prospect.
This post turned into a monster! But the year, with its ups and downs, ended well for all of us. Here's to 2020!
Today got off to a similarly slow start, but I de-Christmas'd both the outside (including putting the reindeer family up in the garage crawl space) and the inside, and only made the boys help put the tree away. I made dinner, too, but then not-so-strangely ran out of ambition to do anything else.
This is that time of year to look back, right? Last year started in upheaval which eventually settled down. Occasionally I feel after-shocks but overall I think we've weathered that particular storm.
2019 was a pretty momentous year for the offspring:
DS1 graduated from college and spent several agonizing months looking for a job before he finally landed his current contract. He did not enjoy his summer off, and the contract came in just as we were on the verge of telling him to get something to pay the bills (even though we aren't charging him any money for anything!) Anyway he is very good at his job and more importantly, he likes it, and he is making decent money especially considering his low expenses. They are already talking about bringing him on full-time when his contract is up.
DD is living up north and in her junior year, studying micro-biology. Last semester she landed a research study and is now the Assistant Curator of the "bug museum" on campus. She has an opportunity to do research with the faculty adviser, too. She's working hard on her grades and generally seems on top of everything... except that she's a stoner. She lives in an adorable apartment with her cat and a friend she's known since high school, and she loves her life style up there. In other words, she has psychologically moved out even though we are supporting her in every way: she doesn't have a job. While she appreciates the financial support, she also chafes at it, because it's coming from us and we have expectations as her parents. I will never be happy to see her using her little one-hit pipe multiple times a day. You might think, It's one hit, how bad can it be? My brother confirmed for me what I had heard, that the pot these days is much, much stronger than the stuff that was around when we were in our 20's. It's definitely strong enough for her to get high from that tiny little pipe. (And one tiny little pipe's worth is enough to make the house reek if she's too lazy to go outside to smoke it!) Still, she did a really nice job of decorating the Christmas tree for us, and cooked us all a lovely dinner one night. I just never feel like I see enough of her when she's here, and I'm sure that's because she knows I don't approve of some of her choices and feels I'm judging her.
Does she smoke so she can ignore that "Mom's judging me again" feeling?
I was going to say, I try not to judge her, but that's not right. I actually don't talk about how I feel about her choices, which isn't the same thing at all. The two of us, we just pretend that strong-difference-of-opinion isn't there. I did call her out on how much she smokes, though... and how her breath stinks when she smokes! That right there is true love, because telling someone she stinks is not an easy thing to do. I worry about her, but she tells me I don't have to, she's doing well in school and that's what counts. I agree that school is important, but it's not the only thing.
DS2, my baby boy, graduated high school in the spring and landed a job not long after. He works 4 days a week for 4 hours, cleaning, and he loves it. He doesn't have to talk to anyone, and he's earned enough money to buy himself some very nice swords. He also started community college in the fall, and did fine in calculus and engineering, OK (C) in chemistry, and then managed somehow to squeak out a D in a ridiculous 3-credit "how to go to college" class that he somehow got signed up for. The semester did not start well with DH logging in to check on his grades all the time and then nagging him when he missed assignments. I love my husband but understanding adolescent psychology is not his strong point. I swear, literally every time DH checked DS2's grades and said something to him about it, the boy said, screw this, I'm not gonna do it. And he didn't, until it was too late. This then required a re-negotiation, because we had agreed that if he did not keep up his GPA (currently less than 2.5), then he'd have to take at least a semester off to get his head straight. But DS2 insists that he can do better and asked for another chance, so yes, that's what we're doing. Only this time I will be working with him to make sure that he stays on top of things, and he's agreed that he will quit his job if he needs more time for schoolwork. Personally I think 16 hours of mindless physical labor is a great way to keep him away from video games and endless internet rabbit holes, so I hope he can keep the job. DH doesn't see that's there's a difference in me asking DS2 to check things out with me, as opposed to me looking at them and then going to DS2 to nag him.
The other thing that I know is driving DH a wee bit nuts is DS2 is growing out his hair for the first time ever. He's good about taking care of it but it's kind of all over the place now. I've asked him if he'll go full Jesus but he admits his beard is too patchy (and too blond). Eventually he'll get sick of it, but I think he was inspired by his cousin last summer. My dear godson has hair as long, thick, and wavy as mine -- past shoulder-length. I don't know if DS2 will let his get that long.
DH brings up retirement more often now: he's only a little more than 5 years out from his target, but I've got a few more than that. We're both very grateful to be healthy, too.
One of the best things about 2019 is that we had more family visits than usual. DH's parents came for DS2's graduation in May, and we saw them again, and my siblings, over the summer. Later in the summer my niece and nephew came for a visit. DD and I were supposed to go to New Orleans for a visit in October, but she got the flu; I went anyway. Then my brother and his wife and daughter came for Thanksgiving! I love being able to spend time with people I love. My boys all take this for granted... usually when we're all home we're all off in different corners, each doing our own thing. This is one reason why I cook! If we didn't sit down to eat together, we'd rarely see each other.
Some happy repeats in 2019: a Tucson Jazz Festival concert, visiting wineries in Cottonwood and Connecticut, a field trip to Mt. Lemmon, co-coaching our school's Lego robotics team. Firsts included flying in a friend's small plane to Block Island! I was terrified but I got over it, and it was really spectacular. Also: my paper being published (this will probably end up being an "only"), being declared cancer-free for the first time since 2004 (even if I don't really believe it, I'll take it), working a one-week summer STEM camp at my school, and celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary! We got a lovely blessing at our regular Mass, and many "Congratulations!" afterwards.
Unpleasant repeats: breaking a toe and being laid up over the summer, and yet-another plumbing failure with the upstairs bathtub drain failing. When I wrote about the plumbing disaster, I said that I'd forget it ever happened as soon as everything was fixed up again, and I was right! I only remembered when I looked back through this year's posts.
A constant: lack of work-life balance during the school year. I've made some changes that I think will help, but I'm still constantly being swamped with grading, I need to figure out a method that doesn't rely on having perfect work ethic - and no surprises! - to get everything done. If I was going to make a New Year's Resolution, that would be it, but it's more like a work already in progress. The thought literally just occurred to me to estimate grading times before I assign things to my students. I have never considered that before: I make assignments based on what and how I need to assess the students. But I could change how I grade some things, so that they take less time. This is an intriguing prospect.
This post turned into a monster! But the year, with its ups and downs, ended well for all of us. Here's to 2020!
Saturday, December 28, 2019
once more, with feeling?
Doctor's office called today with results from my latest blood test. My TSH is stubbornly clinging to 0.2 so my dose has been reduced again to 100 mcg/day, down from 137. That's a big drop.
I'm still taking my 5 mcg/day of Cytomel, though, and I'm wondering if that's what's keeping my TSH so low. I did some research on this today and found a stat somewhere saying the T4/T3 ratio should be 80:20 or optimally 90:10. My ratio has increased from 137:5 to 112:5, which is quite low, and I honestly don't know if that's enough to keep the TSH suppressed. I should probably write an email to the doctor and ask her if she wants me to go off the T3. I wasn't happy before when I went off it, but who knows what will happen now?
I have to say, I'm feeling pretty thrown by all this. I used to be on top of all the developments related to thyroid cancer and recovery treatments but obviously I'm not. This past blood test, for the first time ever (in more than 15 years!) I was directed to stop taking any biotin-containing supplements for a week before the draw. I still have no idea why -- I asked the nurse about it and all she could tell me was that she was relatively new to working in the Endocrine Clinic but that she had always written the orders that way. I'm did a quick search and this article came up which explains the situation. Now I'm wondering how screwed up my tests results may have been all these years, because I've been taking the same B vitamin complex supplement for ages.
I did take some time and read up on A-fib and low TSH, and apparently it's a big enough thing that even WebMD has an article about it. OK, OK, if I really am cancer-free it's manifestly better that my TSH be closer to 1 than 0. I get it. Most of the articles I'm seeing were published in the last couple of years, when I really haven't been paying attention to this stuff very much. Also, I have been convinced for years that I needed a higher dose of levothyroxine to suppress my TSH and keep any cancer cells dormant. It will be interesting to see what happens.
I've been eating a little wheat here and there -- crackers with some cheese at lunch, a few cookies. Nothing like pizza for dinner or a plate of pasta, that just seems like it will be too much, but the amounts I have eaten have not bothered my digestion or made my joints swell. Were all my wheat problems a side-effect of too much thyroid hormone? I have no idea, but it would be pretty awesome if I could eat more like a normal person again without being sick for days afterward.
I'm still taking my 5 mcg/day of Cytomel, though, and I'm wondering if that's what's keeping my TSH so low. I did some research on this today and found a stat somewhere saying the T4/T3 ratio should be 80:20 or optimally 90:10. My ratio has increased from 137:5 to 112:5, which is quite low, and I honestly don't know if that's enough to keep the TSH suppressed. I should probably write an email to the doctor and ask her if she wants me to go off the T3. I wasn't happy before when I went off it, but who knows what will happen now?
I have to say, I'm feeling pretty thrown by all this. I used to be on top of all the developments related to thyroid cancer and recovery treatments but obviously I'm not. This past blood test, for the first time ever (in more than 15 years!) I was directed to stop taking any biotin-containing supplements for a week before the draw. I still have no idea why -- I asked the nurse about it and all she could tell me was that she was relatively new to working in the Endocrine Clinic but that she had always written the orders that way. I'm did a quick search and this article came up which explains the situation. Now I'm wondering how screwed up my tests results may have been all these years, because I've been taking the same B vitamin complex supplement for ages.
I did take some time and read up on A-fib and low TSH, and apparently it's a big enough thing that even WebMD has an article about it. OK, OK, if I really am cancer-free it's manifestly better that my TSH be closer to 1 than 0. I get it. Most of the articles I'm seeing were published in the last couple of years, when I really haven't been paying attention to this stuff very much. Also, I have been convinced for years that I needed a higher dose of levothyroxine to suppress my TSH and keep any cancer cells dormant. It will be interesting to see what happens.
I've been eating a little wheat here and there -- crackers with some cheese at lunch, a few cookies. Nothing like pizza for dinner or a plate of pasta, that just seems like it will be too much, but the amounts I have eaten have not bothered my digestion or made my joints swell. Were all my wheat problems a side-effect of too much thyroid hormone? I have no idea, but it would be pretty awesome if I could eat more like a normal person again without being sick for days afterward.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Merry Christmas!
A very quiet day here in soggy Arizona, but nice.
I'm finally setting up the new laptop I bought for myself over a month ago! Yesterday as I was trying to order photo cards my old laptop shut down on me three different times, signaling it had really, really had enough of this life.
I'm looking forward to not having to worry about whether or not the plug is in just so to make the connection so it could actually charge the battery. This kind of thing is to be expected when a laptop has been dropped repeatedly on that same corner -- I'd say it's bad luck, but it's physics: that's where the battery is, so it would always land there. I hope to do much better with this machine, especially since I won't be travelling with young kids who need more supervision, thereby causing me to rush and forget, say, to zip up my laptop case completely.
This year's duck confit cassoulet was a major success, so much so that there is none left! But, I have more duck, saucissons de Toulouse, and roast pork to put together another one, probably for dinner tomorrow? I don't see anyone complaining. Confit-ing the duck took forever yesterday in a very slow oven, but it paid off in deliciousness and extra duck fat for next time. We're going to have potatoes fried in duck fat with our rib roast Christmas dinner this evening.
Said roast is resting in its salt at the moment. I'm not entirely sold on how I'm going to cook it, and since I only do it once a year, I always have to look it up! Fortunately it's pretty hard to ruin as long as I don't overcook it!
New keyboard feels pretty good. I just have to get everything ported over to this new machine and that's going to take a while. Fortunately Carbonite will just keep chugging along in the background until it's done.
I haven't done a bit of my school work, but I've got quite a lot of vacation still left. One of these days I'll be disciplined and tackle it, but with all the shopping and wrapping and cooking, it didn't make sense to try to do it before today. I'm debating how strict I need to be with myself, because I got books for Christmas and if I start reading...
I'm finally setting up the new laptop I bought for myself over a month ago! Yesterday as I was trying to order photo cards my old laptop shut down on me three different times, signaling it had really, really had enough of this life.
I'm looking forward to not having to worry about whether or not the plug is in just so to make the connection so it could actually charge the battery. This kind of thing is to be expected when a laptop has been dropped repeatedly on that same corner -- I'd say it's bad luck, but it's physics: that's where the battery is, so it would always land there. I hope to do much better with this machine, especially since I won't be travelling with young kids who need more supervision, thereby causing me to rush and forget, say, to zip up my laptop case completely.
This year's duck confit cassoulet was a major success, so much so that there is none left! But, I have more duck, saucissons de Toulouse, and roast pork to put together another one, probably for dinner tomorrow? I don't see anyone complaining. Confit-ing the duck took forever yesterday in a very slow oven, but it paid off in deliciousness and extra duck fat for next time. We're going to have potatoes fried in duck fat with our rib roast Christmas dinner this evening.
Said roast is resting in its salt at the moment. I'm not entirely sold on how I'm going to cook it, and since I only do it once a year, I always have to look it up! Fortunately it's pretty hard to ruin as long as I don't overcook it!
New keyboard feels pretty good. I just have to get everything ported over to this new machine and that's going to take a while. Fortunately Carbonite will just keep chugging along in the background until it's done.
I haven't done a bit of my school work, but I've got quite a lot of vacation still left. One of these days I'll be disciplined and tackle it, but with all the shopping and wrapping and cooking, it didn't make sense to try to do it before today. I'm debating how strict I need to be with myself, because I got books for Christmas and if I start reading...
Thursday, December 19, 2019
wellll....
That's didn't take too long.
First, my team lead assures me I will be offered a contract for next year, so that's helpful. It still wouldn't surprise me if I didn't get one. I seem to have a 3-and-out streak going on, and this is my third year at my current school.
Second, she wisely decided not to wait passively by for admin to get back to us, but she put together another proposal for them. Specifically, three of us each teach one class for one trimester, and the math teacher (who literally can't do more than she is now) will just have to monitor study hall (like now). Today we got a terse email saying "We will be moving forward with electives and your proposal," so I guess that's it. We were all hoping they wouldn't say OK but of course they did because it's the cheapest option.
But now I'm on tap to teach Robotics to junior high kids for 2 45-minute sessions a week, supposedly in lieu of after-school Robotics. There are problems with this scenario. First of all, I don't want to give up the after-school Robotics. I love working with those kids. But if I'm teaching this new class, I'm really not going to be able to give up 2 days a week after school. It was hard enough this year, and I can't imagine doing it next year with having to teach another class.
Second, there is currently one will-be-junior-high student who may return to Robotics next year: our current "older kids" team is all 8th graders, except for one now-6th-grader. I'm not sure she'll want to take Robotics, though. She's extremely over-scheduled as it is. I'm not sure if there will be any interest, and if there's not, I don't want them loading up a class with students who don't want to be there. That would be the absolute worst.
Third, a Robotics class and a Robotics competition team are not the same things. I think I need to define that the class is the class and not expected or required to go to the tournament. I doubt 2, 45-minute sessions, with the trimester ending at the beginning of November, would be enough time to get a robot and missions coded for competition.
Fourth, and this is bothering me... I haven't said a word about this to lead coach, mostly because I'm hoping that nothing comes of it. We still don't really know how things are going to shake out next year, so I'm just going to bide my time and see what happens.
At least our math teacher is finishing out this year, which is a relief. I hope she'll decide to stay in spite of how badly admin is treating us.
In completely unrelated but similarly sucky news, I have pink eye. I also have a zillion papers to grade but my eyes hurt so that's my excuse for playing Words with Friends instead.
First, my team lead assures me I will be offered a contract for next year, so that's helpful. It still wouldn't surprise me if I didn't get one. I seem to have a 3-and-out streak going on, and this is my third year at my current school.
Second, she wisely decided not to wait passively by for admin to get back to us, but she put together another proposal for them. Specifically, three of us each teach one class for one trimester, and the math teacher (who literally can't do more than she is now) will just have to monitor study hall (like now). Today we got a terse email saying "We will be moving forward with electives and your proposal," so I guess that's it. We were all hoping they wouldn't say OK but of course they did because it's the cheapest option.
But now I'm on tap to teach Robotics to junior high kids for 2 45-minute sessions a week, supposedly in lieu of after-school Robotics. There are problems with this scenario. First of all, I don't want to give up the after-school Robotics. I love working with those kids. But if I'm teaching this new class, I'm really not going to be able to give up 2 days a week after school. It was hard enough this year, and I can't imagine doing it next year with having to teach another class.
Second, there is currently one will-be-junior-high student who may return to Robotics next year: our current "older kids" team is all 8th graders, except for one now-6th-grader. I'm not sure she'll want to take Robotics, though. She's extremely over-scheduled as it is. I'm not sure if there will be any interest, and if there's not, I don't want them loading up a class with students who don't want to be there. That would be the absolute worst.
Third, a Robotics class and a Robotics competition team are not the same things. I think I need to define that the class is the class and not expected or required to go to the tournament. I doubt 2, 45-minute sessions, with the trimester ending at the beginning of November, would be enough time to get a robot and missions coded for competition.
Fourth, and this is bothering me... I haven't said a word about this to lead coach, mostly because I'm hoping that nothing comes of it. We still don't really know how things are going to shake out next year, so I'm just going to bide my time and see what happens.
At least our math teacher is finishing out this year, which is a relief. I hope she'll decide to stay in spite of how badly admin is treating us.
In completely unrelated but similarly sucky news, I have pink eye. I also have a zillion papers to grade but my eyes hurt so that's my excuse for playing Words with Friends instead.
Monday, December 16, 2019
ack
You know that feeling, like you're coming down with something, but it's not a physical thing, it's just because you're miserable?
Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now.
The meeting over electives with administration was today. We all said our piece... it was basically one piece that needed to be said. It was not well-received. While we weren't outright told to "suck it up, buttercup," that's essentially what happened.
We left with, "No resolution today. We'll meet again in January after the break." So I have this horrid uncertainty hanging over my holidays now. Thanks, admin!
Pretty sure we're losing our math teacher. I don't know what I'm going to do, but after poking the bear today I'd be really surprised if I get offered a contract for next year. I wanted to stay at my school until I retire, but now I don't know if I'll be given that opportunity. It was nice while it lasted.
Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now.
The meeting over electives with administration was today. We all said our piece... it was basically one piece that needed to be said. It was not well-received. While we weren't outright told to "suck it up, buttercup," that's essentially what happened.
We left with, "No resolution today. We'll meet again in January after the break." So I have this horrid uncertainty hanging over my holidays now. Thanks, admin!
Pretty sure we're losing our math teacher. I don't know what I'm going to do, but after poking the bear today I'd be really surprised if I get offered a contract for next year. I wanted to stay at my school until I retire, but now I don't know if I'll be given that opportunity. It was nice while it lasted.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
surprise!
Last Saturday was the FLL robotics tournament, and we went in with expectations. The big-kid team would do great at the robot game, and therefore had a good chance of advancing to the state-level competition. The little-kid team, who had never once practiced an actual competition round, had never practiced their presentation, and literally had never heard about FLL's Core Values? They would learn a lot from the experience, hopefully having some fun along the way. All in all, my co-coach and I went into the day thinking there was a decent chance we'd be done for the season.
That pleasant dream was not to be. It was an excellent tournament: the big kids won the Robot Performance award for having the best scores at the robot games. The little kids won the Core Values award for being the living embodiment of innovation, cooperation, and fun. After their first competition round, they came off the stage so pumped up it was adorable; if you could bottle that feeling and sell it, you'd be a zillionaire. For the subsequent judge meetings, I just advised the team to remember the feeling they had coming off the stage, and take that into their meetings with the judges. Apparently they listened to me, because the judges loved them so much that they are advancing to State!
When they were announced as the 7th and final team to move on from the tournament, my co-coach and I turned to each other with identical expressions of What just happened?!?!? We were sure the big kids' team would advance, especially after doing so well in the robot game. But the big kids weren't having any fun and have a tendency to snipe at each other a bit, which is an affront to the Core Values. But the biggest reason is probably that the judges knew the team didn't build the robot and write the code, or that they didn't do it alone: too much parent work on display. There were a lot of other factors involved as well, but it still came as a surprise. The big kids were definitely disappointed but they seemed to get over it pretty quickly. The little kids, of course, are jumping out of their skins with excitement. Fortunately, the state tournament isn't until the third weekend in January, so we have some time to prepare a little better.
I wish those were the only surprises from last Saturday, but they weren't. I headed over to the tournament about 7:15am, and was surprised to have a text from one of my junior high team-mates by the time I arrived on campus just 15 minutes later: Read your email. So I log into my work email and there's a message from our assistant principal, reviving the issue of junior high teachers teaching elective classes. We went through this last spring and we all pitched a fit about it, and administration backed off. But now it has reared its ugly head again, only this time admin is requiring all the junior high teachers to teach one elective class per trimester, in addition to study hall (or perhaps replacing it, that wasn't clear.)
Of course this has thrown three of the four of us into utter turmoil. One of our team is a nun and she has taken a vow of obedience so she doesn't have a choice. Our team lead, who has been at the school for 27 years now, is similarly "stuck," because a host of her grandchildren attend the school and she doesn't want to leave them, or the school. Our math teacher is the hardest hit because while she has 3 of her 4 children on campus with her, her 2-year-old is still at home. She has already sacrificed a lot to be with us, teaching three different math subjects plus religion. She and I completely agree: we barely have enough time now to do our jobs properly, and you want to take some of our prep time away, while giving us more work to do?
In what universe does that make sense? Here is more work, and you'll have less time to do it in!
We are all very upset by this in many different ways. First, the way it was announced -- a 6:30am email on a Saturday morning! -- was simply horrible. The level of disrespect is off the charts. Second, that it was conveyed as a requirement, no discussion allowed, is just unacceptable. Third, of course, is that the demand itself is ridiculous, serving no legitimate purpose and having a very negative impact on the quality of the teaching we will be able to deliver.
I've spent countless hours on this since first reading that email, and it has cast a pall over my days. I responded Sunday afternoon, saying the current system respects our need for time to do our jobs properly and have work/life balance, and I requested a meeting to discuss the situation. To date, I still haven't received a reply to the concerns I raised in the email, but admin did set a meeting for Monday after school. Every time I think about it, my stomach drops.
I don't want to leave my school (and my church, and my parish...) This is not a bridge I can burn! This is more than just a job to me. It is my church, my community, my extended family, and that's what makes it hurt so much to be treated with such a lack of consideration and respect. I know from recent, painful experience that I can teach more classes than I am now, but I also know that the quality of my teaching suffers tremendously, and I have no home life whatsoever.
The last time I worked like a crazy person, DD was still living at home and helped nearly every night, putting dinner on the table. She was just a high school student then, and wasn't working outside of school. But all three of the men here now are working long hours and DS2 will be back in school soon, so they don't have the availability to cook that DD had. Cooking for my family isn't just about nutrition: having dinner together is how we stay connected to one another. It's too important for me to sacrifice!
I'm going to spend some time writing up my thoughts in preparation for Monday's meeting, but then I have to stop thinking about it. Tomorrow's a grading day... once again, I'm completely swamped, mostly because so much energy has been burnt over this electives dictate. (We're supposed to tell admin what class(es) we want to teach when we get back from Christmas break! So I'm supposed to spend my break finding something else to teach next year?!) But also... I lost my prep time on Thursday because of the special mass and procession for the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. It was lovely, and I enjoyed it, but I really have a lot of grading to do! I graded my most recent Religion quiz through our brief staff meeting yesterday, even though we have been specifically told not to do that. Since it was just a discussion of how our tuition is being restructured, I didn't think it would be too bad if I graded. Also, if the principal saw me grading during the meeting, maybe she'd realize I already don't have enough time to do the work I have, so why is she 1) taking time away from me while 2) giving me work to do?!
I read back through the blog here to find what I wrote about the elective kerfuffle last spring, and the single common thread (during school time) was I am constantly overwhelmed with work. I just am. I can do a pretty good job of keeping up, but then extraordinary circumstances occur like losing all but one day of my prep hours for the week because of various special events, followed by losing the entire Saturday to the robotics tournament. That meant Sunday I had to do both housework and grading and other prep for the week, so of course I was up ridiculously late finishing all the grading; I had to enter the grades themselves early in the week when I finally had a prep hour again. But then this week we burned so much time with many discussions going round and around about what we're going to do about this situation, because none of us is happy about it. I'm estimating I have somewhere between 9 and 12 hours of grading (not joking). It's probably closer to 12: revised analysis paragraphs, and new conclusion paragraphs, for both 7th and 8th (that's at least 4 hours by itself); an 8th grade engineering design challenge -- and I left the actual devices in the classroom, so I can't compare the sketches to what they actually built -- models for both 7th (rock cycle) and 8th (states of matter and changing states) grades; 8th's Dry Ice observations lab worksheets; and at least one set of notes (there may be more). That's just what I have at home: back in the classroom, I need to grade my students' Religion notebooks for the chapter 8 work... I'm thinking I can do that while they're studying for the unit test (chapter 9 is a review chapter, thank God.) Fortunately I have graded all but 2 of the student's quizzes, but the grades aren't recorded yet! Did I mention grades have to be in by Tuesday morning because progress reports are being printed Tuesday to go home Wednesday?!
This is what I mean, and it's like this whenever something disrupts the schedule, which happens at least 2 or 3 times a month. I'm praying a lot. We'll see what happens.
Friday, December 06, 2019
a blur
The week after a holiday is always tough, and this one was exceptionally rough because we had so many odd things going on at school, namely our annual Christmas program, which involves rehearsals which eat up half a day, and then two performances (because the program is split for grades 1-4 and 5-8.) We had exactly one day this week with a "normal" schedule, and that was Monday. Every other day's schedule was hijacked by events we had no control over.
And we had Robotics every day after school because tomorrow is our FLL tournament! I should be sleeping now, but I realize I haven't written in a while and that's no good.
Also adding to this week's feeling of barely-controlled-chaos: 7th grade was in the lab two days doing their mineral identification lab, and 8th grade was in the lab every day except Monday with their thermal energy transfer engineering design challenge. Kids love building things! I am so much more comfortable with letting them build than I used to be, but I'm still worn out by trucking back and forth to the science lab several times a day, not to mention prepping several dozen 15-ml ice cubes for the testing phase.
Last but not least? My grade's week to keep the teacher's lounge looking decent, and my co-teacher was out two days for family stuff and off-campus professional development. (sigh) Fortunately my colleagues are not slobs but still. The timing was impeccably bad.
All the weirdness this week ate into my prep hours at school, and, as I said, robotics every day after. I'm behind on grading and have to revise my plans because of new events that popped up for next week, too. By some blessed foresight I printed everything I needed for this week and will need for nex week before I took off for Thanksgiving, so at least I'm not behind on that front.
I'll get caught up eventually. Just need to survive tomorrow and then: the 2-week slog to Christmas break!
And we had Robotics every day after school because tomorrow is our FLL tournament! I should be sleeping now, but I realize I haven't written in a while and that's no good.
Also adding to this week's feeling of barely-controlled-chaos: 7th grade was in the lab two days doing their mineral identification lab, and 8th grade was in the lab every day except Monday with their thermal energy transfer engineering design challenge. Kids love building things! I am so much more comfortable with letting them build than I used to be, but I'm still worn out by trucking back and forth to the science lab several times a day, not to mention prepping several dozen 15-ml ice cubes for the testing phase.
Last but not least? My grade's week to keep the teacher's lounge looking decent, and my co-teacher was out two days for family stuff and off-campus professional development. (sigh) Fortunately my colleagues are not slobs but still. The timing was impeccably bad.
All the weirdness this week ate into my prep hours at school, and, as I said, robotics every day after. I'm behind on grading and have to revise my plans because of new events that popped up for next week, too. By some blessed foresight I printed everything I needed for this week and will need for nex week before I took off for Thanksgiving, so at least I'm not behind on that front.
I'll get caught up eventually. Just need to survive tomorrow and then: the 2-week slog to Christmas break!
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
Managing
Temperatures have dropped below 80 degrees finally, so I'm back to wearing layers and layers, and I put the big cuddly blanket back on the couch. The boys all wander around the house in shorts and t-shirts, when I'm bundled against a cold they don't feel. A side effect of my lowered thyroid meds? Possibly. For a while there, I felt like my thermostat was more like a normal person (ha!), but now I'm back to being too cold or too hot a lot of the time. I don't get it.
The weekend was a blur of Thanksgiving preparations, helped along a bit by the fact our internet was down for most of it. It's amazing what you can get done in the real world when you're not spending hours online. In general I've been better about that since I have too much to do, but the temptation is always there.
There's only so much you can do so many days ahead: dry out the bread for stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, that sort of thing. The apples are ready for the pie, which was the probably the most time-consuming of the prep tasks. Tuesday afternoon I'll be making the pie crust and popping it into the fridge to be ready for baking on Wednesday. There's still some laundry and general cleaning to do, also, but that can wait until Wednesday, too, because our house guests' flight doesn't land until 9PM.
One more day of school this week and my heart is just not in it... I want to be home cooking and baking or just under a blanket reading a good book or knitting. In the face of all the many tasks I have ahead of me, I still found the time to start that scarf project. So far it's working up nicely, but we'll see if I actually like the final product! I do like the pattern itself, but I'm not sure about the weight of the yarn I'm using for it. Since the pattern is so flexible, there is no "wrong" yarn to use, but I'm not sure I'll end up with a scarf that I would actually wear! We'll see.
The weekend was a blur of Thanksgiving preparations, helped along a bit by the fact our internet was down for most of it. It's amazing what you can get done in the real world when you're not spending hours online. In general I've been better about that since I have too much to do, but the temptation is always there.
There's only so much you can do so many days ahead: dry out the bread for stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, that sort of thing. The apples are ready for the pie, which was the probably the most time-consuming of the prep tasks. Tuesday afternoon I'll be making the pie crust and popping it into the fridge to be ready for baking on Wednesday. There's still some laundry and general cleaning to do, also, but that can wait until Wednesday, too, because our house guests' flight doesn't land until 9PM.
One more day of school this week and my heart is just not in it... I want to be home cooking and baking or just under a blanket reading a good book or knitting. In the face of all the many tasks I have ahead of me, I still found the time to start that scarf project. So far it's working up nicely, but we'll see if I actually like the final product! I do like the pattern itself, but I'm not sure about the weight of the yarn I'm using for it. Since the pattern is so flexible, there is no "wrong" yarn to use, but I'm not sure I'll end up with a scarf that I would actually wear! We'll see.
Monday, November 18, 2019
missed one...
Yeah, last week wasn't a great one, so it's no wonder I missed my weekly post.
Apparently, I'm doing fine on the thyroid meds, so I should just stop worrying about it. I'll have a blood test in another couple of weeks and we'll see what the doctor says about my levels.
Ironically, the weekend was long and lovely. I had time to finish everything I needed to do, and I even got to work on the alterations to the dress I bought over a year ago, to make it fit for work (that is, long enough -- I sewed some wide lace at the hem). Many compliments when I wore it, too.
Since Monday was Veterans' Day, we had a short week, but short weeks with Monday off are always the worst. It just felt like crisis after crisis, albeit minor, and/or every time I turned around something else was popping up to take away class time.
I survivied, we all survived. DH has a brutal cold right now and DS1 was making noises that he was coming down with something, too. So far I'm healthy, thank God.
Trying to be good about doing my tiny exercise set each day, and I do think it helps. Still not doing very well at getting to bed at a decent hour, though. I'll sleep when I'm dead still rattles around in the back of my brain some days, but that attitude convinced me that it was OK to read an entire (albeit not very long) book last week, Bernard Cromwell's Agincourt, which I adored. Way too much fun, and I did spread it out over three days, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Also not as bad as it could have been: the number of peppermint mochas consumed by me last week; was it 4, or 5? I just want them all the time now, they are so delicious.
In another fit of insanity, I bought some beautiful (very cheap) yarn and a new, simple but very cool knitting pattern to work it up in.
Now to get caught up on my grades so I can actually start that project!
Apparently, I'm doing fine on the thyroid meds, so I should just stop worrying about it. I'll have a blood test in another couple of weeks and we'll see what the doctor says about my levels.
Ironically, the weekend was long and lovely. I had time to finish everything I needed to do, and I even got to work on the alterations to the dress I bought over a year ago, to make it fit for work (that is, long enough -- I sewed some wide lace at the hem). Many compliments when I wore it, too.
Since Monday was Veterans' Day, we had a short week, but short weeks with Monday off are always the worst. It just felt like crisis after crisis, albeit minor, and/or every time I turned around something else was popping up to take away class time.
I survivied, we all survived. DH has a brutal cold right now and DS1 was making noises that he was coming down with something, too. So far I'm healthy, thank God.
Trying to be good about doing my tiny exercise set each day, and I do think it helps. Still not doing very well at getting to bed at a decent hour, though. I'll sleep when I'm dead still rattles around in the back of my brain some days, but that attitude convinced me that it was OK to read an entire (albeit not very long) book last week, Bernard Cromwell's Agincourt, which I adored. Way too much fun, and I did spread it out over three days, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Also not as bad as it could have been: the number of peppermint mochas consumed by me last week; was it 4, or 5? I just want them all the time now, they are so delicious.
In another fit of insanity, I bought some beautiful (very cheap) yarn and a new, simple but very cool knitting pattern to work it up in.
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