Is Mercury Retrograde?

...
That could explain all the bad karma/negative energy we have been dealing with lately.

I just told DH I feel like it's 2AM. I'm wiped out. I'm sure he is, too -- difficult time with DS1 at baseball practice.

DS1 has a history of "going off", getting upset over things and over-reacting, and then taking way too long to get settled back down. He was the toddler who could scream and carry on for an hour and half, all by himself, in his playpen... took me too long to realize that he literally could not control himself, he didn't know how. Several counseling sessions and many books later, I've learned some skills to help him learn to moderate his responses and cope with the world, but sometimes he still just wigs out. Happened with DH today, and it just lasted forever, so when they finally got home I ended up spending another 20 minutes helping him to understand what happened and how to deal better next time.

His new thing is that some little thing will go wrong (often only in his imagination) and from there, it's the END OF THE WORLD! Nobody likes him, he's got no friends, the family doesn't love him anymore, blah blah blah. It would be funny if it's weren't so sad to see this little guy, almost 7, really talking himself into this completely bleak outlook on literaly EVERYTHING. So, today's lesson: you make a mistake, you fix it, and MOVE ON. Let's hope it sticks. A big part of today's problem was sheer exhaustion. First week back at school after vacation, and not enough sleep, since we're still working out the kinks in the "getting to bed on time" thing.

Sometimes, I feel like the lamest mom in the world... so lame I can't get my kids in bed on time... but I do the best I can, and that's all I can do. Some days I do get the kids in bed on time, and then they are up giggling and getting a drink of water and using the bathroom and whatnot -- it's out of my hands, really, unless I tie them to their beds! Not an option, but one I have considered. I don't waste time on guilt but I do get frustrated!

So, I may get a job, ! One of my best friends, whom I used to work with back at Oracle, called last night asking if I might be interested in doing some free-lance work for another friend of hers. I sent off a bunch of links for him to look at, we'll see if anything comes of it. Since it would be 100% telecommuting, it sounds possible, but since at this point I don't know anything about the scope of the projects or the nature of the actual work, I'll just have to wait and see. It was great hearing from my friend and catching up on all her news.

Then my sister called today, and she and her younger DD are going to go on South Beach, so we chatted LC a bit and I sent her the link to the 3-minute chocolate cake on the forum, and some other LC info & stuff. I was kind of surprised when she said I was -- now I can't remember the exact word, but it might have been "militant", because I cheat ALL THE TIME, really. You're looking at the chocolate queen, the real (very good) stuff. Of course I don't eat it by the pound, a piece here & there -- in strict moderation, it doesn't affect me, so it's OK.

I do think I probably WAS militant when I first saw the LC light. I tend to be rather, um, forceful and ... well, opinionated. Yes, I believe the term "know it all" would have my picture next to it in the dictionary... at least a 1998 edition would. As I get older I look back on my earlier behaviors and cringe at how obnoxious I've been. I realize now that everyone has to find their own way, as I'm constantly telling the kids: the only person you can control is YOURSELF... the less you try to control others, the happier your life will be. And, since the only person you can control is yourself, if you have a problem, it's YOUR responsibility to deal with it... can't wait for someone to come along and "fix" you, or whatever your problem is.

I honestly hope their lives are easier than mine has been (or at least, was, until I met DH). So many years I spent struggling, and it took me way too long to learn that lesson.

Mom has definitely turned the corner on the stomach virus, thank God. *whew*

I'm so tired of butting heads with my kids these days. Maybe it's because Gramma just arrived, or school just started, or vacation is over, but whatever the heck it is, I am DONE with it. I had major rows with DD (she wouldn't put on her socks! She's five, and makes a big deal that she "can't" put on her socks! Give me a f***ing break!), at least 2 major rows with DS2, and then there was DS1's meltdown with DH. I need a vacation. I just had a vacation, but I need another one!

So, today, January 8, 2004 is the 20th anniversary of my first marriage. Creepy. Glad I got out of that one.

In spite of all my whining here, I do realize what a blessed life I have, especially when I think of where I was, back in my previous marriage and subsequent relationships.