Thursday, April 13, 2006


I've been horrid since my ENT appointment. But, since it just doesn't do to sit around and mope, I'll list some good things:

I tried my camera again and it worked! But I have the feeling that some switch has become tempermental, so who knows how long that will last? But at least it's working now.

I got DS2 to school on time and then went and did the almost-last Easter-related shopping. (I still have to figure out what we are having for dinner on Sunday.)

I visited with 2 friends whom I haven't seen in ages. I nibbled delicious cookies and talked about nothing serious out by the pool and it was lovely.

I remembered to pay for the various kid lessons, and paid through May so I won't have to think about it again until the fall (I think).

I was able to reschedule my biopsy for the 27th from the 28th, and even though it's only one day difference, it helps, because for at least part of the time, DS2 will be in school.

The kids have off tomorrow and we've made ambitious plans to have fun.

* * *

I just do not feel good. The post nasal drip is still killing me, and my neck hurts where the lump is, and I am swallowing past lumps in my throat. The bad thing about these neck/throat feelings is that I have no way to know whether it's just from scar tissue and/or nerves regenerating, or if something bad is happening in there. I'll just have to wait to find out, and I am very bad at that kind of thing.

I manage to not bite the kids' heads off for most of the day, and feel horrible when I slip and let my problems magnify whatever small annoyances they are perpetrating. I wish I could forget about this for a while. That's the goal for tomorrow.

1 comment:

Tracey said...

This may sound way too dramatic, but I have an idea. I know you feel bad about "losing it" on your kids, but you truly have a lot going on that would drag anyone down. You're such a good writer. It may not help your kids NOW, but what if you were to write a letter to each child (or to all of them) explaining what life is like for you now and how you feel about them. Perhaps in the future, when they are older (maybe adults) you could give this letter to them and they would have a better understanding of why mommy acted this way or that at certain times. My mom had breast cancer when I was twelve and she became very distant with me for about a year. It was very scary for me and I felt like she would never be the same with me. I was so discombulated! I wish she could have explained herself to me, but she kept it to herself. Some kind of communication would have helped greatly. I wasn't sure what was happening and because she wasn't explaining anything I had my own fear about her health as well as about our relationship and I loved her dearly. Anyway, your kids are adorable and I'm sure they love you very much, but in my opinion, communication helps to alleviate so much confusion and heartache. I'm sure you already know this, but I thought I'd just throw in my two cents