my decision

I've decided I can't have breast cancer because I will be too embarassed to ever discuss it with anyone. Haven't I been through enough medical crap?

Today the hospital called, the registration and billing department this time. She went over my insurance information and I told her that I actually expect to hit the out-of-pocket maximum any day now, if BC/BS would ever finish processing the claims from my last trip to Houston. (Hello, that was August, people!) She was cool and said they wouldn't collect my facility fee up front, then. It wasn't that much money anyway, relatively speaking.

My mom got good news from her doctor today, her heart tests all came back normal. She is too ticked off over not having a diagnosis for her out-of-breath feelings to be happy about her heart! I know the feeling well. Poor thing, now she'll be doing a round of tests on her lungs. I hope she can get them done quickly and get an answer. She's feeling very frustrated.

My procedure tomorrow is at Oh-dark-thirty, so today I ran around like a lunatic and finished the cleaning and shopping I wanted to get done in case I don't feel like moving for the rest of the week. That made today completely insane, because we also had RE classes tonight. So I'm exhausted but also nervous, and who knows if I'll be able to sleep. I'm going to stay up till close to midnight anyway, since after that I can't eat or drink anything. So at 11:58PM I'll chug a bunch of water and hope I won't be too dehydrated for them to give me the IV 6 hours later. Fortunately, tomorrow I can sleep pretty much all day.

I'm still thinking this is a 50-50 thing, it could go either way. I haven't really given any thought at all to what I'll do if it is cancer, because I just don't want to think about it. And maybe, with a bit of luck, I won't have to.