empty

I'm past drained. Somehow, drained conjures an image in my head of a pool that's mostly empty, but not dry: the drain is off-center and the floor isn't completely smooth or level, so there's always going to be a few minor puddles left somewhere in that pool.

In this case, the pool that I'm attempting to draw from is my emotional reserves, the strength I lean on when things go wonky: when the kids get fractious, when we're all running late, when the computer eats a disk(!), when I step on the cat, when DS1 melts down, when I get stitches out, when I'm facing major surgery...

I got nothing.

I did a fair job of taking my mind off everything personally painful tonight: made a nice dinner, watched the TiVO'd debate with DH, chased the kids upstairs to play so we could watch. Only watched a minimal amount of post-debate punditry (someone buy Bill Kristol some anti-depressants); I thought GWB made a more than decent showing and didn't care to see it spun all away. (I read Andrew Sullivan's take on the debate, and it's just another example of how we each see everything through the prism of our own desires. I'd fisk it -- yes, it is biased to the point of fiskabilitly, IMO -- but I'm insufficiently motivated. Maybe another time? Nah.)

So, having reached my capacity for political spew, I watched Clean Sweep, Radio Free Roscoe, and Degrassi from the TiVO. There's nothing like life improvement and teen angst to distract me from what's going on in my own life, since both are very far removed. I love The N's programming; I have to set up a season pass on the TiVO to start recording O'Grady. I've caught an episode or two; it's the most surreal, hysterical animated show I've seen, definitely worth the TiVO space. Since stuff seems to be in rotation on The N in perpetuity, though, I'm not worried that it will go anywhere any time soon.

I have a hard time remembering life before TiVO. Everyone should have TiVO, especially if you have kids. It was much easier toilet training DS2 because we could just pause anything he was watching if he needed to go to the bathroom... it saved a number of accidents, I'm sure. Kids get so focused on what they're doing, they never want to interrupt themselves. TiVO makes it easier in at least one aspect of their lives. It also makes it much easier to put television in its proper place: people are always more important than TV; real live is always more important than TV. But we are weak -- OK, OK, I am weak, and there are certain things that I really like to watch, and I'm selfish, and if I had to watch them when they were actually on, or go through the hassle of setting up a VCR to record them -- well, let's just say I'd have a tendency to shuffle the kiddos upstairs a lot more often than I do now. Like, now, we hardly ever do it. We've done it during the debates, but that's it. Everything else can wait until after the kids go to bed. We never watch the regular newscasts and analysis shows around the kids, we have no idea what's going to be on them.

It was pretty funny though when DH and I were both heckling Kerry during the debate tonight: "That's a lie!" "Oh, right, like you'd really do that..." the kids were totally digging it and got into throwing insults with us. Hee! We cracked up but then paused the tape and sent them packing, and they spent the next hour or so upstairs in their spacious and wonderously appointed playroom, trashing it. 's OK. Stuff came up in the debate (abortion, for one thing) that we do not want to have to discuss with the kids yet. It was good they were out of the room.

Tomorrow: laundry, DH has to pack for his trip, he heads out early Sunday morning. I have a sense I'm hanging on by a few slim threads. I think they'll hold, really, I'll be fine. I'll get some sleep and feel better in the morning, right?