reprieve?

Blogger already ate this post once, yesterday. Let's see how it fares today.

I mentioned the other day that I had 6 months before my next whole body scan, and that was good because I deserved a reprieve. But the idea that because my next scan is not for 6 months constituting a reprieve from medical issues for me is just a pleasant fantasy.

I should hear in the next couple of days the results of the two biopsies taken off my leg. It would be good if they come back negative, but I have no way of knowing at this point. They were very dark, and the two spots so far that have required re-excision were similarly dark. I'm hoping, at least, that they got it all. Those stitches stay in until next Wednesday, and then on the 29th I'm scheduled for 2 more biopsies. At this rate, I'll be scheduled out until February with biopsies, etc... there are at least 6 more the dermatologist wants to take off, and that's assuming that no re-excisions are necessary. So far out of 5, 2 have required going back in for more. Still, being able to cut out a cancer is ultimately a lot more easy to deal with than radiation, even radiation as seemingly benign as RAI.

So I'm dealing with the biopsies, which are not all that painful, but very annoying with the little tweaks the stitches give, and the intermittent anxiety whenever I think of the pending results. I'm also dealing with being hypo: cold all the time, even though I usually have at least 2, often 3 layers on. My skin is so dry, especially my hands and feet, no matter how much lotion I slather on or how well-hydrated I am. Plus fatigue, plus brain fog... and it will probably be at least another month before I'll see my endo for a blood draw, and possibly get my meds adjusted. Whee!

I've got residual congestion from that cold, still, if it was a cold -- one of my hypo symptoms is persistent sinus junk. I'm not going to the dr for anti-biotics for it, no matter how long it lasts, until I feel that thyroid meds are better optimized. Previous experience with this tells me that no amount of magic bullets are going to cause my sinuses to clear, until my thyroid hormones are balanced properly. My poor nose is sore from being blown so often. I'll keep hoping that it is just a cold that's hanging on and nothing more pernicious, but (cliche alert) only time will tell.

There is no reprieve, really. I guess I'll get a break from thinking about cancer (which shows up in my brain as CANCER!!!!), but I still have plenty of other health-related issues to deal with.

Frankly I'm tired of all this. It's exhausting. I think if I have to say to the kids, "I can't," one more time, I'll scream. I hate not being able to do things. I hate running out of energy, or being so cold (hands and feet especially) all the time. Yesterday when I picked up DS1 at school my hands were freezing and his were so warm, I wrapped his around mine on the way back to the car...he humored me.

My neck feels junky again today... back to feeling like there are things in my throat, making swallowing feel strange. The incision tweaked me a few times today, too, but is really looking terrific. My piriformis is killing me, in spite of trying to stand in a consistent pelvic tilt and in balance, but I know that's because I've done a bit of carrying DS2 here and there in the past few days. I know that's bad. I also know I have to accomplish certain things, and if the payment that's extracted is a sore hip/butt and weird sciatic nerve tinglings for a few days afterwards, well, at least I got done what needed to get done. My hands have been a bit puffy the past few days so I've gone back on my B5 (pantothenic acid), 3 times a day -- I had dropped it down to 2/day, but I don't think that's a good idea right now. Hopefully pushing it back up will help the symptoms abate. Sleep is good for the most part, as is my digestion -- even though my diet hasn't been stellar. I really can't complain.

I've been staying on top of house stuff this week. Yesterday I unpacked and put together the kids' new computer, and then got it on the internet (required a call to LinkSys tech support -- stupid Windows XP makes everything so difficult!), and then hooked up the printer and made sure it was accessible via the LAN -- it was a lot of work, and it's good I got it done. Today, I was much less productive, although I did make it to the grocery store after I dropped DS2 off at school. I took him to Mass with me this morning after dropping off the two older kids. He was quite relaxed during the service, which was cool. He has such a different energy than DS1.

Tomorrow will be another long day, DS2 has his holiday performance at 6, and DH has to work 8-8 again tomorrow, but not Friday -- hooray! -- and probably only one day next week -- hooray, hooray! It's too bad he will miss the performance, but I expect the peewees will have fun. I just have to stay awake. I'm glad the school is only 3 minutes away. That helps a lot.

Now I must dash -- reasonable bedtimes are a necessity when I have to get up early. I'm barely functioning as it is...

Update: I heard from the dermatologist's office this morning (Thursday) that the 2 biopsies were "OK". They reached me on my cell phone as I was taking the kids to school, so I couldn't go into the details at the time. I'm assuming OK means no weird cellular activity, not just that they got it all and don't need to do anything else, although it certainly means at least that much! That's enough of a relief, right there -- and I'll get the details when I go to get my stitches out on Wednesday.