"yo!!! sick girl!!!"

That's how my friends address e-mails to me. (roll eyes here) (hehe)

No, seriously -- it was a really terrific e-mail full of advice from a friend who has been through a lot of the same crap I am now going through. It's always helpful to have someone around who can tell you if what you're experiencing is typical (if not necessarily "normal", doubt I'll ever fall into that category --) and to encourage you through the rough spots. Of course I've been lax in replying to him, but he gave me a lot of stuff to chew over and I have to figure out how to condense my reply; he's always busting me for writing and writing and writing... (you see, he knows me quite well.)

I got another cheery e-mail over the weekend, too. When I published my fruitcake recipe, I had some angst because fruitcakes are so often the butt of lame jokes. Well, reader Rachel has declared herself my "fan for life," because of that fruitcake recipe. She was brave enough to give it a try and loved it. Even more, she loved that it didn't knock her out of ketosis. Here's to you, Rachel! We fruitcake-bakers rock! (hehehe)

There has been so much running around lately it isn't even worth writing it all up. Even I would be bored past tedium to just try and remember it all. This afternoon did feature speed cookie-baking: zero to 48 fresh-baked, cooled, and packed chocolate chip cookies in less than 60 minutes. And I started with frozen butter. I would reveal the secrets of my speed cookie techniques here, but I'm thinking it would actually make a cute article that I could try to, you know, sell. There's an idea, ya think?

Speaking of writing/selling, etc, I am late with my column for January. What's new? I need to get on that.

Big excitement: Irish twin brother and his wife arrive tomorrow morning towards mid-day. I feel like running around like a Peanuts character shouting "AAAAUUUGHHHH!" The house is a disaster, there's just stuff around everywhere. Fortunately the guest room is in good shape, as to the rest, well: I'm going to collect all the toys and dump them in the playroom, and then I shall close the door. That'll cover about 80% of the clutter, and the other 20% should be handled pretty easily, too.

I am doing better about asking for help. This morning I passed off the trip to the P.O. to mail the Christmas gifts to DH... he's having a slow week at work, anyway, and I just did not have it in me to take all 3 kids to the P.O. to stand on line for half-hour or longer. Everything was all packed and labeled and everything, so it wasn't too much of a pain for him. And it really saved my butt!

Last night I fell asleep on DH's shoulder as we watched some History Channel show about an artillery competition. It was a cool show but I couldn't keep my eyes open. Asleep in bed by 11:30, and I still had a hard time getting up at 8:30... and a really hard time getting going this morning. Back to being hit-by-a-truck every morning again (sigh). Hands, OK, after morning stiffness. Worst is definitely now in the hip/lower back area which bothers me from time to time during the day. I'm going to start taking the minocycline every morning and see if it helps any. I would really like to avoid the evening dose, because it was so difficult to remember to take even before I was hypo! Now that I am, and my brain is mostly mush, I think I'd forget it nearly every evening anyway -- so what would be the difference?

Moods are up-and-down, I find myself getting all choked up over the tiniest things... DS2 gave me the most excellent hug ("squeezie") today and laid his head on my shoulder. I love it when he does that, it was his "thing" when he was wee baby, and now he's so big... time goes by too fast. Anyway, had to choke back the tears that time. When we were leaving Sam's Club I gave each of the kids a dollar to put in the Salvation Army bucket (bell ringers are welcome there), and I could barely keep myself together enough to wish the ringer "Merry Christmas."

For the most part, though, I feel OK. I'm still feeling pressured by all the Christmas prep (the cards are still here, right by my computer, mocking me) but it will all get done, or not. The important things are done already. I think. I think my big fear is that I've forgotten something, which would just suck. I don't want anyone to be disappointed, but I have to get over thinking that I have that kind of control over the universe. (hee!)

I've eaten too much junk today, and now the pfeffernusse in the cupboard (decidedly not low carb) are calling my name... I have some coffee I can heat up, too. Maybe a snackie will help me feel better. No, I'm not using food for comfort. OK, yes, yes I am. But it's not like I'm going to eat the whole container of cookies. Two, at most four. That should do it. And if the scale has crept up from 124 to 126 tomorrow morning, I'm really not going to worry about it.

I think I have passed from healthy-thin to creepy-too-thin. I know it's all the crap I've been through that is keeping my weight down, not to mention my lack of muscle tone. Perhaps after the holidays I will find some motivation and energy to start exercising regularly, I know it would be good for me. It's hard to imagine that now, though, when just a normal day of kids and errands and house stuff leaves me flattened and my throat just throbbing and feeling like it's full of lumps (hence the appeal of hot coffee). I wonder how long this die-off is going to take?

These are the bizarre questions I'm dealing with day to day. How long is this going to take? When will I feel better? Nobody knows the answers, either. Not-knowing irritates me. I can patient when the end is in sight, but just now I feel as if I'm only mid-way through this descent and I'm also wondering, how much worse is it going to get before it gets better?

There are no answers except "wait and see." So I push all the questions aside and do as much as I can just to keep busy and not dwell on it. Some days that works better than others.