Yes, I did title this post in the cheesiest possible way.
I finally installed my Rosetta Stone Totale Spanish (Latin America) Christmas gift -- over two hours to install all 5 language levels! -- and have worked through Unit 1, Lesson 4 - Core lesson.
It's awesome.
Best part: there is zero translation. It's all image-and-audio based. You look at pictures, you hear words, you say words (or sounds). If you're typing anything, it's in the new language. This is, of course, brilliant, from a business model perspective because they can use the same Spanish (Latin America) software to teach anyone who wants to learn, regardless of their native language. But it's also brilliant from a language acquisition perspective, a topic I know quite a bit about thanks to the state-mandated SEI training I needed for my teaching certificate.
The games (for review) are fun and range from simple (the one where you click on the picture matching the phrase you just heard) to maddening (the one where you try to get Bingo by clicking on words on a Bingo card that you hear in the native speaker's story.) The native speakers do not speak with exaggerated slowness, and great deal of time is spent on ear training, as in Wait, what did I just hear? Fortunately you can (almost) always click on a button to hear a phrase repeated.
The voice recognition software is awesome, too. It kept dinging me for saying "nosostros" when I should have been saying "nosotros" with no "s" before the "t". It's a very subtle difference, but it wouldn't let me continue until I figured it out and got it right. There is a really good balance of just repeating what the native speaker said and having to generate your own responses, too.
So far so good. The program spirals back periodically to review older, already mastered material so it doesn't fall out of your brain, the same way you would, in real life, continue to use those first simple words and phrases day to day.
High point so far: I managed to roll an "r" once yesterday. I hope if I keep practicing, I'll really be able to speak Spanish properly, not just comprehensibly.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Lord of the Flies
I started it on the flight out and finished it today. It's a little thing, but it does not go quickly. Golding's prose demands thinking about.
Somehow I managed to get through all my formal schooling without ever having read it. I knew of it, and knew the plot outline as well. And now having read it, I can see why it's on reading lists.
In contrast, DH and I saw Prometheus last weekend, and it was a crashing (literally) pretentious bore. Its attempts to tackle primal questions (Who are we? Why are we here?) were so awkward and obvious and predictable. Lord of the Flies asks many of the same questions but with elegance and power. Both works have scenes of terror, suspense, and violence, and both deal with isolated populations coming to grips with human nature, but that's where the similarities end.
100 years from now, we'll still be reading Golding, and no one will even remember Prometheus.
Somehow I managed to get through all my formal schooling without ever having read it. I knew of it, and knew the plot outline as well. And now having read it, I can see why it's on reading lists.
In contrast, DH and I saw Prometheus last weekend, and it was a crashing (literally) pretentious bore. Its attempts to tackle primal questions (Who are we? Why are we here?) were so awkward and obvious and predictable. Lord of the Flies asks many of the same questions but with elegance and power. Both works have scenes of terror, suspense, and violence, and both deal with isolated populations coming to grips with human nature, but that's where the similarities end.
100 years from now, we'll still be reading Golding, and no one will even remember Prometheus.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
"I have a knife."
On the last day of school, I brought eight huge seedless watermelons to share with all my students and co-workers. How does that work? This:
is how you slice watermelon on a school campus. It's plastic, and you would have to try very, very hard to injure a person with it. I didn't let anyone else even touch it and kept it in closely guarded custody.
I didn't know whether to be amused or exasperated by the 7th-grader who insisted that I could not slice watermelon with a plastic knife, notwithstanding that I had already sliced up four or five that day before having that conversation with her. A lot of junior high kids struggle with the intersection of reality and their concept of it.
is how you slice watermelon on a school campus. It's plastic, and you would have to try very, very hard to injure a person with it. I didn't let anyone else even touch it and kept it in closely guarded custody.
I didn't know whether to be amused or exasperated by the 7th-grader who insisted that I could not slice watermelon with a plastic knife, notwithstanding that I had already sliced up four or five that day before having that conversation with her. A lot of junior high kids struggle with the intersection of reality and their concept of it.
coasting, now
School is out! Thursday was my last day with students, and it drifted by with endless streams of students in my bare classroom, come to have watermelon and listen to music and hang out. Friday I spent less than two hours finishing up, packing my desk and labeling my furniture -- and then spent another couple of hours wrestling with slow computers and OpenOffice, running some simple analysis of my students' AIMS scores. (Short answer: better than last year [yay!] and reasonably well correlated to my benchmark test [yay!].)
It took a while for it to really sink in, but by yesterday evening I was practically giddy.
Today? Planning this last week at home, cramming as many home cleanup and improvement projects as possible into these few shorts days, working around the already-scheduled appointments.
Monday I'm going for the CA-125 blood test, which is screening for ovarian cancer. It's not definitive in and of itself, but it will provide some information as to what's going on with me. I've already scheduled a follow-up ultrasound on that cyst for July, and I will do my best not to think about it until then.
It took a while for it to really sink in, but by yesterday evening I was practically giddy.
Today? Planning this last week at home, cramming as many home cleanup and improvement projects as possible into these few shorts days, working around the already-scheduled appointments.
Monday I'm going for the CA-125 blood test, which is screening for ovarian cancer. It's not definitive in and of itself, but it will provide some information as to what's going on with me. I've already scheduled a follow-up ultrasound on that cyst for July, and I will do my best not to think about it until then.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
strawberry almond cake
It's the end of a long, busy week, and the refrigerator was nearly empty this morning, except for that container of strawberries I bought last weekend, which no one had touched. The milk was nearly gone, we had about a half-cup of sugar, so how could I make a strawberry version of our summer favorite blueberry cake? I've never really forgotten any of my Make It Low Carb routines, mainly because I still use a lot of them. So, with some tweaking:
Strawberry Almond Cake
with vanilla and nutmeg
Wash and drain the stawberries. Hull and quarter them.
Drizzle them with about a tablespoon of sugar-free vanilla syrup. (I use Torani or DaVinci)
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line 9x13 pan with aluminum foil for easy cleanup. Spray the bottom and sides of the pan with no-stick cooking spray.
In a medium bowl, combine:
1 C all purpose flour (I use King Arthur)
1 C almond meal (I use Trader Joe's)
1/2 C sugar
1/2 C granulated Splenda
1/2 C Z-sweet (erythritol sweetener)
2/3 C shortening (I use Spectrum Organics)
Work these together until they look like crumbs. The fastest way to do this is with clean, dry fingers. The almond meal and the soft organic shortening work to make this a little sticky, but just scrape as much off your fingers as you can.
Reserve 3/4 C of the crumb mixture to sprinkle over the top.
To the remaining crumbs in the bowl, add:
1 scant tsp salt
3 tsp baking powder
about 1/4 tsp fresh grated nutmeg -- you don't want to taste the nutmeg, you just want it to enhance the other flavors
Stir all to combine well, then add:
1 C almond milk (unsweetened, unflavored)
2 eggs, beaten
Stir well to combine, making sure there are no clumps of dry ingredients. Pour into the prepared pan and spread the batter evenly.
Sprinkle with about 1+1/2 cup of the sliced, macerated strawberries.
Sprinkle the reserved crumbs over the top.
Lightly dust fresh grated nutmeg over the entire cake.
Bake at 350 degrees for about 40 minutes, until the top is golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
The strawberries were not the best ever, but they tasted awesome in this cake. The combination of the strawberries and almonds with the hints of vanilla and nutmeg was even better than I expected. Also even better than I expected is the texture, which is moist but not too heavy, perfect for a quick bread (which this is, notwithstanding that it's called cake).
It made a nice breakfast with coffee. It came out of the oven about five hours ago...there's about a quarter of it left. I doubt it will last till tomorrow.
Strawberry Almond Cake
with vanilla and nutmeg
Wash and drain the stawberries. Hull and quarter them.
Drizzle them with about a tablespoon of sugar-free vanilla syrup. (I use Torani or DaVinci)
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line 9x13 pan with aluminum foil for easy cleanup. Spray the bottom and sides of the pan with no-stick cooking spray.
In a medium bowl, combine:
1 C all purpose flour (I use King Arthur)
1 C almond meal (I use Trader Joe's)
1/2 C sugar
1/2 C granulated Splenda
1/2 C Z-sweet (erythritol sweetener)
2/3 C shortening (I use Spectrum Organics)
Work these together until they look like crumbs. The fastest way to do this is with clean, dry fingers. The almond meal and the soft organic shortening work to make this a little sticky, but just scrape as much off your fingers as you can.
Reserve 3/4 C of the crumb mixture to sprinkle over the top.
To the remaining crumbs in the bowl, add:
1 scant tsp salt
3 tsp baking powder
about 1/4 tsp fresh grated nutmeg -- you don't want to taste the nutmeg, you just want it to enhance the other flavors
Stir all to combine well, then add:
1 C almond milk (unsweetened, unflavored)
2 eggs, beaten
Stir well to combine, making sure there are no clumps of dry ingredients. Pour into the prepared pan and spread the batter evenly.
Sprinkle with about 1+1/2 cup of the sliced, macerated strawberries.
Sprinkle the reserved crumbs over the top.
Lightly dust fresh grated nutmeg over the entire cake.
Bake at 350 degrees for about 40 minutes, until the top is golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
The strawberries were not the best ever, but they tasted awesome in this cake. The combination of the strawberries and almonds with the hints of vanilla and nutmeg was even better than I expected. Also even better than I expected is the texture, which is moist but not too heavy, perfect for a quick bread (which this is, notwithstanding that it's called cake).
It made a nice breakfast with coffee. It came out of the oven about five hours ago...there's about a quarter of it left. I doubt it will last till tomorrow.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
clearly ambiguous
I received the ultrasound report in the mail today. Unfortunately, I was right to doubt the receptionist's cheerful "It's completely normal!" summary... but I don't think I'm headed for surgery, either. (whew!)
The report itself is a paragon of brevity. However, the concision with which the radiologist expressed his findings leads to some confusion on my part. For example, nearly all of the radiological literature (I'm great at reading this stuff, since ultrasound is one of the main tools for diagnosing thyroid cancer issues) clearly distinguishes between functional cysts and others. So the finding of a "small complex cyst with thickened wall and mural nodularity" is not entirely consistent with the impression, "Small complex cyst of the right ovary... likely reflects a small functional cyst".
That was the first impression, concluding with, "consider followup as indicated."
The second impression was that there were small follicles on the left ovary, with interval resolution of a left-sided ovarian cyst. So there was something going on there at some point, but what "interval" are we talking about here, the one since the last u/s report (November 2010)? Who knows.
At this point, I'll wait for my doctor to get back to his office (Tuesday), and call and ask how they want to follow up on this. I'm thinking -- hoping -- all he'll say is I need to go for another ultrasound in a bit. I can handle that.
In the meantime, the large amount of web pages discussing ovarian cysts are consistent in mentioning the very, very low occurrences of malignancy, so that's encouraging, too, even though thickened walls and mural nodules are flags that this particular cyst should be monitored.
The report itself is a paragon of brevity. However, the concision with which the radiologist expressed his findings leads to some confusion on my part. For example, nearly all of the radiological literature (I'm great at reading this stuff, since ultrasound is one of the main tools for diagnosing thyroid cancer issues) clearly distinguishes between functional cysts and others. So the finding of a "small complex cyst with thickened wall and mural nodularity" is not entirely consistent with the impression, "Small complex cyst of the right ovary... likely reflects a small functional cyst".
That was the first impression, concluding with, "consider followup as indicated."
The second impression was that there were small follicles on the left ovary, with interval resolution of a left-sided ovarian cyst. So there was something going on there at some point, but what "interval" are we talking about here, the one since the last u/s report (November 2010)? Who knows.
At this point, I'll wait for my doctor to get back to his office (Tuesday), and call and ask how they want to follow up on this. I'm thinking -- hoping -- all he'll say is I need to go for another ultrasound in a bit. I can handle that.
In the meantime, the large amount of web pages discussing ovarian cysts are consistent in mentioning the very, very low occurrences of malignancy, so that's encouraging, too, even though thickened walls and mural nodules are flags that this particular cyst should be monitored.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
run around
It feels like I spent the entire weekend shopping with DD in preparation for the graduation recital this evening. Saturday was a bust, but Sunday was very successful, and she looked beautiful tonight. The boys were also quite handsome, notwithstanding their new haircuts. DS1's is too short, and DS2... well, there was a slight mishap with the trimmer. It will grow in.
Earlier today, DS2 had his fifth grade commencement ceremony. I left work at 1PM to get there on time, and it was delightful to leave. No one wanted to do anything today, and I fear that will be the case from now until the very last day, so I am essentially babysitting. It's not fun. Perhaps tomorrow will go better.
In between the commencement and the recital, we were home for about an hour. Since there was no call from the doctor about the ultrasound, I called the office. The receptionist told me that the doctor and his wife, the NP, are both out all week... but then she looked for the ultrasound report and told me that it was completely normal. I was nonplussed. First of all, that she would just give me a result over the phone like that without the doctor's say so -- but perhaps he had already seen the report and OK'd it. I don't know. Second, that the u/s showed absolutely nothing, because there is definitely something going on, and if it's not with the ovary, then what is it? That internal ultrasound took forever, and the tech was definitely measuring something. Normal ultrasounds are over in like 30 seconds. Usually.
I wondered if she read the correct report, so I asked her to mail me a copy. She said that she would be happy to, so I'll see it in a few days if she actually does put it in the mail. Maybe she was looking at the report from 2005 that said exactly the same thing: nothing.
It's good news, in the sense that it's not bad news, but it's still frustrating to feel so peaked and have no answer as to what's going on, and therefore no end in sight.
I flew threw the first two volumes (books) of Game of Thrones, but I'm resisting getting the next one until school is out. I would much rather be in Winterfell than in reality right now, but I simply have too much to get done before I can indulge like that.
Earlier today, DS2 had his fifth grade commencement ceremony. I left work at 1PM to get there on time, and it was delightful to leave. No one wanted to do anything today, and I fear that will be the case from now until the very last day, so I am essentially babysitting. It's not fun. Perhaps tomorrow will go better.
In between the commencement and the recital, we were home for about an hour. Since there was no call from the doctor about the ultrasound, I called the office. The receptionist told me that the doctor and his wife, the NP, are both out all week... but then she looked for the ultrasound report and told me that it was completely normal. I was nonplussed. First of all, that she would just give me a result over the phone like that without the doctor's say so -- but perhaps he had already seen the report and OK'd it. I don't know. Second, that the u/s showed absolutely nothing, because there is definitely something going on, and if it's not with the ovary, then what is it? That internal ultrasound took forever, and the tech was definitely measuring something. Normal ultrasounds are over in like 30 seconds. Usually.
I wondered if she read the correct report, so I asked her to mail me a copy. She said that she would be happy to, so I'll see it in a few days if she actually does put it in the mail. Maybe she was looking at the report from 2005 that said exactly the same thing: nothing.
It's good news, in the sense that it's not bad news, but it's still frustrating to feel so peaked and have no answer as to what's going on, and therefore no end in sight.
I flew threw the first two volumes (books) of Game of Thrones, but I'm resisting getting the next one until school is out. I would much rather be in Winterfell than in reality right now, but I simply have too much to get done before I can indulge like that.
Friday, May 18, 2012
breathe through it
Had the ultrasound on Wednesday without major discomfort. To be precise, I had two ultrasounds, the abdominal and the internal -- the first was quick with a few photos, the second interminably long with many, many photos. The tech took a million pictures with the Doppler on. I am not encouraged.
I think:Please don't let this be cancer. I don't want to have surgery this summer. And I think, Well, even if it is, it must be small -- I just had that PET/CT scan in mid-March and it didn't show anything of significance. (It did show a small metabolic focus in the left pelvis, chalked up to "physiologic (aka normal) activity in the ovary". Ha!) And then I try and think of other things that could cause this level of of ongoing pain and discomfort and general things-not-working-right , and there's really not much. More prolapse? Fibromyalgia flare? Seems like I'm reaching. An ovarian cyst is the best fit, but what kind of cyst? I just keep hoping it will go away, like all the others have. Most functional cysts have resolved before they hit the 6 week mark, and this one hasn't.
In the meantime, I've gained about 5 pounds at the worst possible time, but it doesn't matter what I eat or don't eat because 3 solid weeks of very faithful dieting netted me a zero pound weight loss. Whatever it is that's going on, I'm not going to drop those 5 pounds (now up to 10) that I had wanted to, before summer and bathing suit weather. Too bad.
Kids start their last week of school Monday, and Monday is DS2's 5th grade commencement and the graduation recital for all 3 in the evening. From there, it's all downhill for them. Me, I have to make it through June 1 to be well and truly done.
I hope for news on Monday -- if I don't hear anything, I'll call on Tuesday. The waiting really is the hardest part, I turn into a big ball of tension and forget to breathe. So I try to remember that, and not take my stresses out on everyone around me. Inhale, exhale... inhale, exhale...
I think:Please don't let this be cancer. I don't want to have surgery this summer. And I think, Well, even if it is, it must be small -- I just had that PET/CT scan in mid-March and it didn't show anything of significance. (It did show a small metabolic focus in the left pelvis, chalked up to "physiologic (aka normal) activity in the ovary". Ha!) And then I try and think of other things that could cause this level of of ongoing pain and discomfort and general things-not-working-right , and there's really not much. More prolapse? Fibromyalgia flare? Seems like I'm reaching. An ovarian cyst is the best fit, but what kind of cyst? I just keep hoping it will go away, like all the others have. Most functional cysts have resolved before they hit the 6 week mark, and this one hasn't.
In the meantime, I've gained about 5 pounds at the worst possible time, but it doesn't matter what I eat or don't eat because 3 solid weeks of very faithful dieting netted me a zero pound weight loss. Whatever it is that's going on, I'm not going to drop those 5 pounds (now up to 10) that I had wanted to, before summer and bathing suit weather. Too bad.
Kids start their last week of school Monday, and Monday is DS2's 5th grade commencement and the graduation recital for all 3 in the evening. From there, it's all downhill for them. Me, I have to make it through June 1 to be well and truly done.
I hope for news on Monday -- if I don't hear anything, I'll call on Tuesday. The waiting really is the hardest part, I turn into a big ball of tension and forget to breathe. So I try to remember that, and not take my stresses out on everyone around me. Inhale, exhale... inhale, exhale...
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
there goes another month...
I had hoped that after all my testing was over and I finally had my answer that I would have some kind of peace. It turns out that whatever relief I got from the resolution of the medical situation was replaced with other stresses, so it was all a wash.
Kids are fine, husband is fine, house is fine. School oscillates between being deeply satisfying and unbelievably frustrating. I'm struggling with lesson plans that work beautifully with two classes and fail utterly with two others. I don't get it. I remind myself of the Chinese proverb defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different to happen. Me, I hope that when I do the same thing -- teach a particular lesson -- I get the same results, or at least something similar. No luck.
I remain at a loss for how to deal with certain students. "I didn't know you wanted us to learn this, I thought we just had to take the notes," one student said to me today. Of course the entire purpose of taking the notes is to help the students learn, and I have -- innumerable times -- explicitly told them that, just as I have explained why I ask them to do each particular task or assignment. Everything I ask them to do is to help them learn, but at this point, I'm left with no alternative but to assume they are being willfully oppositional. Of course that's exhausting, and sad -- they don't trust me, or care enough to try, and that's very hard to deal with.
In among all this foolishness is an ovarian cyst I have been dealing with since Easter. I hope it resolves soon. Standard medical advice says to wait 4 weeks before contacting the doctor. I really don't want to deal with yet another round of medical testing.
Tomorrow is May, and the whirlwind begins in earnest: a concert with DD, Feed My Starving Children, the last debate tournament of year, ASP testing for the kids, graduation recital, awards dinners, finals, etc and so forth, straight through to Memorial Day. I don't finish school until June 1st... only one more month.
Many plans have been made for the summer, very few for beyond that. We'll see.
Kids are fine, husband is fine, house is fine. School oscillates between being deeply satisfying and unbelievably frustrating. I'm struggling with lesson plans that work beautifully with two classes and fail utterly with two others. I don't get it. I remind myself of the Chinese proverb defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different to happen. Me, I hope that when I do the same thing -- teach a particular lesson -- I get the same results, or at least something similar. No luck.
I remain at a loss for how to deal with certain students. "I didn't know you wanted us to learn this, I thought we just had to take the notes," one student said to me today. Of course the entire purpose of taking the notes is to help the students learn, and I have -- innumerable times -- explicitly told them that, just as I have explained why I ask them to do each particular task or assignment. Everything I ask them to do is to help them learn, but at this point, I'm left with no alternative but to assume they are being willfully oppositional. Of course that's exhausting, and sad -- they don't trust me, or care enough to try, and that's very hard to deal with.
In among all this foolishness is an ovarian cyst I have been dealing with since Easter. I hope it resolves soon. Standard medical advice says to wait 4 weeks before contacting the doctor. I really don't want to deal with yet another round of medical testing.
Tomorrow is May, and the whirlwind begins in earnest: a concert with DD, Feed My Starving Children, the last debate tournament of year, ASP testing for the kids, graduation recital, awards dinners, finals, etc and so forth, straight through to Memorial Day. I don't finish school until June 1st... only one more month.
Many plans have been made for the summer, very few for beyond that. We'll see.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
yay!
The scan was clean. (Some close to me are saying "of course," but you know, I try not to count on that.) My next follow-up will be my usual 6 month ultrasound & bloodwork, both painless (mostly) and inexpensive. I can get that done in July before the new school year starts up.
How wonderful to be able to make plans now!
How wonderful to be able to make plans now!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
scenarios
If the scan was clean, then whatever is making my tumor marker rise is too small to see by conventional methods, so no treatment is indicated now. I'll be subjected to "watchful waiting" for the foreseeable future to keep track of my numbers. The relief I feel at not needing treatment will be offset by my annoyance at having to go through all this hassle and expense only to end up with essentially no data.
If the scan showed one or two small spots, then the situation is slightly more complicated: I could go for treatment or I could stick with watchful waiting, perhaps tweaking my medication so my TSH is even more suppressed. I will feel some relief at knowing the current state of my disease progression. This will be offset by my anxiety over the sure knowledge that my cancer is back again, which in turn will/may be balanced by the fact that it took over 6 years to show up again. This particular see-saw doesn't stop there, though, because, you know, Dr. Clayman promised he got it all, and I believed him.
If the scan shows enough disease progression to require treatment, I will get the treatment, of course. It will most likely be surgery, unless it's in an inoperable place, which would be weird, and would then probably need some kind of external beam radiation. Ick. Sometimes I'm afraid that my undiagnosable headaches from a couple of years ago (which never went away, I just know how to manage them) are actually from metastases, but that's really unlikely.
Options 1 and 2 have me planning my summer vacation Tuesday evening. I'm looking forward to that. Option 3 is not exactly unthinkable, and it really does help that I've been through a neck dissection before, but I don't have any feeling about this one way or the other. I just don't know.
My general response to this situation is: I don't have time for this. Can't you see I'm working here? I'd like to continue to do that, OK? OK.
Friday, March 23, 2012
fake
Today at the end of my prep hour (in which I - for once - did actual lesson planning) I noticed that my endocrinologist's office had called. In the vastness of my classroom, I rarely hear my cell phone vibrating.
I tried to call back but got funneled through to voice mail and gave up, only to find that they had left me a message. I felt distinctly uneasy -- why are they calling me today, my appointment's not until Tuesday, they wouldn't be reminding me so soon, so there must be some news...
No such luck. The message was a simple appointment reminder. Still don't know whether I'm coming or going.
[It's not that I don't work during my prep hour, it's just that lesson planning is usually my Sunday evening activity. Prep hour is usually for cleaning, assembling or putting away lab supplies, grading, updating the gradebook, or writing tests.]
I tried to call back but got funneled through to voice mail and gave up, only to find that they had left me a message. I felt distinctly uneasy -- why are they calling me today, my appointment's not until Tuesday, they wouldn't be reminding me so soon, so there must be some news...
No such luck. The message was a simple appointment reminder. Still don't know whether I'm coming or going.
[It's not that I don't work during my prep hour, it's just that lesson planning is usually my Sunday evening activity. Prep hour is usually for cleaning, assembling or putting away lab supplies, grading, updating the gradebook, or writing tests.]
Thursday, March 15, 2012
unhome
Ninja dishwasher -- so quiet you don't know it's there
So last weekend DH says, "Let's get a new dishwasher." This wasn't totally out of left field since we'd had to prop the old one closed so it would run. Still, I was surprised, because the broomstick wasn't that much of a pain to deal with. We went to the Sears Appliance Center down the street and bought a dishwasher. (We tried Spencer's first, but they were closed, and we were impatient.)
It was installed yesterday in between doctor's appointments and A/C maintenance and making Boston Creme pie for Pi Day.
Not pretty, but tasty: yellow cake, pastry creme filling, and dark chocolate ganache
We bought a new refrigerator, too, simply because the old one was 16 years old and that in itself was something of a miracle. Better to plan the switch than have to deal with it on an emergency basis. The new fridge was just delivered, a half-hour early. While normally one appreciates a delivery coming early, I was in no way prepared for it: my dentist appointment ran late. What I'd hoped would be a thoughtful process of sorting, storing, and disposing was instead a rush job of getting everything out of the old unit so it could be moved out of the way.
It wasn't that bad in the alcove, but it still took some effort to get it clean.
It's huge, but it doesn't take over the kitchen.
I basically threw everything into the new fridge. We'll sort it out later. I'm exhausted.
Between the dishwasher and refrigerator, that doesn't feel like my kitchen. I know I'll get used to it, but right now I can't help thinking if all this expense and fuss was worth it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
PET/CT
... scan this morning. It took, as scheduled, about 2 hours from start to finish. The first thing the tech did was to check my blood sugar (95, fasting) to make sure that the radioactive sugar tracer would get picked up by anything hungry. Second was finding a vein (always a joy), and finally going with one on the back of my hand in which to inject said tracer. The tech brought in a little lead-lined box (looking exactly like a fashionable little clutch, if it weren't for the radiation hazard symbols on it), and took from it a lead-encased hypodermic -- for her protection, not mine, since of course she injected me with the stuff. It was a very small amount of material, but I still had that odd, cold-veined feeling from it.
After that? Resting for an hour to let the tracer work its way through my system, while I worked on a vanilla-flavored barium contrast shake. It's a good thing I was fasting, there is no way I could've drunk that shake if I had had anything in my stomach already. As it was, it wasn't easy drinking the whole thing, even though the texture was much improved since the last time I had to drink something like that.
So, tucked up in a warm blanket, I mostly napped in the recliner for that hour, and then I was brought into the scanner. As usual, it features an incredibly narrow plank which slides in and out of the "doughnut" which is the actual scanner. This is where I screwed up, because I didn't relax my arms enough while the tech was adjusting the velcro straps that are supposed to support them during the scan. I think I just wanted to get it over with, and I wasn't really thinking about whether the straps were supporting my arms or I was.
Holding your arms at your sides for 40 minutes isn't fun, and I ended up with a headache because the cradle for my head, while lined with some type of thick fabric, was still really hard underneath. It doesn't help that I'm in a minor flare and everything hurts now anyway.
I cycled through the stages of "wow, this really hurts, and I really need to move my arms" to "relax, relax, don't screw it up or they'll have to start all over" to "OK, I can do this" at least three times, and had come back around to the "don't screw it up" point again when it was finally over.
The tech says my doctor will have results in 24 hours, 48 at the latest, but my appointment with my endocrinologist is set for March 27 and I don't expect to hear anything before then. (sigh)
I was put off today by a couple of people who know about this situation and just brushed it off as if it were nothing. I don't want to be fussed over, but I would like some acknowledgement that this situation -- waiting for test results, not knowing whether I'm coming or going -- wears on a person. Well, it wears on me.
That wraps up day two of a spring break that is full of appointments and deliveries, and will finish up with a speech and debate tournament. This is the kind of vacation that you need a vacation from.
After that? Resting for an hour to let the tracer work its way through my system, while I worked on a vanilla-flavored barium contrast shake. It's a good thing I was fasting, there is no way I could've drunk that shake if I had had anything in my stomach already. As it was, it wasn't easy drinking the whole thing, even though the texture was much improved since the last time I had to drink something like that.
So, tucked up in a warm blanket, I mostly napped in the recliner for that hour, and then I was brought into the scanner. As usual, it features an incredibly narrow plank which slides in and out of the "doughnut" which is the actual scanner. This is where I screwed up, because I didn't relax my arms enough while the tech was adjusting the velcro straps that are supposed to support them during the scan. I think I just wanted to get it over with, and I wasn't really thinking about whether the straps were supporting my arms or I was.
Holding your arms at your sides for 40 minutes isn't fun, and I ended up with a headache because the cradle for my head, while lined with some type of thick fabric, was still really hard underneath. It doesn't help that I'm in a minor flare and everything hurts now anyway.
I cycled through the stages of "wow, this really hurts, and I really need to move my arms" to "relax, relax, don't screw it up or they'll have to start all over" to "OK, I can do this" at least three times, and had come back around to the "don't screw it up" point again when it was finally over.
The tech says my doctor will have results in 24 hours, 48 at the latest, but my appointment with my endocrinologist is set for March 27 and I don't expect to hear anything before then. (sigh)
I was put off today by a couple of people who know about this situation and just brushed it off as if it were nothing. I don't want to be fussed over, but I would like some acknowledgement that this situation -- waiting for test results, not knowing whether I'm coming or going -- wears on a person. Well, it wears on me.
That wraps up day two of a spring break that is full of appointments and deliveries, and will finish up with a speech and debate tournament. This is the kind of vacation that you need a vacation from.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
low
We did some shopping over the weekend.
Sounds phenomenal, and plays like a concert grand. It's to be delivered Friday, and we are all very excited for its arrival. The old Reed Music Co. console has been dead for a while, and I just didn't want to admit it. I only realized how bad it was when I started practicing a new piece, and now I feel rather bad about having the kids play on such a wretched piano for so long.
Still, I'm feeling beset from all sides. There are no new catastrophes to deal with, and I'm matter-of-fact about my follow up tests, now. I just don't like how any happy news only "sticks" for a moment or two and then I'm right back down in the pit. I'm not sure what's going to get me out, although a clean PET/CT scan would probably do it.
Retail therapy is usually a lot more effective.
Young Chang Y-131 52" upright, aka "a real piano"
Sounds phenomenal, and plays like a concert grand. It's to be delivered Friday, and we are all very excited for its arrival. The old Reed Music Co. console has been dead for a while, and I just didn't want to admit it. I only realized how bad it was when I started practicing a new piece, and now I feel rather bad about having the kids play on such a wretched piano for so long.
Still, I'm feeling beset from all sides. There are no new catastrophes to deal with, and I'm matter-of-fact about my follow up tests, now. I just don't like how any happy news only "sticks" for a moment or two and then I'm right back down in the pit. I'm not sure what's going to get me out, although a clean PET/CT scan would probably do it.
Retail therapy is usually a lot more effective.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
next...
After three rounds of telephone tag, my endocrinologist's nurse/manager finally called me at a time when I could answer my phone. (The messages we were leaving for each other would have been hilarious if they had not been so frustrating.) The conversation was brief; the nurse manager is refreshingly direct. It's all well and good that the biopsy came back negative, but given that my tumor marker is increasing, the endo wants me to have a PET scan.
That is quite a reasonable course of action, and it aligns perfectly with the ATA guidelines for this situation.
I've never had a PET scan, but it doesn't sound much different from other scans I've had. I tend to doze off during whole body scans, since they are silent and take about 45 minutes. I'm quite happy to hear that this scan will not involve the horrible banging and clicking and buzzing of an MRI.
Scheduling this will be interesting. DS1 will be having two different oral surgeries in the next month or so, plus we've got two more debate tournaments, DS2's field hockey tournament, and spring break coming up as well.
DS1's surgery and the State tournament make extended travel that week impossible, but I'd love to get away for just a day or two. I just have to figure out how to do that.
That is quite a reasonable course of action, and it aligns perfectly with the ATA guidelines for this situation.
I've never had a PET scan, but it doesn't sound much different from other scans I've had. I tend to doze off during whole body scans, since they are silent and take about 45 minutes. I'm quite happy to hear that this scan will not involve the horrible banging and clicking and buzzing of an MRI.
Scheduling this will be interesting. DS1 will be having two different oral surgeries in the next month or so, plus we've got two more debate tournaments, DS2's field hockey tournament, and spring break coming up as well.
DS1's surgery and the State tournament make extended travel that week impossible, but I'd love to get away for just a day or two. I just have to figure out how to do that.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
status quo
Finally spoke to the doctor today. The results were good, in that they didn't find any evidence of thyroid cancer in the samples they took. However, as always, the pathologist did that CYA routine where he noted that the conclusion is only valid for the materials that were extracted and that we can't be sure there isn't something going on in all the stuff that was left behind. To be really really sure there's nothing going on, you have to do a surgical excision.
The ENT thinks that's overkill, and I agree, but given my rising tumor marker (Tg), we are leaving it up to my endocrinologist to make the call as to what tests to do next.
So I still don't know what's going on, but I'm so used to it by now it doesn't make a difference.
I stayed late after school today so I could go with the high school science club to the open house at Microchip, part of the Arizona SciTech Festival. It was a great event, and the kids had a fantastic time seeing all of the cool technology and how it's applied.
It was a wonderful tonic for me, too, as I have been struggling so much with my students. So many of them just don't want to be there or put in any effort at all that it is disheartening. It was a joy to be around students this evening who were engaged and interesting and polite and fun to be with.
The ENT thinks that's overkill, and I agree, but given my rising tumor marker (Tg), we are leaving it up to my endocrinologist to make the call as to what tests to do next.
So I still don't know what's going on, but I'm so used to it by now it doesn't make a difference.
I stayed late after school today so I could go with the high school science club to the open house at Microchip, part of the Arizona SciTech Festival. It was a great event, and the kids had a fantastic time seeing all of the cool technology and how it's applied.
It was a wonderful tonic for me, too, as I have been struggling so much with my students. So many of them just don't want to be there or put in any effort at all that it is disheartening. It was a joy to be around students this evening who were engaged and interesting and polite and fun to be with.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
missed message
I clung to my cellphone all afternoon so I wouldn't miss the doctor's call with my biopsy results. Of course, that's what happened anyway, when I set my phone down at the music studio this evening (kids' piano and voice lessons) and didn't hear it buzzing when he called. I did not expect him to call at 6:24PM.
I can call him back tomorrow after 1:30PM, he said, "to discuss the next steps, given the biopsy results," which of course he did not divulge.
(bangs head against wall)
There are three possible outcomes of any FNA. Positive, they found cancer cells. Negative, they didn't find cancer cells. Indeterminate, they didn't find much of anything and are unwilling to say anything about what they did find.
Pretty much the only difference that would come from one result versus another is the type of tests that are ordered as the next step. If it's negative or indeterminate, it might be OK to put off further testing until the summer. If it's positive, that may be reason enough to try to move things along more quickly.
Tomorrow I'll find out what I should already know by now, but really, one more day isn't going to make that big a difference.
I can call him back tomorrow after 1:30PM, he said, "to discuss the next steps, given the biopsy results," which of course he did not divulge.
(bangs head against wall)
There are three possible outcomes of any FNA. Positive, they found cancer cells. Negative, they didn't find cancer cells. Indeterminate, they didn't find much of anything and are unwilling to say anything about what they did find.
Pretty much the only difference that would come from one result versus another is the type of tests that are ordered as the next step. If it's negative or indeterminate, it might be OK to put off further testing until the summer. If it's positive, that may be reason enough to try to move things along more quickly.
Tomorrow I'll find out what I should already know by now, but really, one more day isn't going to make that big a difference.
Monday, February 13, 2012
back in the real world...
Yeah, expecting to hear results after a mere 48 hours was a pipe dream. I still haven't heard anything.
On the other hand, I spent all weekend cooking and eating, as DS2 turned 11 and had a sleepover party, necessitating brownies, cupcakes, and fresh-squeezed orange juice, among other things.
My neck hurts less than it did last week, but still isn't "right", and I have a headache most days which Tylenol helps but doesn't eliminate.
I go long stretches without thinking about the cancer situation, mostly because I have that "beating my head against a brick wall" feeling regarding my teaching. The class average for my seventh graders on our last quiz was 8/20, and I fear that my eighth graders will do just as poorly on the quiz they are having this week. In one review session this morning, I said something like, "The last question is something we talked about during the lab last week." One student -- a pretty good student, too -- replied, "But that was on Thursday, I don't remember anything from that far back!" The lack of continuity and opportunities for repetition over time in the block schedule is killing me.
In spite of that, I know I'm a better teacher this year. It's such a shame it won't be reflected in any of my students' standardized test grades.
On the other hand, I spent all weekend cooking and eating, as DS2 turned 11 and had a sleepover party, necessitating brownies, cupcakes, and fresh-squeezed orange juice, among other things.
My neck hurts less than it did last week, but still isn't "right", and I have a headache most days which Tylenol helps but doesn't eliminate.
I go long stretches without thinking about the cancer situation, mostly because I have that "beating my head against a brick wall" feeling regarding my teaching. The class average for my seventh graders on our last quiz was 8/20, and I fear that my eighth graders will do just as poorly on the quiz they are having this week. In one review session this morning, I said something like, "The last question is something we talked about during the lab last week." One student -- a pretty good student, too -- replied, "But that was on Thursday, I don't remember anything from that far back!" The lack of continuity and opportunities for repetition over time in the block schedule is killing me.
In spite of that, I know I'm a better teacher this year. It's such a shame it won't be reflected in any of my students' standardized test grades.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
group
An hour goes by fast when you're talking to, with, and about other people's problems. It went by so quickly today that I didn't get a chance to mention my biopsy, and no one noticed the faint bruising or swelling under my jawline.
I did get a chance to talk to my co-facilitator to let her know what's going on. She has her own distractions to deal with. We left it at keeping each other posted if we hear any news, especially if it means we won't be able to make the group. There's not much else we can do at this point.
I did get a chance to talk to my co-facilitator to let her know what's going on. She has her own distractions to deal with. We left it at keeping each other posted if we hear any news, especially if it means we won't be able to make the group. There's not much else we can do at this point.
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