A while ago I went through a battery of annoying, time-consuming, and sometimes painful tests to diagnose why my acid reflux had suddenly become much worse. I was diagnosed with gastroparesis, a condition which means that my stomach doesn't empty properly. If you google the term, you'll see it can be quite serious; my symptoms were never severe, although they were unpleasant.
After trying the typically prescribed meds with disastrous results, I decided to attack the problem from another angle, my thyroid meds. Because while clinically I may be hyperthyroid, I was still running low, at least for me, and hypothyroidism is one of the more common causes of gastroparesis.
So I finally got back on my old meds regimen and the problem went away... until last week. I really noticed it on Sunday, but it has been going on for a while now. I just feel gross, bloated, icky. I've been taking only 7.5 mcg of Cytomel each day for several weeks now, after spending the summer on 10 mcg/day -- but when I got home I felt like I was running a little too fast (my TSH was down to 0.03), and bumped it down...
Anyway, now I've notched it back up to 10 mcg/day for the past 3 or 4 days and so far, no change, I still have the icks. I hope the higher level of T3 kicks in soon, because I really do not want to have to take motility meds for this problem, they are really dreadful.
On the plus side of the ledger, my afternoon headaches are not nearly as frequent or as severe, so whatever got tweaked is apparently healed, I think. I hope. I'll be working with 4-year-olds starting Friday for a couple of weeks, and it will go a lot easier if I don't feel as if my head is going to explode every day.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
even more lately (another list)
Alive and well, just busy. The itchiness that was plaguing me has mostly (mostly) gone away, now that I'm back on all my meds properly (I kept running out of things, and not managing to replace them for a week or two -- not prescription things, but things that help.)
We never heard a peep from anyone after DD's audition, as expected. What surprised me is how completely she forgot all about the whole thing the minute we walked out of the place. She is now obsessed with the idea of getting a turtle for her birthday.
Back on track with my schoolwork, but very annoyed and frustrated by the content (so far)... and that's all I'll say on that.
Work is busy, much more busy than I had anticipated for this time of year. I'm glad to be earning but some days I just want to stay home. I'm doing 2 weeks+ at the end of September in the same classroom, that should be fun. We have only 14 days of school left until Fall Break. Yay!
RE (religious ed) starts Monday, and I have a class of 24 third-graders this year. It's a First Communion/Confirmation class, so most of my material from last year -- when I had a teeny tiny class of fifth- and sixth-graders making Confirmation only -- is out the window. My goal is to do a syllabus and welcome letter before Monday, just so we know what we're doing. I think I've tracked down a good prayer to St. Paul for us to use, too. We'll be studying his life all year, along with learning our prayers, the practice of daily prayer, and everything else they need to know before thy make their First Communions and are confirmed. *whew*
Camera's still broken. (sigh)
Still no word on a location for a more-local thyroid cancer support group, but I've been doing phone support at least once or twice a week all month. It seems as if everything has reverted to the status quo ante, and for now I'm letting that go.
Two observations: I seem much less willing to be deferential, and much more OK with the idea of pissing people off, in expressing my opinion the past month or two. I don't think I'm a total bitch but there's definitely something going on in the attitude department. Second, chronic daily headaches are plaguing me, and the only thing I can link them to was one night, goofing around with DD, she hung her entire weight (about 54 pounds) off my neck, which wasn't good. Ibuprofen takes the edge off, but it's not perfect. I noticed today that carrying any sort of bag or strap over my shoulder (either one) seems to make it worse.
I have various doctor appointments (skin check, annual GYN) coming up, but I'd ditch them in a heartbeat if I could get rid of this headache torment.
The decrepit and dangerous wooden swingset is being dismantled hauled off tomorrow by The Junk Guys. (I was inspired to call them because their ad specifically says you don't have to bring your junk to the curb, they'll get it for you.) It's almost 10 years old to the day, and it really should have lasted longer. I'm pretty sure that's our fault, though, although I thought they said the wood was treated in such a way that it didn't need to be sealed? Way too late now, but it did provide the children a lot of fun times.
We never heard a peep from anyone after DD's audition, as expected. What surprised me is how completely she forgot all about the whole thing the minute we walked out of the place. She is now obsessed with the idea of getting a turtle for her birthday.
Back on track with my schoolwork, but very annoyed and frustrated by the content (so far)... and that's all I'll say on that.
Work is busy, much more busy than I had anticipated for this time of year. I'm glad to be earning but some days I just want to stay home. I'm doing 2 weeks+ at the end of September in the same classroom, that should be fun. We have only 14 days of school left until Fall Break. Yay!
RE (religious ed) starts Monday, and I have a class of 24 third-graders this year. It's a First Communion/Confirmation class, so most of my material from last year -- when I had a teeny tiny class of fifth- and sixth-graders making Confirmation only -- is out the window. My goal is to do a syllabus and welcome letter before Monday, just so we know what we're doing. I think I've tracked down a good prayer to St. Paul for us to use, too. We'll be studying his life all year, along with learning our prayers, the practice of daily prayer, and everything else they need to know before thy make their First Communions and are confirmed. *whew*
Camera's still broken. (sigh)
Still no word on a location for a more-local thyroid cancer support group, but I've been doing phone support at least once or twice a week all month. It seems as if everything has reverted to the status quo ante, and for now I'm letting that go.
Two observations: I seem much less willing to be deferential, and much more OK with the idea of pissing people off, in expressing my opinion the past month or two. I don't think I'm a total bitch but there's definitely something going on in the attitude department. Second, chronic daily headaches are plaguing me, and the only thing I can link them to was one night, goofing around with DD, she hung her entire weight (about 54 pounds) off my neck, which wasn't good. Ibuprofen takes the edge off, but it's not perfect. I noticed today that carrying any sort of bag or strap over my shoulder (either one) seems to make it worse.
I have various doctor appointments (skin check, annual GYN) coming up, but I'd ditch them in a heartbeat if I could get rid of this headache torment.
The decrepit and dangerous wooden swingset is being dismantled hauled off tomorrow by The Junk Guys. (I was inspired to call them because their ad specifically says you don't have to bring your junk to the curb, they'll get it for you.) It's almost 10 years old to the day, and it really should have lasted longer. I'm pretty sure that's our fault, though, although I thought they said the wood was treated in such a way that it didn't need to be sealed? Way too late now, but it did provide the children a lot of fun times.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
adventures in show biz
I took DD for a modeling/acting audition this afternoon. If you've ever wondered if anything ever comes of those mall-kiosk on-the-spot video auditions, the answer is yes. I got a message on my cellphone early this week inviting her to an open audition this weekend where she was interviewed by a rep from ACT and filmed a 30-second spot in front of an agent from The Gersch Agency.
I'd been hearing radio ads about the open audition - "Be one of the first 200 people to call" - but they called us, so I suppose that means something. (Not much, but something). It was a cattle call in the Hyatt's Regency Ballroom, nicely done. First come, first served, with ushers to show us to a seat and to keep the peace while the auditions proceeded. We had been told to arrive at 45 minutes early for her 1PM appointment, and were only 5 minutes late (I used the valet parking). The timing turned out to be crucial, because we ended up seated near the aisle in the third row, so we did get out of there much more quickly than the lollygaggers who straggled in at 12:58PM. We were both well-prepared for the wait, but I had paperwork to attend to: the application and disclaimer, plus a brochure for the ACT school. DD had to write a 100-word essay on why she wanted to do this and why she thought she would be good at it. She dictated, I transcribed and made suggestions. The whole thing was completely legit and on the level, completely professional, and there wasn't even a hint of anything weird or off.
We got underway a few minutes after 1PM with a little talk from an ACT rep first, and then each child got to do his thing. The talk covered the basics: this won't work unless the child is very motivated and the parents are supportive, so if you dragged your kid here because you think he's cute, don't get your hopes up. Also, most kids won't get a call back because they simply do not have the talent. I loved, loved, loved how blunt she was about this. It's not enough to be cute and to want this, you actually have to have the ability. At the same time, she encouraged everyone who is really into it to keep trying, telling a cute story about how Mylie Cyrus had to audition 8 times before she got the lead role in Hannah Montana. The rep also stressed that they won't work with anyone that isn't doing well in school. California has an industry regulation that says they can't work with kids who have below a 2.5 GPA, which she acknowledged is very low. They won't work with less than B average kids because if their grades drop, they'll have to get pulled off the shoot. She also commented that the smarter kids are more likely to be successful in this business.
Last, she explained the interview and audition processes, which involved one brief interview with the ACT rep, and the audition, which involved filming a 30-second spot for the Gersh agent. For the audition, the kids had to "slate", state their names and ages. The rep asked for three volunteers, and DD raised her hand enthusiastically. Since we were in the third row near the center aisle, she was perfectly positioned to be noticed by the rep, and she was selected. She had to get up in front of a room of about 200 people and state her name and age. She did very well, certainly better than one of the others who was so nervous she couldn't remember to say her full name. I was especially impressed because she went last, and had to stand there watching the other girls do it. During that time she wasn't nervous or impatient, she just waited calmly. Honestly? I didn't know she had it in her, but then again, I'd never given it much thought.
Clearly the primary purpose of these open calls is to get new recruits for ACT's workshops, where starting tuition is close to $2000 for the "Basic Development" 20-week workshop that gets your kid camera-ready . ACT is not an agency but the spiel their rep gave sounded as if the kids do get auditions somehow as well, but that's not clear. We find out if DD made the cut with ACT when we call at 9:30AM, but I'm fairly sure that DH doesn't want to pursue that. One factoid the ACT rep dropped is that a national commercial pays $30-60,000, which is a lot more than I expected. Even a single local spot would more than cover the cost of the workshop, right? I'm sure that's how they suck parents into paying for their kids' pipe dreams.
In an ideal world, the Gersh rep would just ring us up and say, "We want to represent your daughter," in which case we would laugh and decide what to do. I made a point of peeking at her score sheet as we were walking out, and she had several highest scores circled, but that doesn't mean anything. She attracted positive attention from the beginning when she was selected as a volunteer. The ACT rep liked her a lot. She told DD she was "cute" and liked her enthusiasm and my flexibility with regards to this whole affair -- who knows where it will go? Most likely: no where, but DD had a lot of fun today anyway.
I'd been hearing radio ads about the open audition - "Be one of the first 200 people to call" - but they called us, so I suppose that means something. (Not much, but something). It was a cattle call in the Hyatt's Regency Ballroom, nicely done. First come, first served, with ushers to show us to a seat and to keep the peace while the auditions proceeded. We had been told to arrive at 45 minutes early for her 1PM appointment, and were only 5 minutes late (I used the valet parking). The timing turned out to be crucial, because we ended up seated near the aisle in the third row, so we did get out of there much more quickly than the lollygaggers who straggled in at 12:58PM. We were both well-prepared for the wait, but I had paperwork to attend to: the application and disclaimer, plus a brochure for the ACT school. DD had to write a 100-word essay on why she wanted to do this and why she thought she would be good at it. She dictated, I transcribed and made suggestions. The whole thing was completely legit and on the level, completely professional, and there wasn't even a hint of anything weird or off.
We got underway a few minutes after 1PM with a little talk from an ACT rep first, and then each child got to do his thing. The talk covered the basics: this won't work unless the child is very motivated and the parents are supportive, so if you dragged your kid here because you think he's cute, don't get your hopes up. Also, most kids won't get a call back because they simply do not have the talent. I loved, loved, loved how blunt she was about this. It's not enough to be cute and to want this, you actually have to have the ability. At the same time, she encouraged everyone who is really into it to keep trying, telling a cute story about how Mylie Cyrus had to audition 8 times before she got the lead role in Hannah Montana. The rep also stressed that they won't work with anyone that isn't doing well in school. California has an industry regulation that says they can't work with kids who have below a 2.5 GPA, which she acknowledged is very low. They won't work with less than B average kids because if their grades drop, they'll have to get pulled off the shoot. She also commented that the smarter kids are more likely to be successful in this business.
Last, she explained the interview and audition processes, which involved one brief interview with the ACT rep, and the audition, which involved filming a 30-second spot for the Gersh agent. For the audition, the kids had to "slate", state their names and ages. The rep asked for three volunteers, and DD raised her hand enthusiastically. Since we were in the third row near the center aisle, she was perfectly positioned to be noticed by the rep, and she was selected. She had to get up in front of a room of about 200 people and state her name and age. She did very well, certainly better than one of the others who was so nervous she couldn't remember to say her full name. I was especially impressed because she went last, and had to stand there watching the other girls do it. During that time she wasn't nervous or impatient, she just waited calmly. Honestly? I didn't know she had it in her, but then again, I'd never given it much thought.
Clearly the primary purpose of these open calls is to get new recruits for ACT's workshops, where starting tuition is close to $2000 for the "Basic Development" 20-week workshop that gets your kid camera-ready . ACT is not an agency but the spiel their rep gave sounded as if the kids do get auditions somehow as well, but that's not clear. We find out if DD made the cut with ACT when we call at 9:30AM, but I'm fairly sure that DH doesn't want to pursue that. One factoid the ACT rep dropped is that a national commercial pays $30-60,000, which is a lot more than I expected. Even a single local spot would more than cover the cost of the workshop, right? I'm sure that's how they suck parents into paying for their kids' pipe dreams.
In an ideal world, the Gersh rep would just ring us up and say, "We want to represent your daughter," in which case we would laugh and decide what to do. I made a point of peeking at her score sheet as we were walking out, and she had several highest scores circled, but that doesn't mean anything. She attracted positive attention from the beginning when she was selected as a volunteer. The ACT rep liked her a lot. She told DD she was "cute" and liked her enthusiasm and my flexibility with regards to this whole affair -- who knows where it will go? Most likely: no where, but DD had a lot of fun today anyway.
lately, a list
My camera is broken. It will take photos, but I can't get it to focus on what I want it to focus on, because there's a problem with the lens. I also can't get it to zoom or go macro. It could be fixable but it's probably not worth it. *sigh*
*
Ran a good ThyCa meeting last week, a nice balance of new people and old. No word on a facility for meetings closer to home, but I will follow up with that this week.
*
Saw Dr. O this week and happily he didn't feel any lymph nodes, but he wants me to come back once a month for a few months to keep an eye on it. I am amused because he is implicitly disagreeing with my endo's recommendation regarding this node, which
was basically "See you in January," not, "Come in next month and let's take a look and make sure there's nothing going on there." It may be overkill on his part, but the node measured out as 17mm along one axis and that's not insubstantial.
*
Worked 2 days in DS2's class this past week. The class is small and generally enthusiastic, except for one little guy who just won't work. Not can't, won't. Sad. I wonder what will become of him as he gets older. The longer he hangs onto that attitude, the worse it will be for him.
*
Itching like crazy lately, especially after a shower. Last night it was the worst so far (at least a 7 on the 1 to 10 scale). It takes about 30-45 minutes for it to go away, and web research this evening didn't turn up anything useful. I've had eczema my whole life but this isn't like that. I don't have any redness, swelling, bumps, or rashes, I just itch all over no matter how much Lubriderm for Extra Dry Skin I slather on. Interestingly, being in the pool today (we had our annual Labor Day getaway at the resort) provoked only minor itching that didn't persist long at all, so I'm going to try cooler showers and/or cooling down with cold water at the end to close all my pores and hopefully prevent the itch-a-thon.
I think the itching may be medication-related but I can't be sure. I'm on the same dose (10mcg Cytomel) I took all summer, why should this be happening now?
*
Still slogging through my first lesson of my Sheltered Content Instruction course. My brain is actively resisting absorbing this information. I'm not sure why.
*
Still working on discernment. I had a great talk with one of my sister's friends who lives in this area and is working in Special Ed in the Higley district. She was a font of information, but now I am more confused than ever, and have to spend some time thinking about what is important to me. Dawn Eden linked to this awesome article that has been very helpful to me.
*
Many questions, few answers. Just muddling through.
*
Ran a good ThyCa meeting last week, a nice balance of new people and old. No word on a facility for meetings closer to home, but I will follow up with that this week.
*
Saw Dr. O this week and happily he didn't feel any lymph nodes, but he wants me to come back once a month for a few months to keep an eye on it. I am amused because he is implicitly disagreeing with my endo's recommendation regarding this node, which
was basically "See you in January," not, "Come in next month and let's take a look and make sure there's nothing going on there." It may be overkill on his part, but the node measured out as 17mm along one axis and that's not insubstantial.
*
Worked 2 days in DS2's class this past week. The class is small and generally enthusiastic, except for one little guy who just won't work. Not can't, won't. Sad. I wonder what will become of him as he gets older. The longer he hangs onto that attitude, the worse it will be for him.
*
Itching like crazy lately, especially after a shower. Last night it was the worst so far (at least a 7 on the 1 to 10 scale). It takes about 30-45 minutes for it to go away, and web research this evening didn't turn up anything useful. I've had eczema my whole life but this isn't like that. I don't have any redness, swelling, bumps, or rashes, I just itch all over no matter how much Lubriderm for Extra Dry Skin I slather on. Interestingly, being in the pool today (we had our annual Labor Day getaway at the resort) provoked only minor itching that didn't persist long at all, so I'm going to try cooler showers and/or cooling down with cold water at the end to close all my pores and hopefully prevent the itch-a-thon.
I think the itching may be medication-related but I can't be sure. I'm on the same dose (10mcg Cytomel) I took all summer, why should this be happening now?
*
Still slogging through my first lesson of my Sheltered Content Instruction course. My brain is actively resisting absorbing this information. I'm not sure why.
*
Still working on discernment. I had a great talk with one of my sister's friends who lives in this area and is working in Special Ed in the Higley district. She was a font of information, but now I am more confused than ever, and have to spend some time thinking about what is important to me. Dawn Eden linked to this awesome article that has been very helpful to me.
*
Many questions, few answers. Just muddling through.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
random information
You can't keep a hedgehog as a pet in Arizona. You can keep a hedgehog in Arizona if you get a Wildlife Holding license from the Dept. of Fish and Game, but you can only get a license if you want a hedgehog for scientific, educational, or humanitarian purposes. The official language:
A wildlife holding license shall authorize an individual to possess, transport, import, display for educational purposes, photograph for commercial purposes, purchase, propagate, export, give away, or euthanize either restricted live wildlife or live wildlife lawfully held under a hunting or fishing license for any of the following purposes: advancement of science, wildlife management, or promotion of public health or welfare; Education: photograph for a commercial purpose live wildlife that is lawfully possessed; to give humane treatment to restricted live wildlife that has been abandoned or permanently disabled; or to lawfully possess restricted live wildlife that was possessed under another special license, and the primary purpose for that special license no longer exists.
Hedgehogs are "restricted wildlife" in Arizona. The main concern is that freed hedgehogs would find the climate very amenable, and since they have no natural predators here, a hedgehog population could disrupt the local (fragile) ecosystem. As I explained to DD, "It would be bunnies in Australia all over again."
DD was disappointed even though we hadn't even discussed the possibility of getting a hedgehog. The kind officer at Fish & Game told me there are some hedgehogs at the Phoenix Zoo, but he may have meant the World Wildlife Zoo. I'll have to look into that so she can get a hedgehog fix from time to time.
Monday, August 18, 2008
good news, bad news?
My ENT called this afternoon. He is my favorite doctor of all time, which is saying something since my OB saw me through three pregnancies and is completely wonderful, too.
Anyway, Dr. O called to tell me that my hearing test came back perfect, which is the good news.
The bad news is that he wants to see me to follow-up on the results of the neck ultrasound I had a few weeks ago. My endocrinologist was OK with that lymph node it identified in my left neck, but he wants to take a look. I respect his opinion, so I made an appointment and will be seeing him next Wednesday.
This isn't really bad news, and I'm trying not to get worked up about it. He's just being thorough, after all. My TSH was so low (0.03) and my Tg (thyroglobulin, my tumor marker) has dropped from 0.28 to 0.23, so, nothing to worry about, right? (I admit, I would be much happier if it would come back truly undetectable, so far that's not happening.)
Since I'm in here talking about health-related issues, I've got a trifecta of freakish injuries running: 1) a slight case of tendonitis in my left Achilles that's going on its fourth week now 2) bruised index and middle fingers on my right hand that I have no memory of injuring; I must have smacked something really hard and 3) muscle strain in my right neck/shoulder I think from the combination of too much phone time and falling asleep in an awkward position on the couch. When I wake up in the morning I can't walk because my left leg is so tensed up, and my right hand is frozen. The headaches that descend when the ibuprofen wears off are so reminiscent of those I had post-op after my neck dissection it's depressing. Taking the aforementioned ibuprofen and judicious stretching gets everything moving again, but this has been a rough couple of weeks.
Anyway, Dr. O called to tell me that my hearing test came back perfect, which is the good news.
The bad news is that he wants to see me to follow-up on the results of the neck ultrasound I had a few weeks ago. My endocrinologist was OK with that lymph node it identified in my left neck, but he wants to take a look. I respect his opinion, so I made an appointment and will be seeing him next Wednesday.
This isn't really bad news, and I'm trying not to get worked up about it. He's just being thorough, after all. My TSH was so low (0.03) and my Tg (thyroglobulin, my tumor marker) has dropped from 0.28 to 0.23, so, nothing to worry about, right? (I admit, I would be much happier if it would come back truly undetectable, so far that's not happening.)
Since I'm in here talking about health-related issues, I've got a trifecta of freakish injuries running: 1) a slight case of tendonitis in my left Achilles that's going on its fourth week now 2) bruised index and middle fingers on my right hand that I have no memory of injuring; I must have smacked something really hard and 3) muscle strain in my right neck/shoulder I think from the combination of too much phone time and falling asleep in an awkward position on the couch. When I wake up in the morning I can't walk because my left leg is so tensed up, and my right hand is frozen. The headaches that descend when the ibuprofen wears off are so reminiscent of those I had post-op after my neck dissection it's depressing. Taking the aforementioned ibuprofen and judicious stretching gets everything moving again, but this has been a rough couple of weeks.
Friday, August 15, 2008
out of the blue
I'm flying back to New York on Monday, so I can be on television Tuesday morning.
How did that happen? It all started more than eight years ago, when I wrote Confessions of a Recovering Control Freak, which has languished on thar interwebs ever since. Until today, when the producer of The Morning Show with Mike and Juliette (audio at the link) called to talk to me about it. They're doing a segment on how controlling personalities affect relationships, and he loved my take on it.
After much deliberation and discussion with family members, I agreed. I'm excited but nervous, and also second-guessing my decision at this point. In the pre-interview I had to go over a lot of ancient history, and it is a bit discomfiting to talk about all the little things I used to pick on DH about. I feel dense that it took me so long to come to my senses! But at least I did, and things are much better now.
DH is OK with this as long as I don't present myself as "cured", LOL. He's so awesome. I can't imagine where I'd be without him.
Update: It's not happening. When I hadn't heard anything about travel arrangements by 5PM Eastern Sunday afternoon, I called the producer and left him a message. He called back a half hour later, explaining that they'd found local people and that he had to conserve his budget. Now I am simultaneously disappointed and relieved, which is a very odd mixture.
How did that happen? It all started more than eight years ago, when I wrote Confessions of a Recovering Control Freak, which has languished on thar interwebs ever since. Until today, when the producer of The Morning Show with Mike and Juliette (audio at the link) called to talk to me about it. They're doing a segment on how controlling personalities affect relationships, and he loved my take on it.
After much deliberation and discussion with family members, I agreed. I'm excited but nervous, and also second-guessing my decision at this point. In the pre-interview I had to go over a lot of ancient history, and it is a bit discomfiting to talk about all the little things I used to pick on DH about. I feel dense that it took me so long to come to my senses! But at least I did, and things are much better now.
DH is OK with this as long as I don't present myself as "cured", LOL. He's so awesome. I can't imagine where I'd be without him.
Update: It's not happening. When I hadn't heard anything about travel arrangements by 5PM Eastern Sunday afternoon, I called the producer and left him a message. He called back a half hour later, explaining that they'd found local people and that he had to conserve his budget. Now I am simultaneously disappointed and relieved, which is a very odd mixture.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I got nothin'
These days, the majority of my time is spent planning meals, shopping for food, prepping, cooking, and cleaning up.
I don't remember it being so labor-intensive in the past, but in previous years the boys would buy their lunch at school most days. This year they're bringing their lunch every day. It's less expensive and they get better quality food, but it does take a certain amount of dedication on my part.
That's why I spend a half-hour in the kitchen every school night, putting together the next day's breakfasts and lunches. If I don't, the mornings are just too crazy.
I'm in that treading-water mode for another week or so until my class starts up, and in that time I've got some other stuff to do, but I'm singularly amotivated. I did tick my Cytomel down to 7.5 from 10 mcg/day (my TSH was way down to 0.03, which is over-suppressed even for me), and maybe that's taking the edge off. Or maybe it's just the usual end-of-summer down-shift, where I have to get used to long stretches of being alone again after many weeks of being around people constantly, not to mention being back in AZ after many weeks of being able to go to the beach whenever I felt like it.
It just takes some time, is all.
I don't remember it being so labor-intensive in the past, but in previous years the boys would buy their lunch at school most days. This year they're bringing their lunch every day. It's less expensive and they get better quality food, but it does take a certain amount of dedication on my part.
That's why I spend a half-hour in the kitchen every school night, putting together the next day's breakfasts and lunches. If I don't, the mornings are just too crazy.
I'm in that treading-water mode for another week or so until my class starts up, and in that time I've got some other stuff to do, but I'm singularly amotivated. I did tick my Cytomel down to 7.5 from 10 mcg/day (my TSH was way down to 0.03, which is over-suppressed even for me), and maybe that's taking the edge off. Or maybe it's just the usual end-of-summer down-shift, where I have to get used to long stretches of being alone again after many weeks of being around people constantly, not to mention being back in AZ after many weeks of being able to go to the beach whenever I felt like it.
It just takes some time, is all.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
last gasp
Summer's over now, well and truly. The kids are back into the school routine, I've registered for my next class, and I'm almost over my jetlag: we spent the weekend on Long Island for my nephew's wedding. It was all very lovely and exhausting.
Low lighting conditions at the wedding reception made my camera pretty much useless, and I spent too much time dancing to worry much about taking pictures. Besides, photos of people dancing always look goofy! (I have a few shots that demonstrate, I won't post them.) As I said, it was all very lovely, a fine celebration to close out our summer.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
milk toast
I can't imagine anyone enjoying it: toast with warm milk poured over it. Then again, it's probably a great comfort food when you're not feeling well, sort of like an instant bread pudding. The main thing is, there's nothing offensive about it. Milk-soaked toast doesn't have any backbone.
I never thought of myself as particularly milk-toasty, until this summer when I realized I'm pretty much a complete pushover. Not with the kids, and not in the classroom. But in peer situations, I'll put up with things I shouldn't, I'll let other people pile responsibilities on me, I'll even volunteer myself for way too much, way too often.
At least now I realize it, and I'm pushing back against it. I'm in the midst of an exchange about my volunteering situation, and we'll see how that plays out.
It's funny how pissed off people get when you tell them you're not going to let them take advantage of you anymore.
I never thought of myself as particularly milk-toasty, until this summer when I realized I'm pretty much a complete pushover. Not with the kids, and not in the classroom. But in peer situations, I'll put up with things I shouldn't, I'll let other people pile responsibilities on me, I'll even volunteer myself for way too much, way too often.
At least now I realize it, and I'm pushing back against it. I'm in the midst of an exchange about my volunteering situation, and we'll see how that plays out.
It's funny how pissed off people get when you tell them you're not going to let them take advantage of you anymore.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
the problem with volunteering...
You can't quit -- or you feel really, really bad about quitting -- unless you have an ironclad excuse/reason.
That leaves you (me) somewhat stuck when the people/person you (me) are volunteer-working with are less than professional, taking every opportunity to disrespect you (me) and being passive-aggressive to boot.
DH thinks I should quit, and cites the continuous dissing as reason enough. I'm trying to be pragmatic about it: I'm helping people, doing good work, and does it really matter if I'm treated like a 12-year-old? Most of the time, it doesn't.
Thinking about this now, I'm embarrassed over how I allow myself to be treated. I'm trying to help people by giving them information, and I'm being told not to! I should stop being such a milk toast and stand up for myself, but I honestly don't see this changing. You can't change a habit or a personality that has been formed over decades. Well, I certainly can't, and it's not worth the aggravation to try.
In my defense I realize that I said what I wanted to say anyway, and when told, "Don't talk about that!" I asked, "Why not?"
I can see myself snapping, eventually. There will come a time when I'm told to be quiet or not discuss something and I'll reply, "Why is it that you want me to work with you, again? If you want me to do this work, let me do it, and stop trying to shut me up."
That's a great bit of dialog. I'll have to remember it for next time.
That leaves you (me) somewhat stuck when the people/person you (me) are volunteer-working with are less than professional, taking every opportunity to disrespect you (me) and being passive-aggressive to boot.
DH thinks I should quit, and cites the continuous dissing as reason enough. I'm trying to be pragmatic about it: I'm helping people, doing good work, and does it really matter if I'm treated like a 12-year-old? Most of the time, it doesn't.
Thinking about this now, I'm embarrassed over how I allow myself to be treated. I'm trying to help people by giving them information, and I'm being told not to! I should stop being such a milk toast and stand up for myself, but I honestly don't see this changing. You can't change a habit or a personality that has been formed over decades. Well, I certainly can't, and it's not worth the aggravation to try.
In my defense I realize that I said what I wanted to say anyway, and when told, "Don't talk about that!" I asked, "Why not?"
I can see myself snapping, eventually. There will come a time when I'm told to be quiet or not discuss something and I'll reply, "Why is it that you want me to work with you, again? If you want me to do this work, let me do it, and stop trying to shut me up."
That's a great bit of dialog. I'll have to remember it for next time.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
a week or so
We left Massachusetts last Tuesday, and I've been in some weird fugue state ever since. I'm restless but don't want to do the things that need doing around here, since we already plowed through back-to-school shopping, getting haircuts and wedding shopping. (The wedding is this weekend coming up.)
Kids start school on Tuesday, and we're about ready. I have my thyroid ultrasound Tuesday morning as well.
It's always this way, getting back into the swing of things, dealing with the annual thyroid cancer check-ups, scheduling a million other appointments besides. It's a bit nerve-wracking but nothing so bad, really. I'll sign up for my next class after the u/s -- I'm holding off just in case anything weird shows up. It seems silly, but it's only a couple of weeks, and with the wedding and the kids' school starting, it's just as well that I'm not dealing with my own schoolwork right now.
Last year at this time we were getting ready for new flooring and the painters coming in; this year it was really lovely coming home to the wood floors and colorful walls. It's nice to be settled, even if there are little jobs to be done here and there. It's very nice indeed not to have the specter of huge home-improvement jobs hanging out there, although the long weekend at the wedding is a bit of a bump in the road to a smooth start to this school year. We'll survive it, I'm sure, although the kids will most likely never wear all these great clothes we've bought them ever again.
Kids start school on Tuesday, and we're about ready. I have my thyroid ultrasound Tuesday morning as well.
It's always this way, getting back into the swing of things, dealing with the annual thyroid cancer check-ups, scheduling a million other appointments besides. It's a bit nerve-wracking but nothing so bad, really. I'll sign up for my next class after the u/s -- I'm holding off just in case anything weird shows up. It seems silly, but it's only a couple of weeks, and with the wedding and the kids' school starting, it's just as well that I'm not dealing with my own schoolwork right now.
Last year at this time we were getting ready for new flooring and the painters coming in; this year it was really lovely coming home to the wood floors and colorful walls. It's nice to be settled, even if there are little jobs to be done here and there. It's very nice indeed not to have the specter of huge home-improvement jobs hanging out there, although the long weekend at the wedding is a bit of a bump in the road to a smooth start to this school year. We'll survive it, I'm sure, although the kids will most likely never wear all these great clothes we've bought them ever again.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
such a cliche!
Yes, I admit it: we come to the Cape and eat fried clams and lobster, and blueberries, and super fresh corn on the cob from our favorite farm stand, and we get fabulous ice cream (they have ice cream at their Mashpee location).
We work it all off at the beach, though. Right?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
of course!
Every day. You should, too.
(In case you were wondering, yes, Sissy does "got sisu", in abundance.)
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
and... done!
*whew*
Now I'm on vacation, or as much on vacation as a I can be when I've got the kids to herd.
Now I'm on vacation, or as much on vacation as a I can be when I've got the kids to herd.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
1+1
One assignment and one test left.
With any luck, I'll finish them both tomorrow/later today (Wednesday).
With any luck, I'll finish them both tomorrow/later today (Wednesday).
Sunday, June 29, 2008
where'd that time go?
I'm halfway through my last Learning & the Brain assignment, and have two to go in Educational Psychology. Of course, the two finals are still pending, and DH flies in this Friday. This week is going to be busy.
Last week was, too. The weather has been not-beach-day, but not impossible. I worked most days on various things but we went swimming just about every day. Saturday (just yesterday? Yes --) was a beach day, and I went with the kids for about 3 hours in the afternoon. But the rest of the week was consumed by landscaping: shopping for plants one day, digging up everything (OK, not the azaleas) and then planting on the next, and finally, mulching the last. The kids helped plant and mulch, rather unwillingly and for less than an hour each day, but hey, it was something.
Me? The digging/planting day started at 8:30AM and ended after 4:30PM (and I still took the kids to the beach for a swim in the humid, cloudy evening) -- my legs still feel like I caught two nine-inning games, but at least my hands have recovered. (I don't have any gloves here. Of course I could've got some, but I didn't want to deal with it at the time.)
On top of all that, I haven't been sleeping very well, which I suspect is because of the humidity. Unfortunately, there's no end in sight for this ridiculous weather, wherein we have about 5 minutes of blue sky a day, and then it threatens rain for the rest of it. We had some sun in the early afternoon today, and I wanted to go to the beach, I knew it wouldn't be for long because of the storms pressing in -- but the boys didn't want to go! "We went yesterday," DS1 declared. Yes, I replied, but God only knows when we'll get to go again!
We didn't go. I napped on the couch, making up some of my sleep deficit.
I refuse to feel guilty for letting the kids do nothing today. We've been making lots of memories this summer, one down day is not a vacation-killer.
Jump!
Last week was, too. The weather has been not-beach-day, but not impossible. I worked most days on various things but we went swimming just about every day. Saturday (just yesterday? Yes --) was a beach day, and I went with the kids for about 3 hours in the afternoon. But the rest of the week was consumed by landscaping: shopping for plants one day, digging up everything (OK, not the azaleas) and then planting on the next, and finally, mulching the last. The kids helped plant and mulch, rather unwillingly and for less than an hour each day, but hey, it was something.
Me? The digging/planting day started at 8:30AM and ended after 4:30PM (and I still took the kids to the beach for a swim in the humid, cloudy evening) -- my legs still feel like I caught two nine-inning games, but at least my hands have recovered. (I don't have any gloves here. Of course I could've got some, but I didn't want to deal with it at the time.)
On top of all that, I haven't been sleeping very well, which I suspect is because of the humidity. Unfortunately, there's no end in sight for this ridiculous weather, wherein we have about 5 minutes of blue sky a day, and then it threatens rain for the rest of it. We had some sun in the early afternoon today, and I wanted to go to the beach, I knew it wouldn't be for long because of the storms pressing in -- but the boys didn't want to go! "We went yesterday," DS1 declared. Yes, I replied, but God only knows when we'll get to go again!
We didn't go. I napped on the couch, making up some of my sleep deficit.
I refuse to feel guilty for letting the kids do nothing today. We've been making lots of memories this summer, one down day is not a vacation-killer.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
late save
It was a steamy day, but thunder rumbled constantly, and it seemed it would rain any moment for most of it. Finally the storm broke over us in late afternoon, cooling everything down rapidly but leaving within an hour.
After supper, it seemed as if all the drama was over, so I suggested a walk to the beach. The children were excited to get out, especially when they all came running back in, shrieking, announcing that it was raining again (or perhaps just still raining, after all.) Who cares? I asked, and they were stunned: We can go in the rain?
Yes, yes. We walked in the gentle rain. About three-quarters of the way there, we saw an extraordinary double rainbow. I acutely felt the inadequacy of my camera.
We arrived at the beach and the children immediately went wading, while I was attacked by gnats as I tried to find some vantage point from which I could get the entire rainbow in one photo. The water was so warm the kids were begging me to let them go home and change into their bathing suits so they could return and go swimming, but I nixed that idea: too buggy at the little beach.
The big beach, however...
We got home as quickly as possible, and got approval for the somewhat crazy idea from my sister-in-law. We all changed into our suits and piled into the car with our towels. On a school night, my kids would've already been in bed, but this is summer. The waves were disappointingly small, but the water was delightfully clear, if a bit cool. OK, we did feel cold on the way in, less so on the way out since the air was about the same temperature as the water. We all traipsed far out on the sandbar and watched the sunset, and I regretted leaving my camera at home.
We weren't the only people at the beach -- there was one couple there, perched on the boulders surrounding the parking lot, snuggling. I'm sure we completely ruined their romantic interlude, but hey, it's a public beach. There was much whooping and hollering and exclaiming about the coldness of the water and the general awesomeness of being on the beach, at night, with no one else around, the sunset sky a gorgeous array of colors, and the first stars peeking out overhead as the cloud cover broke up.
We left the beach about 9:45PM, and of course everyone had to have a hot bath or shower to get both clean and warm; nice hot drinks were made for those waiting their turn, and everyone was beyond exhausted by the time they finally got to bed.
Sometimes, even the longest, dreariest days can play out wonderfully.
After supper, it seemed as if all the drama was over, so I suggested a walk to the beach. The children were excited to get out, especially when they all came running back in, shrieking, announcing that it was raining again (or perhaps just still raining, after all.) Who cares? I asked, and they were stunned: We can go in the rain?
Yes, yes. We walked in the gentle rain. About three-quarters of the way there, we saw an extraordinary double rainbow. I acutely felt the inadequacy of my camera.
We arrived at the beach and the children immediately went wading, while I was attacked by gnats as I tried to find some vantage point from which I could get the entire rainbow in one photo. The water was so warm the kids were begging me to let them go home and change into their bathing suits so they could return and go swimming, but I nixed that idea: too buggy at the little beach.
The big beach, however...
We got home as quickly as possible, and got approval for the somewhat crazy idea from my sister-in-law. We all changed into our suits and piled into the car with our towels. On a school night, my kids would've already been in bed, but this is summer. The waves were disappointingly small, but the water was delightfully clear, if a bit cool. OK, we did feel cold on the way in, less so on the way out since the air was about the same temperature as the water. We all traipsed far out on the sandbar and watched the sunset, and I regretted leaving my camera at home.
We weren't the only people at the beach -- there was one couple there, perched on the boulders surrounding the parking lot, snuggling. I'm sure we completely ruined their romantic interlude, but hey, it's a public beach. There was much whooping and hollering and exclaiming about the coldness of the water and the general awesomeness of being on the beach, at night, with no one else around, the sunset sky a gorgeous array of colors, and the first stars peeking out overhead as the cloud cover broke up.
We left the beach about 9:45PM, and of course everyone had to have a hot bath or shower to get both clean and warm; nice hot drinks were made for those waiting their turn, and everyone was beyond exhausted by the time they finally got to bed.
Sometimes, even the longest, dreariest days can play out wonderfully.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
rained out
We went to the beach today, but didn't get to stay: within moments of the completion of my application of sunscreen, a nasty little storm blew through. By the time everyone was huddled in the car, sand-blasted and shivering (the temp must have dropped 10-15 degrees), all the towels and gear stowed, the storm was mostly over. We could've stayed but the lighter-weight peewees voted to go home and get warm, and I couldn't really blame them.
Back home, of course, there was nary a sign of rain, and hours later, it still hasn't rained, here. Feels like it will, though.
I do wish I had the presence of mind to fish out my camera and shoot that storm as it came in over the water, it was an awesome sight. I was, instead, rooting around for my wallet so the kids could get something from the ice cream man. I'm sure they think I made the right call, but I'm not convinced.
Back home, of course, there was nary a sign of rain, and hours later, it still hasn't rained, here. Feels like it will, though.
I do wish I had the presence of mind to fish out my camera and shoot that storm as it came in over the water, it was an awesome sight. I was, instead, rooting around for my wallet so the kids could get something from the ice cream man. I'm sure they think I made the right call, but I'm not convinced.
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