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Another pheonomenally busy day, with a high frazzle factor thanks to DS2, in the throes of becoming THREE!
Lord, deliver me from 3-year-olds that say things like, "I'm going to give you 10 spanks!" Or, "I'm going to break all the trees into little pieces!" You've got to admire the kid's vocabulary and elocution, but the sentiments could use some work.
Usual school ferrying, blah blah blah. DD and DS1 had dentist appointments this afternoon; left DS2 home with Gramma and a bunch of programs on the TiVO. I picked up DS1 at school, had him & DD eat their snack in the car on the way there. Brushed teeth at the dentist's office in the few minutes we had before the hygenist called us back.
Both of them did really well, especially DS1, who needed some scraping. I had been dreading that appointment for him, because he has a sensitive gag reflex and not very good muscle control over his mouth/lips, so there was potential for difficulty. But he did super, even the hygenist remarked on how well he did, so that was good. DS1 even did his math homework while DD was getting her teeth cleaned! How great is that?
So I was in a good a mood until I walked into the house and could smell DS2. You guessed it, he pooped, and "wouldn't let" Gramma change his diaper. The array of emotions that went through me when presented with this situation was astounding, but I mostly ignored them (and let them sort themselves out) while I got busy and cleaned him up (and now he has a rash on his butt!), and then cleaned up the quart of water that spilled out of DS1's water bottle when his backpack fell on the floor, and then cleaned up DD's muddy shoes and socks, which she had destroyed at school earlier in the day. Then I went upstairs and cleaned the 2 bathrooms up there, because I was so flummoxed I needed the time alone.
OK, so here's what I was thinking:
What is wrong with my mother that she will let a kid hang out in a poopy diaper for over half an hour? I'm not exaggerating, the smell filled the entire downstairs of the house.
I know, she didn't want to antagonize DS2 further, because he has been very offputting to her, not wanting her to do anything. But, c'mon, he's not even 3 yet, he stinks, and it's not a good thing to leave a kid in a dirty diaper like that! At a certain point, what the kid wants is irrelevant, and this is one of those times.
The only thing I said to her was, "Mom, if this ever happens again, you've got to change him. He has a rash now. "(she looked abashed) "I know he'll scream, but then you could put Scooby-doo or something on the TV for him, to distract him, and he would settle down eventually."
Seriously, why did I need to explain this to her? I felt like I was dealing with a teenage babysitter who had never had to deal with a situation like this before, which is so far from the truth... I'm the youngest of seven, my mom has 14 grandchildren (I think, too lazy to tote them all up now), and 2 great-grandchildren now, and has decades of experience in dealing with babies, toddlers, and children of all ages.
I know that she's most comfortable with little babies, and she's trying hard not to take DS2's tantrums and negativity towards her personally, but I'm sure it hurts her. But one of the reasons that DS2 is still so stand-offish is that she does nothing to engage him. She doesn't offer to take him for walks, or read to him, or even sit and watch his TV shows with him. She rarely interacts with the kids at all, so far, this trip. It could be that she's still peaked from that stomach virus, but I'm not so sure that's what it is.
During her last trip, I was pretty much out of it the entire time she was here. I had just had my surgery and did a lot of sleeping and resting and let her do most of the cooking and other things. Honestly, I didn't notice whether or not she interacted with the kids back in November, so I can't tell if this is a recent change or not. It could just be a change because the kids are older and she really dotes on the babies.
Now I'm back to normal and we have fallen into our old routines, where she and I share dinner duties and she has taken over the laundry. Today, when I was cleaning up the water-bottle mess, she helped Lucas do his spelling homework, reading him the words and checking his spelling. That was great, but really it's the first thing I've seen her do with him, since she got here...
I'm not complaining. I'm concerned. I've noticed when she is making a salad or something that she often leans on the counter, as if she didn't have the energy to stand up. She has told me that she still gets out of breath often. At Mass last weekend, she didn't say any of the prayers out loud. Perhaps the most disturbing thing she told me was that, before Christmas, she "prayed just to survive each day," !!! It seems as if she is regretting even having the triple bypass she had last spring. It makes me very sad and worried for her.
At the same time, though, I need to have a very clear picture of what she can and can't handle, or what she simply won't deal with, with respect to the kids. If she's not going to override DS2 to change his diaper, then the reality is, I can't leave DS2 with her. The older 2 kids are more self-sufficient and I'm sure she'd be fine with them, but she has to be willing to take a stronger tack with the little guy. If she doesn't feel as if she is physically capable of that, I need to know! I don't want to burden her with responsibilties that she doesn't feel capable of, and I don't want to leave the kids with someone who can't care for them.
The main problem is, I don't know how to bring this up to her. I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel as if she is a disappointment to me or that she is letting me down. She needs to be honest with herself and with me about what she can do, and what she will do or wants to do... Of course it could be that she just let the dirty diaper issue go today because she just didn't want to deal with it. I can see that... I don't agree with it, but I can see it.
I'm having such a hard time wrapping my head around why this happened... perhaps other folks will think I'm making too much of this situation, the "mountain out of the molehill" thing. But I don't think I'm blowing it out of proportion.
I am going to have to find a way to bring this up with my Mom.
*sigh*
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