outside reality

Today was one of those surreal days. I suppose I will have a few of these, at least until I get used to the idea of having cancer.

I think that the big CANCER theme will be hogging a lot of my attention until I have a better idea of what's going on with it. I mean, right now I just think I have to wait until my TSH hits 40 and then it's off to RAI-land, where apparently I will be radioactive, and therefore have to avoid other people lest their perfectly normal thyroids uptake some nasty radioactive iodine and perish. Can't let that happen; sounds like at least 5-7 days wherein I will have to stay away from the children, and anything else I don't want to dispose of in a radiation hazard bag.

Needless to say, I won't be visiting any airports or security-sensitive sites in the month or so following the RAI, whenever that happens to be.

I did a little more reading up on thyroid cancers and treatments. I am extremely un-thrilled about having to eat a low iodine diet; I rely heavily on yogurt and cheese as dietary staples. The rest I can deal with quite easily (although eggs will be a bit hard to lose, too.) But seriously: no butter? C'mon, dudes! A girl's gotta live, right? How much iodine can there be in butter?

Well, once again, I have to not stress about that until I know exactly what I'm facing. Although if I do have to go into essentially solitary confinement, I'll need to make some serious arrangements beforehand. That's going to suck.

I wonder about my retainer. I wonder if I can get a temporary bite guard made to wear while I'm contaminated? Oh, that is so going to suck.

Today was a much better day; I didn't take any vicodin, the ibuprofen is doing just fine. Showering and washing my mop of hair was an interesting experience, given that I can't really move my head very much. I slept pretty well last night and had a nap this afternoon, too. My neck hurts but swallowing and talking are both going fine. I'd say almost normal, but they are not quite there -- but still doing really well.

My biggest issues are my shoulders are tension city from holding my head and neck in roughly the same position nearly constantly; my butt is tired from so much sitting and lying on my back; and my legs are itchy. The itchy thing I know is only going to get worse, that's one of my hypo things. Whee. The rest will get better with time. I'm surprised because my incision isn't really bothering me all that much. I think my instinct regarding the less-invasive nature of this surgery was somewhat correct. There was no mucking around in my abdominal cavity. Even though there was a lot of digging around in the front of my neck (!!!), that's still a very small, localised area. The rest of me feels, well, fine -- except for the little irritations mentioned above. Oh, every so often the tape over the incision starts to itch, too, and that's going to get worse before it gets better, but I'll deal with it.

I'm up around 130 pounds, post-surgery; that's about +5. I was on the IV all day Thursday right into Friday morning, probably 24 hours straight, definitely a record for me. Haven't eaten any junk but did eat well today. I do wonder what's going to happen with my weight, but that's another for the "we'll see" column.

It was cool out today, which kind of ticked me off since I would've liked to eat outside but it was too cold for me. Figures, huh? DH took the kids out to play and then out for lunch. I'm not such good company since I can't talk much and basically end up staring into space for long stretches of time. Hey, considering I had major surgery day before yesterday, I'm not doing too badly.

I think it's weird that I have cancer. DH isn't taking it too badly, "Well, there's cancer and then there's cancer, it's not like this is a really bad kind." Well, no, but dude? I have cancer, I think I'm allowed to be a little freaked out about it. I haven't been, yet, but I'm not sure I understand all the repercussions. Like, are they sure it was only papillary? Papillary cancers don't usually grow fast, but this one seemed to be. Also, what stage was it? There was some serious lymph node involvement. That would indicate a later stage to me, but what do I know about this? Not much, that's for sure. If it was only papillary cancer, that's very cool, and even if there are distant metastaces (sp?) they are very treatable. The problem will be if it isn't just papillary, the others are bit more hairy. Eh.

Monday I'll be on the phone with all the doctors. I'm going to avoid driving until Wednesday if I can... I mean, I could if I had to before then, but the head-turning thing is not easy.

This is just weird. It's kind of like a vacation but not really. I don't want to be on vacation, anyway. I feel completely fine until I forget and move my head a bad way and then I am reminded: hey, you just had surgery, and by the way, you have cancer.

I will be glad when the neck is healed and the shock of the news has worn off. I'm not exactly obsessing over it but it does keep presenting itself. The biggest reaction I can muster so far is, "So what?" For the short term, anyway, I just have to get this incision healed and wait until the next cycle of treatment.