After being away from school (buildings) for 2 months, we're (teachers, no students) finally back this week. It feels exactly like coming back at the end of the summer and getting ready for a new school year, but we're doing the exact opposite: closing up our classrooms for the summer, and doing all the end-of-year stuff that is mostly a waste of time and resources. But the school has been doing these things forever, so why change now?
(Because now is the perfect time to change, since everything is already so up in the air!)
Anyway, I am mostly done with everything I need to do, and just need to have my contract meeting with the principal and turn in my keys for the summer.
Everything feels slightly surreal, especially today, when from 7:30-8:30 AM and 5-6 PM we had parents driving through to both drop stuff off (books, etc that they had that needed to be returned) and pick stuff up (student work, school pictures, etc). I am mostly out of this loop since I had very little to return to students (5 students had medication up in the office), but in typical fashion, admin said, "This is how this will work," only it wasn't thought out. Two teachers tackled it head-on and came up with a great plan, and everyone organized all the material to go back to the students by family. It worked out really well today, but it's exhausting somehow, even though there's barely any physical aspect to the work. The younger children do not like seeing teachers in masks!
I'm very thankful for the weather today. It was so lovely that we had dinner outside, followed by crumbl cookies given to me by a student. Wow, were they delicious. (and this is reason #762 why I can't lose the weight I've gained. I was reading back in the blog about something else and came across a post in which I lamented that I was up to 137. I've basically gained 15 pounds in 8 years, but at two distinct points in the recent past I was back down to 140, which is basically statistical noise. When I'm north of 150, that's not rounding error! grrr) I have no idea what's going on but I'm eschewing austerity for this week since it's the last week of school. I am making an effort to eat more salad and drink more water, though!
DS2 saw the Army recruiter today but failed his drug test due to smoking some pot with his sister when she was here last week. The recruiter wasn't fussed about it, apparently it happens all the time since pot is quasi-legal here (DD has a medical marijuana card.) He brought home some information but nothing concrete. We expect he'll get more solid info when he passes the drug test and becomes eligible to enlist... and then it will be decision time for him. This is manifestly not us "sending him into the military," this is a something he chose on his own to investigate and if he decides to go for it, it will be wholly his decision.
Thursday, May 21, 2020
Tuesday, May 19, 2020
now is the springtime...
An eventful week-and-a-half.
On Friday I worked like a fiend to get all of the rest of the year's assignments developed and scheduled, so I wouldn't be crushed over the weekend as I have been for most of this distance-learning experience. So Saturday I slept late but then drove up to Flagstaff to bring DD home for a little Mother's Day visit. The weather was absolutely spectacular and it was peak desert bloom time, with more blooming saguaro than I've ever seen before.
We decided on a whim to stop in Cottonwood on the way back and pick up some of our favorite wine at the Merkin Vineyard tasting room there. We called, they were open for take out, so we got wine and gelato (which did melt on the way home, but not completely, since it was in ice in an insulated bag.) I don't even remember what we had for dinner, but we did end up hanging out, drinking and talking late into the night.
Mother's Day was extremely low key with take-out barbecue for dinner. After the long day of driving and a late night of (gentle) partying, I was not up for cooking a huge meal, so the barbecue was fine, and it was nice to have all the leftovers. I was just a homebody all day, and nothing wrong with that. On Monday, I got up and worked for a few hours and then DD and I did errands for both our households, and on Tuesday, a friend of DD's came into town and was conveniently driving up to Flagstaff and offered to take her, too. (I have the idea that DD may have planted the suggestion? It seems likely. Is Arizona really "on the way" from California to Montana? I'm terrible at geography, but that does not seem plausible.)
Anyway, he was more than happy to hang out with us, and since I had told DD we would feed him, we ended up putting together a fantastic meal of lobster bisque, shrimp, scallops, grilled steak, roasted asparagus, and somewhat incongruous (but tasty) tater tots. DD's friend insisted he wanted to help so I had him shell the shrimp, and he was totally OK with it, which was awesome. After dinner we played some cards and then the old and employed people went off to bed, leaving the students to continue their party. The weather was perfect for eating outside, and it was a completely lovely evening -- it was in fact what I'd envisioned for Mother's Day. So I got two this year!
Wednesday I spent a couple of hours delivering "Congratulations Class of 2020" yard signs to our "graduating" 8th graders, and I even got to see a handful of them, too. DD and her friend stayed just until I got home, not on purpose, it's just how things worked out -- so I got to say bye to her before she left. It was a really nice visit.
Thursday: grading and the usual end-of-year tasks like making class lists for next year. Friday: the mammogram. The weirdest thing was the technician told me that my smaller breast is actually bigger than the other one, which I still don't get. Maybe it's a perspective thing, but from the way my bra fits as well as a number of visual cues, it's obvious it's smaller. Of course she did not see them in a bra or clothing other than the little "gown" top you wear during a mammogram. Whatever! Cutting to the chase here, the radiologist said my breasts are "stable" and said I just need a normal screening mammogram next year. I'm waiting for the results to show up on my health portal so I can actually read the report. Last year I had a cyst on the right side and they insisted on doing an ultrasound there again this year, even though it's not bothering me at all. And I got zero information about what's going on with the left side, other than the fact that it's "stable."
So that's good news, I guess, except now I have another random pain to add to my seemingly ever-growing list of random pains. I researched the difference between carpal tunnel and RA, and I'm not convinced the (ongoing) problem of my painful hands is either one, since they still hurt all day. Not as bad as they were in the beginning, but it's still obnoxious. I'm thinking it may be fibromyalgia, which also could explain my lack of good sleep. I have a few good nights and then something like today, where I wake up at 5:15 and can't go back to sleep...
Somewhere in that blur, I helped DS2 put together a resume so he could actually apply for jobs. Wednesday he has an appointment at the Army recruiting center, and he may actually enlist. We all think it could be just what he needs, because he can do well in structured environments... when he wants to. He's also really, really good at ignoring things he thinks are stupid, but that won't fly in the military. We'll see. So far I'm being fairly successful at squashing the "I don't want my baby to leave!" feelings. It's time for him to grow up. To that end, he mostly made dinner tonight: spatch-cocked roasted chicken, gravy, crash potatoes, peas. (I made the salad, since he doesn't eat it at all.) It took a little longer than I expected because he inspected the potatoes much more thoroughly than I would have done, but it was all great. He even learned how to carve up the chicken. For the most part I tell him what I'm going to do, and then do a little of whatever it is so he can see it, but he did the majority of the work. OK, I cut the backbone out of the first chicken entirely, so he could see the whole process, but then he did the other one, and everything else afterward. I like cooking with him.
I am really going to miss him if he enlists!
AZ is opening up, slowly, and DH and I were able to attend Mass on Sunday! What a blessing that was. Afterwards I made a really nice breakfast and then invited him to come shopping with me, and he agreed! It was nice to spend some time together out of the house for a change! Now this week I'm back at school to close up my classroom (pretty much done today) and finish up all the tedious end-of-year tasks, but then I'm done!
Unfortunately we've had to cancel all our summer plans, but we talked today about making new ones. Tomorrow night, dinner for two at our favorite swanky seafood restaurant, courtesy of our fantastic home & school organization, who sent us all gift cards for Teacher Appreciation Week.
On Friday I worked like a fiend to get all of the rest of the year's assignments developed and scheduled, so I wouldn't be crushed over the weekend as I have been for most of this distance-learning experience. So Saturday I slept late but then drove up to Flagstaff to bring DD home for a little Mother's Day visit. The weather was absolutely spectacular and it was peak desert bloom time, with more blooming saguaro than I've ever seen before.
We decided on a whim to stop in Cottonwood on the way back and pick up some of our favorite wine at the Merkin Vineyard tasting room there. We called, they were open for take out, so we got wine and gelato (which did melt on the way home, but not completely, since it was in ice in an insulated bag.) I don't even remember what we had for dinner, but we did end up hanging out, drinking and talking late into the night.
Mother's Day was extremely low key with take-out barbecue for dinner. After the long day of driving and a late night of (gentle) partying, I was not up for cooking a huge meal, so the barbecue was fine, and it was nice to have all the leftovers. I was just a homebody all day, and nothing wrong with that. On Monday, I got up and worked for a few hours and then DD and I did errands for both our households, and on Tuesday, a friend of DD's came into town and was conveniently driving up to Flagstaff and offered to take her, too. (I have the idea that DD may have planted the suggestion? It seems likely. Is Arizona really "on the way" from California to Montana? I'm terrible at geography, but that does not seem plausible.)
Anyway, he was more than happy to hang out with us, and since I had told DD we would feed him, we ended up putting together a fantastic meal of lobster bisque, shrimp, scallops, grilled steak, roasted asparagus, and somewhat incongruous (but tasty) tater tots. DD's friend insisted he wanted to help so I had him shell the shrimp, and he was totally OK with it, which was awesome. After dinner we played some cards and then the old and employed people went off to bed, leaving the students to continue their party. The weather was perfect for eating outside, and it was a completely lovely evening -- it was in fact what I'd envisioned for Mother's Day. So I got two this year!
Wednesday I spent a couple of hours delivering "Congratulations Class of 2020" yard signs to our "graduating" 8th graders, and I even got to see a handful of them, too. DD and her friend stayed just until I got home, not on purpose, it's just how things worked out -- so I got to say bye to her before she left. It was a really nice visit.
Thursday: grading and the usual end-of-year tasks like making class lists for next year. Friday: the mammogram. The weirdest thing was the technician told me that my smaller breast is actually bigger than the other one, which I still don't get. Maybe it's a perspective thing, but from the way my bra fits as well as a number of visual cues, it's obvious it's smaller. Of course she did not see them in a bra or clothing other than the little "gown" top you wear during a mammogram. Whatever! Cutting to the chase here, the radiologist said my breasts are "stable" and said I just need a normal screening mammogram next year. I'm waiting for the results to show up on my health portal so I can actually read the report. Last year I had a cyst on the right side and they insisted on doing an ultrasound there again this year, even though it's not bothering me at all. And I got zero information about what's going on with the left side, other than the fact that it's "stable."
So that's good news, I guess, except now I have another random pain to add to my seemingly ever-growing list of random pains. I researched the difference between carpal tunnel and RA, and I'm not convinced the (ongoing) problem of my painful hands is either one, since they still hurt all day. Not as bad as they were in the beginning, but it's still obnoxious. I'm thinking it may be fibromyalgia, which also could explain my lack of good sleep. I have a few good nights and then something like today, where I wake up at 5:15 and can't go back to sleep...
Somewhere in that blur, I helped DS2 put together a resume so he could actually apply for jobs. Wednesday he has an appointment at the Army recruiting center, and he may actually enlist. We all think it could be just what he needs, because he can do well in structured environments... when he wants to. He's also really, really good at ignoring things he thinks are stupid, but that won't fly in the military. We'll see. So far I'm being fairly successful at squashing the "I don't want my baby to leave!" feelings. It's time for him to grow up. To that end, he mostly made dinner tonight: spatch-cocked roasted chicken, gravy, crash potatoes, peas. (I made the salad, since he doesn't eat it at all.) It took a little longer than I expected because he inspected the potatoes much more thoroughly than I would have done, but it was all great. He even learned how to carve up the chicken. For the most part I tell him what I'm going to do, and then do a little of whatever it is so he can see it, but he did the majority of the work. OK, I cut the backbone out of the first chicken entirely, so he could see the whole process, but then he did the other one, and everything else afterward. I like cooking with him.
I am really going to miss him if he enlists!
AZ is opening up, slowly, and DH and I were able to attend Mass on Sunday! What a blessing that was. Afterwards I made a really nice breakfast and then invited him to come shopping with me, and he agreed! It was nice to spend some time together out of the house for a change! Now this week I'm back at school to close up my classroom (pretty much done today) and finish up all the tedious end-of-year tasks, but then I'm done!
Unfortunately we've had to cancel all our summer plans, but we talked today about making new ones. Tomorrow night, dinner for two at our favorite swanky seafood restaurant, courtesy of our fantastic home & school organization, who sent us all gift cards for Teacher Appreciation Week.
Friday, May 08, 2020
nope
I took the T3 for just a few days and noticed many more palpitations and no slacking of the hand pain, so I've ditched it. Well, it's still in the cupboard, but I'm not taking anymore.
Last night's insomnia was the worst, and I'm blaming the T3. I think I got maybe 4 hours of sleep? Ridiculous, just lying there, listening to all the parts of my body saying "ow" at various levels of insistence... after I'd taken Tylenol to take the edge off, too. I thought it would help, and I'd be able to sleep, but no.
Today I went out (gasp) to Sprouts and bought some oil of oregano capsules, because I've heard they're good anti-inflammatories and what do I have to lose? I thought I might be burping oregano all day, but I wasn't, but I did get killer heart burn, but they may have been from my coffee, and not drinking enough water. At times today I actually forgot that my hands hurt, but now is not one of them.
If this keeps up I'm going to need to do something about it, because living with chronic pain is bad on so many levels. And it's not just the hands... it's the feet, too. Hands are much worse though, the feet I can mostly ignore. But if I was going to blame my hand situation on carpal tunnel, how would that explain the feet hurting, too? (Right, it doesn't!)
So I'm hoping the oil of oregano knocks me out of this flare because I don't want to have to deal with this. My diagnostic mammogram is a week from tomorrow, and I'm trying not to freak about it (as usual), but there really are some noticeable differences that need to be investigated there. One thing at a time.
Speaking of... I am a complete failure at parenting my youngest. When the lock down started, I sunk into a minor depression and put myself on a strict regimen of doing certain things to keep myself sane and able to do my own work, but I really didn't give him any particular attention, and I stopped checking in with his schoolwork every week. His spring break was extended a ridiculously long time, and to be honest, I'm not even sure what week they went back. But here's the thing: because I stopped checking in with him, I didn't catch that he had fallen into an even deeper pit than the one I was (am) in. So, he's failing all his classes because he hasn't handed in a single thing since spring break/corona virus lock down. What a mess. Of course it's not all on me, and he lied (again, repeatedly) to me about his school work. I hate that, but I have to let all that go. So now he'll be looking for some kind of full-time work when the economy re-opens and he'll be trying to figure out what he wants to do, long term. God only knows.
Meanwhile, DD continues to live a performative life online and makes a point of posting at least one or two articles a day to Facebook to show that she is politically and philosophically emancipated from her parents, if not financially so. Today's entry, from the Atlantic, about how the US is a failed state. I cheekily commented that she was free to move somewhere else. Is she trying to pique me? Of course. Is it working? Today on Facebook I hid her posts for 30 days.
Yesterday was really not a good day, but we have only one more week of instructional time at school left, and that helps a lot. I've been telling people, I was a software developer for years before I became I teacher. I quit that job because I don't want to spend all day in front of a computer, and what am I doing now? No wonder I'm losing my mind.
Also yesterday: canceled our summer flight to the east coast to visit family. Since they live in COVID hotspots, there's no telling when we'll actually be able to visit there and, you know, do the things we'd like to do. There is zero point in flying across country to sit isolated in someone else's house!
Summer heat has arrived already! No word yet on whether this year's STEM camp (first week of June) is on or off. Hoping to have an answer to that by the end of next week. I don't like how much wait-and-see has been going on lately. It is just not my style, but then, I am enough of an adult that I can suck it up and muddle through this until we get back to some sort of normalcy. It can't come soon enough.
Last night's insomnia was the worst, and I'm blaming the T3. I think I got maybe 4 hours of sleep? Ridiculous, just lying there, listening to all the parts of my body saying "ow" at various levels of insistence... after I'd taken Tylenol to take the edge off, too. I thought it would help, and I'd be able to sleep, but no.
Today I went out (gasp) to Sprouts and bought some oil of oregano capsules, because I've heard they're good anti-inflammatories and what do I have to lose? I thought I might be burping oregano all day, but I wasn't, but I did get killer heart burn, but they may have been from my coffee, and not drinking enough water. At times today I actually forgot that my hands hurt, but now is not one of them.
If this keeps up I'm going to need to do something about it, because living with chronic pain is bad on so many levels. And it's not just the hands... it's the feet, too. Hands are much worse though, the feet I can mostly ignore. But if I was going to blame my hand situation on carpal tunnel, how would that explain the feet hurting, too? (Right, it doesn't!)
So I'm hoping the oil of oregano knocks me out of this flare because I don't want to have to deal with this. My diagnostic mammogram is a week from tomorrow, and I'm trying not to freak about it (as usual), but there really are some noticeable differences that need to be investigated there. One thing at a time.
Speaking of... I am a complete failure at parenting my youngest. When the lock down started, I sunk into a minor depression and put myself on a strict regimen of doing certain things to keep myself sane and able to do my own work, but I really didn't give him any particular attention, and I stopped checking in with his schoolwork every week. His spring break was extended a ridiculously long time, and to be honest, I'm not even sure what week they went back. But here's the thing: because I stopped checking in with him, I didn't catch that he had fallen into an even deeper pit than the one I was (am) in. So, he's failing all his classes because he hasn't handed in a single thing since spring break/corona virus lock down. What a mess. Of course it's not all on me, and he lied (again, repeatedly) to me about his school work. I hate that, but I have to let all that go. So now he'll be looking for some kind of full-time work when the economy re-opens and he'll be trying to figure out what he wants to do, long term. God only knows.
Meanwhile, DD continues to live a performative life online and makes a point of posting at least one or two articles a day to Facebook to show that she is politically and philosophically emancipated from her parents, if not financially so. Today's entry, from the Atlantic, about how the US is a failed state. I cheekily commented that she was free to move somewhere else. Is she trying to pique me? Of course. Is it working? Today on Facebook I hid her posts for 30 days.
Yesterday was really not a good day, but we have only one more week of instructional time at school left, and that helps a lot. I've been telling people, I was a software developer for years before I became I teacher. I quit that job because I don't want to spend all day in front of a computer, and what am I doing now? No wonder I'm losing my mind.
Also yesterday: canceled our summer flight to the east coast to visit family. Since they live in COVID hotspots, there's no telling when we'll actually be able to visit there and, you know, do the things we'd like to do. There is zero point in flying across country to sit isolated in someone else's house!
Summer heat has arrived already! No word yet on whether this year's STEM camp (first week of June) is on or off. Hoping to have an answer to that by the end of next week. I don't like how much wait-and-see has been going on lately. It is just not my style, but then, I am enough of an adult that I can suck it up and muddle through this until we get back to some sort of normalcy. It can't come soon enough.
Sunday, May 03, 2020
desperate measures
So the painful hands have been a round-the-clock thing since I posted about it, and it sure feels like it started more than a week ago. I swear I haven't been doing anything more strenuous than typing, and that doesn't seem like it should make my hands kill me all day long.
It would be one thing if it were just a little morning unpleasantness, but this past week they've been hurting at the level where I can't ignore the fact they're hurting. Last night dicing vegetables for dinner was not fun, and just now, at 5:10 PM, typing is also not fun. I have been absolutely scrupulous about my diet this past week, too - no wheat at all, so I can't blame that. I've had some dairy, but even that has been limited to coffee once or twice, and the cheese I put in the grits yesterday (and I only had about a half-cup serving). So whatever is causing this, I don't it's diet-related.
Yet another thing that has been driving me crazy for the past few weeks is having an out-of-whack personal thermostat. I'm simultaneously hot and cold. I break out in just enough of a sweat to feel clammy when feeling too hot wears off minutes later. I've taken my temperature a few times and it's always low, like 97-point-something degrees, so I don't think I'm actually sick... I just feel off.
Last but not least, my weight is creeping up even though, as I said, I've been strict about what I'm eating. Usually I can drop a few pounds over as many days with intermittent fasting, but that's not working at all right now. I literally ate a total of 6 Cadbury Mini Eggs from the Easter candy that hung around after the holiday. I'm drinking water throughout the day and allow myself 1 glass of wine. With this level of austerity, I should have no trouble fitting into my summer pants... but I don't, even though I did, two weeks ago.
I ran a symptom search on the hot-and-cold thing and came up with... thyroid issues! 🙄 (I started using Emojipedia so I could have some non-verbal communication with my students, like thumbs up, or a trophy, or just a smile so they would know when I say, "No problem!" I really mean it.)
Then I vaguely recalled when I went off last time (turns out it was in 2007) I was OK for a while and started feeling progressively worse over time until I finally went back on. I tried to find the timing by looking through old blog posts, but I could find when I went back on. All I know is, I did, and I felt better. So when my hands were so bad yesterday, I decided to use my last refill of my T3 (Cytomel) to see if going back on it helps. Picked it up today and gobbled one done.
I really do hope it helps. I have too much on my plate. I don't have time for this nonsense!
It would be one thing if it were just a little morning unpleasantness, but this past week they've been hurting at the level where I can't ignore the fact they're hurting. Last night dicing vegetables for dinner was not fun, and just now, at 5:10 PM, typing is also not fun. I have been absolutely scrupulous about my diet this past week, too - no wheat at all, so I can't blame that. I've had some dairy, but even that has been limited to coffee once or twice, and the cheese I put in the grits yesterday (and I only had about a half-cup serving). So whatever is causing this, I don't it's diet-related.
Yet another thing that has been driving me crazy for the past few weeks is having an out-of-whack personal thermostat. I'm simultaneously hot and cold. I break out in just enough of a sweat to feel clammy when feeling too hot wears off minutes later. I've taken my temperature a few times and it's always low, like 97-point-something degrees, so I don't think I'm actually sick... I just feel off.
Last but not least, my weight is creeping up even though, as I said, I've been strict about what I'm eating. Usually I can drop a few pounds over as many days with intermittent fasting, but that's not working at all right now. I literally ate a total of 6 Cadbury Mini Eggs from the Easter candy that hung around after the holiday. I'm drinking water throughout the day and allow myself 1 glass of wine. With this level of austerity, I should have no trouble fitting into my summer pants... but I don't, even though I did, two weeks ago.
I ran a symptom search on the hot-and-cold thing and came up with... thyroid issues! 🙄 (I started using Emojipedia so I could have some non-verbal communication with my students, like thumbs up, or a trophy, or just a smile so they would know when I say, "No problem!" I really mean it.)
Then I vaguely recalled when I went off last time (turns out it was in 2007) I was OK for a while and started feeling progressively worse over time until I finally went back on. I tried to find the timing by looking through old blog posts, but I could find when I went back on. All I know is, I did, and I felt better. So when my hands were so bad yesterday, I decided to use my last refill of my T3 (Cytomel) to see if going back on it helps. Picked it up today and gobbled one done.
I really do hope it helps. I have too much on my plate. I don't have time for this nonsense!
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