Today is our third damp day in a row. Everything hurts.
The thing is, it usually only outright rains in the morning, which means we're not necessarily stuck indoors all day. Yesterday morning I moved out of "my" room in with the kids in preparation for my brother's arrival with his kids, then did more laundry (milk spilled all over the tablecloth at breakfast), then vaccuumed everything and straightened out the bathroom. By the time that was all done, it was time for lunch.
We went out to BK since we also needed groceries -- that was the plan, grab lunch, get food for dinner, and then go to the beach in the afternoon if the weather cooperated. Since the weather didn't cooperate, we ended up going to the Zooquarium in S. Yarmouth where we had a blast. A most excellent sea lion show. It's great that finally the kids are old enough so that we can actually read the information they put up at each tank about the fish and animals inside. The traffic down Cape wasn't too bad, although it was worse than I was hoping considering it's still technically pre-season.
We got back at 4:30 to find my bro already here -- I wasn't expecting him until 5 the earliest! So I was kicking myself, but they didn't care. The kids have been entertaining each other non-stop since then. I have to keep an ear out for DS2, the littlest of them, but so far he's only accidentally bumped his nose once. We even got them to bed at a decent hour last night and it seems everyone slept well, so hopefully today will go well.
Driving back from the Zooquarium yesterday afternoon I could feel how low my blood sugar was... I wasn't feeling sleepy, but it was hard for me to concentrate on the driving. Driving my mom's car weirds me out -- we have to keep the windows open, and I have always hated the noise and wind that results, but since the A/C doesn't work, keeping the windows closed isn't an option. It's OK for short trips to the beach, but there's no way I'm taking it up to Boston.
Decision day: drive to CT tonight, or tomorrow morning? I didn't sleep well last night but maybe I can grab a nap later. Now I'm wishing I had brought my Ambien, between the damp here and my already-flaring RA, sleep is just impossible. We'll have to see.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
being the only grown-up gets tiring
Lest you think that today was a bad day, given the whiny title I've given this post, let me start off by saying that's not the case at all. It just really does get tiring being the only go-to person for three children, who are for the most part a self-sustaining unit of their own. They're great, but from time to time they still need things only an adult can provide like nourishment, or seatbelt-buckling.
We awoke this morning to torrential rains which soon subsided into a general misty foggy sort of thing. The morning was spent doing inconsequential things at home, and then we went to the Cape Cod Children's Museum, which is geared mostly towards 3- and 4-year olds, but the older two kids enjoyed themselves, too. We bought ice cream sandwiches from a type of automated ice cream vending machine I hadn't seen before (not that I am any kind of expert on vending machines). It used a vaccuum hose to pick up your selection and move it over to the bin where you could get it out of the machine. It was pretty cool.
It was only 3:30 at that point and I was casting around for things to do, since I knew if we came home the kids would just sit in front of the TV all afternoon and get on each other's nerves (and mine, too.) DD asked if we could go to the movies if it rains again tomorrow, and I thought, Why not now? We were only about 5 minutes away from a theatre, so we drove over and found a parking space.
The next showing of "Herbie: Fully Loaded" was only a half-hour away, so we bought our tickets and were just going to head to the little toy shop nearby when DS1 grumped out, "Why do we have to go to the movie now?" I told him it was because I'd already bought the tickets -- if he really didn't want to go, he should've spoken up sooner. Turns out he was hungry and wanted to go home and have dinner (our appetite clocks are totally screwed up, by then his stomach was asking for lunch, and wondering why it was so late!) So when I explained that it was way too early for dinner and besides we'd get popcorn, he realized he didn't have any choice... so then we went in and bought the popcorn and got seats in the tiny, tiny theater (maybe 250 seats, tops).
The movie was cute and it didn't bother me at all that it was so predictable. The kids all really enjoyed it, and it was a great way to kill a couple of hours on a day that was threatening to become very tedious. Dinner, laundry, hanging out, and catch-up phone calls completed a long successful day... but now I'm just beat. Time to call DH and then fall into bed. Except I'm not sleeping in a bed, I'm sleeping on a couch. It's more comfortable in couch-mode than it is as a sofabed, and since it's just me, I don't bother unfolding it. That's just one more weird thing about being the only grown-up around.
We awoke this morning to torrential rains which soon subsided into a general misty foggy sort of thing. The morning was spent doing inconsequential things at home, and then we went to the Cape Cod Children's Museum, which is geared mostly towards 3- and 4-year olds, but the older two kids enjoyed themselves, too. We bought ice cream sandwiches from a type of automated ice cream vending machine I hadn't seen before (not that I am any kind of expert on vending machines). It used a vaccuum hose to pick up your selection and move it over to the bin where you could get it out of the machine. It was pretty cool.
It was only 3:30 at that point and I was casting around for things to do, since I knew if we came home the kids would just sit in front of the TV all afternoon and get on each other's nerves (and mine, too.) DD asked if we could go to the movies if it rains again tomorrow, and I thought, Why not now? We were only about 5 minutes away from a theatre, so we drove over and found a parking space.
The next showing of "Herbie: Fully Loaded" was only a half-hour away, so we bought our tickets and were just going to head to the little toy shop nearby when DS1 grumped out, "Why do we have to go to the movie now?" I told him it was because I'd already bought the tickets -- if he really didn't want to go, he should've spoken up sooner. Turns out he was hungry and wanted to go home and have dinner (our appetite clocks are totally screwed up, by then his stomach was asking for lunch, and wondering why it was so late!) So when I explained that it was way too early for dinner and besides we'd get popcorn, he realized he didn't have any choice... so then we went in and bought the popcorn and got seats in the tiny, tiny theater (maybe 250 seats, tops).
The movie was cute and it didn't bother me at all that it was so predictable. The kids all really enjoyed it, and it was a great way to kill a couple of hours on a day that was threatening to become very tedious. Dinner, laundry, hanging out, and catch-up phone calls completed a long successful day... but now I'm just beat. Time to call DH and then fall into bed. Except I'm not sleeping in a bed, I'm sleeping on a couch. It's more comfortable in couch-mode than it is as a sofabed, and since it's just me, I don't bother unfolding it. That's just one more weird thing about being the only grown-up around.
Monday, June 27, 2005
pretty
I saw these rocks when I was silently tailing the kids down the beach. I was struck by how vibrant their colors were, and their placement, which seemed purposeful...
They are each about the size of a quarter, tossed up together like a matched set. A few moments later they'd be dry and dull, or washed back into the ocean.
They are each about the size of a quarter, tossed up together like a matched set. A few moments later they'd be dry and dull, or washed back into the ocean.
weeds and jellies
Another beach day, another beach.
Today's beach is the one in my profile photo, only today it was covered in seaweed and there were great quantities of jellyfish everywhere.
I let the kids wander off, all together, down the beach, exploring. They were always in my sight, they just didn't know it. They loved being independent.
One minor downer: DS1 got a mild jelly sting, much to our surprise. These jellies really seemed like the harmless type. It was just bad luck. My afterbite stick was used up and I hadn't realized it, so I went to the lifeguards to see if they had anything, or any suggestions. They said it would only hurt for about 15 minutes or so, and packing wet sand on it to cool it off was our best bet. So we sat DS1 down at the water line and buried the affected limbs (one leg, one hand), and kept him cool, and he did just fine.
Tomorrow, we're going to the fresh water pond if we go swimming. I think DS1 needs to know the water will be weed- and jelly-free before he'll be willing to go back in. It's not that it was so bad, it's just not something he ever wants to happen again, and I understand that. Fortunately both the weeds and the jellies should be gone pretty soon.
Today's beach is the one in my profile photo, only today it was covered in seaweed and there were great quantities of jellyfish everywhere.
I let the kids wander off, all together, down the beach, exploring. They were always in my sight, they just didn't know it. They loved being independent.
One minor downer: DS1 got a mild jelly sting, much to our surprise. These jellies really seemed like the harmless type. It was just bad luck. My afterbite stick was used up and I hadn't realized it, so I went to the lifeguards to see if they had anything, or any suggestions. They said it would only hurt for about 15 minutes or so, and packing wet sand on it to cool it off was our best bet. So we sat DS1 down at the water line and buried the affected limbs (one leg, one hand), and kept him cool, and he did just fine.
Tomorrow, we're going to the fresh water pond if we go swimming. I think DS1 needs to know the water will be weed- and jelly-free before he'll be willing to go back in. It's not that it was so bad, it's just not something he ever wants to happen again, and I understand that. Fortunately both the weeds and the jellies should be gone pretty soon.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
disconnect
All the relatives have cleared out, the kids are asleep, and I'm listening to the once-familiar nighttime noises of my mother's house as I websurf.
I'm still in shock, really. I can't believe we're actually here. For so many weeks I was in "hope for the best, expect the worst" mode that I had nearly convinced myself that we wouldn't be coming. And yet, here we are.
The kids are already acclimated to most things, falling easily into last summer's patterns. Why did we move here? DS2 asked this evening as we drove to the supermarket. The other two deftly handled that question, explaining we're not living here forever, just for the summer. But DS2 definitely has the sense that this is "home," now, which is, in essence, true.
Between cell phones and emails, DH is able to keep up with all our adventures. I am missing him dreadfully, but I won't wish away these next few weeks until he gets here -- the days will fly by even without me wishing for it. We're off to a good start today.
I'm still in shock, really. I can't believe we're actually here. For so many weeks I was in "hope for the best, expect the worst" mode that I had nearly convinced myself that we wouldn't be coming. And yet, here we are.
The kids are already acclimated to most things, falling easily into last summer's patterns. Why did we move here? DS2 asked this evening as we drove to the supermarket. The other two deftly handled that question, explaining we're not living here forever, just for the summer. But DS2 definitely has the sense that this is "home," now, which is, in essence, true.
Between cell phones and emails, DH is able to keep up with all our adventures. I am missing him dreadfully, but I won't wish away these next few weeks until he gets here -- the days will fly by even without me wishing for it. We're off to a good start today.
welcome to Mac world
Yesterday's flight was uneventful and thus, stellar. Best flight with kids, ever. My brother and his family located us without difficulty in the terminal, all the luggage came down within minutes, and we didn't hit any traffic on the way to Mom's house. Amazing.
I'm on Mom's computer now. She has an iMac. It's weird, but I suppose I'll get used to it. If I can get the machine to recognize my camera, I'll be able to post photos, which would be very cool. I think this will require at least one call to my Mac-literate brother (the one who got this computer for Mom) for tech support. If this were a PC I'd know what to do -- alas, my experience on Microsoft OSs is useless in this situation.
I'm on Mom's computer now. She has an iMac. It's weird, but I suppose I'll get used to it. If I can get the machine to recognize my camera, I'll be able to post photos, which would be very cool. I think this will require at least one call to my Mac-literate brother (the one who got this computer for Mom) for tech support. If this were a PC I'd know what to do -- alas, my experience on Microsoft OSs is useless in this situation.
Friday, June 24, 2005
and we're off
I didn't spend all day running around the house accumulating stuff to be packed and then packing it. No, we took off for 3 or 4 hours in the afternoon to go swim at a friend's house. The kids exhausted themselves.
Even better, the swim date was incentive for me to get as much as possible done this morning, and it really worked! Amazing.
I'm exhausted but satisfied. After laundry, cleaning, folding, packing, hefting, etc etc, I'm pretty much done. Just have to stow away the toothbrushes, and that's it. Yikes!
Flying all day tomorrow. Don't know when I'll post again, but it will be from New England when I do.
Even better, the swim date was incentive for me to get as much as possible done this morning, and it really worked! Amazing.
I'm exhausted but satisfied. After laundry, cleaning, folding, packing, hefting, etc etc, I'm pretty much done. Just have to stow away the toothbrushes, and that's it. Yikes!
Flying all day tomorrow. Don't know when I'll post again, but it will be from New England when I do.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
heh
A number of weeks ago, I spent $30 for a flat iron.
It really works, although it takes me at least 30 minutes to do a decent job, and really 45 minutes is better. I have a lot of hair, even though my hairdressers always thin it out as much as possible. So I have to do something with it, or I'll end up with hair like Mia's before her makeover in Princess Diaries.
Now, I am not accustomed to spending 30+ minutes on something as idiotic as straightening out my hair. I'm insufficiently 'girlie' to arrange my schedule so that I can spend such an inordinate amount of time without inconveniencing everyone else (like children who want breakfast, or lunch.) I mean, really. More than a half-hour just to have straight hair? Not something I'm going to do on a regular basis, but it's nice to have the option handy.
In the meantime, I'll just tie it back in a ponytail while it's wet, and let it dry that way. The results are indistinguishable, and it's a heckuva lot quicker.
It really works, although it takes me at least 30 minutes to do a decent job, and really 45 minutes is better. I have a lot of hair, even though my hairdressers always thin it out as much as possible. So I have to do something with it, or I'll end up with hair like Mia's before her makeover in Princess Diaries.
Now, I am not accustomed to spending 30+ minutes on something as idiotic as straightening out my hair. I'm insufficiently 'girlie' to arrange my schedule so that I can spend such an inordinate amount of time without inconveniencing everyone else (like children who want breakfast, or lunch.) I mean, really. More than a half-hour just to have straight hair? Not something I'm going to do on a regular basis, but it's nice to have the option handy.
In the meantime, I'll just tie it back in a ponytail while it's wet, and let it dry that way. The results are indistinguishable, and it's a heckuva lot quicker.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
bohemian rhapsody
I won!
This is one of the seller's photographs. I hope I like it as much in person.
I'll fit right in when we go wandering around Woods Hole and Cambridge this summer...
This is one of the seller's photographs. I hope I like it as much in person.
I'll fit right in when we go wandering around Woods Hole and Cambridge this summer...
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
till we drop
I have been shopping non-stop for the past week. At least that's what it feels like. There are things that would be hard for me to find on the East Coast (like all my supplements), and there are things that I must get here (like mine and the kids' prescriptions.) Then there are things I want to have to bring with us, like chewing gum and DS1's dramamine.
There's been recreational shopping, like yesterday at Borders: decadent snack, followed by music (another Ralph's World album, plus Abbey Road, it's ridiculous that I didn't own it on CD!), plus "congratulations on another good school year finished" presents for the kids -- a tradition my mother started and I've continued, just a small thing that they'll enjoy, in this case, a new Beanie Baby each.
Then there's replacement shopping. After purging my closet, I've decided I'm entitled to at least one or two new skirts and a few new t-shirts. The skirt shopping is not going well; I've resorted to making a bid on eBay. I'm trying to decide if I'm being ridiculous or just going with the trend. I've always loved bohemian (that's a hint). If I win the auction, I'll post a link.
There is required shopping, too. Today was like a training day for vacation: a lot of walking around. All three kids had outgrown all their footware, so we went to the mall, land of shoe shopping opportunities. First we had lunch at CPK, their tortilla spring rolls were sufficient enticement to get me to go to the mall as opposed to somewhere else. Since the new section of Loop 202 is now open, it didn't even take us 15 minutes to get to the mall, so that was cool. Of course, parking was an issue, it always is. Someday I'm going to use the valet service just to save myself the aggravation, but I don't feel like that's a great example for the kids. (Now I'm thinking about it, why? Is our collective time and aggravation worth $5? probably.)
We spent a seeming eternity in Payless and the kids were angelic. We found sandals and sneakers for all 3, plus a pair of dressier shoes for DD. Yay! Then I dragged them into Eddie Bauer (no skirts) where I picked up two new t-shirts. Then we went... where? I can't remember the order of things now -- we stopped into New York & Co (no skirts), but actually shopped in Build-a-Bear Workshop (DD: pajamas for her bears) and Kay-Bee Toys (the two boys: cool little Lego creature kits). DS2 played in the play area for a bit, while the rest of us cooled our heels -- both DD and DS1 are far too big to jump around with the babies anymore, and DS2 is nearly there, himself. On the way out we breezed through The Gap, kids & womens, but they had neither a sweatshirt for DD nor skirts for me!
Somewhere along the line we got DQ for a snack, and I drank a probably zillion-carb blueberry smoothie with an orange juice base that was, frankly, fantastic. (I looked it up: 20 oz, 350 calories, 89 grams carbohydrate. Ooooh-kay...) By the time we got home it was close to 5PM, and everyone managed to keep their crankiness down; nobody wigged out. A minor miracle.
After dinner: Kohl's (again with the skirts -- no dice, but I did find a beach cover-up for DD, who still needs a sweatshirt) and then Trader Joe's, for the last of my supplements and some snacks for the trip, plus the usual milk-bread-butter-eggs staples. And bacon, they have this fabulous uncured apple-wood-smoked bacon.
So, what's left, I'm thinking? DD's sweatshirt, for one thing. A new set of nonstick frying pans, because the current ones are no longer non-stick no matter how much you grease them, and I don't want to leave that until I get back in August. I want nice new pans to look forward to, already here waiting for me. New markers and a drawing pad for DD (probably for the boys, too, though they won't use theirs, but that's OK.) Now I just have to figure out when and where to get these things, and we'll be all set to go.
Panic is starting to set in, but I'm pretty sure we'll manage.
There's been recreational shopping, like yesterday at Borders: decadent snack, followed by music (another Ralph's World album, plus Abbey Road, it's ridiculous that I didn't own it on CD!), plus "congratulations on another good school year finished" presents for the kids -- a tradition my mother started and I've continued, just a small thing that they'll enjoy, in this case, a new Beanie Baby each.
Then there's replacement shopping. After purging my closet, I've decided I'm entitled to at least one or two new skirts and a few new t-shirts. The skirt shopping is not going well; I've resorted to making a bid on eBay. I'm trying to decide if I'm being ridiculous or just going with the trend. I've always loved bohemian (that's a hint). If I win the auction, I'll post a link.
There is required shopping, too. Today was like a training day for vacation: a lot of walking around. All three kids had outgrown all their footware, so we went to the mall, land of shoe shopping opportunities. First we had lunch at CPK, their tortilla spring rolls were sufficient enticement to get me to go to the mall as opposed to somewhere else. Since the new section of Loop 202 is now open, it didn't even take us 15 minutes to get to the mall, so that was cool. Of course, parking was an issue, it always is. Someday I'm going to use the valet service just to save myself the aggravation, but I don't feel like that's a great example for the kids. (Now I'm thinking about it, why? Is our collective time and aggravation worth $5? probably.)
We spent a seeming eternity in Payless and the kids were angelic. We found sandals and sneakers for all 3, plus a pair of dressier shoes for DD. Yay! Then I dragged them into Eddie Bauer (no skirts) where I picked up two new t-shirts. Then we went... where? I can't remember the order of things now -- we stopped into New York & Co (no skirts), but actually shopped in Build-a-Bear Workshop (DD: pajamas for her bears) and Kay-Bee Toys (the two boys: cool little Lego creature kits). DS2 played in the play area for a bit, while the rest of us cooled our heels -- both DD and DS1 are far too big to jump around with the babies anymore, and DS2 is nearly there, himself. On the way out we breezed through The Gap, kids & womens, but they had neither a sweatshirt for DD nor skirts for me!
Somewhere along the line we got DQ for a snack, and I drank a probably zillion-carb blueberry smoothie with an orange juice base that was, frankly, fantastic. (I looked it up: 20 oz, 350 calories, 89 grams carbohydrate. Ooooh-kay...) By the time we got home it was close to 5PM, and everyone managed to keep their crankiness down; nobody wigged out. A minor miracle.
After dinner: Kohl's (again with the skirts -- no dice, but I did find a beach cover-up for DD, who still needs a sweatshirt) and then Trader Joe's, for the last of my supplements and some snacks for the trip, plus the usual milk-bread-butter-eggs staples. And bacon, they have this fabulous uncured apple-wood-smoked bacon.
So, what's left, I'm thinking? DD's sweatshirt, for one thing. A new set of nonstick frying pans, because the current ones are no longer non-stick no matter how much you grease them, and I don't want to leave that until I get back in August. I want nice new pans to look forward to, already here waiting for me. New markers and a drawing pad for DD (probably for the boys, too, though they won't use theirs, but that's OK.) Now I just have to figure out when and where to get these things, and we'll be all set to go.
Panic is starting to set in, but I'm pretty sure we'll manage.
Monday, June 20, 2005
wish, fulfilled
My children are, like a lot of kids, finicky eaters.
You can imagine that this could be a source of near-constant frustration to someone like me, who loves to cook and bake and do all sorts of food preparation. I really enjoy putting a nice meal on the table.
I just wish that someday, everyone in the family would eat it, without complaints or questions or anything other than cheerful acceptance.
Yesterday, at our Father's Day dinner, that wish was, for once, granted.
Shrimp? Yum! The boys dug right in (!), and even DD finally relented to try one late in the meal, and then she had another, right away! Astonishing.
Spinach salad? DS1's absolute favorite. I did give the 2 peewees romaine salad, since they detest spinach, but they both ate their salads right up! For DH and me, I made my trademark salad of baby spinach with blue cheese crumbles, diced avocado, and crumbled pecans. Luscious.
Broiled steak? No doubt about that being popular -- as picky as they are, my kids are all carnivores.
Finally, we came to the cheesecake. You could've just knocked me over with a feather when all three kids declared they wanted some, and then they actually ate it! Astonishing.
I'm recording this event because only the Lord knows when, or if, it will ever happen again. I'm grateful that it happened this once, and on the occasion of Father's Day, too. It was really a lovely meal.
You can imagine that this could be a source of near-constant frustration to someone like me, who loves to cook and bake and do all sorts of food preparation. I really enjoy putting a nice meal on the table.
I just wish that someday, everyone in the family would eat it, without complaints or questions or anything other than cheerful acceptance.
Yesterday, at our Father's Day dinner, that wish was, for once, granted.
Shrimp? Yum! The boys dug right in (!), and even DD finally relented to try one late in the meal, and then she had another, right away! Astonishing.
Spinach salad? DS1's absolute favorite. I did give the 2 peewees romaine salad, since they detest spinach, but they both ate their salads right up! For DH and me, I made my trademark salad of baby spinach with blue cheese crumbles, diced avocado, and crumbled pecans. Luscious.
Broiled steak? No doubt about that being popular -- as picky as they are, my kids are all carnivores.
Finally, we came to the cheesecake. You could've just knocked me over with a feather when all three kids declared they wanted some, and then they actually ate it! Astonishing.
I'm recording this event because only the Lord knows when, or if, it will ever happen again. I'm grateful that it happened this once, and on the occasion of Father's Day, too. It was really a lovely meal.
the cheesecake story
It was a purposely quiet weekend. Saturday I shopped for DH's Father's Day stuff (Don Julio anejo tequila, a couple of nice Padron Anniversary cigars) and prodded the kids to make cards for him, while he did some work in the yard repairing the nth leak in our sprinkler/drip system in the past 3 months.
Our plan for Father's Day itself was very simple: a very nice dinner at home. Steak and shrimp, a special salad, and cheesecake. Not too much fuss or bother. After supper Saturday, I put the cheesecake together (crustless, at DH's request), and stuck it in the oven. It cooks for an hour at 300 degrees, so I set the timer, and turned down the oven to 200 for another hour. That was at about 7:30pm, so I thought, I don't need to set the timer, I'll just shut off the oven when I come down after putting the kids in bed. A few minutes more or less isn't going to make much difference.
8:30 rolls around, we get the kids in bed, and I come downstairs. I remember to take my anti-biotic (that's a minor miracle, these days.) And then I shut off the vent fan, which I always run in the summer to keep the heat from the oven from venting into the house -- but I forgot to turn off the oven!
I didn't take the cheesecake out, either, because it's good to let it cool off gradually as the oven cools. This gentle technique works wonders in preventing cracking.
Then I watched Galaxy Quest, which is a very sweet movie I really like. Then I puttered around a bit, and at 11:30pm I finally decided I should get the cheesecake out of the oven so it could cool to room temp (or closer to it, anyway), before I stuck it in the fridge before I went to bed.
That's when I saw the oven was still on.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! I thought. And worse, of course. The big question, was it totally wrecked? Would it be dry and sticky, inedible? I hoped not. It was in a water bath, after all. The top did look a little dry, but it was impossible to tell about the rest of it. I stuck it in the fridge and hoped for the best.
Sunday evening, dinner was great, and it's time for dessert, and I was laughing off the possibility of having to trash the entire cheesecake, We'll go out for ice cream if it's horrible.
But... it wasn't horrible. It had the creamiest, most unbelievably light texture. It was even better than my previous attempts, which have all been truly remarkable. The differences? Well, for one thing, the cream cheese was very soft when I whipped up the batter, and I'm sure that helped. For another, I used erythritol instead of granular Splenda. Third, I cooked it for 4 hours at 200 degrees, instead of one.
DH says I should make it this way all the time, now.
Our plan for Father's Day itself was very simple: a very nice dinner at home. Steak and shrimp, a special salad, and cheesecake. Not too much fuss or bother. After supper Saturday, I put the cheesecake together (crustless, at DH's request), and stuck it in the oven. It cooks for an hour at 300 degrees, so I set the timer, and turned down the oven to 200 for another hour. That was at about 7:30pm, so I thought, I don't need to set the timer, I'll just shut off the oven when I come down after putting the kids in bed. A few minutes more or less isn't going to make much difference.
8:30 rolls around, we get the kids in bed, and I come downstairs. I remember to take my anti-biotic (that's a minor miracle, these days.) And then I shut off the vent fan, which I always run in the summer to keep the heat from the oven from venting into the house -- but I forgot to turn off the oven!
I didn't take the cheesecake out, either, because it's good to let it cool off gradually as the oven cools. This gentle technique works wonders in preventing cracking.
Then I watched Galaxy Quest, which is a very sweet movie I really like. Then I puttered around a bit, and at 11:30pm I finally decided I should get the cheesecake out of the oven so it could cool to room temp (or closer to it, anyway), before I stuck it in the fridge before I went to bed.
That's when I saw the oven was still on.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! I thought. And worse, of course. The big question, was it totally wrecked? Would it be dry and sticky, inedible? I hoped not. It was in a water bath, after all. The top did look a little dry, but it was impossible to tell about the rest of it. I stuck it in the fridge and hoped for the best.
Sunday evening, dinner was great, and it's time for dessert, and I was laughing off the possibility of having to trash the entire cheesecake, We'll go out for ice cream if it's horrible.
But... it wasn't horrible. It had the creamiest, most unbelievably light texture. It was even better than my previous attempts, which have all been truly remarkable. The differences? Well, for one thing, the cream cheese was very soft when I whipped up the batter, and I'm sure that helped. For another, I used erythritol instead of granular Splenda. Third, I cooked it for 4 hours at 200 degrees, instead of one.
DH says I should make it this way all the time, now.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
treading water
It's a lot harder than it looks.
DS1 has mastered it, DD's almost there, but DS2 won't even attempt it.
We spent the afternoon at a friend's house, with all the kids playing in the pool. I was astonished that DS2 actually wanted to swim, for the first time ever. From the steps to me, from me back to the steps, with a pretty decent freestyle. But he needs to learn how to come up for air! He'll get it, eventually.
We made cookies this morning and brought some with us, and they were all devoured. Fortunately we left some home, for us, for the weekend.
It was a good day. My taste buds seem to be reviving, and my stomach wasn't nearly as messed up as it has been, so that made the day a lot easier for me. RA still flaring away, but being in the pool helped that, too. I feel like I'm finally on an upward trajectory, health-wise. I hope it lasts!
DS1 has mastered it, DD's almost there, but DS2 won't even attempt it.
We spent the afternoon at a friend's house, with all the kids playing in the pool. I was astonished that DS2 actually wanted to swim, for the first time ever. From the steps to me, from me back to the steps, with a pretty decent freestyle. But he needs to learn how to come up for air! He'll get it, eventually.
We made cookies this morning and brought some with us, and they were all devoured. Fortunately we left some home, for us, for the weekend.
It was a good day. My taste buds seem to be reviving, and my stomach wasn't nearly as messed up as it has been, so that made the day a lot easier for me. RA still flaring away, but being in the pool helped that, too. I feel like I'm finally on an upward trajectory, health-wise. I hope it lasts!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
good day
More or less.
I think my taste buds are coming back. The roast chicken at dinner tonight tasted like chicken. I noticed that my sense of smell is working fine, and it is just totally weird when I taste something and the taste doesn't match the smell at all! Mostly, I'm getting just... nothing. Not an altered taste, but no sense of certain tastes at all.
I seriously hope this is temporary, because I am going to have a hell of a time being any kind of a food writer if my sense of taste is gone. If this is permanent, I will cry.
We shopped today, and I finally did get some laundry going, nothing much else. But I came home and prepped the chicken and put on the stock to simmer, and dinner was recognizable to anyone as just that, dinner. Usually I do rather unusual (that is, lame) things around the vegetable department, for dinner -- sliced apples make a frequent appearance as a "vegetable." Hey, they're good for you! The kids eat them, too. Sometimes it's hard coming up with a protein and two side dishes every single day. Last night we had quesadillas. Our "vegetables": salsa and chopped avocado. Works for me. (heh)
I feel the time running through my fingers but can't get twisted about it. Stuff will get done, or it won't. There's nothing really pressing pending, besides packing, and that's for next week.
I think my taste buds are coming back. The roast chicken at dinner tonight tasted like chicken. I noticed that my sense of smell is working fine, and it is just totally weird when I taste something and the taste doesn't match the smell at all! Mostly, I'm getting just... nothing. Not an altered taste, but no sense of certain tastes at all.
I seriously hope this is temporary, because I am going to have a hell of a time being any kind of a food writer if my sense of taste is gone. If this is permanent, I will cry.
We shopped today, and I finally did get some laundry going, nothing much else. But I came home and prepped the chicken and put on the stock to simmer, and dinner was recognizable to anyone as just that, dinner. Usually I do rather unusual (that is, lame) things around the vegetable department, for dinner -- sliced apples make a frequent appearance as a "vegetable." Hey, they're good for you! The kids eat them, too. Sometimes it's hard coming up with a protein and two side dishes every single day. Last night we had quesadillas. Our "vegetables": salsa and chopped avocado. Works for me. (heh)
I feel the time running through my fingers but can't get twisted about it. Stuff will get done, or it won't. There's nothing really pressing pending, besides packing, and that's for next week.
disturbed
I'm up late again tonight, although I slept for probably an hour earlier, lying on the couch not-watching Hitchcock's Rope. I have been TiVOing a lot of old movies lately, and that was one that showed up, but I realized I have seen it before so I just drifted right off to sleep.
This is one of those times when there's just too much happening, and I don't know when I'll be able to just release everything... I have the kids all day, which is really fine, but it's better when I get more sleep. Then there's the Rosie situation, which is not fine even though it was a good decision and the right decision, but it's just there, hanging in the background, waiting for me to deal with it.
Then there are people around me who are dealing with various stresses of their own, and I am of no help whatsoever, which sucks.
Last, I'm still feeling punked from the radiation etc. My salivaries do weird things from time to time, not as bad as they were in February, just not normal. Taste and digestion are still shot, and my diet has been terrible. Nothing really tastes good and eating just makes me feel (and be) sick, so -- ick. But I do eat, and I'm trying to be good about taking my supplements as well as my meds. Drinking is really a problem, since water tastes particularly horrible these days. Ice-cold Propel is about the only thing that tastes decent; my sense of sweet taste is working the best. Great! Just what I need -- only my sweet tastebuds are working! My teeth have become really sensitive but I have been too lazy to do flouride treatments. And my hands are killing me.
It's a vicious cycle, this is. The radiation causes physical side effects which produce stress, and the stress feeds into its own physical manifestations, which of course creates more stress...
Tomorrow: shopping, and probably making cookies. We need to shop for DH for Father's Day, we'll see how that goes. I should make a list of the things I want to get done before I leave, but that will probably send me right over the edge. I'm going to take it day by day and try to manage better that way.
This is one of those times when there's just too much happening, and I don't know when I'll be able to just release everything... I have the kids all day, which is really fine, but it's better when I get more sleep. Then there's the Rosie situation, which is not fine even though it was a good decision and the right decision, but it's just there, hanging in the background, waiting for me to deal with it.
Then there are people around me who are dealing with various stresses of their own, and I am of no help whatsoever, which sucks.
Last, I'm still feeling punked from the radiation etc. My salivaries do weird things from time to time, not as bad as they were in February, just not normal. Taste and digestion are still shot, and my diet has been terrible. Nothing really tastes good and eating just makes me feel (and be) sick, so -- ick. But I do eat, and I'm trying to be good about taking my supplements as well as my meds. Drinking is really a problem, since water tastes particularly horrible these days. Ice-cold Propel is about the only thing that tastes decent; my sense of sweet taste is working the best. Great! Just what I need -- only my sweet tastebuds are working! My teeth have become really sensitive but I have been too lazy to do flouride treatments. And my hands are killing me.
It's a vicious cycle, this is. The radiation causes physical side effects which produce stress, and the stress feeds into its own physical manifestations, which of course creates more stress...
Tomorrow: shopping, and probably making cookies. We need to shop for DH for Father's Day, we'll see how that goes. I should make a list of the things I want to get done before I leave, but that will probably send me right over the edge. I'm going to take it day by day and try to manage better that way.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Shark Boy & Lava Girl
We went today, and I was expecting it to be entirely without redeeming qualities, but it wasn't as wretched as I expected. That was a pleasant surprise.
I'm not saying it was great, or even good, but it moved at a pretty brisk pace, which was merciful, considering. The real downfall of the movie is the blasted 3-D, which renders everything black-and-white, mostly. What is the point of going to a dream planet, and limiting your color palette to black-and-white? Stupid. I'll never understand Rodriguez.
That said, there was some stuff that was surprising, like Lava Girl's troubled self-examination. She couldn't reconcile her destructive nature (being made of lava, she destroys everything she touches) with her innate desire to be good, and her belief in her own goodness. She couldn't figure out how she fit into the world. I'm not going to give up the answer -- for one reason, it didn't make all that much sense -- but I enjoyed the fact that this kind of question was even posed.
I did feel as if I was being clonked on the head by dropping anvils, nearly throughout the picture. The moralizing wasn't just obvious, it was exceedingly clumsy. There was no lyricism at all in this picture, but there was a considerable amount of homage, if not downright plagiarism. The kids' acting was better than the adults'. Pretty much all of the secondary characters (everyone except Max, LG, and SB) had dual roles, and while George Lopez was OK in the dream world, he was completely abysmal in the real world. I don't know whether to blame the script, the directing, or the actor, but that particular character was terrible. It's really too bad, too, because it is a rather pivotal role, and if it had been handled well, it could've made a huge difference in the movie. Lopez just never put out a "teacher" vibe. He was much better as the villain!
I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone over the age of 10, say, but my 3 kiddoes did enjoy it, and it didn't make me want to rip my eyes out. Considering how poorly this movie has been reviewed, I think that's pretty high praise.
postscript: I realized this much later this evening -- tucked among all the previews for upcoming kids' movies was a trailer for the new Keira Knightley version of Pride and Prejudice. Yep, they threw all of us long-suffering moms a bone there: "Hey, look, a chick flick!" Since I had no idea they were doing a new version, I was very psyched by the preview. I love Keira (Pirates of the Caribbean is on as I type this, probably one of my favorite non-sci-fi action movies, ever), and she looked and sounded great in the preview.
I'm not saying it was great, or even good, but it moved at a pretty brisk pace, which was merciful, considering. The real downfall of the movie is the blasted 3-D, which renders everything black-and-white, mostly. What is the point of going to a dream planet, and limiting your color palette to black-and-white? Stupid. I'll never understand Rodriguez.
That said, there was some stuff that was surprising, like Lava Girl's troubled self-examination. She couldn't reconcile her destructive nature (being made of lava, she destroys everything she touches) with her innate desire to be good, and her belief in her own goodness. She couldn't figure out how she fit into the world. I'm not going to give up the answer -- for one reason, it didn't make all that much sense -- but I enjoyed the fact that this kind of question was even posed.
I did feel as if I was being clonked on the head by dropping anvils, nearly throughout the picture. The moralizing wasn't just obvious, it was exceedingly clumsy. There was no lyricism at all in this picture, but there was a considerable amount of homage, if not downright plagiarism. The kids' acting was better than the adults'. Pretty much all of the secondary characters (everyone except Max, LG, and SB) had dual roles, and while George Lopez was OK in the dream world, he was completely abysmal in the real world. I don't know whether to blame the script, the directing, or the actor, but that particular character was terrible. It's really too bad, too, because it is a rather pivotal role, and if it had been handled well, it could've made a huge difference in the movie. Lopez just never put out a "teacher" vibe. He was much better as the villain!
I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone over the age of 10, say, but my 3 kiddoes did enjoy it, and it didn't make me want to rip my eyes out. Considering how poorly this movie has been reviewed, I think that's pretty high praise.
postscript: I realized this much later this evening -- tucked among all the previews for upcoming kids' movies was a trailer for the new Keira Knightley version of Pride and Prejudice. Yep, they threw all of us long-suffering moms a bone there: "Hey, look, a chick flick!" Since I had no idea they were doing a new version, I was very psyched by the preview. I love Keira (Pirates of the Caribbean is on as I type this, probably one of my favorite non-sci-fi action movies, ever), and she looked and sounded great in the preview.
meanwhile
Busy as all get out.
Having purged my bookcases and closet and the kids' playroom, I'm now in the process of getting all the purged stuff out of the house. With the exception of a few books we traded in at Bookman's, everything is getting donated, but it needs to be tallied first, and it's being donated to 3 different places, which necessitates a bit of running around.
I promised the kids I'd take them to see the no doubt insufferable Shark Boy and Lava Girl movie, which I fervently wish was not 3-D, but I don't have that kind of control over the universe, unfortunately.
Still in flare, which hasn't made all this work any easier. Of course, typing that, I realize that all this work is probably what's keeping me in the flare. That sucks. I've done so well for months now without needing any pain meds on a regular basis, I really don't want to cave and start taking them again, but if this keeps up, I'm going to need something. My hands were killing me all day, especially. Of course carrying bags and boxes of books around isn't exactly easy on the hands.
DH took Rosie over to the vet this morning. I thought I should do it but he told me no, even though I feel guilty. I feel less guilty than I did yesterday morning, though, since yesterday afternoon the laundry room was half-covered by a puddle of cat piss. Nothing like mopping up for the n-teenth time to steel your resolve. I cleaned out everything today, and scrubbed the floor in there (again). I must stress that scrubbing tile on hands and knees is very tough on the knees and no picnic for the hands, either.
It's so odd that Rosie is not here anymore.
In the evenings, I close all the blinds except the one on the sliding door to the patio, because Rosie would always come in and out at least 3 or 4 times before we went to bed. Tonight I followed that old pattern for no reason except I wasn't thinking. It only took me a few minutes to realize there was no reason to leave that last blind open anymore. I'm sure there will be many little moments like that over the coming days and weeks.
I haven't let myself get too upset today. I have this feeling of having too much to do, I don't have time for it. Also if I start crying I don't know when I'll stop, and that's no good. I feel sad she's gone and guilty because I sent her away, but also relieved, and I feel guilty for that, too. I choke up from time to time, I tear up, too. I know I'll cry eventually. Just not today.
I'm in Dory mode: Just keep swimming... just keep swimming...
Having purged my bookcases and closet and the kids' playroom, I'm now in the process of getting all the purged stuff out of the house. With the exception of a few books we traded in at Bookman's, everything is getting donated, but it needs to be tallied first, and it's being donated to 3 different places, which necessitates a bit of running around.
I promised the kids I'd take them to see the no doubt insufferable Shark Boy and Lava Girl movie, which I fervently wish was not 3-D, but I don't have that kind of control over the universe, unfortunately.
Still in flare, which hasn't made all this work any easier. Of course, typing that, I realize that all this work is probably what's keeping me in the flare. That sucks. I've done so well for months now without needing any pain meds on a regular basis, I really don't want to cave and start taking them again, but if this keeps up, I'm going to need something. My hands were killing me all day, especially. Of course carrying bags and boxes of books around isn't exactly easy on the hands.
DH took Rosie over to the vet this morning. I thought I should do it but he told me no, even though I feel guilty. I feel less guilty than I did yesterday morning, though, since yesterday afternoon the laundry room was half-covered by a puddle of cat piss. Nothing like mopping up for the n-teenth time to steel your resolve. I cleaned out everything today, and scrubbed the floor in there (again). I must stress that scrubbing tile on hands and knees is very tough on the knees and no picnic for the hands, either.
It's so odd that Rosie is not here anymore.
In the evenings, I close all the blinds except the one on the sliding door to the patio, because Rosie would always come in and out at least 3 or 4 times before we went to bed. Tonight I followed that old pattern for no reason except I wasn't thinking. It only took me a few minutes to realize there was no reason to leave that last blind open anymore. I'm sure there will be many little moments like that over the coming days and weeks.
I haven't let myself get too upset today. I have this feeling of having too much to do, I don't have time for it. Also if I start crying I don't know when I'll stop, and that's no good. I feel sad she's gone and guilty because I sent her away, but also relieved, and I feel guilty for that, too. I choke up from time to time, I tear up, too. I know I'll cry eventually. Just not today.
I'm in Dory mode: Just keep swimming... just keep swimming...
retrospective
First Day Home
Drying off after her flea bath. (That's me.)
Meeting (some of) the family...
I still can't believe she was ever that tiny.
Uncle P
Aunt L
Attack! Attack!
Kitten action shots are the best... I have no idea what she was attempting with this move, other than a basic "Get it!" but it still looks hysterical to me.
Lobster!
Rosie was adopted from the Boston Humane Society's shelter. We love lobster and were lucky that in Boston it's fairly easy to come by. With a kitten, live lobster means not just a great dinner, but the evening's entertainment as well.
What is this thing?
Am I supposed to eat this or play with it? It's rather cold and icky, if you ask me!
Now that you mention it, this stuff smells pretty good. Can I have some?
Get it off! This is so undignified!
Mom, how many times are you going to wave that same stupid claw in front of me? Give me that thing!
(Until I found this photo, I had completely forgotten that I had ever had (ick) bangs.)
The Lookout
When are you coming home? I'm waiting for you!
Suspicious
I know you're packing... where are you going? Do you think I don't know overnight bags when I see them? When are you coming back? Can I go with you? Please?
Athlete
Her favorite sport: chase the tape measure. She was bored by laser pointers, but a tape measure? Oh, yeah. Them's good huntin'.
Rest in peace, little love.
Rosie
July ?, 1993 - June 14, 2005
Drying off after her flea bath. (That's me.)
Meeting (some of) the family...
I still can't believe she was ever that tiny.
Uncle P
Aunt L
Attack! Attack!
Kitten action shots are the best... I have no idea what she was attempting with this move, other than a basic "Get it!" but it still looks hysterical to me.
Lobster!
Rosie was adopted from the Boston Humane Society's shelter. We love lobster and were lucky that in Boston it's fairly easy to come by. With a kitten, live lobster means not just a great dinner, but the evening's entertainment as well.
What is this thing?
Am I supposed to eat this or play with it? It's rather cold and icky, if you ask me!
Now that you mention it, this stuff smells pretty good. Can I have some?
Get it off! This is so undignified!
Mom, how many times are you going to wave that same stupid claw in front of me? Give me that thing!
(Until I found this photo, I had completely forgotten that I had ever had (ick) bangs.)
The Lookout
When are you coming home? I'm waiting for you!
Suspicious
I know you're packing... where are you going? Do you think I don't know overnight bags when I see them? When are you coming back? Can I go with you? Please?
Athlete
Her favorite sport: chase the tape measure. She was bored by laser pointers, but a tape measure? Oh, yeah. Them's good huntin'.
Rest in peace, little love.
Rosie
July ?, 1993 - June 14, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
follow up (the whole body scan experience)
I had my follow up whole body scan this morning.
It really isn't so bad, dragging my butt out of bed at 6:30, cleaning my teeth and face, getting dressed, and hopping in the car to get to the hospital in the heart of downtown Phoenix by 7:45 so I could check in. Obviously there are better ways to spend a morning, but it really isn't that bad. If, on the other hand, that trip represented my daily commute, I would probably be suicidal after a month.
At the registration desk, whoever entered my appointment had omitted my middle name, and so the computer didn't recognize me. I told the woman who was registering me that I was just there on June 3, and I have been a patient there since November. It took a fair amount of I-don't-know-what to consolidate the two records, and then to figure out how much I owed them for my procedures. I spent over a half-hour on registration!
Then, on to the scan. My wait in the imaging department was mercifully brief, and then I spent another hour+ in the scanner. Being in the scanner is not difficult, but it's not relaxing, either. You really can't fall asleep because you have to hold yourself together, more or less. I don't know how bigger people manage on those narrow beds! I'm basically a twig (scant 130 pounds stretched out over 5 feet, 7+ inches) and I didn't feel very secure. The velcro straps they put over you don't really help all that much, but they do help.
Today my hands got a little numb; on the 3rd, my arms felt dead for their entire lengths. So today was better, although I have no idea why.
I wrote on the 3rd that I was thinking of that classic Gloria Swanson line, All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up. A nuclear scan is about the closest close-up you can imagine. The scan plate starts out over your head and neck, and it is literally only an inch or so from your nose. I have said to more than one technician that I'm always worried that I'll sneeze and give myself a concussion. It's a funny comment, but it's also a serious consideration. The scanner plates are large -- probably at least 2 feet, square -- and fixed in place by their robotic arms that move them around. It's not like you could just tap the thing and have it swing out of the way.
My other thought on being in the scanner is that it is not so much like the traditional coffin as it is like a sarcophagus, the Egyption fitted coffins that all those mummified pharoahs were placed in. Even with the sarcophagus feeling, I prefer the nuclear scan to an MRI, say, because it's very quiet. Every time the MRI noise went off I felt as if I would jump out of my skin, no matter how hard I tried to brace myself for the next round. It's just so loud!
On the 3rd, I lay on the scanner thinking, I bet I'm going to light up like a Christmas tree, but the scan image itself is a negative, so the more uptake there is a given area, the darker that area appears. On the 3rd, my scan was clean, except for the expected areas of uptake, like the salivary glands, nasal mucusa, a bit in the liver and stomach, a little in the bladder. The preliminary scan they did on the 2nd showed a faint shadow in my neck, but in the final scan on the 3rd, that area was clear. The doctor told me they sometimes see some faint uptake in the carotid arteries like that, and since it was definitely gone on the 3rd, I didn't worry about it.
In sharp contrast to my scans on the 2nd and 3rd, which I fervently hoped would be clean, today, I was hoping that something would show up. We knew from my elevated Thyroglobulin that there was still some cancer somewhere in my body. If today's scan was negative, that would've been very unusual, and very bad. A negative scan today would mean that my cancer had somehow become undifferentiated, and was no longer taking up radioactive iodine. Since we use RAI to both monitor and treat thyroid cancer, that would've been dire news.
So I was quite relieved to see the three little dark spots along the cervical chain of lymph nodes in the right side of my neck, and not all that surprised, either. The doctor was pleased with the amount of uptake -- he was surprised that there was so much. Why didn't they show up on the first scans?, I wondered, but I'm not going to be torturing myself with that. If they had, I might have had to go for surgery... but they didn't (I saw the scans, I know!), and so we went with the RAI... and here's hoping it will do the trick.
I still think there is a very good chance that this last round of RAI will be the last treatment I'll ever need for my thyroid cancer, as long as I keep my TSH suppressed. I'm willing to do that. I go back for another scan in 6 months, and then we'll see.
It really isn't so bad, dragging my butt out of bed at 6:30, cleaning my teeth and face, getting dressed, and hopping in the car to get to the hospital in the heart of downtown Phoenix by 7:45 so I could check in. Obviously there are better ways to spend a morning, but it really isn't that bad. If, on the other hand, that trip represented my daily commute, I would probably be suicidal after a month.
At the registration desk, whoever entered my appointment had omitted my middle name, and so the computer didn't recognize me. I told the woman who was registering me that I was just there on June 3, and I have been a patient there since November. It took a fair amount of I-don't-know-what to consolidate the two records, and then to figure out how much I owed them for my procedures. I spent over a half-hour on registration!
Then, on to the scan. My wait in the imaging department was mercifully brief, and then I spent another hour+ in the scanner. Being in the scanner is not difficult, but it's not relaxing, either. You really can't fall asleep because you have to hold yourself together, more or less. I don't know how bigger people manage on those narrow beds! I'm basically a twig (scant 130 pounds stretched out over 5 feet, 7+ inches) and I didn't feel very secure. The velcro straps they put over you don't really help all that much, but they do help.
Today my hands got a little numb; on the 3rd, my arms felt dead for their entire lengths. So today was better, although I have no idea why.
I wrote on the 3rd that I was thinking of that classic Gloria Swanson line, All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up. A nuclear scan is about the closest close-up you can imagine. The scan plate starts out over your head and neck, and it is literally only an inch or so from your nose. I have said to more than one technician that I'm always worried that I'll sneeze and give myself a concussion. It's a funny comment, but it's also a serious consideration. The scanner plates are large -- probably at least 2 feet, square -- and fixed in place by their robotic arms that move them around. It's not like you could just tap the thing and have it swing out of the way.
My other thought on being in the scanner is that it is not so much like the traditional coffin as it is like a sarcophagus, the Egyption fitted coffins that all those mummified pharoahs were placed in. Even with the sarcophagus feeling, I prefer the nuclear scan to an MRI, say, because it's very quiet. Every time the MRI noise went off I felt as if I would jump out of my skin, no matter how hard I tried to brace myself for the next round. It's just so loud!
On the 3rd, I lay on the scanner thinking, I bet I'm going to light up like a Christmas tree, but the scan image itself is a negative, so the more uptake there is a given area, the darker that area appears. On the 3rd, my scan was clean, except for the expected areas of uptake, like the salivary glands, nasal mucusa, a bit in the liver and stomach, a little in the bladder. The preliminary scan they did on the 2nd showed a faint shadow in my neck, but in the final scan on the 3rd, that area was clear. The doctor told me they sometimes see some faint uptake in the carotid arteries like that, and since it was definitely gone on the 3rd, I didn't worry about it.
In sharp contrast to my scans on the 2nd and 3rd, which I fervently hoped would be clean, today, I was hoping that something would show up. We knew from my elevated Thyroglobulin that there was still some cancer somewhere in my body. If today's scan was negative, that would've been very unusual, and very bad. A negative scan today would mean that my cancer had somehow become undifferentiated, and was no longer taking up radioactive iodine. Since we use RAI to both monitor and treat thyroid cancer, that would've been dire news.
So I was quite relieved to see the three little dark spots along the cervical chain of lymph nodes in the right side of my neck, and not all that surprised, either. The doctor was pleased with the amount of uptake -- he was surprised that there was so much. Why didn't they show up on the first scans?, I wondered, but I'm not going to be torturing myself with that. If they had, I might have had to go for surgery... but they didn't (I saw the scans, I know!), and so we went with the RAI... and here's hoping it will do the trick.
I still think there is a very good chance that this last round of RAI will be the last treatment I'll ever need for my thyroid cancer, as long as I keep my TSH suppressed. I'm willing to do that. I go back for another scan in 6 months, and then we'll see.
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