whee!

...
I've stayed up late the past 2 nights and now it is totally catching up to me. I'm just beat, and feel like I've been hit by a truck. Consequently, I'm in sweats (well, technically, yoga pants, but really, what's the difference?) and probably look like hell... so be it. I'm just taking it easy today after way too much running around and the late nights.

DS2 didn't want to get dressed today, either, so he's still in pj's. Not a big deal. Once in a while, you just need to lie around the house and not do anything. That's today... although I do need to vaccuum desperately. Don't know if I will or not, ! I did manage to clean off the counter (always a herculean task if left more than one or 2 days, the thing accumulates stuff from all points of the galaxy.)

DH is home from work, not well. I checked on him a little while ago, he is sleeping but felt a little warm. It could just be from sleeping (I love that sleep-warm feeling), but he could also be running a fever, as he was complaining of body aches. He really must be miserable to have come home from work. He never does that. Of course, he has been up late the past 2 nights watching "Gangs of New York" (ick), so maybe it's just that catching up with him. I do hope he doesn't have the stomach thing that we all got. I was hoping he'd been spared.

My "boss" called me this afternoon to talk about how to proceed with the freelance project. I'm going to participate in a phone meeting (oh, excuse me "teleconference" early next week to "meet" the developers I'll be working with. For. You know what I mean. So I guess I'm employed.

We'll see how it goes. Doubts are starting to creep in as they always do with me. I have (or had in the past) a major case of "imposter syndrome", where I don't think I'm capable of doing whatever is that I'm doing. You know, like I'm really faking it, and sooner or later someone is going to figure that out and expose me as the fraud I am.

I know exactly why this happens. I also, objectively, know it's bullshit. But I still get these feelings from time to time. I have to beat myself over the head with my real, actual accomplishments, reviews and professional recommendations that are nothing to sneeze at. As for the writing... I've a substantial body of work now and I know I can do it. So why the doubts?

I'm sure because it's new and out of my comfort zone. No matter, I'll deal, it will quickly become not-new and part of the "zone".

I put together another column last night. I'm suddenly inspired to crank them out before I get too busy with the freelance project. I need to let it sit for a day or two and revisit it, but I was really pleased with it last night when I finished. Of course that was at 1 AM when my judgement may have been somewhat impaired -- hence the waiting period and planned review!

OK, I have some time before I need to pick up DS1 at school, so I think I'll try and go knock off another one.