Domperidone, day 5

This isn't going so well. I'm not having a bad reaction to the medication, it's just not working at all.

The past 3 days I've ended up not eating breakfast at all because I feel so sick in the mornings. When I actually eat I feel better, but the bloated, gross feeling I have is the exact opposite of hunger.

I can eat reasonable quantities of food when I do eat, so I think the medicine is helping in that one respect. Then again, "reasonable" quantities of food are rather smaller than I was eating before the gastroparesis flared up again. There's something amiss when I'm eating as much (as little) as my 10-year-old daughter. And I feel OK while I'm eating, but within 20 minutes of stopping, I'm back to that bloated-gross feeling again.

I think 5 days on one pill per dosing is enough of a trial; tomorrow, I'll start taking two at a time. The prescription was loosely written: 1-2 pills before meals and before bed. We'll see if upping the dose improves the situation at all. It would be nice to be able to eat normally again.

I see the g/e doctor in early January. If the domperidone isn't working for me by then, I wonder what other alternatives exist. The fact is, I could live with this. I have been living with this for a while now. But for most of this time, I haven't been working, and I do want to have my own classroom someday. I wonder how I would hold up if this condition persists.

Other persisting conditions: dry eyes oddly come and go, as does the other dryness. At Mass this evening my mouth became so parched that at one point I had to stop saying the responses. It's weird when you try to swallow and there's literally no saliva. But it only lasted a few minutes and then I was OK. (whew) That hasn't been happening as often. I'd hoped it was going away altogether, but I guess not. Again, this is something I can deal with as an occasional substitute teacher, but how would it be, dealing with this while teaching every day?

Even the days I've subbed lately I've noticed I'm not as resilient and patient as I like to be. It's easy to think you can just ignore these low-level irritations, push them to the background and just shoulder on. But that takes some effort, which leaves less energy for everything else. I'm getting way ahead of myself in thinking "What if I can't teach because of this?" but I can't help it, it's the way my mind (such as it is) works.

No point in freaking out prematurely. I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it.