Tuesday, December 12, 2006

important questions

I wonder when I'm unexpectedly happy.

Take today, for instance. I did housework and some writing, met DH for lunch, did a few errands, talked to the vet about Cooper's continuing pink eyelids, ran the kids hither and yon according to the usual schedule, made dinner, etc etc etc.

About 4:30 I noticed I had a headache, which was only partially alleviated by taking the clip out of my hair. (I really need a haircut; the weight of the hair is becoming a problem.)

After dinner, I was making up all the beds again with clean linens and realized that I still had the headache (not surprising, since it hadn't resolved completely earlier) when I started seeing spots. I've had floaters a few times since this whole round of TMD-related misery began, but only when I had a crashing headache already.

The things is, it didn't really bother me. Yeah, I have a headache, but it's not that bad and I bet if I had something to drink it would go away. (Maybe not) I think the PT is doing odd things to my neck and shoulder muscles which ultimately will be good but in the beginning can lead to rough spots... like today. Physically, pretty sucky, actually, but otherwise: damned happy.

I think maybe my slight increase in meds is finally kicking in? Whatever cyclical hormonal storm was raging is now past? The fact that I'm quite nearly done with the Christmas shopping? The unexpected, lovely lunch with DH today? I don't know, I just know that I felt ... light. Nothing was difficult. There are no problems when I'm in that zone.

So, how do I get back there? And why can't I stay?

1 comment:

nina said...

How to stay in that zone... Such trade-offs! When the kids leave and you are more in control of your time (but: when the kids leave! how sad!).
Being at peace feels wonderful, until you thoughts reel back to the days when you cuddled your little one (I forget now: was it really that awful when they cried out for you?). And so on.
I am glad that you are able to experience, even if fleetingly, these moments of happiness now.