Desert Outdoor Center, Lake Pleasant

As Nina said, in a completely different context, "It’s beautiful here. It is possible to understand that life can be at once simple and very magnificent."

Honeymoon Cove, the view from the path to the Girl's Cabin

We arrived Thursday morning and settled in. In truth, we had very little time for leisure, since we were busy with hikes and classes and eating (the children) or food preparation and clean-up (the adults). Our first mini-hike was down to the lake shore.

Colorful, and poisonous, beetles crawl about on a desert flower near the lake

Children can amuse themselves throwing objects into large bodies of water for as long as you'll let them. (Since I have no photo release paperwork on any children other than my own, I can't post any pictures of them...)

In the evening, we went on a "night hike", which theoretically would have been a good time to see wildlife. Reality: we were so noisy that any sane wildlife, hearing our approach, stayed well out of site. That's not to say it wasn't gorgeous anyway.

These teddy bear chollas seemed to glow in the late evening light

An exceptional saguaro cluster

Upon our return, we toasted marshmallows and made s'mores. There was some non-culinary excitement, too:

No one knows why, but all scorpions glow green under a black light.

In between, the kids had classes, taught by the park rangers, on setting and using a compass, cold-blooded animals, the difference between venomous and poisonous animals, archeology, and desert survival. They had hands-on classes in archeology and survival, too, as well as marine biology, trying to identify some of the organisms living in the muck at the bottom of the lake. Thursday ended with a team-building exercise they called "The Amazing Race," seven different stations requiring communication and negotiation among the team members to accomplish different tasks. They had a blast.

No one got much sleep -- the adults were kept busy keeping everyone fed and/or on-task, and the time passed very quickly. It was an exceptional experience -- the only negative I came away with was the sense that the children did not fully appreciate how extraordinary it really was. They're fourth-graders, after all; why should I expect different? I just know it was amazing, and I hope they realize it eventually, too.

whooped...

Returned this afternoon from an overnight field trip with DD to the Desert Outdoor Center at Lake Pleasant, where we took all kinds of classes, both day and evening.

I took a billion pictures and hope to post more later, but I have to clear the decks of my pending schoolwork, and get the housework javascript:void(0)under control as well.

the plan advances: AZ, done

I finished my Arizona Constitution review course today, a whole day before the deadline. Remarkable, for me.

I don't know why I'm still surprised by the amount of work these courses require. Part of the problem is that I take all my classes seriously and do all the reading, and then there's the thinking, and the writing, and all of that takes more time than I think it will. So for the past four weeks I've been a little bit squished, trying to get in both the AZ and US Constitution courses' reading/thinking/writing.

Polishing off AZ felt good today. My mood lifted substantially. I wasn't aware of feeling down or oppressed but I suppose I was -- or perhaps it's just that latest uptick in my thyroid medication taking effect.

I should be good to go for the state test on June 6. And on Monday at 5PM, my scores on my biology AEPA will be available online, and if I passed, I can apply to the certification program. Sometimes I think, why am I bothering to do all this? Will I ever actually teach?

Especially on painful days or generally-falling-apart days, I wonder about the wisdom of planning to start a new, stressful full-time job just a few years shy of 50. Fortunately, my impersonation of a healthy, energetic 30-something is pretty convincing."Fake it till you make it" has been working pretty well so far, so I'll stick with it.

nostalgia

Lilac - NH state flower

Jacaranda - Arizona Wildflowers, George & Audry Delange

Delighting, briefly,
jacaranda can't replace
remembered lilacs

Hedge Roses - Photo by Beth Oram

Bougainvillea - Baiting Hollow Hummingbird Sanctuary

Lush bougainvillea
and oleander mimic
belov'd hedge roses

Forsythia - Photo by David Beaulieu

Palo Verde in bloom - Photo by Paul Sheppard

While palo verde
blooms evoke forsythia --
universal Spring.

late update

I'm three weeks in to my two new classes, one on the AZ constitution, and one on the US constitution, in preparation for my last state teacher test on June 6. The AZ course is fine, but I'm feeling like a 1L in the other, having just had to read extensively on the commerce clause. I will be happy if I never have to hear about the commerce clause again.

There have been times in the past when I've thought, Why didn't I go to law school? (Well, I know the answer to that, but I have thought it.) Now I know it's because I find it simultaneously tedious and infuriating, some of these decisions that came down and changed our course of history. Nope, I'm good where I am, no law career for me.

After the requisite 6 (or 8) weeks on the new dosage of Levoxyl (137) and keeping steady on my 10 mcg Cytomel, I had my blood work done. It took almost two weeks to hear back from the new endo, and I'm not happy. My TSH was down to 0.02, which is very low, even for me, but she wants it down to 0.01, and upped my dosage again, calling in a scrip for Levoxyl 150 for me to take Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, retest in 6 weeks, etc etc.

Three weeks ago when I had the blood drawn, I felt OK. Not great, but OK. Now I feel hot all the time and I'm having palpitations almost every day. Plus I have an unshakeable fatigue dogging me, eating away at my patience. The feeling hot thing is especially annoying because it got hot out today, I think we hit the triple digits, but I know that's not why I'm feeling hot, I'm about 6 feet away from the thermostat and it's a comfy 79 degrees in here.

I am feeling so crummy at this moment that I actually took my temperature to see if I'm running a low-grade fever: 96.9. Sheesh.

Also, I'm having itch problems again -- horribly, scalp and neck are the worst. My neck will break out in little hives three or four times a week, I have no idea why and I doubt I'll ever get an answer, but the itchiness is really annoying.

Joints are consistently a 4-5 on the pain scale, hands and feet worse from time to time. Back/flank pain seems related to how much time I spend slouched on the couch, or maybe not. It didn't bother me the days I was teaching last week, and is back now at about a 2-3, so easily ignorable for the most part.

I'm avoiding sugar (not all carbs, just refined sugar) in an effort to look a little sleeker before summer gets here, and have done well avoiding it, except last Friday when I shared a mocha with DS2 and had a few bites of DD's doughnut. I'm feeling thirsty and and kind of gross (nauseated) a lot of the time, but not so it's getting in the way of me doing anything. It would totally suck if the Domperidone stopped working.

Dr. C says he's going to try and get me off the speaking splint when I see him in 6 weeks. I'm trying to be a good patient and do my jaw stabilization exercises but I'm not, I'm supposed to do them 6x/day and I'm lucky if I remember to do them once or twice. Well, that's better than nothing, right?

I hate that I'm doing this, listing out every little thing that's bothering me -- but if I don't write it down I won't remember it (maybe that would be a good thing) -- well it would be OK if these problems went away but, not to be a pessimist or anything, with me, they aren't going away.

DH picked up my new Levoxyl, so I'll start it tomorrow as instructed. Maybe I'll feel better?

baaaaa!

That's "Baaaaa!" not "Bah!" Happy Easter!

This year I remembered the lamb cake pan I bought off eBay a few years ago, and the kids were enthusiastic about making one, so we went for it.

It came without directions, so I had to wing it. For future reference, here's what I learned:
- Grease and flour the pan very thoroughly, or it will stick
- the pan is not big enough to hold an entire cake mix, but it will hold more than half of one
- fill the pan basically up to the top but don't mound it in the center or it will cook over in huge globs
- referencing the previous point, put the mold on a cookie sheet before you put it in the oven, otherwise you could end up with a huge mess in your oven. It's much easier to clean a cookie sheet
- do take care to fill up the ear wells, because while the batter puffs up, it won't expand outward to fill the well
- contrary to some instructions you may find on the web, you do not fill both halves of the mold and then put them together with frosting. You put the front of the mold on your cookie sheet and fill it, then you attach the back part of the mold to the front and you bake it. The cake rises to fill the mold, or, if you don't put enough batter in, you get a lamb with a great front and flat back. I know this because after over-filling the first time, I under-filled the second, but doesn't it look cute anyway? I don't care about the back of the cake and I doubt anyone else ever will.
- in my oven, I had to bake it for an hour. Last night's first attempt fell apart because it wasn't baked to the point of having a nice brown crust that gave it some structural integrity. A white lamb cake tastes awesome -- delicate cake, mmm -- but falls apart before you can frost it.
- organic coconut flakes are a lot smaller than regular shredded coconut, which would work a lot better.
- recognize that this is more for show than eating (see point above on baking the cake to the point where it's firm), although the kids love the gobs of frosting

All in all, a successful outcome. Yesterday's practice lamb is just about gone, and we've already eaten half of the "overflow" cake made from the leftover batter. This is the frosting I used:


Meringue-Stabilized Buttercream Frosting

1 + 1/2 lb confectioner's sugar, sifted
3/4 C (about) Spectrum organic shortening
1/3 C water
2 T Just Whites powdered egg whites
1/8 t cream of tartar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt

Combine the water, Just Whites, and cream of tartar in a large mixing bowl. Beat at high speed until peaks form. Stir in 1/3 of the sugar, mix to blend. Alternately add the shortening and the rest of the sugar, beating well after each addition. Add the vanilla and the salt, beat well. Be sure to beat at high speed for at least 1-2 minutes to incorporate enough air so that the frosting will be spreadable. It "sets", which is essential here where it can be so hot -- and it tastes great.

rain

I'm up late listening to the rain, wondering why I have enough willpower to avoid the jellybeans, etc but not enough to 1) do my schoolwork ahead of time or 2) go to bed at a decent hour.

Today was busy: made 2 dozen hard-cooked eggs to be dyed tomorrow, did 4 loads of laundry (which takes a while given the antique status of the dryer), and attempted a cake in the lamb cake mold I bought off eBay sometime in the past few years. The first two efforts were relatively successful (a few of the eggs cracked, no big deal), but the cake was a disaster: underbaked, and therefore incapable of holding up.

The kids assure me it tastes great, though, so they'll have practice cake to eat on Saturday and I'll make another for Easter.

The PA at my doctor's office thinks the flank pain is nerve-related and sent me for x-rays. I haven't heard anything back on them yet, and I'm still waiting to hear about my thyroid bloodwork, as well. I feel off somehow, but not getting enough sleep is contributing to that, I'm sure. We'll see what the docs say. In the meantime I have a prescription for neurontin that I'm not taking because, you know, the pain just isn't that bad, most of the time.

For the record, I did try to do some of my reading this afternoon, but I couldn't keep my eyes open and ended up napping instead. Come to think of it, that may in fact explain why I'm still up now.

RotFP

Return of the Flank Pain... bad enough these past couple of days that I've taken ibuprofen (helped) or Aleve (didn't) to make it go away. It has been bothering me on and off since November, but lately it has stepped up a bit in intensity.

The first time I had flank pain, I was torquing my back getting DS2 into and out of his car seat, so that was about 7 years ago. I did a round of physical therapy and learned stretches for my quadratus lumborum, as well as strengthening exercises. The stretches aren't helping. I just looked at them again and realized the pain is up higher, tucked up under the rib cage, so it's a different thing altogether.

That said, I can never distinguish between musculo-skeletal pain and gut pain. I'd like it to go away so I can forget about it, but I'm making a note of it here so I can keep track of when it started to get worse.

I had my thyroid panel run today along with an A1C test to see how my blood sugar's doing. I think I need to step my meds down just a bit, and I hope my insulin metabolism isn't shot by the dietary changes I've had to make since the gastroparesis started late last year. (About the same time as the flank pain... hmmm.)

about that new profile photo

Inspirational, isn't it?

I once had occasion to refer to a particular portrayal of my patron saint as a psychotic teen, and I admit that at times I had problems with her life story. But as I get older I am better at appreciating what it took to do the things she did, and I regret ever dismissing her so lightly.

The original photo, from this post by Ann Althouse, is of a toy crusader she photographed at Ted's Toys in Cincinnati. Frequent Althouse commenter (and photoshopper) Chip Ahoy (read the profile, you'll be glad you did) modified the original image to create my very own Maid of Orleans. Yes, I know the real Jeanne d'Arc didn't use a war hammer, but out here in the blogosphere, I think a hammer-like approach is sometimes called for.

This comment thread is in the spirit of St. Jeanne d'Arc, aka St. Joan of Arc, my patron saint. ("quieti" is me.)

a bitter lesson, learned too soon

Rest in peace, Freddie.

DD's beloved little hamster died in her sleep Saturday evening.

We are all very sad.

... and done!

Overall, the Biology AEPA was an easier test than the Professional Knowledge - Secondary test, because there was a lot fewer (none, actually) fuzzy-thinking "best practices" questions. Also, only one essay, although it was 3+ pages (handwritten).

That said, I still had to outright guess on a few questions. The DNA replication diagram one in particular made absolutely no sense to me, I'd never seen anything like them before. Ah, well. Overall I feel pretty good about it, but I still need to look up phagocytosis and pinocytosis.

I found it odd that there wasn't a single question about photosynthesis, but there was a question about the sodium-potassium ion pumps in neurons. Jiminy Crickett, that's getting down to the atomic level, isn't it? I'm not saying I shouldn't know that stuff (I guessed on that one, too, since I remembered reading about it but none of the important details). Also, I'm not exactly sure how knowing what's caused air pollution in the eastern and midwestern parts of the country versus the western parts is immediately relevant to biology.

Overall, many fewer guesses than last time, and last time I did just fine. I can't imagine I didn't pass, and dread the idea of ever having to take this again. For now I'm just going to put it out of my head, because I won't get my score for another month.

pending...

Tomorrow morning is my AEPA Biology test. I took the practice test and choked on a number of human physiology questions, so I just crammed a bit there. I also realized that my lab experiences have been rather slight and I could get totally hammered there, so I did some reading up there, also, but probably not enough.

It will have to do, and by lunch tomorrow, it will all be over. I'm looking forward to that!

My pencils are sharpened, my ticket printed, and my eraser is at the ready. Now, to get some sleep!

every so often, I get lucky

Skill had nothing to do with this.It's a point-and-shoot camera that fits in my pocket.
Hummingbird drinking ocotillo nectar, Desert Botanical Garden.

Advanced preparation is everything. Cars without reservations aren't even allowed in the parking lot.
Foreground: Floats. Background: Red reeds. Both Chihuly 2008, at the DBG through May.

Goofing around by a ramada, my three kiddos enjoying their spring break.
Then again, it's true that we make our own luck.

for Nina

Riotous spring, Sonoran desert style

Ocean colors -- or should I say Ocean's author's favorite colors -- at the Desert Botanical Garden. This picture was one among dozens I snapped today, of Chihuly glasswork, butterflies, and children. It is impossible for me to see bright blue and yellow together and not think, "Nina's colors!"

Unlike me, Nina keeps mum about anything that belies her claim to sturdy Polish peasant stock. (My own Polish peasant stock is apparently locked in full-time battle with my Scots-Irish potato-famine-weakened stock). Regardless: today is a good day to send her digital flowers and good thoughts.

generational wisdom

I'm old enough now where it's going to happen more and more often -- someone I know, or know of, is going to die. Today, it was Ron Silver, the formerly liberal actor who had a Road to Damascus moment after 9/11, and spoke at the 2004 Republican National Convention.

Silver died from a cancer he had been battling for two years. I hope that his family and friends can gain some comfort, knowing that his suffering is over now.

I'm reminded of a hospital conversation I had with my Dad: Nothing lasts forever. Knowing that, you can savor the sweet moments attentively and endure the bad ones with grace. His suffering ended, too.

That life lesson reminded me of another, from my Nana, my father's mother. We were living in Dorchester, and she was staying with us. I may have been around 7 or 8 years old. I saw her stoop down to pick up something from the floor of the hall, a piece of thread or scrap of paper that didn't belong there. I asked her why she had done that -- she was there for a visit, not to clean the house, why did she bother? If I don't do it, who will? she said. To me, this was an entirely new attitude towards something that needed to be done: the idea of taking responsibility. When you're a little kid, it doesn't occur to you that you have that kind of power, or that kind of obligation. Nana had it down cold. If she could do it, she would, and not leave it for someone else to do -- nor would she ever make work for someone else if she could avoid it.

I am not as diligent or observant as I should be in following Nana's example, but I still remember it, going on forty years later. The real trick is teaching it to my own kids. I haven't quite figured that out yet.

44 ounces

That ovarian cyst-ish feeling I blogged about a while ago still hasn't gone away, although it's not causing me extreme pain anymore. There's just a dull ache that sometimes ratchets up to more but is generally constant. After 5 weeks of this nonsense I caved and went to my gynecologist, who felt what he thought was scar tissue but sent me for a pelvic ultrasound to check things out more thoroughly.

Monday, I'll be drinking 44 ounces of water in a half-hour period ending one hour before my appointment time. This procedure hugely inflates the bladder and so displaces the intestines so the ultrasound can more easily see what's going on in there. As far as I'm concerned, this prep qualifies as torture, especially to a woman whose main symptom is feeling like she needs to pee all the time.

I discussed with the scheduler whether or not I needed to do it. I actually went back in to ask the doctor about it, and he was sympathetic but insisted that I really do.

Now I have half a mind to just blow it off but that's irresponsible. I'll only be miserable for a couple of hours, and no lasting damage will be inflicted. I'm trying hard not to create some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy of doom, but it's not easy.

I'll be spending all weekend trying not to think about it.

Update: It wasn't so bad. This was the first post-hysterectomy pelvic ultrasound I've had, and it turns out that not having a uterus makes it easier on two fronts: first, there's more room for all that liquid, and second, the ultrasound itself is much less complex since there's no need to examine that major organ.

The right ovary looked a lot bigger than the left ovary, but that could have been because of zooming or the angle/perspective. I was able to watch the scan but I was not attentive enough to remember how big the two ovaries were while the tech was measuring them. It will be 3-5 days before I hear anything, which means it could go to next week.

bio labs

The introductory biology course I'm taking is designated BIO100. Instead of being a 14-week semester, it's compressed into 8 weeks. Over the course of this 8 weeks there are 6 labs, 5 essay assignments, 2 take-home tests, a mid-term, and a final exam -- that last is coming up quickly, March 21.

I will be so happy when this class is over. I happy to confirm that I do, in fact, love the material. I came into it thinking it would be mostly review, but it has been years (decades, really) since I took a formal bio course, and there have been lots of changes. Last time I studied taxonomy, for example, there were only two kingdoms, not five. It's very cool, learning all this new stuff. It's all very cool studying this stuff at a college level (getting into the nitty-gritty of cellular metabolism reactions, for example) rather than a high school or AP course level. But still, it's a grind, and since I worked three days this week and then went on an all-day field trip on Friday, I was scurrying today to do my lab.

The labs have been fun. Today's was on plant pigment chromatography.

Preparing the chromatography paper with drops of plant pigment

I was happy they gave us enough material to do this lab twice. The first run I used regular red-leaf lettuce which didn't have enough red pigment in it to be at all distinguished from the spinach. The photo above shows my second attempt using red oak lettuce which is totally purple and perfect for this lab. I was sure to use more plant material and more acetone on my second round, and covered the bowls while the pigment was steeping so the acetone wouldn't evaporate as it had in my first attempt. (One thing I didn't like about this lab was the loosey-goosey directions. I would've preferred "cut a two-inch square piece of plant material and cover with 20 mL acetone", then I'd know I was going to get a good amount of pigment in the solution.)

Capillary action at work. This jar contained the acetone solvent.

Results were pretty cool. I should've done the reading first because then I wouldn't have been surprised by how much chlorophyll was in the red oak lettuce. Note the abundance of green pigment on all four strips (2 were spinach, 2 were red oak lettuce; one of each was dipped in water, one of each was dipped in acetone).
Results that look like they came from an actual lab experiment!

Kitchen counter labs have an aura of weirdness about them, at least to me. I think my favorite was the one where I got to see the effect of a recessive gene for sickle cell anemia among a population where malaria was prevalent.
Playing God.

I'd choose a pair of "alleles" (beans) at random from a bag, and if I got two dominant hemoglobin A genes, I'd have to flip a coin to see if the individual got malaria and died. I felt sad every time I had to put a pair of beans into the "non-surviving alleles" bowl. It was sad. The whole exercise didn't even take 15 minutes but it was instructive.

Meanwhile, I'm gardening:

Interesting crop selection, yes?

This was taken a couple of weeks ago -- everything is growing and is at least 2 inches tall by now. It's a shame, really, because I'm about to spray half of them with a selective herbicide for my last lab. After 2-3 weeks of nurturing and hoping the cats don't eat them, I don't really want to kill half of them off, but in science, we have to be tough about these things.

cleared that hurdle

I passed my Professional Knowledge - Secondary Education exam.

Yay!

I'm almost halfway through my Bio class and it's crushing me. Just a tremendous amount of work in a very short period of time. Midterm on Friday, or Saturday if my studying does not go well. Whee!

So, where does this leave me in my pursuit of teaching certification?

Well, to get a provisional certificate, you need:
1. application
2. fee (of course)
3. a valid fingerprint clearance card
4. a bachelor's degree from an accredited university
5. completion of an accredited education program, or, for Secondary (middle and high school), 30 hours of education-related courses. Either one must include at least 8 semester hours of practicum (student) teaching, or you can work full time for two years instead of doing the practicum.
6. Professional Knowledge test
7. Subject matter test (in my case, biology, test day March 28)
8. Verification of 3 semester hours of SEI training (structured English immersion, my last horribly painful class)
9. US constitution
10. AZ constitution

Fortunately for me, 1 & 2 aren't at issue right now, 3,4,6 & 8 are now done, and 7 will be finished by April. I'll actually get a few years to complete 9 & 10 -- it's #5 that's the big stickler at this point. I have 3 1-credit courses, 2 3-credit courses, and 2 2-credit courses to go as far as classwork, then 8 credits of student teaching.

I still have to apply to the program, though. It would be so great if MIT could send Rio my transcript in such a way that Rio would know what to do with it.

Yeah, this is going to take a while.

field trip!

DS1's class, studying the Medieval Period of European history, took a field trip to the Renaissance Festival today, and I went along as a chaperone. We had a blast.

Dextre Tripp, fabulous showman

We did a lot of walking in the four hours we had, and saw jousts and jugglers, tried archery, walked through the dungeon museum, saw birds of prey and a fabulous whip-cracker.

DS1 and his best friend, with lunch

After escaping the maze and displaying feats of strength, the boys were fortified by smoked turkey legs, roasted corn, and anachronistic french fries. Shopping? Sure: they bought bows from Bows of the Risen Son (note the spelling there), while I chose a basic contact juggling kit from Sphereplay. I still can't manage regular juggling (so much for my 2008 New Year's resolution) but this looks amazingly cool and strangely relaxing, so I thought I'd try it. Why shouldn't Mom buy herself a new toy every now and then?

An exhausting but really great day.

so much

I can scarcely believe so many days have gone by since I last posted. Two birthdays, hours and hours of biology, substitute teaching, field trips, shopping, cooking, ferrying, another ThyCa meeting --

I've been really good about not staying up too late, because I've been so busy, until today.

Healthwise, briefly: RA is moderately bad, the twinge in my left Achilles was doing better until today when I re-tweaked it at Bounce U (DS2's party), I started on 137 mcg Levoxyl (actuall, the generic, there was a screw-up) on Feb 11. Also, I've had symptoms of an ovarian cyst since last Saturday (Feb 7), I'm giving it a bit more time to see if it goes away. It seems better today but that may be just because I'm eating much smaller quantities in an effort to stave off intense abdominal pain.

The ovarian cyst, if that's really what's going on, could be the un-thought-of consequence of the big shift back to carbohydrates my diet has suffered. I can't digest vegetables or fruit in any significant quantity; gone are the days when I could have a big, delicious salad for lunch. Even soup gives me problems! And I don't do that great with fats and only moderately well with proteins, and I have to eat something, so I eat more carbs. I'd completely forgotten that I have PCOS because when I limit my carbs, I don't. (Also, the hysterectomy I had in 2003 makes it easy for me to forget about ovary-related issues, until something bad happens.) Apparently, that remission was conditional.

At least both the internet and my car are working reliably these days, knock on wood, and it sure would be nice to know why but I am not complaining. Plus, school is going well despite my feeling as if I am constantly behind, and the ThyCa meeting went well also. Everything's pretty much OK or better than OK with us and I wish I felt better so I could enjoy it more.

phase 1 complete

I took my Professional Knowledge test today. It was a little more grueling than I expected -- 100 multiple choice questions instead of 80, and 2 short essays and one long essay, instead of 3 short ones. I had to erase my third short essay and expand it into a longer one. It wasn't the writing that troubled me, it was having to erase so bloody much of my miserable handwriting. It's legible, but the pencils were all getting pretty dull by then, and since I'm left-handed, it's hard enough to write with a pencil without smudging.

I have a blister on my thumb from all the writing today. I am not used to writing anything longer than a shopping list long-hand. I'm not about to start journaling with paper and pen again -- ever.

I studied yesterday by taking the practice test, which helped quite a bit. I'm not sure how they score these things but I will be very surprised if I don't pass, even though a lot of the questions were really annoying. So much of Ed Psych and "best teaching practices" are mushy-soft science that you're forced to take a best guess; I hate that.

Biology starts Monday, and by the end of March, the plan will be complete. After today's test, I'm looking forward to working in a hard science where there are right answers and wrong answers. It will be so nice not to have make so many judgment calls.

day(s) of arg!

My car's electrical system is haunted -- it has been flaking out and not starting randomly for the past couple of weeks. It spent the entire day in the shop yesterday after dying at the orthodontist's office (tech found nothing) and again today after flaking out on DH (found a lose ground wire) and I'm hoping that the million+1 diagnostics they ran were accurate and that the lose ground wire was the cause of the problem. I like my service advisor just fine, but I'd like not to have to see her for a couple of months.

I spent >30 minutes on the phone with Rio's admissions, records, and advising departments to see if anyone could locate the transcript that MIT was supposed to have sent over. No luck, which means calling MIT and finding out if they did send it, and to whom, and did they by any chance put my current name on the thing? Sheesh.

The water softener isn't working properly and the shower water doesn't feel nearly as nice as it usually does. Service call on Friday morning.

The light in the stairwell works when it feels like it, which is not often. This has been going on for a few weeks now -- electrician's coming on Friday morning, too.

Our internet service has been extremely unreliable lately, and for such an extended period that I actually called the service provider. After the usual interminable wait, the tech told me that they are, for once, not having any issues, but that the modem is 9 years old and that may be the source of the problem. Ironically it has been working flawlessly since I called... but now that I've written that, I can expect catastrophic failure in the near future.

My web host inexplicably changed my password without any advance notification. I've had problems with these people before but I'm paid up for like the next three years and I'm too cheap to switch, but I'm seriously considering it now. This post was written on Tuesday, January 20. Let's see when I can actually get it to publish -- because when I requested a new password, the email didn't come through. Later: only 15 minutes on hold and I got through to a tech who emailed me the password directly. It's a string of gibberish which I will reset back to my old, strong password asap. Sheesh (again).

Got up at 6AM the past 2 days to take Mom to her tests at the hospital. They went fine and we are very pleased with the care she is receiving, but getting up at 6AM makes the days very long, especially with the extra driving (dropping DH off at work, picking him up again, going to get my car at the service center.)

Tomorrow, an early appointment with Dr. C, my TMD (the joint is TMJ, if it's messed up, you have TMD) doctor. My face hurts and there's definitely something going on with my salivaries, but I can't be sure it's not referred pain from teeth grinding. I know I've been grinding, I don't think I can not grind my teeth, which means I may be headed for an appliance I wear all the time. Ick.

All of these are piddly little things, nothing but inconveniences, really. Here's the worst: I spaced on ordering my meds from Canada, and now I'm down to about 24 Domperidone pills to get me through however long the next batch will take to get here. I think it's typically about 2 weeks but it can be longer. I let myself take a couple before bed so I don't feel like puking in the morning. If I had any ideas that I didn't really need to take this medication, this experience is showing me otherwise. I feel horrid in the evenings now, but I figure it's better to have the promise of relief at bedtime and stretch what I have as far as possible, rather than have to go completely cold turkey with none at all for who-knows-how-long. I really have to pay more attention to these things, it was just inattentiveness that led to this predicament.

My biology class starts Monday and will be a lot of work. Assignments are due Wed and Sat at midnight, and those hard deadlines will be a great incentive to get me to do the work. My teacher test is this Saturday! I'm excited and terrified at the same time, although that feeling in the pit of my stomach may have more to do with the lack of medication than anything else. (I am planning on taking a normal day's dosage on test day -- I can't go in there feeling as if I'm going to puke.)

Here's hoping that things get a little easier going forward -- even if that meant just that the car stopped being flaky, it would be a tremendous help.

however unlikely --

The Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl. How weird is that?

I watched the good half of the game, but was spared from watching most of the frustrating half by a telephone call from an old and dear friend -- it was lovely, and the Cards won without my angst.

marking time

Turns out my class doesn't start for two more weeks.

I want to get on with it! I want to get those tests out of the way. I don't like that I have them looming over me, on the horizon but weeks away.

I also hate wishing my life away, wanting time to go by faster. I am not good at this, waiting. I'd much rather be working -- and will be, later this week. In the meantime, thrashing about as usual.

ThyCa East Valley

Tomorrow (technically, later today), I'll be facilitating the first meeting of the ThyCa East Valley Thyroid Cancer Support Group at the Cancer Center at Chandler Regional Hospital. We'll be meeting the second Thursday of each month (except July) from 6:30 to 8:30PM in the Education Room.

I'm oddly calm about this. Normally I would be bouncing off the wall with anxiety, sort of like, "What if I gave a party and no one came?" But I know people will come, and in reality, it would be easier if people didn't come. It's nice when fewer people come -- I rationalize -- because that means fewer people have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. (There are, of course, many other explanations, but that's the one I'm sticking with.)

I had trepidations initially about working with the Hospital, as they have rules about what you can and can't say -- but the reality is, I've been working with those rules for years now. I'm not a doctor and I can't give medical advice. I can say, "The protocol says this." I can say, "I have experienced this, other patients have experienced this other thing." I can say, "That's a good question for your doctor." In other words, I have to be careful how I say things, but that has been true all along.

Tomorrow also will be my first orientation session to become a volunteer at the Hospital. I don't need to do that, it's just to make things a little easier on my end, and give me the ability to run a meeting without my hospital-employed co-facilitator present, if necessary. It would be a shame to have to cancel a meeting if she couldn't make it.

The last time I managed a group of adults was years ago, at Oracle. It was a small group but I dealt with many people, as we were responsible for communicating requirements from three different application groups to the tools guys, and then we had to wrap an interface around those tools to meet the UI requirements of the app guys. It was fun. This is entirely different, of course, but I like the idea of having my own group again. I also like that the goals are well-defined and I already know what to do -- that's a big help.

It's odd knowing exactly when a new baby will be born. I have no idea how quickly this one will grow, or what it's going to require of me in the long run. So far I've been able to manage the phone calls and emails, and admin tasks have been minimal. There are things I'd love to do, like a mailing to the area doctors announcing the group and our meeting schedule, and I still may be able to pull that off, but we'll have to see. My class starts Monday and my professional knowledge exam is the 24th -- things are going to get very, very busy.

*whew*

Merry Christmas!

We have been very busy, like most everyone we know. There was quite a bit of shopping, some wrapping, the annual writing out of cards (along with the apparent mis-sending of checks!).

Here's a recap...


We've had an Advent Wreath for several years now, but until this year, it was just a decoration. I found some simple daily prayers and we enjoyed lighting the candles each night before dinner. On Christmas morning, the wreath is supposed to be transformed into a Christmas wreath with white candles and festive decorations; I was all set on the decorations but could only find two white candles! That will have to wait for next year, but this year we had a lovely daily reminder of the meaning of Advent, and the children learned how to safely light and handle matches.


DD had a "holiday culture" project, and she wrote about The Christmas Pickle, charmingly. The kids had the opportunity to earn extra points if they brought in a treat or snack to share, so she prevailed upon me to make a Christmas Tree cake. Our family tradition is to make a tree cake for Epiphany, and I didn't really want to have to make a cake in the middle of last week, but I caved (as usual). We ended up making a simple white cake from scratch (it was delicious, even though we had no cake flour and the King Arthur flour I use has too much protein to make a truly delicate cake), and instead of frosting or anything complicated, I topped it with my new fast favorite, vanilla glaze. I later used that same glaze on the cappuccino cakes I made for DS1's teachers, using up the extra on the gingerbread cookies we made just yesterday. (Yes, there has been a lot of baking. I made pumpkin spice muffins, too. There's more to come, as I have everything on hand to make fruitcake. Yay!)



DS2's class performed the charming Christmas at the OK Corral. While he didn't have a part, we all enjoyed the show tremendously, as the leads had both talent and enthusiasm, and DS2 loved dressing up for the occasion and really got into the songs and dances he did as part of the chorus. DD also had a performance of sorts, as Amelia Earhart, at the "dinner party" conclusion of the biography reports her class had been working on. I made her an aviator helmet from brown paper and goggles from pipecleaners wrapped with masking tape, and with my old white satin scarf, it was obvious who she was. She wasn't too happy with the helmet until she saw how everyone else loved it, but she did a great job on her presentation.


Sadly, we were rained out of Luminaria last week, so Tuesday night we dashed over to the Phoenix Zoo to see the Zoolights (video at the link). The Zoo lot was full, so we grabbed the free shuttle at the Muni parking lot, and enjoyed the light show. I have a video of synced-to-music tree lights that I'll upload if I can ever get my account on YouTube straightened out -- for now, this not-great shot will have to do. My camera has a night setting and I was using my mini tripod, but obviously my skills need work. I was impressed with how well-organized the zoo was; the shuttles were coming one right after another, and I think the kids enjoyed the bus rides as much as the lights. As usual, I ended up piggy-backing either DD or DS2 about half of the time, and my hip was really complaining by the end of the night.



Last Monday was our final RE class before Christmas break, and the teacher whose classroom I share had these huge paper snowflakes hung all over her room. They were so gorgeous I wanted to make some myself, so I googled "giant paper snowflake" and found this terrific set of directions via tings wot i have found on teh intarweb, a great site in itself. I love crafty things like this! It wasn't difficult or time-consuming to make at all, you just have to take care as you curl the pieces together. The boys have been using it for target practice with their Nerf dart tag guns (Santa brought a set for each of them; there was a minor blizzard of orange foam darts in here earlier) a good part of the day, and it has stood up to the abuse pretty well.



Last but not least, a good part of Christmas Eve was getting our webcams installed and trying them out with our family in Pennsylvania -- the kids are having a great time chatting with their cousins, and I'm thrilled they're not using up cell phone minutes. You can see we're not taking Christmas too seriously around here. We went to Mass last night, then out to dinner as usual, so today was very low key.

It is, in fact, even more low key than usual, since DH is en route to Connecticut to spend a few days with his parents. He was here for presents and breakfast, arguably the high points of the day anyway. (sigh) Since then, we've found that the XBox 360 does not come with wireless internet capability and that Dance Dance Revolution is hard! The Nerf guns remain a blast, however, and I think the kids are as happy with their Christmas as could be.

Domperidone, day 17

It's working!

Today, I actually felt hungry and was able to eat. I had "lunch" at DD's 4th-grade cultural fair, which was mostly carbs and a ton of sweets, but I didn't feel horrid afterwards at all.

One side effect, which may or may not be from the medication: any alcohol at all knocks me right out. I had a glass of wine this evening after dinner, and within an hour I was asleep on the couch. A 30-minute nap at 8PM isn't optimal, but it's not the worst thing, either. The question is, is it just me being exhausted from all the running around I've been doing, or is it the meds? I'd like to be able to have a drink every now and then without a sudden attack of narcolepsy.

In other news, everything hurts, everything still's drier than dry, and I'm worried that my gums are going to get diseased because my mouth gets so dry. The rheumatologist appointment can not come quickly enough. I have to accustom myself to the idea of going back on meds for the RA, and I want to make sure I'm using the best products to keep everything appropriately moist. This has been going on long enough that I don't think it's going to go away on its own, so it's good to ask for help.

The weather's not helping -- we're on day three of cold, gray downpours. Not what I signed up for, moving here, but I really can't complain. Tomorrow's supposed to be better.

epiphany

The goal of my life is not to know myself perfectly. It is to serve and love as Jesus did. -- Amy Wellborn

Part of discerning a vocation, and accepting it, is realizing how unproductive excessive self-discovery is. We can never know ourselves (or anyone else) perfectly and should recognize the diminishing returns that constant introspection yields.

We come to know ourselves best through the good work that we do.

insanely delicious soup

It's really too late to be writing this up, but I don't want to forget this recipe, and it's already fading.

On Thursday, I put about 12 pounds of pork butt (one of the big packages from Sam's Club, two big hunks of meat) into the counter top roaster oven. I slathered them with a generous amount of salt, Hungarian sweet paprika, and molasses, poured in a little water, and slapped the cover on. I set the temperature for 275 degrees (not a typo) and let it cook undisturbed for 10 hours.

That's how I make my version of pulled pork, which it turns out is much closer to carnitas, although carnitas aren't made with paprika and molasses. I don't care, it tastes great. It takes me approximately 5 minutes of prep time, and then DH spends about an hour "de-goo-ing" it, because he doesn't like the fatty globs or particularly tough bits of connective tissue that may be left. I don't, either, but I'm not as gung-ho about getting rid of it as he is. We get about 5 meals out of it, so there's a very good meals-to-work ratio.

By the time the meat is done, there's about 8 cups of dark brown cooking liquor in the bottom of the roaster. We pour that off into a large container and refrigerate it over night, to make disposal easier.

Friday morning, I was cleaning out the fridge and hauled out that container. I skimmed off the 2-inches of pure white fat from the top. (I pitched it, lacking anything productive I could do with it.) Beneath that layer was a cola-brown aspic that smelled too delicious to throw out, so I didn't. I made soup with it.

Now most Green Chili Pork recipes start with raw cubed pork and work from there. I already had this fabulous liquor that I wasn't about to squander, not to mention plenty of pulled pork. So I made a few notes of the spices most recipes had in common, and came up with a soup that uses the same method as my Easy Chicken Soup.

Green Chile Pork Soup
(could be a stew if you don't add as much liquid)
8 to 10 servings, depending on appetite

Pot liquor from pulled pork, about 8 cups, de-fatted
1 small onion, diced (we are not big onion people. You could definitely use more onion if you like that taste)
6 garlic cloves, whole
1 large bay leaf
4-6 stalks celery, chopped into bite-size pieces
3-4 carrots, chopped into bite-size pieces
~ 1-2 tsp ground cumin (to taste)
~ 1 T Mexican oregano
~ 1 T chili powder
2 4 oz cans green chilis
6-8 Campari tomatoes, quartered
12 oz cauliflower florets, bite-sized (I used a bag from Trader Joe's) (you could use potatoes instead)
12 oz carnitas (pulled pork)
optional thickener: 2 tsp xanthan gum OR 6 T flour or cornstarch

Prep note: when preparing the onion, carrot, celery, and cauliflower, it doesn't matter how big (or how small) you make the pieces, just be consistent. You want all the carrots to be the same size so they'll cook at the same rate, ditto the onion, celery and cauliflower. The onion, celery, cauliflower, and carrots do not have to be the same size as each other, just realize that bigger carrots are going to take a longer time to cook, and if you have small pieces of celery or onions, they may disintegrate into the soup entirely. For some of us, that's not a bad thing at all.

1. Heat the pot liquor just until it's liquefied again. Strain it to remove the remaining bits of goo and other things you don't want in the soup.

2. Return the stock to the heat, add the bay leaf, onions, garlic, carrots, and celery. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for 20-30 minutes until the carrots are tender.

3. Stir in the green chilis and the spices. The measurements are approximate, as I just sprinkled and stirred and smelled and tasted. Also, my cumin was in one of those cellophane bags (approximate cost: 79 cents) and I wasn't so careful pouring out of the bag. (I do recommend those spice bags, if you have them in your supermarket. Spices can be cheap, little glass bottles are always pricey.)

4. Stir and taste and adjust the seasoning. I did not need to add any salt as I always salt the meat generously when I'm slow cooking it. You might start with half the smallest listed amount and go up from there. The pot liquor I used is very flavorful and can stand up to a lot of spices. If you use chicken stock, you're not going to need as much.

5. Stir in the tomatoes, cauliflower, and meat. Simmer another 5-6 minutes or until the cauliflower is tender.

6. Whisk in the thickener of your choice -- I used xanthan gum, it's low carb and as long as you sprinkle in tiny amounts at a time, it doesn't clump. (I use a tiny sifter to add it to the pot bit by bit.) You could also make a slurry of cornstarch and water, or flour and water, and whisk it in to thicken it up a bit. Or you could just leave the liquid thin. We liked it thickened up just a bit, the way Hot & Sour Soup is served.

You could grate some cheese into this, it would be nice. We just ate it straight with tortilla chips. It is spicy but not hot, and has layers of flavor thanks to the great paprika/molasses base, then the onions/garlic/celery/carrots, then the green chilis, oregano, cumin, and chili powder. It is of course loaded with veggies, and as it's based in a "bone broth" it could not possibly be better for you... or me.

DH and I have now had this for dinner two nights running, and I also had it for lunch today. I'm now kicking myself for all the other times I made my "pulled pork" and just threw out the wonderful pot liquor. At least I finally came to my senses.

Domperidone, day 13

Status continues pretty much as described on Tuesday. The bloated, nauseated feeling is no longer constant, and some mornings I haven't felt bad at all. I am trying to eat smaller meals and keep up my fluids, but drinking anything fills me right up, and I stay full for a long, long time afterwards, still -- easily three, four hours. But I don't feel like puking, so that's good.

My rheumatoid arthritis is kicking up, particularly in my hands (of course) and feet. I realized this the other day when my feet were killing me. I thought I could blame my new shoes, but they felt just as bad the next day (and the next) when I wore old, comfortable, supportive walking shoes. They just hurt. Hands, too -- I fully expect the knuckles I whacked on the doorframe yesterday (carrying a box too big to see around, oops) to be hurting, but they are no worse than the others. In the past few days I've had trouble buttoning DD's pajamas, opening a medicine bottle, and unwrapping packaging (not clamshell). I can still manage, but I'm noting that things I didn't have to think about are harder now.

I have an underlying sense of deep fatigue, and I'm not sure whether it's the new medication or just the fact that I have been running around like a crazy person for the past two weeks, getting ready for the holiday. We are in good shape now, but I still have to get the cards out -- that's tomorrow's task.

All of my mucous membranes are dry, but I still have post-nasal drip if I don't use my Nasonex. My tear ducts aren't completely shot, my eyes welled up during one of my favorite hymns at Mass this evening. I love Advent.

This coming week will be very busy, too. The kids have all kinds of stuff going on at school, we have RE Monday and the Luminaria on Wednesday, Friday the kids start their winter break. It's a blur, and I'm worried that I'm forgetting something, so when I think of anything, I write it on my list, which has so many items scratched off it and new things wedged in, it's pretty funny. Keeps me sane, to a certain extent.

I've registered for courses and exams! The Plan gets underway mid-January.

Chihuly in progress

This week, we'll be going to the Desert Botanical Garden to see their Luminaria, and the new Chihuly Exhibit. We got a sneak peek a few weeks ago when we went so that DS2 could see the Native American dwellings on the Desert Living Trail. Here are photos from the parts of the installation we were able to see. Be sure to click on each photo (and then click again to zoom, at least in Firefox); there's a high(er)-res version of each photo which shows a lot more detail.

The first piece in the installation is along the entrance road to the Garden itself, a little taste of what's to come. The form mimics a saguaro but also evokes cholla cacti with its all-over spikiness.

This piece is part of an installation that is right by the Garden entrance. In the upper right you can see a worker on a ladder working on another piece in this grouping. These pieces evoke agave beautifully.

The next four pieces are installed in and around the cactus house.



This last one reminds me of a bunch of Christmas ornaments glued together.

Here's a shot of a crane putting up an orange and blue piece:


And here's a magnificant piece that dominates the space around it completely:
I love the way it's colorful, twisty tendrils contrast with gray-green angularity of the desert life around it.

I have a plan

!

I talked to some of the teachers today about when they took their state licensing exams. There are three tests that all AZ teachers have to pass, namely:

1. Professional knowledge: demonstrate you know how to be a teacher, and specifically, a teacher in AZ. (This explains the excruciating parts of my recent SEI course.)

2. Subject knowledge: demonstrate you know the material you say you want to teach.

3. US and AZ Constitutions: who said civics is dead?

Consensus is, the professional knowledge exam is part educational psychology (took that already), part AZ legal requirements (ditto), part classroom management (again, ditto), and lastly, some part (what should be) common sense. Since I have some classroom experience as a substitute, I should be able to take this test and not embarrass myself.

Subject knowledge tests are hard, and people do fail them. I have no clue about the Constitutions exam, everyone takes an exam prep course for it. You have two years after you start teaching to take the test, so everyone ignores it until the more important exams are well past, and passed.

So here's the plan:
I'm taking
1. the Professional Knowledge test in January
2. an accelerated (8-week vs 14-week) biology class staring in mid-January
3. the Subject Knowledge (Biology) test at the end of March.

Assuming I pass, which isn't much of an assumption, I'll be good to go with the rest of my program at Rio Salado -- or even to get a teaching position if I wanted to, which I don't. At least not yet. But once I've passed the tests, I'll be eligible to teach. It would be good to have the option.

Domperidone, day 8

I started taking the double-dose (20 mg) on Sunday. With just about 3 days of that behind me, I'm seeing substantial improvement in my symptoms and no apparent side effects. I'm not sure which is more surprising to me, but I'm not complaining.

I still have that bloated/gross feeling a lot, but it's not nearly as bad as it was. The mornings were particularly bad and now are pretty much like the rest of the day. I can eat without difficulty usually, although I vaguely recall feeling so gross I couldn't eat a few days ago.

Generally, the condition has become more manageable. Yesterday, I had a couple marathon phone calls in the morning, then spent three hours with a girlfriend, both of us trying to finish up our Christmas shopping and having some success. Then I taught my religious ed class, after which we went to Mass for the Holy Day. Today, I worked in second grade, and then taught the circuit class, and uncharacteristically worked with all three kids (in turn) on their homework. Incredibly busy days when it was easy for me to ignore whatever was happening (or not happening) in gastroparesis-ville.

The dry eyes/mouth thing is the same, or worse, depending -- while I'm at school I tend to forget to use the eye drops, even though I have them with me. The artificial tears drops don't seem to do much good, anyway, and if anything, the desire to find a more effective eye drop may get me in to see my rheumatologist. I really don't want to deal with this now, though -- although the new calendar year and the resetting of all deductibles should be more persuasive. It's not, but still -- could I get in to see her before the end of the year? Hmmm.

Domperidone, day 5

This isn't going so well. I'm not having a bad reaction to the medication, it's just not working at all.

The past 3 days I've ended up not eating breakfast at all because I feel so sick in the mornings. When I actually eat I feel better, but the bloated, gross feeling I have is the exact opposite of hunger.

I can eat reasonable quantities of food when I do eat, so I think the medicine is helping in that one respect. Then again, "reasonable" quantities of food are rather smaller than I was eating before the gastroparesis flared up again. There's something amiss when I'm eating as much (as little) as my 10-year-old daughter. And I feel OK while I'm eating, but within 20 minutes of stopping, I'm back to that bloated-gross feeling again.

I think 5 days on one pill per dosing is enough of a trial; tomorrow, I'll start taking two at a time. The prescription was loosely written: 1-2 pills before meals and before bed. We'll see if upping the dose improves the situation at all. It would be nice to be able to eat normally again.

I see the g/e doctor in early January. If the domperidone isn't working for me by then, I wonder what other alternatives exist. The fact is, I could live with this. I have been living with this for a while now. But for most of this time, I haven't been working, and I do want to have my own classroom someday. I wonder how I would hold up if this condition persists.

Other persisting conditions: dry eyes oddly come and go, as does the other dryness. At Mass this evening my mouth became so parched that at one point I had to stop saying the responses. It's weird when you try to swallow and there's literally no saliva. But it only lasted a few minutes and then I was OK. (whew) That hasn't been happening as often. I'd hoped it was going away altogether, but I guess not. Again, this is something I can deal with as an occasional substitute teacher, but how would it be, dealing with this while teaching every day?

Even the days I've subbed lately I've noticed I'm not as resilient and patient as I like to be. It's easy to think you can just ignore these low-level irritations, push them to the background and just shoulder on. But that takes some effort, which leaves less energy for everything else. I'm getting way ahead of myself in thinking "What if I can't teach because of this?" but I can't help it, it's the way my mind (such as it is) works.

No point in freaking out prematurely. I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it.

school's out!

My instructor finally graded my final exam, huzzah -- I ended up with 100%, which gives me 100% for the course. As I said, huzzah.

You may be sensing a lack of enthusiasm, which would be correct. It was a frustrating course, a combination of too much learning about laws and regulation and not enough learning about the practical application of them. There were some good lessons, certainly, but I'm still coming away more frustrated than anything else.

And now, I'm stuck, because I have to take my subject matter test before I can continue in the program. The plan now is to take biology starting in January so I can test at the end of March. Or maybe I'll just get an AP study guide and spare myself the bother -- as if I have the discipline to do that.

Right now I have no enthusiasm for much of anything. I'm glad I'm finished with the classwork but wish I had a better sense of where I'm going.

s-p-o-i-l-e-d

What do you mean, No?

At ten years and one month, exactly, DD weighs in at 55 pounds and is 55 & 3/4ths inches tall. As always, she's at about the 75th percentile for height, while hovering between the 5th and 10th percentile for weight. She's remarkably consistent, and remarkably healthy, now. Ten years ago she was putting me through the wringer.

After her painless and pleasant well-visit, she begged me for Starbucks. It was a damp, chilly morning, and we were out of the doctor's office before 8:30. I could have had her back at school by 8:45, but I caved. We took the Starbucks detour (I got her the delightfully low-priced kid's hot chocolate, only $1.10) and got her to school just before 9AM. I figured an extra 15 minutes wasn't going to make much difference.

At the time I felt some anguish: what signal am I sending my daughter, what am I teaching her about school, that it's OK to blow it off for a while to get a nice hot beverage? I don't know -- I rationalize by reminding myself she's effortlessly getting straight A's and the entire staff loves her.

That's a front, though. The truth is, I love to spoil my kids, just a little bit. It's not the food or the drinks, it's the time spent together, talking about nothing or just being quiet with each other. It's a rare thing for me to have such one-on-one time. Who could blame me for wanting to stretch it out a little? (Is it my daughter who is spoiled, or is it me?)

Domperidone, day 3

Having now completed three days of treatment, I'm still seeing little-to-no improvement in the gastroparesis symptoms. Tuesday's crushing fatigue subsided with a decent (more or less) night's sleep, but I'm not exactly peppy these days.

It's good for me to be busy because then I don't notice how crummy I feel -- a sign that my symptoms are not bothersome enough, for the most part, to get in my way. Wednesday I completed my last assignment, wrote up my study guide, and took the final exam for my ESL class. Today I ran around and looked at a bunch of potential investment property and did several other errands as well. By five o'clock I feel like collapsing but don't, and then I get a second wind and find myself staying up, alas.

Eyes are dry, tummy hurts, RA is kicking up and that weird flank pain comes and goes. I'm still trying to discern whether or not it's muscular. I have figured out a stretch that seems to help, which points towards a muscularity issue. (The main problem is that my core remains weak in spite of all the exercising I do.) I've decided to just let all this apparent auto-immune stuff go until after the holidays. Two reasons: 1) I don't want to deal with it (maybe it will resolve on its own) and 2) diagnosis isn't going to change anything, since treatment involves using appropriate products to keep everything ... moist. Eye drops, saline nasal spray, Biotene dry mouth toothpaste, mouthwash, mouth spray, etc. It's a bit ridiculous, and if I thought there were any treatments that went to the root cause and didn't just try to alleviate symptoms, I would be at the doctor's tomorrow. Perhaps I should be less pessimistic. Weight's down around 138 in spite of eating things like Dark Chocolate Covered Shortbread Star cookies from Trader Joe's. Overall I can't eat too much at any given time because then I feel really horrible, even with the medication. I'll give it a few more days at this dosage before I try doubling. (I was given the option of 1 or 2 tablets before meals and bedtime, so far I'm just using one.)

I've got laundry in the dryer, which sounds like it's about to give out at any moment. It may be time to bite the bullet and get new machines. Our current set is about 12 years old and I do experience twinges of guilt whenever I use it, since I know that the newer machines are much more water- and energy-efficient. Any impulse towards shopping for new ones has so far been stifled by the realization that the old ones still work, so why go to all that expense? It's that thought process that will someday leave me with a broken down washer/dryer and piles of laundry accumulating. It really shouldn't take 2 hours to dry one load of laundry.

Domperidone, day 1

DH estimates an 86.3% chance that any new medication I take will 1) not alleviate the symptoms for which it was prescribed and 2) manifest at least one if not more unpleasant side effects. He's an optimist.

After 24 hours of treatment, there is no perceptible change in my gastroparesis-related symptoms: I still feel gross. (No change in my Sjogrens-like symptoms, either.)

I am experiencing crushing fatigue, however, inconsistent with the amount of sleep I've been getting, between 6 and 7 hours a night lately. (Not too bad, for me.)

It could take a few days for the meds to kick in, right? If I get a good night's sleep I'll feel fine tomorrow, right?

I have no idea, but I'll give this another few days and see what happens.

Interestingly, domperidone at 10mg 4x/day has apparently been available OTC since 1998 in Canada (or is that from the UK? Can't tell.) If it has been available OTC for ten years just north of our border, I wonder what the hold up is with the FDA approval down here.

trepidations

The new medication finally arrived from Canada today. I feel as if I have done something not-quite-right, when that's not the case at all. My doctor prescribed the drug for me legally, and I paid for it legally, and it's all above board. It just doesn't feel that way.

Now I'm waffling on whether or not to even take it.

I didn't take any before dinner, when I could have. Maybe even should have. I'm thinking about taking one before bed.

The question is, what will it do? Will it work? Are the side effects of the drug worse than the bloated-gross feeling I get from the gastroparesis? I won't know until I try it.

The scared/stupid combination state I'm experiencing now is really annoying. Decision: take one, and go to bed. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

watching Sweeney Todd

Bloodbath.


It goes much better for me if I close my eyes, just for a second, and avoid the worst of those sanguine geysers.

Other than that, fantastic film. I'm enjoying its current rotation on HBO.

(Having a heckuva time getting Blogger's photo tool to embed the photo code -- it's uploading the pictures just fine, but it won't put the code in for me. Frustrating!)

the difference between Honda and Hewlett-Packard

When the transmission went on our 2000 Odyssey ten days after the warranty expired, four weeks after we'd had the car in for a a safety check and 2 weeks after they'd replaced the catalytic converter, Honda stepped up big time and covered a big chunk of the repair cost for us. Of course, the class action suit might have had something to do with that.

HP, on the other hand, totally stiffed us when our Pavillion a6050, which we bought in May 2007, died again in exactly the same way it died in January. We had the thing for 8 months, and suddenly the graphics card and motherboard went bad. We had them replaced under warranty, and the work was handled by the local Best Buy, which shipped the machine out to its Chino, CA service center. End of September rolls around, and the machine dies again, and it's back to Best Buy: they diagnose a bad graphics card. I buy a new graphics card and on a hunch, pay them to install it and run a diagnostic, because if anything goes wrong I don't want them to blame me for it. They put it in, it works fine, but when we get it home and start using it, we get the blue screen of death (BSOD) at random intervals. Brought the machine back in. The BSOD error messages are reporting failures all over the motherboard. Geek Squad recommends we just get a new computer, because parts and service for the repair are now north of $500. They were great about refunding me for both the new graphics card and the service they had done, though. Nice guys.

Of course, my HP warranty expired in May, and -- here's the real kicker -- they have no record of the repair done in January. I don't get that; someone paid for it, and it wasn't me. It doesn't matter anyway, because the repair done in January was only warrantied for either 30 or 60 days, I'm not sure which. Are we serious? A $500+ repair is only warrantied for 60 days?

I had several testy conversations with the support folks in India who are 1) very good at sticking to their scripts and 2) completely useless in a case like this because the machine is, in point of fact, out of warranty. My point is, the thing was never fixed properly or it wouldn't have broken in exactly the same way again, and when it first broke, it was under warranty. We spent $1000 on this computer and now it's out in the garage awaiting proper disposal. I want to kick it every time I see it.

Now the kids have no computer of their own, and queue up incessantly to get on my laptop. I've sworn never to buy another HP, and you know what? My little Gateway laptop is doing great. Maybe I'll just get another one for the kids, and we'll be all set. It would cost less than the estimated repair on the not-so-old HP.

update

Survived the first two events of the annual whirlwind, Halloween and DD's birthday. She turned 10 this year, and had a big party -- that is, an expensive party, at Build-A-Bear workshop. She also had a sleepover, featuring pizza and a concrete (frozen custard) cake from Culver's, in addition to last week's actual-day birthday celebrations, and the acquisition of the hamster.

I'm exhausted. We did a thorough job of house-cleaning before DD's friends came for the sleepover, although the way her room looks now, I'm not sure why I bothered.

The gastroparesis seems marginally better, I don't feel like puking all the time, although I do still feel bloated after eating. I'm dragging my feet on filling my new prescription for Domperidone. It's going to around $100/month. The price tag gets me thinking, hey, I can deal with this, it's not that bad. My g/e doc doesn't recommend erythromycin because it works only in the very short term.

RA is slightly flaring after the longest time being in remission. It's weird having swollen knuckles again. New weirdness: strange and persistent aches from sleeping badly positioned. I had my feet curled around each other a few nights ago, and my right foot is still protesting. My hip feels bruised from sleeping on my side.

Also, bilateral flank pain that I think is muscular but isn't responding to the usual stretches that helped me last time the fibromyalgia targeted my quadratus lomborum.

The dry mouth/eyes business is a steady-state of mildly annoying which I think is better than when I last wrote about it. I notice it, but I can also ignore it for long stretches of time. I probably shouldn't, and should be more diligent about using my eye drops, etc. The pain and tenderness under my right jaw has mostly gone away but still hurts if I touch it.

I have a theory that my last batch of Cytomel was heat-damaged. I've been feeling a little better since I started my new batch. We'll see how it goes.

hamster love

Freddie

We resolved the which pet to get? issue on Wednesday. After our class at the Y, we drove up to Just Pets in Tempe, and got the cutest, friendliest, and most adorable teddy bear hamster to ever exist. (I have no prior experience with hamsters, but this one is great.) Jarod at Just Pets is awesome; he really knows all the animals there and chose this one particularly for DD, since it is very well socialized and therefore good for little girls.

Then we went to PetSmart and bought all the things the hamster needs, like a habitat and a ball to roll around in, and food and bedding and a tube to sleep in, all that good stuff. Jarod actively dissuaded us from buying that stuff from him, as that's not really their thing: they're really into the animals, not so much the stuff. I recommend anyone looking for any kind of pet in the Phoenix-south area to check them out.



DD named her Frederica, and calls her Freddie for short. She's reading a book about a golden hamster named Freddy, so that's where that name came from. Her first day home, Freddie spent most of the time in her tube, freaking out (I suspect.) But she discovered the wheel in her cage and loves it, and loves rolling around the house in her little plastic ball. We put the cats in a room with the door closed when we let Freddie out -- the temptation to play hockey with the hamster ball is much too strong for the cats to resist.

I never had pets growing up, and all of my pet experience until this week was with cats. It's amazing how one little hamster can be so solidly wedged in my heart in the space of two days.

staying up too late

Ridiculously late, in fact -- been thinking about it, and have decided it's because I don't have any reason to get up early, even though I do get up at 7AM if not earlier on the kids' school days.

I remember when I lived in Massachusetts, I might stay up till midnight, but usually didn't last that long, usually I'd turn in around 11PM. I was getting up at 6:30 or 6AM to do morning rituals and the 30-45 minute commute to work, which would typically start at 8AM. I had an 8AM to 6PM work day, typically -- hours that minimized the commute, mostly, and made long lunches guilt-free. I had that routine for years. What happened?

I don't think I can blame the babies, although they did disrupt sleep quite a bit during their early months. But since DS2 is 7 years old, I don't think that's relevant anymore.

I think it's not-working. When I know I'm going to be subbing, I'm good about getting a decent amount of sleep the night before. If I were working full time, I'd get back into that groove of going to sleep at a normal time. But since I'm not working full time, I have apparently given myself license to stay up till whenever. What difference does it make? (Rhetorical question -- isn't it obvious?)

I got laid off from Oracle more than nine years ago, and I still haven't fully recovered. It's especially ridiculous because the list of my involvements is not small, and I could really use more sleep. It's just because my schedule is so flexible that I let regular sleeping hours go.

Lately, it doesn't help that the time of day my stomach feels best is after midnight. I'm not supposed to eat before going to bed but feeling hungry and actually being able to eat? That's something I enjoy.