good news, bad news?

My ENT called this afternoon. He is my favorite doctor of all time, which is saying something since my OB saw me through three pregnancies and is completely wonderful, too.

Anyway, Dr. O called to tell me that my hearing test came back perfect, which is the good news.

The bad news is that he wants to see me to follow-up on the results of the neck ultrasound I had a few weeks ago. My endocrinologist was OK with that lymph node it identified in my left neck, but he wants to take a look. I respect his opinion, so I made an appointment and will be seeing him next Wednesday.

This isn't really bad news, and I'm trying not to get worked up about it. He's just being thorough, after all. My TSH was so low (0.03) and my Tg (thyroglobulin, my tumor marker) has dropped from 0.28 to 0.23, so, nothing to worry about, right? (I admit, I would be much happier if it would come back truly undetectable, so far that's not happening.)

Since I'm in here talking about health-related issues, I've got a trifecta of freakish injuries running: 1) a slight case of tendonitis in my left Achilles that's going on its fourth week now 2) bruised index and middle fingers on my right hand that I have no memory of injuring; I must have smacked something really hard and 3) muscle strain in my right neck/shoulder I think from the combination of too much phone time and falling asleep in an awkward position on the couch. When I wake up in the morning I can't walk because my left leg is so tensed up, and my right hand is frozen. The headaches that descend when the ibuprofen wears off are so reminiscent of those I had post-op after my neck dissection it's depressing. Taking the aforementioned ibuprofen and judicious stretching gets everything moving again, but this has been a rough couple of weeks.

out of the blue

I'm flying back to New York on Monday, so I can be on television Tuesday morning.

How did that happen? It all started more than eight years ago, when I wrote Confessions of a Recovering Control Freak, which has languished on thar interwebs ever since. Until today, when the producer of The Morning Show with Mike and Juliette (audio at the link) called to talk to me about it. They're doing a segment on how controlling personalities affect relationships, and he loved my take on it.

After much deliberation and discussion with family members, I agreed. I'm excited but nervous, and also second-guessing my decision at this point. In the pre-interview I had to go over a lot of ancient history, and it is a bit discomfiting to talk about all the little things I used to pick on DH about. I feel dense that it took me so long to come to my senses! But at least I did, and things are much better now.

DH is OK with this as long as I don't present myself as "cured", LOL. He's so awesome. I can't imagine where I'd be without him.

Update: It's not happening. When I hadn't heard anything about travel arrangements by 5PM Eastern Sunday afternoon, I called the producer and left him a message. He called back a half hour later, explaining that they'd found local people and that he had to conserve his budget. Now I am simultaneously disappointed and relieved, which is a very odd mixture.

I got nothin'

These days, the majority of my time is spent planning meals, shopping for food, prepping, cooking, and cleaning up.

I don't remember it being so labor-intensive in the past, but in previous years the boys would buy their lunch at school most days. This year they're bringing their lunch every day. It's less expensive and they get better quality food, but it does take a certain amount of dedication on my part.

That's why I spend a half-hour in the kitchen every school night, putting together the next day's breakfasts and lunches. If I don't, the mornings are just too crazy.

I'm in that treading-water mode for another week or so until my class starts up, and in that time I've got some other stuff to do, but I'm singularly amotivated. I did tick my Cytomel down to 7.5 from 10 mcg/day (my TSH was way down to 0.03, which is over-suppressed even for me), and maybe that's taking the edge off. Or maybe it's just the usual end-of-summer down-shift, where I have to get used to long stretches of being alone again after many weeks of being around people constantly, not to mention being back in AZ after many weeks of being able to go to the beach whenever I felt like it.

It just takes some time, is all.

last gasp

Children escape the rehearsal dinner to enjoy one last walk on a beach.
Summer's over now, well and truly. The kids are back into the school routine, I've registered for my next class, and I'm almost over my jetlag: we spent the weekend on Long Island for my nephew's wedding. It was all very lovely and exhausting.

With the family, at the rehearsal dinner, just two days shy of 45.
Low lighting conditions at the wedding reception made my camera pretty much useless, and I spent too much time dancing to worry much about taking pictures. Besides, photos of people dancing always look goofy! (I have a few shots that demonstrate, I won't post them.) As I said, it was all very lovely, a fine celebration to close out our summer.

milk toast

I can't imagine anyone enjoying it: toast with warm milk poured over it. Then again, it's probably a great comfort food when you're not feeling well, sort of like an instant bread pudding. The main thing is, there's nothing offensive about it. Milk-soaked toast doesn't have any backbone.

I never thought of myself as particularly milk-toasty, until this summer when I realized I'm pretty much a complete pushover. Not with the kids, and not in the classroom. But in peer situations, I'll put up with things I shouldn't, I'll let other people pile responsibilities on me, I'll even volunteer myself for way too much, way too often.

At least now I realize it, and I'm pushing back against it. I'm in the midst of an exchange about my volunteering situation, and we'll see how that plays out.

It's funny how pissed off people get when you tell them you're not going to let them take advantage of you anymore.

the problem with volunteering...

You can't quit -- or you feel really, really bad about quitting -- unless you have an ironclad excuse/reason.

That leaves you (me) somewhat stuck when the people/person you (me) are volunteer-working with are less than professional, taking every opportunity to disrespect you (me) and being passive-aggressive to boot.

DH thinks I should quit, and cites the continuous dissing as reason enough. I'm trying to be pragmatic about it: I'm helping people, doing good work, and does it really matter if I'm treated like a 12-year-old? Most of the time, it doesn't.

Thinking about this now, I'm embarrassed over how I allow myself to be treated. I'm trying to help people by giving them information, and I'm being told not to! I should stop being such a milk toast and stand up for myself, but I honestly don't see this changing. You can't change a habit or a personality that has been formed over decades. Well, I certainly can't, and it's not worth the aggravation to try.

In my defense I realize that I said what I wanted to say anyway, and when told, "Don't talk about that!" I asked, "Why not?"

I can see myself snapping, eventually. There will come a time when I'm told to be quiet or not discuss something and I'll reply, "Why is it that you want me to work with you, again? If you want me to do this work, let me do it, and stop trying to shut me up."

That's a great bit of dialog. I'll have to remember it for next time.

a week or so

We left Massachusetts last Tuesday, and I've been in some weird fugue state ever since. I'm restless but don't want to do the things that need doing around here, since we already plowed through back-to-school shopping, getting haircuts and wedding shopping. (The wedding is this weekend coming up.)

Kids start school on Tuesday, and we're about ready. I have my thyroid ultrasound Tuesday morning as well.

It's always this way, getting back into the swing of things, dealing with the annual thyroid cancer check-ups, scheduling a million other appointments besides. It's a bit nerve-wracking but nothing so bad, really. I'll sign up for my next class after the u/s -- I'm holding off just in case anything weird shows up. It seems silly, but it's only a couple of weeks, and with the wedding and the kids' school starting, it's just as well that I'm not dealing with my own schoolwork right now.

Last year at this time we were getting ready for new flooring and the painters coming in; this year it was really lovely coming home to the wood floors and colorful walls. It's nice to be settled, even if there are little jobs to be done here and there. It's very nice indeed not to have the specter of huge home-improvement jobs hanging out there, although the long weekend at the wedding is a bit of a bump in the road to a smooth start to this school year. We'll survive it, I'm sure, although the kids will most likely never wear all these great clothes we've bought them ever again.

such a cliche!

At about 9.5 pounds, this guys is just under the newly-imposed maximum size limits. For the record, that much lobster will feed six very lobster-hungry adults. We bought 2 of these leviathans, and we have more lobster leftover than we know what to do with... but we'll figure it out.

Yes, I admit it: we come to the Cape and eat fried clams and lobster, and blueberries, and super fresh corn on the cob from our favorite farm stand, and we get fabulous ice cream (they have ice cream at their Mashpee location).

We work it all off at the beach, though. Right?

Nature's Amusement Park - the best rides, no lines, no waiting

DH & DD

Chapaquoit Beach, N. Falmouth

of course!

Seen in the parking lot of the Mystic Aquarium, Mystic, CT, 07/09/08.

Every day. You should, too.

(In case you were wondering, yes, Sissy does "got sisu", in abundance.)

and... done!

*whew*

Now I'm on vacation, or as much on vacation as a I can be when I've got the kids to herd.

1+1

One assignment and one test left.

With any luck, I'll finish them both tomorrow/later today (Wednesday).

where'd that time go?

I'm halfway through my last Learning & the Brain assignment, and have two to go in Educational Psychology. Of course, the two finals are still pending, and DH flies in this Friday. This week is going to be busy.

Last week was, too. The weather has been not-beach-day, but not impossible. I worked most days on various things but we went swimming just about every day. Saturday (just yesterday? Yes --) was a beach day, and I went with the kids for about 3 hours in the afternoon. But the rest of the week was consumed by landscaping: shopping for plants one day, digging up everything (OK, not the azaleas) and then planting on the next, and finally, mulching the last. The kids helped plant and mulch, rather unwillingly and for less than an hour each day, but hey, it was something.

Me? The digging/planting day started at 8:30AM and ended after 4:30PM (and I still took the kids to the beach for a swim in the humid, cloudy evening) -- my legs still feel like I caught two nine-inning games, but at least my hands have recovered. (I don't have any gloves here. Of course I could've got some, but I didn't want to deal with it at the time.)

On top of all that, I haven't been sleeping very well, which I suspect is because of the humidity. Unfortunately, there's no end in sight for this ridiculous weather, wherein we have about 5 minutes of blue sky a day, and then it threatens rain for the rest of it. We had some sun in the early afternoon today, and I wanted to go to the beach, I knew it wouldn't be for long because of the storms pressing in -- but the boys didn't want to go! "We went yesterday," DS1 declared. Yes, I replied, but God only knows when we'll get to go again!

We didn't go. I napped on the couch, making up some of my sleep deficit.

I refuse to feel guilty for letting the kids do nothing today. We've been making lots of memories this summer, one down day is not a vacation-killer.

Jump!

late save

It was a steamy day, but thunder rumbled constantly, and it seemed it would rain any moment for most of it. Finally the storm broke over us in late afternoon, cooling everything down rapidly but leaving within an hour.

After supper, it seemed as if all the drama was over, so I suggested a walk to the beach. The children were excited to get out, especially when they all came running back in, shrieking, announcing that it was raining again (or perhaps just still raining, after all.) Who cares? I asked, and they were stunned: We can go in the rain?

Yes, yes. We walked in the gentle rain. About three-quarters of the way there, we saw an extraordinary double rainbow. I acutely felt the inadequacy of my camera.


We arrived at the beach and the children immediately went wading, while I was attacked by gnats as I tried to find some vantage point from which I could get the entire rainbow in one photo. The water was so warm the kids were begging me to let them go home and change into their bathing suits so they could return and go swimming, but I nixed that idea: too buggy at the little beach.

The big beach, however...

We got home as quickly as possible, and got approval for the somewhat crazy idea from my sister-in-law. We all changed into our suits and piled into the car with our towels. On a school night, my kids would've already been in bed, but this is summer. The waves were disappointingly small, but the water was delightfully clear, if a bit cool. OK, we did feel cold on the way in, less so on the way out since the air was about the same temperature as the water. We all traipsed far out on the sandbar and watched the sunset, and I regretted leaving my camera at home.

We weren't the only people at the beach -- there was one couple there, perched on the boulders surrounding the parking lot, snuggling. I'm sure we completely ruined their romantic interlude, but hey, it's a public beach. There was much whooping and hollering and exclaiming about the coldness of the water and the general awesomeness of being on the beach, at night, with no one else around, the sunset sky a gorgeous array of colors, and the first stars peeking out overhead as the cloud cover broke up.

We left the beach about 9:45PM, and of course everyone had to have a hot bath or shower to get both clean and warm; nice hot drinks were made for those waiting their turn, and everyone was beyond exhausted by the time they finally got to bed.

Sometimes, even the longest, dreariest days can play out wonderfully.

rained out

We went to the beach today, but didn't get to stay: within moments of the completion of my application of sunscreen, a nasty little storm blew through. By the time everyone was huddled in the car, sand-blasted and shivering (the temp must have dropped 10-15 degrees), all the towels and gear stowed, the storm was mostly over. We could've stayed but the lighter-weight peewees voted to go home and get warm, and I couldn't really blame them.

Back home, of course, there was nary a sign of rain, and hours later, it still hasn't rained, here. Feels like it will, though.

I do wish I had the presence of mind to fish out my camera and shoot that storm as it came in over the water, it was an awesome sight. I was, instead, rooting around for my wallet so the kids could get something from the ice cream man. I'm sure they think I made the right call, but I'm not convinced.

sole survivor

Managed to find one still-pink Lady's Slipper orchid in the woods along the Sea Farm Marsh trail today.



Nearly all are gone by now, eaten or just dried up and blown away. Next year, we'll have to hit the trails in the first of week of June to see them in abundance.

best photo ever (so far)

Spider, web, trees & sky.

Beebe Woods, today.

working/vacation

This is our last day of "just us" here at Mom's; my brother and his family arrive tomorrow. The kids can't wait to see their cousins again, they've been planning their adventures since we said goodbye at the end of last summer.

As for me, I've enjoyed this week beyond reason. I'm not on vacation, yet, but I've taken a few days off from school to work outside. This house has been only minimally maintained over the years since my father died (1997), and surrounded as it is by encroaching woods, such neglect was passing from the benign to worrisome.

I brought a pressure washer a few days ago. I spent a day on the deck, which still has some greenish planks, but I think some deckwash might work just as well on that. I spent a day on the driveway. I think the last time it was swept was when I was here last summer, but I can't be sure of that:



I'm making the kids help, too. They've done some weeding, some raking, and some (very little, really) lawn-mowing with the push mower. Mom doesn't need a real lawn mower, since this is what we're mowing:


I know one of my nephews did some leaf-removal for my mom earlier this spring, but I'm not exactly sure where he put them. I think those leaves were part of the tremendous piles I've pushed back to the brush line.

Speaking of tremendous piles of leaves, there's yet one more to be shoved into woods:

These ones were under the side deck and all along the terraced side of the house, drifts inches deep. Tomorrow we will rake the whole mess behind the brush line and thank God that we don't have to bag it all.

I think the best part of the day was loading up the beach car (the sticker for the beach doubles for use of the town's landfill) with the old pile of wood that had been cluttering up beneath the deck for several years, and then taking it all to the landfill and heaving it into the huge dumpster full of construction and demolition trash. There's something very satisfying about heaving huge chunks of wood into a giant metal box.

Then again, the best part of the day was probably when we went to the little beach when I got home. We caught all sorts of things: brine shrimp, a tiny whelk, really obnoxious hermit crabs. There were these weird jelly-filled tubes, I think they must be some part of a jellyfish life cycle. The water was cool but not freezing, and the beach was deserted except for a group of young teenage girls: I say young because they were not too cool to go swimming and goof around in the water.



Tomorrow's Mom's birthday and I have a cheesecake cooling in the oven for her. It looked a little weird last time I checked it; I warned her that I couldn't be sure how it would turn out since she didn't buy the Philly cream cheese... the batter tasted good, though.

I'm on deck to make pizza for dinner for the crowd (11 of us, I think), but that's fine. No pressure washing, and only that last little bit of raking to do in the morning, and then back to schoolwork. The forecast says it will be too cool to go swimming tomorrow, and DD wants to go beach combing; we'll see what happens.

My to-do list for the yard is still a bit long: weed and mulch the flower beds, clean up the other side of the house, pressure wash the patio and all the outside furniture. But I don't need to get all that done now; my goal was to get the backyard in decent shape so the kids could go out and play back there without dealing with tall grass and dead leaves everywhere. We've already had one tick incident (DS2, on Monday) and I'd rather not have anymore. The other stuff just needs to be done before July 13, when we're having a party for my brother's sixtieth birthday.

Today I thought, there must be something wrong with me: I had so much fun. Mom's concerned that I'm working too hard, she thinks I'm crazy. I'm not, I'm really enjoying myself. In years past I was too tied up with child-minding or not physically capable of doing what I'm doing now. When I lived here (as a snotty teenager), I had little patience for yard work -- the only saving grace, nearly 30 years ago, was that the trees were much smaller and many fewer, and so we had less work to do. I can't recall ever having this much stamina in the past. I would be good for one day of hard physical labor, but not three in a row. (Yay, me!)

At the risk of jinxing what has been a remarkable run, I will come right out and say my rheumatoid arthritis is in remission. The only parts of my hands that hurt are the thick muscle under my thumb, and the few blisters I've developed. This is extraordinary given that, when I first arrived, both my mother and my sister were suffering major weather-related flares.


Whatever else is happening, just knowing that this is within walking distance is enough.

frequent visitors

This pair of mallards lives on my mom's street. Yes, on the street. It's not paved, and there are a couple of little girls who run their hose every day for their paddling pool, so we have near-constant puddles. Apparently, that's good enough for this pair of odd ducks.

frustrations

Blogger won't upload my photos, and I don't want to invest the time to working around it just now. Maybe later.