Monday, October 26, 2015

mostly better, except...

There's always that "except", right?  Acid reflux is killing me and I'm not sure why.  I'm just trying to manage it with diet and D-limonene and wait it out.  I hate having that lump-in-the-throat feeling, but I know exactly what it is, and I have to be very careful what I eat until I'm over it.  On the plus side, I'm down to only one, maybe two hot flashes a day, a substantial improvement over (what felt like) near-continuous flashes over the past few months.  It was so odd to go from being one of those always-cold people to an always-hot person.  It helped when I was in Massachusetts but made life more miserable here in AZ.

Emotionally, I'm beginning to feel the weight of these past four months starting to lift.  I feel a bit guilty about feeling better, but I'm also too relieved to waste any energy on guilt.  Mom suffered so, it is good that she isn't in pain any more.  I feel OK most of the time, until suddenly I don't.  Yesterday in church I just completely lost it at one point.  I had no tissues so I had to wipe my eyes with my scarf.  It only lasted a few minutes, and a particular hymn triggered it (and probably always will).  I felt surprisingly all right afterwards, too.  It was like a little thunderstorm blew through and left me refreshed in its wake. I didn't realize how much I was holding in, because I just feel... normal, really.

Last week was a crazy week at school because I did the mineral identification lab with my 7th graders.  There are ~125 of them spread over 4 classes.  These are the largest classes I've attempted this with.  Most students did well on the identification, but a significant chunk (once again) resisted thinking and bailed on answering the three "Explain" questions I asked.  Sadly for them, that will have a significant impact on their lab grades.

It was also crazy because we've officially kicked off the science fair.  The more I learn the more opposed to this process I am, but here I go again.  I'm hoping that my master's project will make things go more smoothly, and overall, the proposals are 1) in -- the vast majority of students completed one and 2) relatively OK, which saves time on the grading.

I'm taking more family time, too.  First quarter grades came in and DS2 did OK but nowhere near to the level of his ability (or so we think, it's impossible to tell sometimes).   That led to several hours-long conversations about what he wants and what he feels and how he is going to manage going forward.  I want to let him do things on his own but at this point I don't think he knows how to organize, or plan, or execute a plan, at least not very well. There were bright spots but overall it's the same story of not living up to his potential.  Sadly, too, he professed frustration with all the "stupid people" he's surrounded by, so I had to set him straight on that one: every person is of the same value and deserving of respect. Every.One. 

Yesterday I went to the farmer's market before I did the grocery shopping.  I really shouldn't.  I shouldn't shop on Saturday mornings when it's gorgeous out and everything looks amazing because then I end up cooking all weekend and now I haven't put in any of my grades (they'll make it in, eventually.)  I roasted approximately 3,042 vegetables to make one medium-sized container of ratatouille.  I made up an entire box of TJ's pumpkin pancakes (spectacular, and gluten free!), and I still have to put away the chili that has been simmering since dinner (burgers & hot dogs on the grill - the rest of the package of ground beef went into the chili.)  See, I don't know where I'm going to put it because the fridge is packed right now.

Not a bad problem to have, I know.

Ah well.  Grades will have to wait until tomorrow, or whenever.   At least most of the stuff is actually graded already, it's just a matter of putting them into the gradebook.

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