Monday, April 22, 2019

stings

Maybe because I'm chronically sleep-deprived (my own fault), but over the past week or so, I've had way more than my usual share of bone-headed mistakes.  Nothing major! Nobody was injured, it didn't cost anyone any extra money, nothing like that.  Just a small handful of times I was just wrong about something and refused to see it.

I know no one is perfect, but I hate it when I screw up like that (or any other way), to the point where truly minor things will keep me unsettled for days on end.  It's doubtful anyone else even remembers my mistakes happened.  Why should they? But my memory for my faults is tenacious. I still cringe remembering how I handed the scissors to the teacher the wrong way in kindegarten! (I was four and the youngest kid in the class, it was a lot of pressure at the time.) 

I'm too old for this.  I don't want to brush off mistakes as if they're nothing, I want to learn from them.  But shouldn't I be able to forgive myself and move on? Is there a way to balance the tension between rebuke and forgiveness?  I'm still hoping to find it.

Sunday, April 14, 2019

post...

In the sense of "after," which didn't strike me as a good post title. I can't explain the way my brain works sometimes.  Just go with it.

I'm mostly recovered from the field trip last  week, Wednesday-Friday, with 45 seventh graders and 10 other adults, to Mt. Lemmon, south of Tuscon.  UA has a fantastic program, Sky School.  It was awesome but very cold, and of course some of the students didn't listen and only brought a sweatshirt or two, but no one got frostbite so it's all good.  We even got to use the telescopes this year!  I had a blast, the kids had fun, the instructors couldn't get over how well prepared and engaged the kids were, etc.  A splendid time was had by all, except I only got about 6 hours of sleep over the three days because the bed was like a rock and other reasons having to do with me not being able to relax since I was responsible for 56 people. 

So now comes the long, downhill glide into the end of the school year.  This year it will be less hectic and dramatic for me because my school is not being renovated this summer, so I don't have to move everything out of my classroom or clean out closets or anything like that (although it would be much easier, since I did all that last year!).  But this year my two boys are both graduating, and that means lots of extra events to deal with it.  Just this week, DS2's drama performance and his thesis defense, on the same day!  He has my sympathy.  He doesn't seem stressed but I know he'll be happy to have it over with.  DS1's graduation is fast approaching on May 7!

The house is still a mess following the most recent plumbing disaster, but repairs should begin this week.  As long as everything is back together for DS2's graduation at the end of May, when the in-laws are coming, it's OK.  I won't say it doesn't matter, because it really is getting on my nerves, but I know as soon as all is back together, I'll forget it was ever any other way.  At least I hope so.

... but just yesterday DH semi-seriously brought up the topic of moving to a smaller house.  I love love LOVE this idea, as much as I hate the idea of moving, this house is just too much for me to keep up with.  We'll see!