I had my appointment with my wonderful endocrinologist today, Dr. A.
First, the not-so-good news: my status has been revised from "cancer free" to "indeterminate." This does not surprise me in the least, so it's not upsetting. This is partially good news, though, because this new status is the result of a new, highly sensitive test for the thyroid cancer tumor marker. This is a blood test that doesn't require any special preparation, so there's no reason, say, for a really expensive and inconvenient protocol that drags me to a hospital four days out of five prior to testing for this same thing.
Anyway, the test result should have been zero or undetectable, and instead it was 0.3. (I can't remember the units, and it doesn't really matter -- although my students would be jumping all over me if they saw me saying that! I don't let them get away with that!) Since this is a new test, I couldn't really assess whether 0.3 whatevers was something I should worry about, but Dr. A confirmed that 0.3 is indeed a very small number, and given that there is no physical evidence of disease, we're just going to do ultrasounds and blood tests every 6 months and that should do it, unless something changes. Ultrasounds are cheap and painless. Blood tests aren't that painful. Both of them are infinitely preferable to Thyrogen-stimulated RAI whole body scans, low-iodine diets, CT scans, PET/CT scans, or MRIs. I'm looking forward to a less-medicalized and much less expensive future.
Speaking of MRIs, the most recent one (last Monday), was perfect and -- here's the really good news -- I don't have to have another one for two years! Yay!
For all that I've written about it, my appointment was the smallest part of today, DS1's birthday. I don't really understand how I am old enough to have a 23-year-old, but that's the reality. We cooked his dinner together: surf and turf (strip steak cooked by DS1, scallops and shrimp by me), spicy delicata squash "fries", and salad, with brownie cake with the best chocolate frosting ever* for his birthday "cake". I was in the kitchen from just after 4 when I got home from my appointment until nearly 8 o'clock when we finished up dessert. I was wiped out afterwards but it was time so well spent!
After dinner, the boys all disappeared upstairs as they usually do, and I called DD and caught up with her for a delightful hour. She is having a great time at school. It's her second semester of junior year and she is really enjoying her classes, which include studying anthropology and the human micro-biome. I often worry about what's she's doing up there, but today she looked and sounded wonderful. (We face-timed so she could join us in singing Happy Birthday to DS1. He tolerated it well -- we sound terrible, mostly because everyone else makes no effort to sing on key!)
Good news, very good food, and wonderful family time. An excellent day.
* Best Chocolate Frosting Ever:
This recipe was hiding in my Fannie Farmer Baking Book all these years and I somehow recently discovered it: Melt 6 ounces of chocolate chips; stir in one half-cup of sour cream and a pinch of salt. That's it. Spectacular. I use Trader Joe's Pound Plus Belgian Dark Chocolate when I'm out of chocolate chips, weighing out the 6 ounces, and it's just the best. It doesn't make too much, enough to frost the top of an 8-inch cake,but that's OK. There was a little left over after frosting the brownies. (Trader Joe's Truffle Brownie mix, made with an entire stick of butter! Highly recommended.)
Thursday, January 30, 2020
Monday, January 20, 2020
ow ow ow
That nice plan didn't work out... the lab had to draw six tubes of blood from the back of my hand. Not too bad, actually, but I have no idea why my doctor ordered so many blood tests.
So I just realized I could log into the patient portal and all the results would probably be posted already, and they were! Well, some of the labs, anyway. My TSH has finally budged up to 0.04, but I still have a long way to go to get to 0.5. I was wondering if my pituitary gland was just not up to the task of producing TSH anymore, but my T4 (the primary hormone that TSH is regulating) was still quite high, so that explains the low TSH. I predict another drop in my thyroid medication dose, but the official blood test for that won't be for another month.
My blood work that was posted looked fine, but my glucose is at the high end of the range. I was fasting today but they never even asked me if I was or not, and I think the range for fasting is a little tighter. It will be interesting to see what the endo says. I have been eating way more sweets over the holidays, and my weight is up alarmingly. Usually I can lay off sweets for a few days and it goes right back down, but I think the lowered thyroid dose is affecting that. Anyway: clean eating (and way less drinking of anything other than water, tea, or coffee) for the foreseeable future, lest I have to invest in buying all new pants.
The MRI was... not bad as MRIs go. It is impossible to concentrate on anything in there, so I mostly tried to pray, kept getting distracted by the loud, non-rhythmic noises, and then trying to get back to it. The worst part of the day by far was the IV placement, which took 2 tries and about a half-hour, even using the ultrasound machine. My best veins are in my left arm, of course: I'm left-handed. Now every time I go to do something I'm reminded of both the blood draw and the IV. I'm going to have some spectacular bruising.
BUT everything is apparently OK, even though I have no idea why my TSH is still so stubbornly high. I have an appointment with the endo to talk about all this next week. I'm hoping we can back way off on these fishing expeditions.
In other news: the FLL state tournament at ASU was a long, exhausting, and sort-of-fun day. The team did very well in some areas, and not so well in others, but it was a good experience for them all. And now, finally, we get a break from robotics for a while!
My students handed in their science fair project reports on Friday, but I didn't grade them this weekend. Yesterday was just too long a day and today really wiped me out. I'll grade them over the course of this week, and all should be well. I purposely didn't set the next assignment (putting together display boards) until next week, so I could have the time to grade that I need.
Last but not least, admin at school announced we are receiving another grant and will purchase all kinds of things with it, like new desks (desperately needed) and also some new technology. I'm thinking that's going to have an impact on the electives, because what good are 3D printers if they just sit there? Someone has to use them for something, and it had better not be me, since I know next to nothing about them! We'll see.
So I just realized I could log into the patient portal and all the results would probably be posted already, and they were! Well, some of the labs, anyway. My TSH has finally budged up to 0.04, but I still have a long way to go to get to 0.5. I was wondering if my pituitary gland was just not up to the task of producing TSH anymore, but my T4 (the primary hormone that TSH is regulating) was still quite high, so that explains the low TSH. I predict another drop in my thyroid medication dose, but the official blood test for that won't be for another month.
My blood work that was posted looked fine, but my glucose is at the high end of the range. I was fasting today but they never even asked me if I was or not, and I think the range for fasting is a little tighter. It will be interesting to see what the endo says. I have been eating way more sweets over the holidays, and my weight is up alarmingly. Usually I can lay off sweets for a few days and it goes right back down, but I think the lowered thyroid dose is affecting that. Anyway: clean eating (and way less drinking of anything other than water, tea, or coffee) for the foreseeable future, lest I have to invest in buying all new pants.
The MRI was... not bad as MRIs go. It is impossible to concentrate on anything in there, so I mostly tried to pray, kept getting distracted by the loud, non-rhythmic noises, and then trying to get back to it. The worst part of the day by far was the IV placement, which took 2 tries and about a half-hour, even using the ultrasound machine. My best veins are in my left arm, of course: I'm left-handed. Now every time I go to do something I'm reminded of both the blood draw and the IV. I'm going to have some spectacular bruising.
BUT everything is apparently OK, even though I have no idea why my TSH is still so stubbornly high. I have an appointment with the endo to talk about all this next week. I'm hoping we can back way off on these fishing expeditions.
In other news: the FLL state tournament at ASU was a long, exhausting, and sort-of-fun day. The team did very well in some areas, and not so well in others, but it was a good experience for them all. And now, finally, we get a break from robotics for a while!
My students handed in their science fair project reports on Friday, but I didn't grade them this weekend. Yesterday was just too long a day and today really wiped me out. I'll grade them over the course of this week, and all should be well. I purposely didn't set the next assignment (putting together display boards) until next week, so I could have the time to grade that I need.
Last but not least, admin at school announced we are receiving another grant and will purchase all kinds of things with it, like new desks (desperately needed) and also some new technology. I'm thinking that's going to have an impact on the electives, because what good are 3D printers if they just sit there? Someone has to use them for something, and it had better not be me, since I know next to nothing about them! We'll see.
Friday, January 17, 2020
not where I should be
By rights, I should be looking forward to this 3-day weekend. I mean, I just finished grading my 7th graders' not-too-wretched geology papers, and that was the last thing I had to grade before diving into grading science project reports. I actually kept up this week!
That's a minor miracle, especially since I've been off the T3 all week with no appreciable side effects. I've been feeling slightly more creaky, but that comes with the territory of, say, sitting for hours on the couch, grading on my laptop. I tweaked my right arm disposing of some old furniture some time ago, and most of the time it doesn't even hurt anymore (I just have to remember not to put any muscle into pulling with that arm, because that just makes it hurt again.) I've also somehow messed up something in my right leg; it hurts behind my knee if I keep it straight and try to touch my toes. So I don't! I've been good about keeping up with my other exercises and I think that's one reason I'm staying mobile.
The reason I was on the T3 in the first place was to try and keep a handle on the (apparent) auto-immune crap that was attacking me. I'm willing to admit now that I have no idea what was going on back then. But I can put my rings on every morning, and that was impossible 15 years ago.
Amazingly, my energy levels are fine, my focus is fine (cf. my ability to get all my grading done this week), and blessedly, my digestion is fine. Sleep... not the best, I have to admit, but not so bad, either. And I may as well finally write this one out: inner tremors seem to have increased, to about one a week, still almost always at night but I had one this evening while I was waiting in the car for DS1 to finish an errand. I'd say it was just the car, but it was off, and all the cars around me were parked and empty, and there was no one driving by. It's a very disconcerting feeling, like everything inside is shaking ever-so-slightly. It might be time for another round of research on it, since last time I didn't find anything I can remember, from which I deduce that I didn't find anything useful.
I applied for my passport this week! DH and I are planning a quick trip up to Canada this summer, but once I have a passport, all sorts of other possibilities open up...
Really I'm just feeling sorry for myself and a little bit angry about having my long weekend interrupted with a robotics tournament on Sunday and ending with a brain MRI on Monday. The nice nurses from Banner MD Anderson called me today, twice. I told the first nurse I have tiny veins so they usually need to use the ultrasound to place the IV for the MRI contrast. A couple of hours later, a second nurse called me back to suggest that, since I need labs in the morning, I go early to the lab and have a nurse there both place the IV and do the blood draw, saving me a stick.
If you have never been through anything like this, you won't realize how wonderful this small act of kindness really is. For surgery, anesthesiologists usually just give me a pediatric IV which they can place pretty easily in my wrist. But for the brain MRI, they have to infuse the contrast at a rate which the pediatric IV can't meet (it's too small for that rate of through-put), so they have to find a bigger vessel, which involves going deep. The entire process is simultaneously cool -- the technology is pretty amazing -- and painful. My blood draws have all been bad lately, too. No matter how hydrated I am the tech just says, "Let's go with the back of your hand," which hurts a disproportionate amount. But now at least on Monday they can place the IV and do the draw from there, so at least I'll be spared a little bit. I hate MRIs, though. I feel like I'm in a coffin being used for target practice -- all the clicks and bangs feel exactly like I'm being shot at. Fortunately I'm not in there for very long and I'm not (so far) the panicking type.
I'm feeling a lot of pressure to enjoy tomorrow, my only real day off. I wish I weren't so ridiculous!
That's a minor miracle, especially since I've been off the T3 all week with no appreciable side effects. I've been feeling slightly more creaky, but that comes with the territory of, say, sitting for hours on the couch, grading on my laptop. I tweaked my right arm disposing of some old furniture some time ago, and most of the time it doesn't even hurt anymore (I just have to remember not to put any muscle into pulling with that arm, because that just makes it hurt again.) I've also somehow messed up something in my right leg; it hurts behind my knee if I keep it straight and try to touch my toes. So I don't! I've been good about keeping up with my other exercises and I think that's one reason I'm staying mobile.
The reason I was on the T3 in the first place was to try and keep a handle on the (apparent) auto-immune crap that was attacking me. I'm willing to admit now that I have no idea what was going on back then. But I can put my rings on every morning, and that was impossible 15 years ago.
Amazingly, my energy levels are fine, my focus is fine (cf. my ability to get all my grading done this week), and blessedly, my digestion is fine. Sleep... not the best, I have to admit, but not so bad, either. And I may as well finally write this one out: inner tremors seem to have increased, to about one a week, still almost always at night but I had one this evening while I was waiting in the car for DS1 to finish an errand. I'd say it was just the car, but it was off, and all the cars around me were parked and empty, and there was no one driving by. It's a very disconcerting feeling, like everything inside is shaking ever-so-slightly. It might be time for another round of research on it, since last time I didn't find anything I can remember, from which I deduce that I didn't find anything useful.
I applied for my passport this week! DH and I are planning a quick trip up to Canada this summer, but once I have a passport, all sorts of other possibilities open up...
Really I'm just feeling sorry for myself and a little bit angry about having my long weekend interrupted with a robotics tournament on Sunday and ending with a brain MRI on Monday. The nice nurses from Banner MD Anderson called me today, twice. I told the first nurse I have tiny veins so they usually need to use the ultrasound to place the IV for the MRI contrast. A couple of hours later, a second nurse called me back to suggest that, since I need labs in the morning, I go early to the lab and have a nurse there both place the IV and do the blood draw, saving me a stick.
If you have never been through anything like this, you won't realize how wonderful this small act of kindness really is. For surgery, anesthesiologists usually just give me a pediatric IV which they can place pretty easily in my wrist. But for the brain MRI, they have to infuse the contrast at a rate which the pediatric IV can't meet (it's too small for that rate of through-put), so they have to find a bigger vessel, which involves going deep. The entire process is simultaneously cool -- the technology is pretty amazing -- and painful. My blood draws have all been bad lately, too. No matter how hydrated I am the tech just says, "Let's go with the back of your hand," which hurts a disproportionate amount. But now at least on Monday they can place the IV and do the draw from there, so at least I'll be spared a little bit. I hate MRIs, though. I feel like I'm in a coffin being used for target practice -- all the clicks and bangs feel exactly like I'm being shot at. Fortunately I'm not in there for very long and I'm not (so far) the panicking type.
I'm feeling a lot of pressure to enjoy tomorrow, my only real day off. I wish I weren't so ridiculous!
Monday, January 13, 2020
shocker!
For me, anyway: my T3 (Cytomel) prescription ran out and I didn't bother to refill it.
My endocrinologists have for years been trying to take me off it, and I've always resisted. I experimented a while ago - maybe 10 years ago? - with dropping it, and I didn't feel well, so I went back on it. But now my endo is trying to regulate my TSH and get it up to a more euthyroid level, and it hasn't responded at all. I think the T3 is the culprit!
We'll (maybe) find out on Monday, when I'm having labs done before my brain MRI. (sigh)
I feel OK. All systems are working reasonably well, but I did get a killer headache this afternoon and that's atypical for me.
DH and I went to Tucson to hear David Sanborn as part of the Tucson Jazz Festival last Saturday, and had a lovely and extravagant time. Lots of drinking and eating! And of course the scale is creeping up up up... perhaps my decreased thyroid meds have something to do with that?
I won't blame my meds for the fact that I have had zero self-control this past holiday season! But we're back in Ordinary Time, liturgically and otherwise, so I'll be sticking to indulgences that don't involve calories for a while. Tonight's indulgence: BB&W "Comfort" frankincense and myrrh scented candle and Moulin Rouge! helping me get through updating all my grade books!
My endocrinologists have for years been trying to take me off it, and I've always resisted. I experimented a while ago - maybe 10 years ago? - with dropping it, and I didn't feel well, so I went back on it. But now my endo is trying to regulate my TSH and get it up to a more euthyroid level, and it hasn't responded at all. I think the T3 is the culprit!
We'll (maybe) find out on Monday, when I'm having labs done before my brain MRI. (sigh)
I feel OK. All systems are working reasonably well, but I did get a killer headache this afternoon and that's atypical for me.
DH and I went to Tucson to hear David Sanborn as part of the Tucson Jazz Festival last Saturday, and had a lovely and extravagant time. Lots of drinking and eating! And of course the scale is creeping up up up... perhaps my decreased thyroid meds have something to do with that?
I won't blame my meds for the fact that I have had zero self-control this past holiday season! But we're back in Ordinary Time, liturgically and otherwise, so I'll be sticking to indulgences that don't involve calories for a while. Tonight's indulgence: BB&W "Comfort" frankincense and myrrh scented candle and Moulin Rouge! helping me get through updating all my grade books!
Thursday, January 09, 2020
been a while
I fielded a thyroid cancer support call this evening... for about 3 hours, and now my right arm/shoulder are feeling messed up. I don't really get it, because I hold the phone to my left ear, but the best I can figure is tweaked a muscle somewhere, again -- I slept on it badly over the weekend (I think) and it was bothering my on Sunday while I was doing errands, but I took some ibuprofen and it quit. Now, days later, it's back again.
Another blast from the past: I made us Quick Shrimp Diane for dinner tonight, doing the vast majority of the prep one-handed while I listened and occasionally responded to the new patient. Came out awesome, and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
I haven't been sleeping well. I think my thyroid meds are out of balance now (too much T3 for the amount of T4 I'm taking), but mostly I think I'm distressed about DD being back up at school and doing God-knows-what. She posted on Instagram about bleaching her hair again (looks cute, but she just spent literal years growing out the last bleach job...) and getting back together with her ex, and that has been giving me literal heart-ache. Her ex was not good for her, in more ways than I can count, and was a big reason that the entire family started off last year in a state of upheaval. In a brief but friendly text exchange DD tells me they're just texting "for now, we'll see," to which I responded: I have a total lack of objectivity here, but you can do MILES better. Guard your heart, sweetie.
She lol'd and said thanks, so there's that.
I feel better that we've at least acknowledged that it's happening. I hate when she hides significant parts of her life from us... she has a track record of ending up hurt from these situations. She's 21 now, but I think all the pot-smoking is prolonging her adolescence. I don't think it matters how old she is, anyway. I can't be casual about one of my children putting themselves in a perilous situation. I pray I don't have to get used to it!
Another blast from the past: I made us Quick Shrimp Diane for dinner tonight, doing the vast majority of the prep one-handed while I listened and occasionally responded to the new patient. Came out awesome, and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
I haven't been sleeping well. I think my thyroid meds are out of balance now (too much T3 for the amount of T4 I'm taking), but mostly I think I'm distressed about DD being back up at school and doing God-knows-what. She posted on Instagram about bleaching her hair again (looks cute, but she just spent literal years growing out the last bleach job...) and getting back together with her ex, and that has been giving me literal heart-ache. Her ex was not good for her, in more ways than I can count, and was a big reason that the entire family started off last year in a state of upheaval. In a brief but friendly text exchange DD tells me they're just texting "for now, we'll see," to which I responded: I have a total lack of objectivity here, but you can do MILES better. Guard your heart, sweetie.
She lol'd and said thanks, so there's that.
I feel better that we've at least acknowledged that it's happening. I hate when she hides significant parts of her life from us... she has a track record of ending up hurt from these situations. She's 21 now, but I think all the pot-smoking is prolonging her adolescence. I don't think it matters how old she is, anyway. I can't be casual about one of my children putting themselves in a perilous situation. I pray I don't have to get used to it!
Tuesday, January 07, 2020
ever-so-slightly crushed
I was finally able to overcome technical hurdles and get a message to my new endocrinologist about my perfect vision field test results: Do I still need that brain MRI that's scheduled for later this month?
The answer came back very quickly: Yes.
I'm confused about this, because I thought it was scheduled because of the VFT that went poorly a while back, so if this one was OK, we'd back off. I mean, I just had one 6 months ago, and they are really not fun.
I'm surprised how much this is upsetting me, probably because I had already settled in my mind that I wouldn't need to do it! Hmmm.
Back at school, consequently exhausted simply from being out of practice. The additional task of trying to get our young robotics team ready for the state competition isn't helping.
I'm noticing I lack emotional resilience right now. I'm trying to go-with-the-flow and not let inconsequential things upset me, but I'm not being too successful. Perhaps with more sleep? Time to give that a try.
I want to be able to enjoy all the good things that are going on in my life (like DS2 cooking a spectacular dinner tonight) but those efforts are being constantly sabotaged. I do think more and better sleep will help bolster my defenses. Here's hoping.
Friday, January 03, 2020
last Star Wars
DS2 and I went to a matinee of Rise of Skywalker.
I had no expectations of any kind. I knew it was going to be really long, and it was -- and it felt -- interminable.
I had fun, during some parts, but DS2's refrain on the way out was That was a bad movie. It was, but I appreciated that they tried to fix some of the past two movies' more egregious problems. In the end, though, it's not possible to retcon two entire movies but they tried.
I'm still a sucker for redemption stories, and we got one of those. But DS2 and I both decried the lack of a character arc for Rey, who never got one.
With any luck, they'll stop making these movies for a while until they can figure out how to make a good one.
I had no expectations of any kind. I knew it was going to be really long, and it was -- and it felt -- interminable.
I had fun, during some parts, but DS2's refrain on the way out was That was a bad movie. It was, but I appreciated that they tried to fix some of the past two movies' more egregious problems. In the end, though, it's not possible to retcon two entire movies but they tried.
I'm still a sucker for redemption stories, and we got one of those. But DS2 and I both decried the lack of a character arc for Rey, who never got one.
With any luck, they'll stop making these movies for a while until they can figure out how to make a good one.
Thursday, January 02, 2020
New year retrospective
I'm down to the wire here, vacation-wise, and I still haven't touched my grading. I know I'm going to regret that, but I have enjoyed lounging around in bed until noon or 1 o'clock, reading the internet. It's not like I'm sleeping that late! But I have been very lazy about getting up and doing things.
Today got off to a similarly slow start, but I de-Christmas'd both the outside (including putting the reindeer family up in the garage crawl space) and the inside, and only made the boys help put the tree away. I made dinner, too, but then not-so-strangely ran out of ambition to do anything else.
This is that time of year to look back, right? Last year started in upheaval which eventually settled down. Occasionally I feel after-shocks but overall I think we've weathered that particular storm.
2019 was a pretty momentous year for the offspring:
DS1 graduated from college and spent several agonizing months looking for a job before he finally landed his current contract. He did not enjoy his summer off, and the contract came in just as we were on the verge of telling him to get something to pay the bills (even though we aren't charging him any money for anything!) Anyway he is very good at his job and more importantly, he likes it, and he is making decent money especially considering his low expenses. They are already talking about bringing him on full-time when his contract is up.
DD is living up north and in her junior year, studying micro-biology. Last semester she landed a research study and is now the Assistant Curator of the "bug museum" on campus. She has an opportunity to do research with the faculty adviser, too. She's working hard on her grades and generally seems on top of everything... except that she's a stoner. She lives in an adorable apartment with her cat and a friend she's known since high school, and she loves her life style up there. In other words, she has psychologically moved out even though we are supporting her in every way: she doesn't have a job. While she appreciates the financial support, she also chafes at it, because it's coming from us and we have expectations as her parents. I will never be happy to see her using her little one-hit pipe multiple times a day. You might think, It's one hit, how bad can it be? My brother confirmed for me what I had heard, that the pot these days is much, much stronger than the stuff that was around when we were in our 20's. It's definitely strong enough for her to get high from that tiny little pipe. (And one tiny little pipe's worth is enough to make the house reek if she's too lazy to go outside to smoke it!) Still, she did a really nice job of decorating the Christmas tree for us, and cooked us all a lovely dinner one night. I just never feel like I see enough of her when she's here, and I'm sure that's because she knows I don't approve of some of her choices and feels I'm judging her.
Does she smoke so she can ignore that "Mom's judging me again" feeling?
I was going to say, I try not to judge her, but that's not right. I actually don't talk about how I feel about her choices, which isn't the same thing at all. The two of us, we just pretend that strong-difference-of-opinion isn't there. I did call her out on how much she smokes, though... and how her breath stinks when she smokes! That right there is true love, because telling someone she stinks is not an easy thing to do. I worry about her, but she tells me I don't have to, she's doing well in school and that's what counts. I agree that school is important, but it's not the only thing.
DS2, my baby boy, graduated high school in the spring and landed a job not long after. He works 4 days a week for 4 hours, cleaning, and he loves it. He doesn't have to talk to anyone, and he's earned enough money to buy himself some very nice swords. He also started community college in the fall, and did fine in calculus and engineering, OK (C) in chemistry, and then managed somehow to squeak out a D in a ridiculous 3-credit "how to go to college" class that he somehow got signed up for. The semester did not start well with DH logging in to check on his grades all the time and then nagging him when he missed assignments. I love my husband but understanding adolescent psychology is not his strong point. I swear, literally every time DH checked DS2's grades and said something to him about it, the boy said, screw this, I'm not gonna do it. And he didn't, until it was too late. This then required a re-negotiation, because we had agreed that if he did not keep up his GPA (currently less than 2.5), then he'd have to take at least a semester off to get his head straight. But DS2 insists that he can do better and asked for another chance, so yes, that's what we're doing. Only this time I will be working with him to make sure that he stays on top of things, and he's agreed that he will quit his job if he needs more time for schoolwork. Personally I think 16 hours of mindless physical labor is a great way to keep him away from video games and endless internet rabbit holes, so I hope he can keep the job. DH doesn't see that's there's a difference in me asking DS2 to check things out with me, as opposed to me looking at them and then going to DS2 to nag him.
The other thing that I know is driving DH a wee bit nuts is DS2 is growing out his hair for the first time ever. He's good about taking care of it but it's kind of all over the place now. I've asked him if he'll go full Jesus but he admits his beard is too patchy (and too blond). Eventually he'll get sick of it, but I think he was inspired by his cousin last summer. My dear godson has hair as long, thick, and wavy as mine -- past shoulder-length. I don't know if DS2 will let his get that long.
DH brings up retirement more often now: he's only a little more than 5 years out from his target, but I've got a few more than that. We're both very grateful to be healthy, too.
One of the best things about 2019 is that we had more family visits than usual. DH's parents came for DS2's graduation in May, and we saw them again, and my siblings, over the summer. Later in the summer my niece and nephew came for a visit. DD and I were supposed to go to New Orleans for a visit in October, but she got the flu; I went anyway. Then my brother and his wife and daughter came for Thanksgiving! I love being able to spend time with people I love. My boys all take this for granted... usually when we're all home we're all off in different corners, each doing our own thing. This is one reason why I cook! If we didn't sit down to eat together, we'd rarely see each other.
Some happy repeats in 2019: a Tucson Jazz Festival concert, visiting wineries in Cottonwood and Connecticut, a field trip to Mt. Lemmon, co-coaching our school's Lego robotics team. Firsts included flying in a friend's small plane to Block Island! I was terrified but I got over it, and it was really spectacular. Also: my paper being published (this will probably end up being an "only"), being declared cancer-free for the first time since 2004 (even if I don't really believe it, I'll take it), working a one-week summer STEM camp at my school, and celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary! We got a lovely blessing at our regular Mass, and many "Congratulations!" afterwards.
Unpleasant repeats: breaking a toe and being laid up over the summer, and yet-another plumbing failure with the upstairs bathtub drain failing. When I wrote about the plumbing disaster, I said that I'd forget it ever happened as soon as everything was fixed up again, and I was right! I only remembered when I looked back through this year's posts.
A constant: lack of work-life balance during the school year. I've made some changes that I think will help, but I'm still constantly being swamped with grading, I need to figure out a method that doesn't rely on having perfect work ethic - and no surprises! - to get everything done. If I was going to make a New Year's Resolution, that would be it, but it's more like a work already in progress. The thought literally just occurred to me to estimate grading times before I assign things to my students. I have never considered that before: I make assignments based on what and how I need to assess the students. But I could change how I grade some things, so that they take less time. This is an intriguing prospect.
This post turned into a monster! But the year, with its ups and downs, ended well for all of us. Here's to 2020!
Today got off to a similarly slow start, but I de-Christmas'd both the outside (including putting the reindeer family up in the garage crawl space) and the inside, and only made the boys help put the tree away. I made dinner, too, but then not-so-strangely ran out of ambition to do anything else.
This is that time of year to look back, right? Last year started in upheaval which eventually settled down. Occasionally I feel after-shocks but overall I think we've weathered that particular storm.
2019 was a pretty momentous year for the offspring:
DS1 graduated from college and spent several agonizing months looking for a job before he finally landed his current contract. He did not enjoy his summer off, and the contract came in just as we were on the verge of telling him to get something to pay the bills (even though we aren't charging him any money for anything!) Anyway he is very good at his job and more importantly, he likes it, and he is making decent money especially considering his low expenses. They are already talking about bringing him on full-time when his contract is up.
DD is living up north and in her junior year, studying micro-biology. Last semester she landed a research study and is now the Assistant Curator of the "bug museum" on campus. She has an opportunity to do research with the faculty adviser, too. She's working hard on her grades and generally seems on top of everything... except that she's a stoner. She lives in an adorable apartment with her cat and a friend she's known since high school, and she loves her life style up there. In other words, she has psychologically moved out even though we are supporting her in every way: she doesn't have a job. While she appreciates the financial support, she also chafes at it, because it's coming from us and we have expectations as her parents. I will never be happy to see her using her little one-hit pipe multiple times a day. You might think, It's one hit, how bad can it be? My brother confirmed for me what I had heard, that the pot these days is much, much stronger than the stuff that was around when we were in our 20's. It's definitely strong enough for her to get high from that tiny little pipe. (And one tiny little pipe's worth is enough to make the house reek if she's too lazy to go outside to smoke it!) Still, she did a really nice job of decorating the Christmas tree for us, and cooked us all a lovely dinner one night. I just never feel like I see enough of her when she's here, and I'm sure that's because she knows I don't approve of some of her choices and feels I'm judging her.
Does she smoke so she can ignore that "Mom's judging me again" feeling?
I was going to say, I try not to judge her, but that's not right. I actually don't talk about how I feel about her choices, which isn't the same thing at all. The two of us, we just pretend that strong-difference-of-opinion isn't there. I did call her out on how much she smokes, though... and how her breath stinks when she smokes! That right there is true love, because telling someone she stinks is not an easy thing to do. I worry about her, but she tells me I don't have to, she's doing well in school and that's what counts. I agree that school is important, but it's not the only thing.
DS2, my baby boy, graduated high school in the spring and landed a job not long after. He works 4 days a week for 4 hours, cleaning, and he loves it. He doesn't have to talk to anyone, and he's earned enough money to buy himself some very nice swords. He also started community college in the fall, and did fine in calculus and engineering, OK (C) in chemistry, and then managed somehow to squeak out a D in a ridiculous 3-credit "how to go to college" class that he somehow got signed up for. The semester did not start well with DH logging in to check on his grades all the time and then nagging him when he missed assignments. I love my husband but understanding adolescent psychology is not his strong point. I swear, literally every time DH checked DS2's grades and said something to him about it, the boy said, screw this, I'm not gonna do it. And he didn't, until it was too late. This then required a re-negotiation, because we had agreed that if he did not keep up his GPA (currently less than 2.5), then he'd have to take at least a semester off to get his head straight. But DS2 insists that he can do better and asked for another chance, so yes, that's what we're doing. Only this time I will be working with him to make sure that he stays on top of things, and he's agreed that he will quit his job if he needs more time for schoolwork. Personally I think 16 hours of mindless physical labor is a great way to keep him away from video games and endless internet rabbit holes, so I hope he can keep the job. DH doesn't see that's there's a difference in me asking DS2 to check things out with me, as opposed to me looking at them and then going to DS2 to nag him.
The other thing that I know is driving DH a wee bit nuts is DS2 is growing out his hair for the first time ever. He's good about taking care of it but it's kind of all over the place now. I've asked him if he'll go full Jesus but he admits his beard is too patchy (and too blond). Eventually he'll get sick of it, but I think he was inspired by his cousin last summer. My dear godson has hair as long, thick, and wavy as mine -- past shoulder-length. I don't know if DS2 will let his get that long.
DH brings up retirement more often now: he's only a little more than 5 years out from his target, but I've got a few more than that. We're both very grateful to be healthy, too.
One of the best things about 2019 is that we had more family visits than usual. DH's parents came for DS2's graduation in May, and we saw them again, and my siblings, over the summer. Later in the summer my niece and nephew came for a visit. DD and I were supposed to go to New Orleans for a visit in October, but she got the flu; I went anyway. Then my brother and his wife and daughter came for Thanksgiving! I love being able to spend time with people I love. My boys all take this for granted... usually when we're all home we're all off in different corners, each doing our own thing. This is one reason why I cook! If we didn't sit down to eat together, we'd rarely see each other.
Some happy repeats in 2019: a Tucson Jazz Festival concert, visiting wineries in Cottonwood and Connecticut, a field trip to Mt. Lemmon, co-coaching our school's Lego robotics team. Firsts included flying in a friend's small plane to Block Island! I was terrified but I got over it, and it was really spectacular. Also: my paper being published (this will probably end up being an "only"), being declared cancer-free for the first time since 2004 (even if I don't really believe it, I'll take it), working a one-week summer STEM camp at my school, and celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary! We got a lovely blessing at our regular Mass, and many "Congratulations!" afterwards.
Unpleasant repeats: breaking a toe and being laid up over the summer, and yet-another plumbing failure with the upstairs bathtub drain failing. When I wrote about the plumbing disaster, I said that I'd forget it ever happened as soon as everything was fixed up again, and I was right! I only remembered when I looked back through this year's posts.
A constant: lack of work-life balance during the school year. I've made some changes that I think will help, but I'm still constantly being swamped with grading, I need to figure out a method that doesn't rely on having perfect work ethic - and no surprises! - to get everything done. If I was going to make a New Year's Resolution, that would be it, but it's more like a work already in progress. The thought literally just occurred to me to estimate grading times before I assign things to my students. I have never considered that before: I make assignments based on what and how I need to assess the students. But I could change how I grade some things, so that they take less time. This is an intriguing prospect.
This post turned into a monster! But the year, with its ups and downs, ended well for all of us. Here's to 2020!
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