New year retrospective

I'm down to the wire here, vacation-wise, and I still haven't touched my grading.  I know I'm going to regret that, but I have enjoyed lounging around in bed until noon or 1 o'clock, reading the internet.  It's not like I'm sleeping that late!  But I have been very lazy about getting up and doing things.

Today got off to a similarly slow start, but I de-Christmas'd both the outside (including putting the reindeer family up in the garage crawl space) and the inside, and only made the boys help put the tree away.  I made dinner, too, but then not-so-strangely ran out of ambition to do anything else.

This is that time of year to look back, right?  Last year started in upheaval which eventually settled down.  Occasionally I feel after-shocks but overall I think we've weathered that particular storm. 

2019 was a pretty momentous year for the offspring:

DS1 graduated from college and spent several agonizing months looking for a job before he finally landed his current contract.  He did not enjoy his summer off, and the contract came in just as we were on the verge of telling him to get something to pay the bills (even though we aren't charging him any money for anything!)  Anyway he is very good at his job and more importantly, he likes it, and he is making decent money especially considering his low expenses. They are already talking about bringing him on full-time when his contract is up. 

DD is living up north and in her junior year, studying micro-biology.  Last semester she landed a research study and is now the Assistant Curator of the "bug museum" on campus.  She has an opportunity to do research with the faculty adviser, too.  She's working hard on her grades and generally seems on top of everything... except that she's a stoner.   She lives in an adorable apartment with her cat and a friend she's known since high school, and she loves her life style up there.  In other words, she has psychologically moved out even though we are supporting her in every way: she doesn't have a job.  While she appreciates the financial support, she also chafes at it, because it's coming from us and we have expectations as her parents.  I will never be happy to see her using her little one-hit pipe multiple times a day.  You might think, It's one hit, how bad can it be?  My brother confirmed for me what I had heard, that the pot these days is much, much stronger than the stuff that was around when we were in our 20's.  It's definitely strong enough for her to get high from that tiny little pipe.  (And one tiny little pipe's worth is enough to make the house reek if she's too lazy to go outside to smoke it!)   Still, she did a really nice job of decorating the Christmas tree for us, and cooked us all a lovely dinner one night.  I just never feel like I see enough of her when she's here, and I'm sure that's because she knows I don't approve of some of her choices and feels I'm judging her. 

Does she smoke so she can ignore that "Mom's judging me again" feeling? 

I was going to say, I try not to judge her, but that's not right.  I actually don't talk  about how I feel about her choices, which isn't the same thing at all.  The two of us, we just pretend that strong-difference-of-opinion isn't there.  I did call her out on how much she smokes, though... and how her breath stinks when she smokes!  That right there is true love, because telling someone she stinks is not an easy thing to do. I worry about her, but she tells me I don't have to, she's doing well in school and that's what counts. I agree that school is important, but it's not the only thing. 

DS2, my baby boy, graduated high school in the spring and landed a job not long after.  He works 4 days a week for 4 hours, cleaning, and he loves it.  He doesn't have to talk to anyone, and he's earned enough money to buy himself some very nice swords.  He also started community college in the fall, and did fine in calculus and engineering, OK (C) in chemistry, and then managed somehow to squeak out a D in a ridiculous 3-credit "how to go to college" class that he somehow got signed up for.  The semester did not start well with DH logging in to check on his grades all the time and then nagging him when he missed assignments.  I love my husband but understanding adolescent psychology is not his strong point.  I swear, literally every time DH checked DS2's grades and said something to him about it, the boy said, screw this, I'm not gonna do it. And he didn't, until it was too late.  This then required a re-negotiation, because we had agreed that if he did not keep up his GPA (currently less than 2.5), then he'd have to take at least a semester off to get his head straight.  But DS2 insists that he can do better and asked for another chance, so yes, that's what we're doing.  Only this time I will be working with him to make sure that he stays on top of things, and he's agreed that he will quit his job if he needs more time for schoolwork.  Personally I think 16 hours of mindless physical labor is a great way to keep him away from video games and endless internet rabbit holes, so I hope he can keep the job.  DH doesn't see that's there's a difference in me asking DS2 to check things out with me, as opposed to me looking at them and then going to DS2 to nag him. 

The other thing that I know is driving DH a wee bit nuts is DS2 is growing out his hair for the first time ever.  He's good about taking care of it but it's kind of all over the place now.  I've asked him if he'll go full Jesus but he admits his beard is too patchy (and too blond).  Eventually he'll get sick of it, but I think he was inspired by his cousin last summer.  My dear godson has hair as long, thick, and wavy as mine -- past shoulder-length.  I don't know if DS2 will let his get that long. 

DH brings up retirement more often now: he's only a little more than 5 years out from his target, but I've got a few more than that.  We're both very grateful to be healthy, too. 

One of the best things about 2019 is that we had more family visits than usual.  DH's parents came for DS2's graduation in May, and we saw them again, and my siblings, over the summer.  Later in the summer my niece and nephew came for a visit.  DD and I were supposed to go to New Orleans for a visit in October, but she got the flu; I went anyway.  Then my brother and his wife and daughter came for Thanksgiving!  I love being able to spend time with people I love.  My boys all take this for granted... usually when we're all home we're all off in different corners, each doing our own thing.  This is one reason why I cook!  If we didn't sit down to eat together, we'd rarely see each other. 

Some happy repeats in 2019: a Tucson Jazz Festival concert, visiting wineries in Cottonwood and Connecticut, a field trip to Mt. Lemmon, co-coaching our school's Lego robotics team.  Firsts included flying in a friend's small plane to Block Island!  I was terrified but I got over it, and it was really spectacular.  Also: my paper being published (this will probably end up being an "only"), being declared cancer-free for the first time since 2004 (even if I don't really believe it, I'll take it), working a one-week summer  STEM camp at my school, and celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary! We got a lovely blessing at our regular Mass, and many "Congratulations!" afterwards.

Unpleasant repeats: breaking a toe and being laid up over the summer, and yet-another plumbing failure with the upstairs bathtub drain failing.  When I wrote about the plumbing disaster, I said that I'd forget it ever happened as soon as everything was fixed up again, and I was right!  I only remembered when I looked back through this year's posts.

A constant: lack of work-life balance during the school year.  I've made some changes that I think will help, but I'm still constantly being swamped with grading,  I need to figure out a method that doesn't rely on having perfect work ethic - and no surprises! - to get everything done.   If I was going to make a New Year's Resolution, that would be it, but it's more like a work already in progress.  The thought literally just occurred to me to estimate grading times before I assign things to my students.  I have never considered that before: I make assignments based on what and how I need to assess the students.  But I could change how I grade some things, so that they take less time.  This is an intriguing prospect. 

This post turned into a monster! But the year, with its ups and downs, ended well for all of us.  Here's to 2020!