In a previous life, I managed a small group of software developers. We were a liaison group, and had four other groups relying on us. I used to tell my team that the biggest part of my job was managing all the other managers' expectations -- if they knew what we could deliver, then they could do their jobs, and we'd all be happy, in the corporate meeting-deadlines sense of the word.
I learned very early in my life as a parent that expectations management is even more important with kids, especially with children as persistent and neophobic as my oldest. You can't just tell such a child, "Time to go, sweetie!" You have to institute an elaborate Early Warning System. EWS, stage 1: "In a little while we're going to the grocery store." EWS, stage 2: "Time to get your shoes on so we can be ready to go." EWS, stage 3: "Two more minutes to play." Then, finally, you get to say, "Time to go," and instead of getting a tantrum, you actually do get to go.
I'm not a laser-focused 4-year-old, but I am human (heh). I like to know what's going on, and so I ask a lot of questions. When I get answers, especially from my doctors, I believe them.
I saw my endo last Tuesday, and the upshot was: 1) start the LID (low iodine diet) because 2) we're giving you Thyrogen shots and 3) you'll have your whole body scan (WBS) in about 2 weeks. Oh, and call the scheduler to get the ball rolling.
That same day, I called the scheduler, she said, OK, I'll put the order in for the drugs, and we'll go from there. She said she'd call me when she had everything set.
I called the scheduler this morning to see how things were going. No word on the drugs, and we can't schedule the scan until the drugs are in house, but that doesn't matter anyway because we're scheduling scans at the end of the month, now.
Quick check of the calendar: May 9.
The end of the month!?
So then we have a conversation: Why am I on LID?
You don't need to be on the LID... it's too soon.
LID is recommended for at least one week, preferably 2 weeks, before a scan or RAI treatment. Of course, I had already rearranged my Mother's Day plans because of it, and I have been obsessing over it for the better part of a week, but hey, no harm done!
OK, I take a deep breath to try and let all that settle in, and then launch into the whole "likely" further treatment scenario, and my summer plans (leave June 25, return Aug 3) and the likelihood that surgery would either 1) screw that up or 2) be hanging over my head the entire summer -- some choice, huh?
So, the scheduler is looking into everything to see if we can somehow or other get the scan done, as originally intended, asap, but in the meantime I'm off the LID because I'm not optimistic about that and I wanted to drown my sorrows in a cup of coffee with half-n-half. (It was great.)
I've been fighting off an emotional tailspin ever since that call. I'm annoyed with myself for believing the doctor and not finding this information out from the scheduler the first time I spoke to her. It's my own fault. At the same time, I'm not blaming myself for being hopeful that I could get my treatment done in time for me to go away with the kids. Yes, I am selfish that way, I want my East Coast summer, and I will be massively disappointed if I can't have it. But I'm also grown up enough to realize that I will do whatever my doctor tells me to do regarding getting this cancer cleaned out, so I'll just have to suck it up if my vacation plans get changed.
I was doing fairly well with the knowledge that surgery is a "likely" event in my near future; I think the doctor did a great job of managing my expectations there. It's the expectations of the process leading up to surgery that have been completely bungled, and I'm annoyed and nervous and generally upset. It's just going to take a while to process all this new information and get my expectations back in line -- and it doesn't help at all that the old expectations, while not exactly terrific, included summer on the East Coast, while the new ones make me put that trip into the "highly tentative" category.
I had a great Mother's Day weekend even while dealing with the LID, because I had enough time to process that that was the way it was going to be. Today was entirely different, with way too many palpitations, no patience at all, and a generally trapped and frustrated feeling. And it was all avoidable, if I had only known what to ask the scheduler from the outset.
The moral of this cautionary tale: doctors are not schedulers. If your doctor tells you that you will have a procedure by a certain time, while at the same time telling you to give the scheduler a call, do not plan your life around the time the doctor gave you. The doctor has no clue. The doctor may wish for you to have a procedure by a certain time, but the reality is, this is something they have little, if any, control over. The scheduler has all the necessary information and the power, and no matter what the doctor says, until the scheduler nails down a date for you, you are not having that procedure.
Since I have no control over the progress of this disease, I like to think I at least have a handle on my treatment. Uncertainty is the worst thing of all. I'm comparing how I feel now, with that "likely" surgery out in front of me, to how I felt last October before my thyroidectomy, when it was thought that I might have just the beginnings of papillary cancer. I'm thinking that this is worse, because I know I have to have it (I'm almost sure, anyway), but I don't know when, and I just want to get it over with! Back then, I wasn't even sure I had cancer, but at least I had a surgery date. Back then, I knew it would be a thyroidectomy, and now I'm not sure if I'll need to have just a few nodes out or a radical neck dissection, a prospect I find terrifying.
There's no way to know until I have the scan, and I still have no idea when that will be. You can't manage expectations without information, so I'll just have to practice living with uncertainty for a while. I suppose I should get used to it. The idea that I have any control at all is a useful delusion, sometimes, but right now it's just getting in the way.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Sunday, May 08, 2005
A good day, a hard day
I slept late this morning after being up so late writing last night -- I'm not exactly sure what got into me, but since I knew I could be lazy today, I didn't worry about it.
When I got downstairs (they all know better than to make me breakfast in bed), I was greeted immediately with "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!" and school-made presents from all the kids, and a beautiful pair of pearl stud earrings from DH, along with his typical sweet card. He never buys funny cards for me, but always finds a mushy sweet one that isn't too mushy. I don't have the patience to read through them all to find one like that, so I really appreciate that he does.
Then, I spent about two hours on the phone talking to just about everyone in my family.
DH took DS1 to lunch and then the DBacks game (Pirates trounced them); I went with DD and DS2 for a late lunch to Flancer's.
We came home and did nothing, basically. DH fed the kids leftovers for supper, and I made myself a big salad and finished off my steak from last night.
Nothing really happened today except that I had to tell everyone about the "likely further treatment" situation in the context of our summer plans. It's kind of hard to ignore it when you have to keep talking about it. I don't like to think about it so much. I admit that it disturbs me.
Now I'm feeling kind of punky -- colder than usual all evening, and hurting all over in that pre-flu-ish way. I'm hoping that's just the after-effects of my crazily late night last night, and so I will slink off to bed now and hope to be fine by the morning.
When I got downstairs (they all know better than to make me breakfast in bed), I was greeted immediately with "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!" and school-made presents from all the kids, and a beautiful pair of pearl stud earrings from DH, along with his typical sweet card. He never buys funny cards for me, but always finds a mushy sweet one that isn't too mushy. I don't have the patience to read through them all to find one like that, so I really appreciate that he does.
Then, I spent about two hours on the phone talking to just about everyone in my family.
DH took DS1 to lunch and then the DBacks game (Pirates trounced them); I went with DD and DS2 for a late lunch to Flancer's.
We came home and did nothing, basically. DH fed the kids leftovers for supper, and I made myself a big salad and finished off my steak from last night.
Nothing really happened today except that I had to tell everyone about the "likely further treatment" situation in the context of our summer plans. It's kind of hard to ignore it when you have to keep talking about it. I don't like to think about it so much. I admit that it disturbs me.
Now I'm feeling kind of punky -- colder than usual all evening, and hurting all over in that pre-flu-ish way. I'm hoping that's just the after-effects of my crazily late night last night, and so I will slink off to bed now and hope to be fine by the morning.
restraint
The discussion on that Bright Eyes thread is continuing at a pretty fierce clip.
So far, I've been called disagreeable, condescending, dismissive, disrespectful, and self-righteous, and I've been accused of being an anti-Semite.
In spite of all that, I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping personal stuff out of my own replies, which is not easy. I'm really trying hard to edit out anything that might be incendiary.
In my last reply I responded to two posts that describe how horrible the world is now, because of Bush's policies, and a 14-point definition of fascism which I suppose the poster thinks strongly correlates to today's American society.
I will say here what I didn't say over there: if you think the US is headed towards fascism, you don't understand what totalitarian regimes really are and what they do. People who lived under totalitarian regimes are rightly insulted when they hear people making comparisons like that.
It's actually pretty scary how many people are walking around with such a distorted view of the world. And I'm quite sure that my political opposites feel exactly the same way about me -- but it is very nice to have actual, concrete facts on my side.
So far, I've been called disagreeable, condescending, dismissive, disrespectful, and self-righteous, and I've been accused of being an anti-Semite.
In spite of all that, I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping personal stuff out of my own replies, which is not easy. I'm really trying hard to edit out anything that might be incendiary.
In my last reply I responded to two posts that describe how horrible the world is now, because of Bush's policies, and a 14-point definition of fascism which I suppose the poster thinks strongly correlates to today's American society.
I will say here what I didn't say over there: if you think the US is headed towards fascism, you don't understand what totalitarian regimes really are and what they do. People who lived under totalitarian regimes are rightly insulted when they hear people making comparisons like that.
It's actually pretty scary how many people are walking around with such a distorted view of the world. And I'm quite sure that my political opposites feel exactly the same way about me -- but it is very nice to have actual, concrete facts on my side.
family sports update
We had time, during appetizers, for two games of paper football. I usually have at least one or two folded paper triangles in my tote bag -- those paper children's menus are good for something, after all. You never know when the opportunity will present itself to play.
Claim Jumper's high-walled booths are ideal for playing, too. I remember one time at Chili's an extra point kick landed the ball on the table behind DS1. The tables there are quite close together. They were a family with much younger children and I don't think they quite knew what to make of it. "Do you want this back?" they asked me, as I went over to apologize and retrieve it. Yes! of course! why wouldn't we?
Maybe we're subversive for teaching our kids a game I've mostly played in bars. I've no regrets, though -- it's fun and engaging, and it's a good way to pass the time.
The scores: DS1 trounced me, 24 to 7 while DH was eating his chili, and before my salad came. Then my salad arrived and DH recovered some parental respect by beating DD, 26 to 12.
My 6-year-old daughter scored more touchdowns than I did! Pathetic. Clearly, I need more practice.
Claim Jumper's high-walled booths are ideal for playing, too. I remember one time at Chili's an extra point kick landed the ball on the table behind DS1. The tables there are quite close together. They were a family with much younger children and I don't think they quite knew what to make of it. "Do you want this back?" they asked me, as I went over to apologize and retrieve it. Yes! of course! why wouldn't we?
Maybe we're subversive for teaching our kids a game I've mostly played in bars. I've no regrets, though -- it's fun and engaging, and it's a good way to pass the time.
The scores: DS1 trounced me, 24 to 7 while DH was eating his chili, and before my salad came. Then my salad arrived and DH recovered some parental respect by beating DD, 26 to 12.
My 6-year-old daughter scored more touchdowns than I did! Pathetic. Clearly, I need more practice.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
LID, round 2, day 5
Lots of fruits, lots of salads, and roasted meats are getting me by.
We went to Claim Jumper for dinner, and I had their lovely, lovely Asian Pear salad with raspberries and carmelized walnuts and a citrus dressing. Usually it would have blue cheese crumbles on it too but I had to skip that, even though I'm sure they would really enhance the salad. After that, I had a grilled top sirloin with grilled asparagus, and I had a Duval to drink. Oh, and I munched on some of the boys' shoestring fries pretty much constantly, those things are addictive.
So, here's how I think I did: there were potato skins in minute quantities on the fries (they were shoestring fries, after all); the walnuts were carmelized which I realized requires butter as well as sugar, and those walnuts were really encased; the steak arrived with a ball of herb butter on it, but I scraped it off... and that was it.
I still haven't heard a schedule for injections or scans or anything, so even if I did accidentally ingest 10 grams of butter or a few scraps of potato skin, it won't matter by the time the scan actually rolls around, which I'm thinking won't be until after next week, anyway.
The waitress was incredulous regarding the dietary restrictions and sympathetic about the scan requirements, and wished me luck on the way out: "Good luck to you," she said, in a very kind voice. It took me a minute to think of what she was referring to -- I was thinking along the lines of, "good luck with those three kids," who were very silly by that point, but that wasn't it, of course. She meant good luck with the scan! D'oh!
Then I thought how cool it was that my scan wasn't the first thing that popped into my head.
We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home and I bought myself a couple of organic dark chocolate bars with pecans and raisins; they are one of the few chocolates I've ever seen with no soy lecithin, and they're really delicious. I hope those raisins are OK! (have to go look 'em up again, I forget...)
I find I'm eating much more frequently than I'm used to, but fortunately entire hours now go by without eating, even though I'm still obsessed with food since there are so many things I can't have. I'm still thinking of getting out the blender and making myself a smoothie with coconut milk and frozen blueberries, a little DaVinci syrup... that should work, I think. I'm down a few pounds in spite of the constant eating. Ha!
We went to Claim Jumper for dinner, and I had their lovely, lovely Asian Pear salad with raspberries and carmelized walnuts and a citrus dressing. Usually it would have blue cheese crumbles on it too but I had to skip that, even though I'm sure they would really enhance the salad. After that, I had a grilled top sirloin with grilled asparagus, and I had a Duval to drink. Oh, and I munched on some of the boys' shoestring fries pretty much constantly, those things are addictive.
So, here's how I think I did: there were potato skins in minute quantities on the fries (they were shoestring fries, after all); the walnuts were carmelized which I realized requires butter as well as sugar, and those walnuts were really encased; the steak arrived with a ball of herb butter on it, but I scraped it off... and that was it.
I still haven't heard a schedule for injections or scans or anything, so even if I did accidentally ingest 10 grams of butter or a few scraps of potato skin, it won't matter by the time the scan actually rolls around, which I'm thinking won't be until after next week, anyway.
The waitress was incredulous regarding the dietary restrictions and sympathetic about the scan requirements, and wished me luck on the way out: "Good luck to you," she said, in a very kind voice. It took me a minute to think of what she was referring to -- I was thinking along the lines of, "good luck with those three kids," who were very silly by that point, but that wasn't it, of course. She meant good luck with the scan! D'oh!
Then I thought how cool it was that my scan wasn't the first thing that popped into my head.
We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home and I bought myself a couple of organic dark chocolate bars with pecans and raisins; they are one of the few chocolates I've ever seen with no soy lecithin, and they're really delicious. I hope those raisins are OK! (have to go look 'em up again, I forget...)
I find I'm eating much more frequently than I'm used to, but fortunately entire hours now go by without eating, even though I'm still obsessed with food since there are so many things I can't have. I'm still thinking of getting out the blender and making myself a smoothie with coconut milk and frozen blueberries, a little DaVinci syrup... that should work, I think. I'm down a few pounds in spite of the constant eating. Ha!
redemption (fictional)
ABC had an excruciatingly long presention of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on tonight -- I had meant to set the TiVO before we went out, but of course forgot, so I only go the last hour and three-quarters. (Major plot spoilers below, in case you care.)
I would say that my interest was primarily in the preview bits from the upcoming Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but that wouldn't be true, because I really love this movie. Sure, it's a kid movie, and the special effects are a bit laughable, but I just love how it ends, with Hagrid's redemption.
Here was a man (of sorts), unjustly accused of murder, and more or less drummed out of polite society. Kicked out of Hogwarts as a student, who knows what would've become of him had Dumbledore not advocated for him and got him the position as groundskeeper. Then, after fifty years, the whole business starts up again, and this time he gets sent to Azkaban, where his soul would be leeched away by the Dementors. Finally, Harry defeats the basilisk and Voldemort, and at last! Hagrid is shown to be innocent, to have always been innocent. He is washed clean.
It's practically like baptism.
And the really cool thing is, everyone at Hogwarts realizes it. Hagrid comes back from Azkaban to a different world, a world in which it's OK for him to do magic and have a proper wand, not one concealed in an umbrella. A world in which he can fully take part. It's something he never expected, even though he certainly deserved it, and it's just awesome to me that Harry (and Ron, and Hermione) were able to help the person who was always there to look after them, in such a profound way.
Coincidentally while channel surfing I caught the last few minutes of Return of the Jedi, and I have to give Mark Hamill props for his agonized, "Father! Please!" while the Emperor was Force-frying him. Vader's redemption is of a different sort, and it's annoying that after all the horrendous evil he perpetrated, he still gets to come back all glowy and translucent with Obi-Wan and Yoda. Is saving Luke enough to redeem him, after all he's done? So says George Lucas, so I guess we have to go with it. It's not that I didn't buy Vader's change of heart, because I do -- credit James Earl Jones for some terrific voice work there, and I still feel a faint echo of regret every time that helmet comes off and it's still not JEJ under there -- but still, I feel that Vader should be held accountable some way. Yes, he did sacrifice his life to save Luke, and he did kill the Emperor, which would surely lead to the fall of the Empire -- but there wouldn't have been an Empire (or at least not as horrific a one) if not for him, so... I'm not sure where that leaves me on this issue.
I do believe that redemption is possible for anyone who experiences a true conversion of the heart. What I especially like about Hagrid's story is that his heart was always pure, and all that was needed was to remove the veil that had fallen over it. There's nothing annoying about it (unless you think it's trite or corny or cheesy, and I can see a point there, but I still like it.) I guess for me it's a lot easier to accept redemption when it's so clearly deserved.
I would say that my interest was primarily in the preview bits from the upcoming Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but that wouldn't be true, because I really love this movie. Sure, it's a kid movie, and the special effects are a bit laughable, but I just love how it ends, with Hagrid's redemption.
Here was a man (of sorts), unjustly accused of murder, and more or less drummed out of polite society. Kicked out of Hogwarts as a student, who knows what would've become of him had Dumbledore not advocated for him and got him the position as groundskeeper. Then, after fifty years, the whole business starts up again, and this time he gets sent to Azkaban, where his soul would be leeched away by the Dementors. Finally, Harry defeats the basilisk and Voldemort, and at last! Hagrid is shown to be innocent, to have always been innocent. He is washed clean.
It's practically like baptism.
And the really cool thing is, everyone at Hogwarts realizes it. Hagrid comes back from Azkaban to a different world, a world in which it's OK for him to do magic and have a proper wand, not one concealed in an umbrella. A world in which he can fully take part. It's something he never expected, even though he certainly deserved it, and it's just awesome to me that Harry (and Ron, and Hermione) were able to help the person who was always there to look after them, in such a profound way.
Coincidentally while channel surfing I caught the last few minutes of Return of the Jedi, and I have to give Mark Hamill props for his agonized, "Father! Please!" while the Emperor was Force-frying him. Vader's redemption is of a different sort, and it's annoying that after all the horrendous evil he perpetrated, he still gets to come back all glowy and translucent with Obi-Wan and Yoda. Is saving Luke enough to redeem him, after all he's done? So says George Lucas, so I guess we have to go with it. It's not that I didn't buy Vader's change of heart, because I do -- credit James Earl Jones for some terrific voice work there, and I still feel a faint echo of regret every time that helmet comes off and it's still not JEJ under there -- but still, I feel that Vader should be held accountable some way. Yes, he did sacrifice his life to save Luke, and he did kill the Emperor, which would surely lead to the fall of the Empire -- but there wouldn't have been an Empire (or at least not as horrific a one) if not for him, so... I'm not sure where that leaves me on this issue.
I do believe that redemption is possible for anyone who experiences a true conversion of the heart. What I especially like about Hagrid's story is that his heart was always pure, and all that was needed was to remove the veil that had fallen over it. There's nothing annoying about it (unless you think it's trite or corny or cheesy, and I can see a point there, but I still like it.) I guess for me it's a lot easier to accept redemption when it's so clearly deserved.
Friday, May 06, 2005
a skinny little letter from the IRS
I was expecting it to be our refund check, but I was curious because I was also expecting our refund to be directly deposited. Hmmmm.
What's this, what's this? Our CPA omitted all of our 2004 estimated tax payments on our return! We're getting a big fat tax refund!
Which is really, really good, because it will help us as we settle with the IRS for those other two tax years that they had big problems with. Apparently those too-good-to-be-true tax credits really were too good to be true, and the companies that were making the tax credits available were fraudulent. How were we supposed to know? We were only doing what the CPA advised.
By the way, we have a new CPA now. (whew)
What's this, what's this? Our CPA omitted all of our 2004 estimated tax payments on our return! We're getting a big fat tax refund!
Which is really, really good, because it will help us as we settle with the IRS for those other two tax years that they had big problems with. Apparently those too-good-to-be-true tax credits really were too good to be true, and the companies that were making the tax credits available were fraudulent. How were we supposed to know? We were only doing what the CPA advised.
By the way, we have a new CPA now. (whew)
(heh)
I titled that last post "odd bits."
It wasn't until I was in bed, on the verge of sleep, that I thought, "I can't believe I really did that..."
My family nickname is Bits, from "Little Bits," which is what my Dad used to call me when I was, well, little. (I'm the youngest of seven children, and the scrawniest as well.)
Odd bits? Odd Bits.
Yep. I'm certainly not normal.
It wasn't until I was in bed, on the verge of sleep, that I thought, "I can't believe I really did that..."
My family nickname is Bits, from "Little Bits," which is what my Dad used to call me when I was, well, little. (I'm the youngest of seven children, and the scrawniest as well.)
Odd bits? Odd Bits.
Yep. I'm certainly not normal.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
odd bits
The endo called this afternoon with my bloodwork -- Tg down again to 1.8, TSH holding at 0.05, everything else in good range. It is a good thing that the Tg went down again, but it doesn't really mean anything at this point. I'm going for the scan and then we'll see. Still no word on the scheduling of that, however.
I have added two things to my LID this time around: peanut butter and corn chips. I bought both unsalted, of course, and am adding my own salt. The peanut butter helps tremendously. I feel as if I am eating constantly, and I probably am -- I can't tell psychological hunger from real hunger at this point. I would like to just forget about it for a while, but since everything single thing I eat has to be approved, there's really no possibility of that happening.
I made a roast beef today, and lamented the lack of a good horseradish sauce. Roasted the cauliflower instead of pureeing it, since I can't have either butter or sour cream -- I liked it, the kids did not, as expected.
Cameo apples are really good.
DD has managed to misplace one of her school jumpers. I have looked in all the usual, and many unusual, places, and it hasn't turned up yet. I'm sure it was left on the floor one afternoon last week when she got home from school and wanted to change into play clothes -- and then something happened, we don't know what. I'm not keen on her having to eke through the remaining 4 weeks or so of the school year with one fewer jumper, but we'll manage, with or without it.
Took my camera to a local shop for repair today. Here's hoping it is as easy and relatively inexpensive a fix as the guy thinks it will be. I do miss the camera, though. I have an idea for a photo essay that I won't be able to do if it is gone for very long.
The brain is still going 100 mph, the body is having trouble overcoming inertia...
I have added two things to my LID this time around: peanut butter and corn chips. I bought both unsalted, of course, and am adding my own salt. The peanut butter helps tremendously. I feel as if I am eating constantly, and I probably am -- I can't tell psychological hunger from real hunger at this point. I would like to just forget about it for a while, but since everything single thing I eat has to be approved, there's really no possibility of that happening.
I made a roast beef today, and lamented the lack of a good horseradish sauce. Roasted the cauliflower instead of pureeing it, since I can't have either butter or sour cream -- I liked it, the kids did not, as expected.
Cameo apples are really good.
DD has managed to misplace one of her school jumpers. I have looked in all the usual, and many unusual, places, and it hasn't turned up yet. I'm sure it was left on the floor one afternoon last week when she got home from school and wanted to change into play clothes -- and then something happened, we don't know what. I'm not keen on her having to eke through the remaining 4 weeks or so of the school year with one fewer jumper, but we'll manage, with or without it.
Took my camera to a local shop for repair today. Here's hoping it is as easy and relatively inexpensive a fix as the guy thinks it will be. I do miss the camera, though. I have an idea for a photo essay that I won't be able to do if it is gone for very long.
The brain is still going 100 mph, the body is having trouble overcoming inertia...
100 mph
Since my endo appointment on Tuesday morning, I've been getting into online scraps all over the place. I'm currently debating the wisdom of using Designer Whey Protein Powder while on LID over on the Yahoo! Thyca group. I made a quick comment about, but then dissected in detail here, that BrightEyes song. I just commented twice over at Althouse because I just felt like it!
Reading the newspaper, I get a half-dozen article ideas. I find a contact number for a publisher I've been trying to track down, and immediately I think I should work on my book proposal. (What book proposal? you may ask -- one I haven't talked about, here!) Walking around the house, I make mental lists of all the things that need to be fixed up, cleaned out, or flat-out purged.
I have the sense of an approaching deadline: if I need surgery, how bad will it be? how long until I'm "normal" again? (Scare quotes required around "normal", since I know that even on my best days, "normal" does not begin to describe me!) So I want to get everything done before whatever it is that will happen, happens.
Time for a deep breath, time to slow down. Picking fights online didn't help last time, and it isn't going to help now, either.
Reading the newspaper, I get a half-dozen article ideas. I find a contact number for a publisher I've been trying to track down, and immediately I think I should work on my book proposal. (What book proposal? you may ask -- one I haven't talked about, here!) Walking around the house, I make mental lists of all the things that need to be fixed up, cleaned out, or flat-out purged.
I have the sense of an approaching deadline: if I need surgery, how bad will it be? how long until I'm "normal" again? (Scare quotes required around "normal", since I know that even on my best days, "normal" does not begin to describe me!) So I want to get everything done before whatever it is that will happen, happens.
Time for a deep breath, time to slow down. Picking fights online didn't help last time, and it isn't going to help now, either.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
fisking Brighteyes
I just came across a nasty little musical screed. On Leno, no less.
The timing's bad, it's late, but it's just so obnoxious that I have to respond, so, brace yourself:
I suppose it never would occur to this musician that the President's faith is the real thing, since he has probably never witnessed -- or experienced -- the real thing in his entire life.
This is one of the stupidest rants I've ever read, perpetuating all sorts of myths and misinformation -- but he is preaching to his own choir. I bet a lot of people appreciate how this song "speaks truth to power", when it's full of nothing but smears and lies. Let's start at the top, shall we?
Raping women's rights? Funny how he doesn't talk about the rights of the babies.
Send poor farm kids off to die? First of all, does this guy have a clue as to how small a percentage of our population are farmers these days? I'm surprised he didn't say "poor minority kids", but that would be inaccurate as well, since more white guys died in Iraq than would be proportional to the population of the military -- or the US. But why am I expecting any adherence to facts? I don't -- but it would be nice if this guy could show some respect for our all-volunteer armed services. There is no draft, dude, remember? Maybe he fell for those new draft emails the Democrats sent around last year, and failed to realize that it was Democrats in the House who proposed reinstating the draft, and that the bill went nowhere.
Suggesting an oil hike? Seems to me the President has repeatedly called for more domestic oil production. Wouldn't it be stupid for the President to want high oil prices, since that hurts the economy, which will ultimately weaken his party come the next election? Can whoever wrote this song follow a train of thought that long? I'd guess not.
Agree which convicts must be killed? Death sentences are passed in courts of law, not by the President, although he can issue pardons, but that usually falls on governors. I know there is some history with W and the TX death penalty but this song is talking about the President, so again -- doesn't make sense, except in the case of a Presidential pardon, but I don't think those are ever issued to stay an execution.
Where prisons should be built and filled? Again this guy is a political idiot. Prisons are state- and county-built and run. Yes, there are federal penitentiaries, but not so many that they are an issue, not like the local ones are. And they are huge local issues.
Which voter fraud must be concealed? Well, why don't we start with the governer's election in Washington state, where the Democrats registered more votes in King County than there are voters on the rolls. New ballots are still turning up! And we won't even talk about Minnesota. I'm sure there are allegations about Republican voter fraud out there, but I haven't seen any reported by a reputable source.
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke? Is that the President's plan, contributing to urban decay? What does the President have to do with inner city liquor licensing, anyway? Wait, I remember: nothing. The administration "war on drugs" is a joke, it's true, but failing at prevention is a far cry from pushing tainted drugs onto a susceptible population.
Do they drink near beer and go play golf -- I think it's pretty low, even for a musician (heh), to rag on a guy for being a recovered alcoholic. And he appears to have his presidents mixed up -- Clinton golfs; W works on the ranch in Crawford cutting brush, or he rides his bike. He doesn't golf, not that I can recall, anyway. Maybe Brighteyes just thinks that all presidents golf.
While they pick which countries to invade, which Muslim souls can still be saved? Saved from repression, sure, why not? Or doesn't this guy think that Muslims deserve to live in free societies? Perhaps he doesn't. I do. Or maybe he's talking about bringing the souls to salvation in Christ -- as if that's a bad thing -- but regardless, I have yet to hear a single news report about inappropriate proselytizing of Muslims in Afghanistan or Iraq. I think I'm pretty caught up on the news -- was there something I missed?
As for the rest of it -- do this guy ever think that maybe he doesn't know the whole story, that people are really trying to make a positive difference in the world, and that, by the way, it's working? (just click and keep scrolling...)
In other words, can he smell his own bullshit?
I doubt it.
The timing's bad, it's late, but it's just so obnoxious that I have to respond, so, brace yourself:
"When the President Talks to God"
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our women's' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs. the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George, I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
I doubt it
I suppose it never would occur to this musician that the President's faith is the real thing, since he has probably never witnessed -- or experienced -- the real thing in his entire life.
This is one of the stupidest rants I've ever read, perpetuating all sorts of myths and misinformation -- but he is preaching to his own choir. I bet a lot of people appreciate how this song "speaks truth to power", when it's full of nothing but smears and lies. Let's start at the top, shall we?
Raping women's rights? Funny how he doesn't talk about the rights of the babies.
Send poor farm kids off to die? First of all, does this guy have a clue as to how small a percentage of our population are farmers these days? I'm surprised he didn't say "poor minority kids", but that would be inaccurate as well, since more white guys died in Iraq than would be proportional to the population of the military -- or the US. But why am I expecting any adherence to facts? I don't -- but it would be nice if this guy could show some respect for our all-volunteer armed services. There is no draft, dude, remember? Maybe he fell for those new draft emails the Democrats sent around last year, and failed to realize that it was Democrats in the House who proposed reinstating the draft, and that the bill went nowhere.
Suggesting an oil hike? Seems to me the President has repeatedly called for more domestic oil production. Wouldn't it be stupid for the President to want high oil prices, since that hurts the economy, which will ultimately weaken his party come the next election? Can whoever wrote this song follow a train of thought that long? I'd guess not.
Agree which convicts must be killed? Death sentences are passed in courts of law, not by the President, although he can issue pardons, but that usually falls on governors. I know there is some history with W and the TX death penalty but this song is talking about the President, so again -- doesn't make sense, except in the case of a Presidential pardon, but I don't think those are ever issued to stay an execution.
Where prisons should be built and filled? Again this guy is a political idiot. Prisons are state- and county-built and run. Yes, there are federal penitentiaries, but not so many that they are an issue, not like the local ones are. And they are huge local issues.
Which voter fraud must be concealed? Well, why don't we start with the governer's election in Washington state, where the Democrats registered more votes in King County than there are voters on the rolls. New ballots are still turning up! And we won't even talk about Minnesota. I'm sure there are allegations about Republican voter fraud out there, but I haven't seen any reported by a reputable source.
Just give 'em more liquor stores and dirty coke? Is that the President's plan, contributing to urban decay? What does the President have to do with inner city liquor licensing, anyway? Wait, I remember: nothing. The administration "war on drugs" is a joke, it's true, but failing at prevention is a far cry from pushing tainted drugs onto a susceptible population.
Do they drink near beer and go play golf -- I think it's pretty low, even for a musician (heh), to rag on a guy for being a recovered alcoholic. And he appears to have his presidents mixed up -- Clinton golfs; W works on the ranch in Crawford cutting brush, or he rides his bike. He doesn't golf, not that I can recall, anyway. Maybe Brighteyes just thinks that all presidents golf.
While they pick which countries to invade, which Muslim souls can still be saved? Saved from repression, sure, why not? Or doesn't this guy think that Muslims deserve to live in free societies? Perhaps he doesn't. I do. Or maybe he's talking about bringing the souls to salvation in Christ -- as if that's a bad thing -- but regardless, I have yet to hear a single news report about inappropriate proselytizing of Muslims in Afghanistan or Iraq. I think I'm pretty caught up on the news -- was there something I missed?
As for the rest of it -- do this guy ever think that maybe he doesn't know the whole story, that people are really trying to make a positive difference in the world, and that, by the way, it's working? (just click and keep scrolling...)
In other words, can he smell his own bullshit?
I doubt it.
warning: re-entering Cancer Land
I saw my endo yesterday morning. I had a set of expectations that turned out to be completely wrong.
I expected that I would have to go off my T4 meds for 4 weeks, using extra T3 for 2 weeks, and then going with nothing for the last 2; then I'd get the Thyrogen shots and the scan.
Wrong! I get to stay on the T3 and the T4 the whole time. That's cool. I get to have the shots & scan as soon as they get the Thyrogen from their supplier. That sounds vaguely illegal, but it's not, although there is some run-around involved.
So, I had been thinking I had a good 2 weeks at least before I had to go back on the LID (low iodine diet). Wrong! That threw a wrench into our Mother's Day plans. Mimi's Cafe uses iodized salt, and that's where we were going Saturday evening. Flancer's, where we're planning lunch on Sunday doesn't, so that's still a go. YAY! I'm thinking I will give Claim Jumper a call and see what they say... I like it there.
Aside from these piddly concerns about eating and dinners out, my endo flatly stated that it is "likely" that I will need more treatment. Probably surgery, but also possibly RAI, in which case I would have to withdraw from meds for 4 weeks.
So, the plan is -- wait until the Thyrogen arrives, then get shots 3 consecutive days. Then get scanned. When it comes back positive, I'll probably go for another scan to localize the cancer so the surgeon can go in there and get it out. Ideally it will come back negative and I'll just take my summer vacation as we planned -- but the odds are vanishingly small that will happen. The dr felt a few little lumps in my neck she thought could be nodes.
I'm doing OK with this so far. In the back of my mind, I expected it. Doesn't mean I have to like it, but I will do what I have to do, just get through this and hope it will be the end of it.
One upshot of all this is that there will be a lot more cancer stuff around here in the forseeable future.
I have to say, I am thrilled to still be on my meds because in spite of the pending bad news, I still feel good, and I can still do things, and that is tremendously helpful.
I expected that I would have to go off my T4 meds for 4 weeks, using extra T3 for 2 weeks, and then going with nothing for the last 2; then I'd get the Thyrogen shots and the scan.
Wrong! I get to stay on the T3 and the T4 the whole time. That's cool. I get to have the shots & scan as soon as they get the Thyrogen from their supplier. That sounds vaguely illegal, but it's not, although there is some run-around involved.
So, I had been thinking I had a good 2 weeks at least before I had to go back on the LID (low iodine diet). Wrong! That threw a wrench into our Mother's Day plans. Mimi's Cafe uses iodized salt, and that's where we were going Saturday evening. Flancer's, where we're planning lunch on Sunday doesn't, so that's still a go. YAY! I'm thinking I will give Claim Jumper a call and see what they say... I like it there.
Aside from these piddly concerns about eating and dinners out, my endo flatly stated that it is "likely" that I will need more treatment. Probably surgery, but also possibly RAI, in which case I would have to withdraw from meds for 4 weeks.
So, the plan is -- wait until the Thyrogen arrives, then get shots 3 consecutive days. Then get scanned. When it comes back positive, I'll probably go for another scan to localize the cancer so the surgeon can go in there and get it out. Ideally it will come back negative and I'll just take my summer vacation as we planned -- but the odds are vanishingly small that will happen. The dr felt a few little lumps in my neck she thought could be nodes.
I'm doing OK with this so far. In the back of my mind, I expected it. Doesn't mean I have to like it, but I will do what I have to do, just get through this and hope it will be the end of it.
One upshot of all this is that there will be a lot more cancer stuff around here in the forseeable future.
I have to say, I am thrilled to still be on my meds because in spite of the pending bad news, I still feel good, and I can still do things, and that is tremendously helpful.
Monday, May 02, 2005
happy ending/buzzkill
We had a little dinner party this evening, as it is the last night my oldest sister will be visiting here in AZ. She has been staying with an old friend who lives just 15 minutes from my house. It was really great having both of them over. I do love to cook for company, company always seems to like it more than the inmates here -- but that's probably just my take on it. The kids are not as finicky as some others I have met, and generally they get less picky with age. Here's hoping.
I cooked from about 3:45 to 6:30 solid (well, there was also a lot of cleanup in there). Then we ate outside and it was lovely.
After dinner the girls stayed outside talking, and the boys went in to clean up (DH) or watch tv (the DSs). We noticed some hummingbird-like creatures fluttering around the lantana near the table, and my sister managed to get a few shots. I told DD she could try with my camera, and this is what she got:
All was well until we were pulling things together to bring them inside, and DD dropped. the. camera.
sigh
There is nothing like the sound of expensive equipment going clunk on concrete. The good news is, it still takes pictures, although I haven't tried all the modes yet. The bad news is, the "review" mode just doesn't work. There's a little switch on the back that lets you move from shooting to review mode, and it does -- nothing. I tried all the usual tricks, removing the card, removing the battery, changing the modes, etc. Nothing helped. Well, at least it still takes nice pictures...
Then to top it all off, I asked DH if he had purchased a warranty for it, and he said, "I don't know." I admit it -- it irritated me, greatly. It was a present, it was his Christmas gift to me in 2003. Why does he not remember this stuff? I should know better by now, but the fact is, he doesn't. He doesn't know, he doesn't remember. I told him that it comes across to me as "I don't care," which is definitely not fair of me but there you have it. So we had a little spat to end the day. Yuck.
I sent an email off to Canon tech support, we'll see what those happy campers say. There doesn't appear to be any physical damage, so maybe I can just download some new software or something, wouldn't that be great? I really don't want to be camera-less for a huge amount of time, but I also want a digital that I can use as a digital, not just a regular camera that I can hook up to my computer! I need (well, really want, and use a lot) the review and instant delete capabilities -- how else can I be sure that I got the shot I want?
Tomorrow's my endo appointment, I hope to find out the scheduling and procedures for my scan. The prospect is very unsettling.
I cooked from about 3:45 to 6:30 solid (well, there was also a lot of cleanup in there). Then we ate outside and it was lovely.
After dinner the girls stayed outside talking, and the boys went in to clean up (DH) or watch tv (the DSs). We noticed some hummingbird-like creatures fluttering around the lantana near the table, and my sister managed to get a few shots. I told DD she could try with my camera, and this is what she got:
All was well until we were pulling things together to bring them inside, and DD dropped. the. camera.
sigh
There is nothing like the sound of expensive equipment going clunk on concrete. The good news is, it still takes pictures, although I haven't tried all the modes yet. The bad news is, the "review" mode just doesn't work. There's a little switch on the back that lets you move from shooting to review mode, and it does -- nothing. I tried all the usual tricks, removing the card, removing the battery, changing the modes, etc. Nothing helped. Well, at least it still takes nice pictures...
Then to top it all off, I asked DH if he had purchased a warranty for it, and he said, "I don't know." I admit it -- it irritated me, greatly. It was a present, it was his Christmas gift to me in 2003. Why does he not remember this stuff? I should know better by now, but the fact is, he doesn't. He doesn't know, he doesn't remember. I told him that it comes across to me as "I don't care," which is definitely not fair of me but there you have it. So we had a little spat to end the day. Yuck.
I sent an email off to Canon tech support, we'll see what those happy campers say. There doesn't appear to be any physical damage, so maybe I can just download some new software or something, wouldn't that be great? I really don't want to be camera-less for a huge amount of time, but I also want a digital that I can use as a digital, not just a regular camera that I can hook up to my computer! I need (well, really want, and use a lot) the review and instant delete capabilities -- how else can I be sure that I got the shot I want?
Tomorrow's my endo appointment, I hope to find out the scheduling and procedures for my scan. The prospect is very unsettling.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
worst
Two words I hate to hear my kids say: "I can't."
I do realize that there are, indeed, things they can not or should not do, but I'm not referring to a situation like that. I'm talking about times when they don't want to, which is entirely different from can't.
I will say something like this in response, "If you need help, ask for it. But you need to try, because this is something you can do."
DD has an animal project due. She chose jellyfish as her animal, and we did the research before our week of craziness last week. We looked up information in several books we had at home, and found information online at Encyclopedia Brittanica and the Oregon Coast Aquarium's Jellies site. (It's very cool; they even have a jelly-cam.) We both learned a lot about jellies.
First, we read through all the information on two seperate occasions. Then we listed the facts that she wanted to include in her report, and she told me the wording she wanted to use. Then we mapped out how it would look on her posterboard, and she drew and labeled the jellyfish parts in the center. Since there is a lot of verbiage (relatively speaking), I wrote it out in pencil, and she went over it in marker. I'd say she spent a good two hours on it, Friday afternoon, and she did a really great job. We found some pictures on the web to use, and I drew Plankton (hee!), and we cut and pasted the pictures onto the poster.
I really think the poster came out great:
Here's the thing: the poster is not the entire project. She also has to give a presentation to the class, basically going over the information on the poster.
We've been over this material at least 6 times now. Should be a piece of cake for my bright girl, right?
I wish -- and I do, fervently, wish that it were so. When I said, "C'mon, let's do this," she dragged her feet but came anyway. She wanted to play with her brothers. What came next could only be described as a disaster, as she simply would not focus and kept guessing or making up stuff -- when all she had to do was simply read (or remember) what she had written on the poster, which was right in front of her!
I know exactly what she was doing, she was trying to get out of it by not trying. She succeeded, because I finally got tired of pushing her to just read the damn poster that I quit. I told her we could just put the thing in the trash and she could get an "F" for all I care, because it was obvious that she doesn't care at all.
For today, anyway, the worst thing for me is seeing my brilliant girl pretend to be stupid just because she wants to get out of some work. This is a recurrent theme with her. Reading with her is like pulling teeth, because she will forget a word she just read 5 words ago (not 5 pages or 5 sentences, 5 words, ago!) With practice she will be an excellent reader, but for now, for her, it is just too much work and she doesn't want to be bothered. She is excelling at her classwork, it's true, but her classwork -- even the challenge classwork -- is so easy for her, she does it without blinking, never mind even breaking a sweat. The thing is, I remember being like that, and it was a surprise -- a shock, really -- when I finally hit upon something that was difficult for me (for the record: Organic Chemistry, and Physicsfor Masochists with Calculus, both freshman year of college.)
Another bad, bad aspect of this situation is that I am not capable of motivating her to try harder, to actually do the work. When I say something, whether positive or negative, all she does is cry -- she has found that crying can get her out of almost anything. I endured a good 10 minutes of wobbly lower lip and full eyes before I finally quit this morning, not because of the crying but because we were getting nowhere. She wouldn't try, and there's no way I can make her. She has to want to do it for herself, and if she doesn't, well -- what can I do?
This kind of dilemma is exactly what makes parenting so scary. She's six years old, now. What about when she's 15, or 23? The kind of work that will need to be done then is a lot more serious and will have a lot more lasting consequences than a kindergarden project. We're going to have to figure out some way for her to motivate herself. At this point, it's nothing too serious or important, but some day, it will be.
I do realize that there are, indeed, things they can not or should not do, but I'm not referring to a situation like that. I'm talking about times when they don't want to, which is entirely different from can't.
I will say something like this in response, "If you need help, ask for it. But you need to try, because this is something you can do."
DD has an animal project due. She chose jellyfish as her animal, and we did the research before our week of craziness last week. We looked up information in several books we had at home, and found information online at Encyclopedia Brittanica and the Oregon Coast Aquarium's Jellies site. (It's very cool; they even have a jelly-cam.) We both learned a lot about jellies.
First, we read through all the information on two seperate occasions. Then we listed the facts that she wanted to include in her report, and she told me the wording she wanted to use. Then we mapped out how it would look on her posterboard, and she drew and labeled the jellyfish parts in the center. Since there is a lot of verbiage (relatively speaking), I wrote it out in pencil, and she went over it in marker. I'd say she spent a good two hours on it, Friday afternoon, and she did a really great job. We found some pictures on the web to use, and I drew Plankton (hee!), and we cut and pasted the pictures onto the poster.
I really think the poster came out great:
Here's the thing: the poster is not the entire project. She also has to give a presentation to the class, basically going over the information on the poster.
We've been over this material at least 6 times now. Should be a piece of cake for my bright girl, right?
I wish -- and I do, fervently, wish that it were so. When I said, "C'mon, let's do this," she dragged her feet but came anyway. She wanted to play with her brothers. What came next could only be described as a disaster, as she simply would not focus and kept guessing or making up stuff -- when all she had to do was simply read (or remember) what she had written on the poster, which was right in front of her!
I know exactly what she was doing, she was trying to get out of it by not trying. She succeeded, because I finally got tired of pushing her to just read the damn poster that I quit. I told her we could just put the thing in the trash and she could get an "F" for all I care, because it was obvious that she doesn't care at all.
For today, anyway, the worst thing for me is seeing my brilliant girl pretend to be stupid just because she wants to get out of some work. This is a recurrent theme with her. Reading with her is like pulling teeth, because she will forget a word she just read 5 words ago (not 5 pages or 5 sentences, 5 words, ago!) With practice she will be an excellent reader, but for now, for her, it is just too much work and she doesn't want to be bothered. She is excelling at her classwork, it's true, but her classwork -- even the challenge classwork -- is so easy for her, she does it without blinking, never mind even breaking a sweat. The thing is, I remember being like that, and it was a surprise -- a shock, really -- when I finally hit upon something that was difficult for me (for the record: Organic Chemistry, and Physics
Another bad, bad aspect of this situation is that I am not capable of motivating her to try harder, to actually do the work. When I say something, whether positive or negative, all she does is cry -- she has found that crying can get her out of almost anything. I endured a good 10 minutes of wobbly lower lip and full eyes before I finally quit this morning, not because of the crying but because we were getting nowhere. She wouldn't try, and there's no way I can make her. She has to want to do it for herself, and if she doesn't, well -- what can I do?
This kind of dilemma is exactly what makes parenting so scary. She's six years old, now. What about when she's 15, or 23? The kind of work that will need to be done then is a lot more serious and will have a lot more lasting consequences than a kindergarden project. We're going to have to figure out some way for her to motivate herself. At this point, it's nothing too serious or important, but some day, it will be.
cat blogging
DD took this night photo of the elusive Arizona Bush Cat:
I'm sure the cat fantasizes she is a formidable predator out on the African savannahs. Reality is a stark contrast to that ideal. She can no longer jump up on our bed or onto the low bookshelves under the bay windows. She even needs help getting up onto the couch, so she spends a lot of time curled up under side tables and the like. She is positively friendly to the children now, when they behave themselves around her.
I wish I could say her current regimen of meds is helping, but it's not. She's on borrowed time.
I'm sure the cat fantasizes she is a formidable predator out on the African savannahs. Reality is a stark contrast to that ideal. She can no longer jump up on our bed or onto the low bookshelves under the bay windows. She even needs help getting up onto the couch, so she spends a lot of time curled up under side tables and the like. She is positively friendly to the children now, when they behave themselves around her.
I wish I could say her current regimen of meds is helping, but it's not. She's on borrowed time.
vicarious thrills
Nina went out to lunch in NYC today. All week long she was writing about it, and today was finally the day.
Well, I couldn't go to bed without checking her blog: "I wonder if Nina has posted about her lunch today?" Of course she did!
And of course it gets my own mind churning...
My kids are young but quite angelic (in public, anyway), and we do go out to eat fairly often. But mostly to family-type restaurants – I am seeking out independent restaurants and making them our favorites. We are surrounded with chain restaurants here, and they can be fine, it’s true, but really, I want something better than that. The kids are tolerant of their weird mom and don’t mind as long as the food is good.
Generally the food is good, sometimes it's really good; Flancer's is just outstanding. But it's not sublime; I don't think a pizza and sandwich joint can reach sublime (that may be a failure in my own imagination). Flancer's doesn't try to be sublime, anyway -- they try to be fantastic (even super fantastic) and they are, but they aren't the ne plus ultra. Well, maybe they are in the sandwich and pizza world, that I won't dispute. But sandwiches and pizza simply cannot hold their own against shrimp with a phyllo crust in an herbal broth, or that perfect little chocolate souffle with the three different ice creams. That's just a different level of reality.
I know that level of reality, I used to visit it often. In my single and early married lives I was a "foodie"; one of my old college friends and I used to routinely go out for meals that cost in the hundreds of dollars. Now, of course, money like that is reserved for college savings accounts except for very special occasions. I confess, I miss it. Sometimes I miss it a lot – but I know that world is still there and I can still visit it from time to time…
Now I am tasked with picking a restaurant for next weekend’s Mother’s Day. Yikes. We’ll go someplace nice on Saturday and avoid the dreadful brunch crowds, but I do think for lunch we’ll go to Flancer's, where they make all their own bread and concoct the most delightful things. It won’t be Bouley’s, could anything be like that? But it will be delicious and fun… and I’ll tell my kids stories about the fabulous food Nina got to eat and start honing their appreciation early. DS1 has the most sensitive taste buds, I swear he will grow up to be a chef some day. (Ssshhhh -- don't tell the Parenting Police that I held out Tony Bourdain as a role model to him, when he was much younger and very, very fussy about what he eats!)
The last time I had a meal even close to the one Nina enjoyed today was at Kai at the Sheraton Wild Horse Pass Resort; it was phenomenal but well over a year ago. Perhaps it's time to get a baby sitter and revisit the stratosphere.
Well, I couldn't go to bed without checking her blog: "I wonder if Nina has posted about her lunch today?" Of course she did!
And of course it gets my own mind churning...
My kids are young but quite angelic (in public, anyway), and we do go out to eat fairly often. But mostly to family-type restaurants – I am seeking out independent restaurants and making them our favorites. We are surrounded with chain restaurants here, and they can be fine, it’s true, but really, I want something better than that. The kids are tolerant of their weird mom and don’t mind as long as the food is good.
Generally the food is good, sometimes it's really good; Flancer's is just outstanding. But it's not sublime; I don't think a pizza and sandwich joint can reach sublime (that may be a failure in my own imagination). Flancer's doesn't try to be sublime, anyway -- they try to be fantastic (even super fantastic) and they are, but they aren't the ne plus ultra. Well, maybe they are in the sandwich and pizza world, that I won't dispute. But sandwiches and pizza simply cannot hold their own against shrimp with a phyllo crust in an herbal broth, or that perfect little chocolate souffle with the three different ice creams. That's just a different level of reality.
I know that level of reality, I used to visit it often. In my single and early married lives I was a "foodie"; one of my old college friends and I used to routinely go out for meals that cost in the hundreds of dollars. Now, of course, money like that is reserved for college savings accounts except for very special occasions. I confess, I miss it. Sometimes I miss it a lot – but I know that world is still there and I can still visit it from time to time…
Now I am tasked with picking a restaurant for next weekend’s Mother’s Day. Yikes. We’ll go someplace nice on Saturday and avoid the dreadful brunch crowds, but I do think for lunch we’ll go to Flancer's, where they make all their own bread and concoct the most delightful things. It won’t be Bouley’s, could anything be like that? But it will be delicious and fun… and I’ll tell my kids stories about the fabulous food Nina got to eat and start honing their appreciation early. DS1 has the most sensitive taste buds, I swear he will grow up to be a chef some day. (Ssshhhh -- don't tell the Parenting Police that I held out Tony Bourdain as a role model to him, when he was much younger and very, very fussy about what he eats!)
The last time I had a meal even close to the one Nina enjoyed today was at Kai at the Sheraton Wild Horse Pass Resort; it was phenomenal but well over a year ago. Perhaps it's time to get a baby sitter and revisit the stratosphere.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
catching up
It seems that all of this week has been spent recovering from the previous one. One of the things about being better is having more energy to actually do things, as opposed to sitting around all day on the computer reading and writing and thinking about doing things. There are times when that's OK, but I have been really enjoying the fact that I can, in fact, actually do more than one thing a day lately.
Of course, this respite will be short-lived since I have to go off my finally-right thyroid meds in preparation for my upcoming 6-month follow-up scan, but hey -- I'm going to enjoy this while I can.
We're all pretty much caught up, now. DS1 had a pile of schoolwork for the days he missed last week, and we spent a lot of time finishing that up. DD has completed her jellyfish report posterboard. Now she only needs a few practice sessions with the presentation part of it, and she'll be good to go on Monday. DS2 came down with a virus last Friday and ran a nasty fever for a good 3 days, by Monday he was only a bit warm, and by Tuesday he seemed fine. Now his appetite is back and his mood seems somewhat improved, even if he still does cry over every little perceived slight. That phase is taking longer than I'd like for him to grow out of... and he is growing! He seems to have sprouted an inch lately.
DD has lost another front tooth, and has two more wigglers that will go in the next few days. She won't be toothless for long as the secondaries are already through the gums, pushing her baby teeth out. It's very weird to be able to see the bottom of a tooth, the part that's supposed to be attached to the gum! And of course she knows how the sight of her wigglers affects everyone, so she constantly manipulates them with her tongue. I can't wait until they come out! Although I am patient with her, too, as she is the one who is having considerable trouble eating (she can't bite into anything, even toast) and sometimes knocks a tooth the wrong way which causes a lot of pain and a little bleeding. She'll be happy when they are out, too.
The weather has been gorgeous, and we've been having our dinners outside when time allows. It's a simple thing, but it makes me happy. It's good to have such a life, for however long or short a time it lasts.
Of course, this respite will be short-lived since I have to go off my finally-right thyroid meds in preparation for my upcoming 6-month follow-up scan, but hey -- I'm going to enjoy this while I can.
We're all pretty much caught up, now. DS1 had a pile of schoolwork for the days he missed last week, and we spent a lot of time finishing that up. DD has completed her jellyfish report posterboard. Now she only needs a few practice sessions with the presentation part of it, and she'll be good to go on Monday. DS2 came down with a virus last Friday and ran a nasty fever for a good 3 days, by Monday he was only a bit warm, and by Tuesday he seemed fine. Now his appetite is back and his mood seems somewhat improved, even if he still does cry over every little perceived slight. That phase is taking longer than I'd like for him to grow out of... and he is growing! He seems to have sprouted an inch lately.
DD has lost another front tooth, and has two more wigglers that will go in the next few days. She won't be toothless for long as the secondaries are already through the gums, pushing her baby teeth out. It's very weird to be able to see the bottom of a tooth, the part that's supposed to be attached to the gum! And of course she knows how the sight of her wigglers affects everyone, so she constantly manipulates them with her tongue. I can't wait until they come out! Although I am patient with her, too, as she is the one who is having considerable trouble eating (she can't bite into anything, even toast) and sometimes knocks a tooth the wrong way which causes a lot of pain and a little bleeding. She'll be happy when they are out, too.
The weather has been gorgeous, and we've been having our dinners outside when time allows. It's a simple thing, but it makes me happy. It's good to have such a life, for however long or short a time it lasts.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
burning down the house
Yesterday, I made blueberry cake. It was something of a trip, because I low-carbed my mom's old recipe. We had made a huge double batch of the real thing over the weekend when everyone was here, and it disappered in no time flat. Seriously, this huge cake didn't even last a day! It was so weird to see stuff I baked get eaten so fast. My kids are just not that into baked goods, whether high or low carb. I often end up tossing stuff in the trash, or wrapping it up and freezing it right away so that doesn't happen.
The 'standard' blueberry cake recipe is supposedly for a 8x8 inch pan, and that's the one I converted. Usually we double it and bake it in a 9x13 pan, and man is that cake huge. In fact, I don't think I've ever made a 'standard' 8x8 cake. This led to the somewhat humorous, certainly not fatal, but definitely annoying situation in which the cake rose in the oven and cooked over.
Great globs of blueberry cake batter all over the racks and the bottom of the stove. As soon as I smelled something burning -- fairly soon into the cooking process -- I ran to the oven and looked inside. I slid a cookie sheet on the rack under the cake to catch the rest of the drips, and just prayed it wouldn't get too bad.
It was bad -- the house was filled with a hazy smoke, and I cranked up the vent fan, the ceiling fans, and I opened the windows and doors at both ends to try and move the smoke out. Eventually it did clear, and eventually the cake was cooked, and it really does taste good, even if it looks really weird. Once the cake came out of the oven, I made a mental note to myself to go back and clean out the drips when it was cool enough.
Of course, I completely forgot. Dinner was cooked on the stovetop, so I didn't give another thought to all the batter that was burnt onto the bottom of the oven. That is, I didn't until I set the oven to preheat for tonight's roast chicken. I thought the smoke and haze were bad yesterday! Today, it was bad enough to set off the fire alarm, and of course ADT called to make sure the house wasn't burning down. Thanks for not embarrassing me about being a bad cook, ADT Guy!
Anyway, I scraped as much lava off the bottom of the oven as I could, and repeated the routine with the windows and fans, etc, and the smoke eventually cleared. I even think that the smell of the chicken roasting eventually displaced the smell of the smoke, but maybe that's just wishful thinking.
I'm not sorry one bit I made that cake. I just wish I'd known beforehand how huge it was going to end up!
Here's the standard recipe:
Blueberry Cake
for an 8x8 pan, double for a 9x13 pan
2/3 C shortening
1 1/2 C sugar
2 C flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 C milk
2 eggs
1 1/2 C blueberries
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line your pan with foil and spray it with a nonstick spray.
Blend first 3 ingredients until the mixture resembles crumbs. Reserve 3/4 cup for crumb topping. Add remaining ingredients except blueberries, and stir until combined.
Pour batter into prepared pan. Sprinkle blueberries evenly over the batter, and then sprinkle the crumbs evenly over the top.
Bake at 350 for about 40 minutes. The 9x13 pan (double recipe) takes quite a bit longer, start testing at 50 minutes, but it may go to an hour. Cake is done when a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
I'll post a link to the low carb version when it comes out.
The 'standard' blueberry cake recipe is supposedly for a 8x8 inch pan, and that's the one I converted. Usually we double it and bake it in a 9x13 pan, and man is that cake huge. In fact, I don't think I've ever made a 'standard' 8x8 cake. This led to the somewhat humorous, certainly not fatal, but definitely annoying situation in which the cake rose in the oven and cooked over.
Great globs of blueberry cake batter all over the racks and the bottom of the stove. As soon as I smelled something burning -- fairly soon into the cooking process -- I ran to the oven and looked inside. I slid a cookie sheet on the rack under the cake to catch the rest of the drips, and just prayed it wouldn't get too bad.
It was bad -- the house was filled with a hazy smoke, and I cranked up the vent fan, the ceiling fans, and I opened the windows and doors at both ends to try and move the smoke out. Eventually it did clear, and eventually the cake was cooked, and it really does taste good, even if it looks really weird. Once the cake came out of the oven, I made a mental note to myself to go back and clean out the drips when it was cool enough.
Of course, I completely forgot. Dinner was cooked on the stovetop, so I didn't give another thought to all the batter that was burnt onto the bottom of the oven. That is, I didn't until I set the oven to preheat for tonight's roast chicken. I thought the smoke and haze were bad yesterday! Today, it was bad enough to set off the fire alarm, and of course ADT called to make sure the house wasn't burning down. Thanks for not embarrassing me about being a bad cook, ADT Guy!
Anyway, I scraped as much lava off the bottom of the oven as I could, and repeated the routine with the windows and fans, etc, and the smoke eventually cleared. I even think that the smell of the chicken roasting eventually displaced the smell of the smoke, but maybe that's just wishful thinking.
I'm not sorry one bit I made that cake. I just wish I'd known beforehand how huge it was going to end up!
Here's the standard recipe:
Blueberry Cake
for an 8x8 pan, double for a 9x13 pan
2/3 C shortening
1 1/2 C sugar
2 C flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 C milk
2 eggs
1 1/2 C blueberries
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line your pan with foil and spray it with a nonstick spray.
Blend first 3 ingredients until the mixture resembles crumbs. Reserve 3/4 cup for crumb topping. Add remaining ingredients except blueberries, and stir until combined.
Pour batter into prepared pan. Sprinkle blueberries evenly over the batter, and then sprinkle the crumbs evenly over the top.
Bake at 350 for about 40 minutes. The 9x13 pan (double recipe) takes quite a bit longer, start testing at 50 minutes, but it may go to an hour. Cake is done when a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
I'll post a link to the low carb version when it comes out.
ambushed
I was at Sam's Club today buying a two-pack of the large size pourable Splenda granular stuff. While I was waiting in line at the register, the woman behind me, bold as brass, started in: "I don't know you, but why are you buying that Splenda?! It has chlorine in it!"
I calmly replied that salt has chlorine in it, too.
She insisted that it was very dangerous and that I shouldn't be buying it. "You should look it up on the internet!"
I told her I write a monthly column on low carb cooking, and that I was well aware of everything that was said on the internet about Splenda. It didn't matter what I said -- I could've said I personally conducted independent research on the effects of Splenda and this woman would've blown me off. She didn't care to learn any facts that might contradict hers, and so I didn't even bother to try.
But still -- the nerve of some people! Who does she think she is? I did ask her, "Do you eat margarine? You know, that's only one molecule away from plastic." I was being sarcastic, sort of, but she immediately said, "Oh, no, no! That's horrible stuff."
I really had hoped that the "so does salt" response would be enough to make nuts like that woman pause for a moment and rethink their positions, but apparently I need even stronger ammunition. All's I know is, Splenda is essentially inert, and I don't have a problem with it. I know some people who do have problems with it. I've read all the "Oh my God!" emails over on Mercola's site, but I also know that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data". Splenda has been in use for decades now, and it has garnered only a tiny fraction of the horror stories that aspartame has racked up. At least Splenda is stable, and doesn't break down into deadly toxins when subjected to moderately high heat, the way aspartame does -- kinda makes you want your diet sodas trucked to you in a refrigerated container, doesn't it?
Coincidentally, Dana Carpender was on the Defense of Splenda kick recently, too. I love her, she's so blunt and fiesty. Here's a choice quote:
I am not eating this stuff with a spoon. In the blueberry cake I made yesterday, there was 3/4ths of a cup of Splenda, and so far it's looking like it's going to work out to somewhere between 12 and 16 servings. I think we're all safe as far as that dose goes. I will again echo Dana and say, if you're asking me if Splenda is safe, that it's safer than sugar. In an ideal world I'd get all my sugar from fruits and vegetables, but I happen to like blueberry cake and muffins and such like from time to time. So shoot me.
But don't take away my Splenda.
I calmly replied that salt has chlorine in it, too.
She insisted that it was very dangerous and that I shouldn't be buying it. "You should look it up on the internet!"
I told her I write a monthly column on low carb cooking, and that I was well aware of everything that was said on the internet about Splenda. It didn't matter what I said -- I could've said I personally conducted independent research on the effects of Splenda and this woman would've blown me off. She didn't care to learn any facts that might contradict hers, and so I didn't even bother to try.
But still -- the nerve of some people! Who does she think she is? I did ask her, "Do you eat margarine? You know, that's only one molecule away from plastic." I was being sarcastic, sort of, but she immediately said, "Oh, no, no! That's horrible stuff."
I really had hoped that the "so does salt" response would be enough to make nuts like that woman pause for a moment and rethink their positions, but apparently I need even stronger ammunition. All's I know is, Splenda is essentially inert, and I don't have a problem with it. I know some people who do have problems with it. I've read all the "Oh my God!" emails over on Mercola's site, but I also know that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data". Splenda has been in use for decades now, and it has garnered only a tiny fraction of the horror stories that aspartame has racked up. At least Splenda is stable, and doesn't break down into deadly toxins when subjected to moderately high heat, the way aspartame does -- kinda makes you want your diet sodas trucked to you in a refrigerated container, doesn't it?
Coincidentally, Dana Carpender was on the Defense of Splenda kick recently, too. I love her, she's so blunt and fiesty. Here's a choice quote:
For the record: I have read the FDA test papers for Splenda, and it is absolutely true that sucralose - the sweetener in Splenda - caused thymus shrinkage and kidney swelling in lab rats - in doses that in a 150-pound human being would be the equivalent of over ten thousand teaspoons of Splenda per day. In doses that were the equivalent of just a couple of thousand teaspoons a day, the problems didn't happen. Since it's a really big day when I get as much as 20 teaspoons of Splenda in a day, I'm not sweating it. Always remember, the first rule of toxicology is "Dose is everything."
I am not eating this stuff with a spoon. In the blueberry cake I made yesterday, there was 3/4ths of a cup of Splenda, and so far it's looking like it's going to work out to somewhere between 12 and 16 servings. I think we're all safe as far as that dose goes. I will again echo Dana and say, if you're asking me if Splenda is safe, that it's safer than sugar. In an ideal world I'd get all my sugar from fruits and vegetables, but I happen to like blueberry cake and muffins and such like from time to time. So shoot me.
But don't take away my Splenda.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
things I learned about Disney Land & the trips to & from
It's 400 miles away from my house, more or less.
It's a 7 hour drive, no matter what AAA, MapQuest, or GoogleMaps tells you. And that's going an average of about 85MPH.
There are a lot of trucks on I-10 between CA and AZ. A lot of trucks.
Having a DVD player in the car really helps, a lot.
Kids on their way to Disney Land will not sleep in the car, until you are only about 30 minutes away, when being excited for 7 straight hours has finally completely exhausted them.
The day manager at the Quartzite McDonald's is really nice.
Disney Land proper is great for younger kids. The California Adventure is more of a traditional amusement park, and is better for the over-four-feet-tall crowd.
Tuesday is probably the least crowded day at either park. Wednesday was surprisingly more crowded than Tuesday. Thursday, just walking around was impossible, it was so crowded. We waited 40 minutes in line getting lunch at McDonald's in CA Adventure! That ticked me off; I didn't mind waiting for rides so much, but waiting for food was annoying -- they should have added staff. The same thing happened with getting ice cream Thursday afternoon, in the arcade on Main Street. Very annoying.
In April, the weather is perfect but you need a sweatshirt in the evenings.
Make plans for dinner, early in the day, if you want to sit in a restaurant somewhere. We didn't on Wednesday and that led to some very over tired, hungry, and stressed-out kids.
Everyone says the food is expensive, but good. I say the food is expensive and certainly edible, but it's not all that. Choices are limited and lines are very long at the fast food-type places. Service was as efficient as it could be and very friendly, but they were IMO understaffed.
If you have little kids that are into the characters, a Character meal can be awesome. We were able to get reservations for a lunch at Ariel's Grotto in the California Adventure park, and the little ones loved it. My 8-year-old was blase about the whole thing, but he didn't mind it. The littler ones had a blast dancing with the characters, getting autographs, and having their pictures taken. Best of all the staff at the restaurant did not try to rush us or hustle us out, and the tables were widely spaced, too. So it was a nice, fun, relaxing meal, well worth the $11/kid, $16/adult fixed price.
Use FastPass whenever you can. The FastPass system allows you to use your ticket to get another ride- and time-specific ticket. It will say on it, "use between 2:30 and 3:30" or something like that. So you take it, go away, and come back at the specified time, and then you get to use the short line. You may still end up waiting 10 or 15 minutes, but that's way better than having to wait 90 minutes or more.
But here's the thing: if the ticket-takers at the gate don't run your ticket through the machine, you won't be able to use the ticket to get a fastpass. So make sure all your tickets get scanned! One day all our tickets got stamped but not all run through the machine, so we couldn't get fastpasses. Fortunately it turned out not to matter, as we crossed over to CA Adventure and the ticket-taker scanned all our tickets, and we fast-passed the California Soaring ride which was so worth it.
In Fantasy Land, everyone loved Peter Pan and Toad's Wild Ride. DS2 loved the Dumbo Flying Elephants.
In Tomorrow Land, Autopia and Star Tours were great... we didn't get to go on the Buzz Lightyear Astroblasters because of the fastpass mix-up, and Space Mountain was still closed. The rockets were very uncomfortable! The Star Wars shop made my boys very happy.
In New Orleans Square (or whatever they call it), both the Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion were a lot of fun.
In the California Adventure, DS1 loved the Tower of Terror and the River Rafters rides, and all but DS2 adored the mini-rollercoaster, the Mullholland Madness. (DS2 was too small.) My sister and I really enjoyed the ferris wheel -- it had non-swinging gondolas! We took one of those. It was really lovely up there. The California Soaring ride was awesome.
There were huge swathes of both parks that I didn't get to see. DS2 rode in the stroller and DS1 walked all the time, but for a good part of our time there I was piggy-backing DD. Next time we plan a trip, I'm going to start all the kids on a walking workout to get them in shape. We never walk anywhere -- except to and from the car. They are active kids but that's not the same as being in shape for walking all over the place all day and into the evening.
We stayed "off campus" at the Staybridge Suites resort and took the ART to the park. While that did add some travel time to our back-and-forths, it really wasn't significant, and it was great not having to worry about parking, and taking the shuttle to the parking lot. The hotel was packed, clean, and the room rate included a breakfast buffet which was very convenient. We were so busy we never did get to use the pool, but my sister had a chance to use their computers to check her email once or twice.
Bottom line? It was great, and I'm sure we'll go back. It will be even better next time because I'll have a much better idea of what's going on!
It's a 7 hour drive, no matter what AAA, MapQuest, or GoogleMaps tells you. And that's going an average of about 85MPH.
There are a lot of trucks on I-10 between CA and AZ. A lot of trucks.
Having a DVD player in the car really helps, a lot.
Kids on their way to Disney Land will not sleep in the car, until you are only about 30 minutes away, when being excited for 7 straight hours has finally completely exhausted them.
The day manager at the Quartzite McDonald's is really nice.
Disney Land proper is great for younger kids. The California Adventure is more of a traditional amusement park, and is better for the over-four-feet-tall crowd.
Tuesday is probably the least crowded day at either park. Wednesday was surprisingly more crowded than Tuesday. Thursday, just walking around was impossible, it was so crowded. We waited 40 minutes in line getting lunch at McDonald's in CA Adventure! That ticked me off; I didn't mind waiting for rides so much, but waiting for food was annoying -- they should have added staff. The same thing happened with getting ice cream Thursday afternoon, in the arcade on Main Street. Very annoying.
In April, the weather is perfect but you need a sweatshirt in the evenings.
Make plans for dinner, early in the day, if you want to sit in a restaurant somewhere. We didn't on Wednesday and that led to some very over tired, hungry, and stressed-out kids.
Everyone says the food is expensive, but good. I say the food is expensive and certainly edible, but it's not all that. Choices are limited and lines are very long at the fast food-type places. Service was as efficient as it could be and very friendly, but they were IMO understaffed.
If you have little kids that are into the characters, a Character meal can be awesome. We were able to get reservations for a lunch at Ariel's Grotto in the California Adventure park, and the little ones loved it. My 8-year-old was blase about the whole thing, but he didn't mind it. The littler ones had a blast dancing with the characters, getting autographs, and having their pictures taken. Best of all the staff at the restaurant did not try to rush us or hustle us out, and the tables were widely spaced, too. So it was a nice, fun, relaxing meal, well worth the $11/kid, $16/adult fixed price.
Use FastPass whenever you can. The FastPass system allows you to use your ticket to get another ride- and time-specific ticket. It will say on it, "use between 2:30 and 3:30" or something like that. So you take it, go away, and come back at the specified time, and then you get to use the short line. You may still end up waiting 10 or 15 minutes, but that's way better than having to wait 90 minutes or more.
But here's the thing: if the ticket-takers at the gate don't run your ticket through the machine, you won't be able to use the ticket to get a fastpass. So make sure all your tickets get scanned! One day all our tickets got stamped but not all run through the machine, so we couldn't get fastpasses. Fortunately it turned out not to matter, as we crossed over to CA Adventure and the ticket-taker scanned all our tickets, and we fast-passed the California Soaring ride which was so worth it.
In Fantasy Land, everyone loved Peter Pan and Toad's Wild Ride. DS2 loved the Dumbo Flying Elephants.
In Tomorrow Land, Autopia and Star Tours were great... we didn't get to go on the Buzz Lightyear Astroblasters because of the fastpass mix-up, and Space Mountain was still closed. The rockets were very uncomfortable! The Star Wars shop made my boys very happy.
In New Orleans Square (or whatever they call it), both the Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion were a lot of fun.
In the California Adventure, DS1 loved the Tower of Terror and the River Rafters rides, and all but DS2 adored the mini-rollercoaster, the Mullholland Madness. (DS2 was too small.) My sister and I really enjoyed the ferris wheel -- it had non-swinging gondolas! We took one of those. It was really lovely up there. The California Soaring ride was awesome.
There were huge swathes of both parks that I didn't get to see. DS2 rode in the stroller and DS1 walked all the time, but for a good part of our time there I was piggy-backing DD. Next time we plan a trip, I'm going to start all the kids on a walking workout to get them in shape. We never walk anywhere -- except to and from the car. They are active kids but that's not the same as being in shape for walking all over the place all day and into the evening.
We stayed "off campus" at the Staybridge Suites resort and took the ART to the park. While that did add some travel time to our back-and-forths, it really wasn't significant, and it was great not having to worry about parking, and taking the shuttle to the parking lot. The hotel was packed, clean, and the room rate included a breakfast buffet which was very convenient. We were so busy we never did get to use the pool, but my sister had a chance to use their computers to check her email once or twice.
Bottom line? It was great, and I'm sure we'll go back. It will be even better next time because I'll have a much better idea of what's going on!
weird
I'm better. I realized it today, even posted about it over on the Yahoo Thyca group.
It's odd that it took me a while to notice. You'd think that going non-stop for several days before my relatives arrived, and then traveling to CA for three more non-stop days at Disney Land would give me a clue.
But that wasn't it -- I didn't realize it until this morning when I was thinking of all the stuff that I needed to do today. I didn't mentally partition them into groups like "must do", "should do," "can wait till tomorrow." I just thought about them and figured out the best order to get 'em all done.
I knew without really knowing, you see?
Maybe yesterday afternoon's speed cupcakes (48 cupcakes mixed, baked & frosted in less than two hours -- from mixes, though!) was enough of a demonstration? Who knows. Today's To Do List tasks were all accomplished. Yay!
I'm seeing the endo next week, and my scan will be scheduled after that, and then who knows what all will happen. So for now I will enjoy being better.
It's odd that it took me a while to notice. You'd think that going non-stop for several days before my relatives arrived, and then traveling to CA for three more non-stop days at Disney Land would give me a clue.
But that wasn't it -- I didn't realize it until this morning when I was thinking of all the stuff that I needed to do today. I didn't mentally partition them into groups like "must do", "should do," "can wait till tomorrow." I just thought about them and figured out the best order to get 'em all done.
I knew without really knowing, you see?
Maybe yesterday afternoon's speed cupcakes (48 cupcakes mixed, baked & frosted in less than two hours -- from mixes, though!) was enough of a demonstration? Who knows. Today's To Do List tasks were all accomplished. Yay!
I'm seeing the endo next week, and my scan will be scheduled after that, and then who knows what all will happen. So for now I will enjoy being better.
Monday, April 25, 2005
home but not
We've been home since 1AM Friday morning, but not settled... the crew leaves at 1PM tomorrow, well, later today, actually. When they go there will be a gaping hole that will gradually be filled in with the usual routines.
DS2 is down with a high fever and nasty cough, that will be a trip to the doctor for sure. The rest of us are holding steady with minor colds and/or sunburns or throats worn out from talking.
We did way too much, but somehow not enough, at the same time. There's never enough time.
DS2 is down with a high fever and nasty cough, that will be a trip to the doctor for sure. The rest of us are holding steady with minor colds and/or sunburns or throats worn out from talking.
We did way too much, but somehow not enough, at the same time. There's never enough time.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Saturday, April 16, 2005
"Would you hit it?"
I have something in common with Terri Schiavo.
Here's a photo I took of myself about a week after my surgery and cancer diagnosis:
That was a pretty rough time and I was doing my best to hang on and keep a positive attitude.
A member of The Vestibule was quite taken (in one way or another) with that photo, because he amused himself by asking, Would you hit it?, with a hammer? (I have changed the name of the file on the server, so it won't show up on the board anymore. Enough is enough!)
I suppose I should be relieved that is the question. For Terri, the question instead was, How hard would you hit it?
People are sick. I've known that for-seeming-ever. This is the first time that such mindless cruelty and depravity has ever been directed towards me. I've had run of the mill mean stuff happen to me, but nothing like this. Of course it's not personal, because these people don't know me (nor did they know Terri.) But this kind of casual disregard for the humanity of a stranger is quite disturbing. We could speculate these people would never really hit someone with a hammer, a chainsaw, or a bus -- but why is it amusing to them to talk about it? The normal reaction to a question like that should be revulsion.
On the Terri thread, there were some replies objecting to the topic. Apparently it's not OK to want to hit brain-damaged people, but it is OK to hit people who aren't pretty enough, or fail to meet some other criteria you dream up. You want to talk about slippery slopes? This kind of attitude, unchecked, leads to bullying and then to Columbines. Get enough sociopaths like this together and you've got an Islamo-fascist movement. Parents, do you know what your kids are saying in those forums and chat rooms?
Here's a photo I took of myself about a week after my surgery and cancer diagnosis:
That was a pretty rough time and I was doing my best to hang on and keep a positive attitude.
A member of The Vestibule was quite taken (in one way or another) with that photo, because he amused himself by asking, Would you hit it?, with a hammer? (I have changed the name of the file on the server, so it won't show up on the board anymore. Enough is enough!)
I suppose I should be relieved that is the question. For Terri, the question instead was, How hard would you hit it?
People are sick. I've known that for-seeming-ever. This is the first time that such mindless cruelty and depravity has ever been directed towards me. I've had run of the mill mean stuff happen to me, but nothing like this. Of course it's not personal, because these people don't know me (nor did they know Terri.) But this kind of casual disregard for the humanity of a stranger is quite disturbing. We could speculate these people would never really hit someone with a hammer, a chainsaw, or a bus -- but why is it amusing to them to talk about it? The normal reaction to a question like that should be revulsion.
On the Terri thread, there were some replies objecting to the topic. Apparently it's not OK to want to hit brain-damaged people, but it is OK to hit people who aren't pretty enough, or fail to meet some other criteria you dream up. You want to talk about slippery slopes? This kind of attitude, unchecked, leads to bullying and then to Columbines. Get enough sociopaths like this together and you've got an Islamo-fascist movement. Parents, do you know what your kids are saying in those forums and chat rooms?
Thursday, April 14, 2005
late late late
I hate being late. I think it shows poor planning at best, disrespect at worst.
Yet, I am late for everything these days. Late getting DS2 to school (DH brings the other two to school in the mornings, otherwise I'm sure they would be late, too.) Late picking them up. Late for the car repair appointment, late late late!
It's a lot of things -- getting absorbed in reading or writing something. Needing to take a shower! Sleeping too late, because I went to bed too late. I want to say that some of these things are beyond my control, like the repaving and construction work that is snarling up the traffic, or DS2's habit of dawdling interminably over every single meal. But these things are not surprises, and I should plan around them -- but I haven't been.
I need to get a grip. I feel as if I'm on a speeding train that is shortly going to collide with -- what? I don't exactly know.
I do know that many relatives are coming on Monday and the house is a disaster. We're driving to CA on Tuesday, and I haven't even thought about what to bring, much less begun packing. It's only for a few days, but I need to pack for four people! Then there's the whole DisneyLand thing -- I have no idea what we're getting into, there... but we will manage.
One last thing -- if I don't send a column tomorrow, that will be late, too! AAAAUUGGGGHHHHHH!
Yet, I am late for everything these days. Late getting DS2 to school (DH brings the other two to school in the mornings, otherwise I'm sure they would be late, too.) Late picking them up. Late for the car repair appointment, late late late!
It's a lot of things -- getting absorbed in reading or writing something. Needing to take a shower! Sleeping too late, because I went to bed too late. I want to say that some of these things are beyond my control, like the repaving and construction work that is snarling up the traffic, or DS2's habit of dawdling interminably over every single meal. But these things are not surprises, and I should plan around them -- but I haven't been.
I need to get a grip. I feel as if I'm on a speeding train that is shortly going to collide with -- what? I don't exactly know.
I do know that many relatives are coming on Monday and the house is a disaster. We're driving to CA on Tuesday, and I haven't even thought about what to bring, much less begun packing. It's only for a few days, but I need to pack for four people! Then there's the whole DisneyLand thing -- I have no idea what we're getting into, there... but we will manage.
One last thing -- if I don't send a column tomorrow, that will be late, too! AAAAUUGGGGHHHHHH!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
writing v blogging
Bouncing around in the blogosphere as much as I have been doing lately gets all sorts of my wheels spinning.
One question that keeps pestering me is, Does blogging help my writing?
On the face of it, this is kind of a stupid question. (Yes, I do quite firmly believe that there are stupid questions.) Can blogging be separated from "writing"? Blogging is writing, right?
Yes, and no.
For example, I have a column due in 2 days and I'm not writing it. I'm blogging instead. (I'm not blocked, I just have to work on the recipe, and I haven't had the kitchen time to do that yet -- kitchen time requires different [more] energy than blogging, so, here I am.)
When I started this blog, I wrote many, many horrifically long and tedious entries. You could easily subhead those archives "The Minutia of Joan's Life" and be done with it. As time and the blog progressed, and my reading circle widened, my goals for this blog changed. I took most to heart, I think, Ann's example: blog posts should be concise.
OK -- you can stop laughing now! I am serious, because even though I still write a lot and/or way too much, I do try to limit each post to a single topic, and not write dreadful omnibus posts that cover a dozen different ideas and yet have no organizing principal. I used to do that all the time, and when I look at my archives now, I think, Ick.
When my cancer was diagnosed, I quit policing myself. But now I'm nearly 6 months post-dx, and I'm not obsessing over the cancer quite so much, and I do find myself editing again. I was reading some new blogs last week and found so much writing that was, well, unbearably twee, loaded with adjectives and alliterations and Just. Too. Much...
... and I realized, I used to write like that. I have made a conscious decision to right in a leaner, tighter style, and yet I try to remain evocative. I am unsure of both my consistency and my success, but practice can't hurt.
Yet I recognize that I'm all about the practice, now. I have outlines for three or four books I could be working on, but I'm not. I have innumerable article ideas that have literally gone nowhere. Because that's work, even though it is work I would enjoy doing. Those are much bigger, scarier projects. It's so much easier to come in here and dash off a few paragraphs than it is to work.
So it really does come down to writing versus blogging, and to be completely honest, it's not just writing here but reading other blogs that keeps me kind-of-busy, busy enough that I just "don't get to" that work that is back-burnered. Now is not the time to start anything, though -- next week is booked solid, and then my next round of diagnostics is coming up.
After that scan, though, I'll be able to make some plans, whether or not I'm working around more surgery or RAI. That gives me another 4 weeks or so of kicking around. I hope to be more than ready to move on to something more productive by then.
One question that keeps pestering me is, Does blogging help my writing?
On the face of it, this is kind of a stupid question. (Yes, I do quite firmly believe that there are stupid questions.) Can blogging be separated from "writing"? Blogging is writing, right?
Yes, and no.
For example, I have a column due in 2 days and I'm not writing it. I'm blogging instead. (I'm not blocked, I just have to work on the recipe, and I haven't had the kitchen time to do that yet -- kitchen time requires different [more] energy than blogging, so, here I am.)
When I started this blog, I wrote many, many horrifically long and tedious entries. You could easily subhead those archives "The Minutia of Joan's Life" and be done with it. As time and the blog progressed, and my reading circle widened, my goals for this blog changed. I took most to heart, I think, Ann's example: blog posts should be concise.
OK -- you can stop laughing now! I am serious, because even though I still write a lot and/or way too much, I do try to limit each post to a single topic, and not write dreadful omnibus posts that cover a dozen different ideas and yet have no organizing principal. I used to do that all the time, and when I look at my archives now, I think, Ick.
When my cancer was diagnosed, I quit policing myself. But now I'm nearly 6 months post-dx, and I'm not obsessing over the cancer quite so much, and I do find myself editing again. I was reading some new blogs last week and found so much writing that was, well, unbearably twee, loaded with adjectives and alliterations and Just. Too. Much...
... and I realized, I used to write like that. I have made a conscious decision to right in a leaner, tighter style, and yet I try to remain evocative. I am unsure of both my consistency and my success, but practice can't hurt.
Yet I recognize that I'm all about the practice, now. I have outlines for three or four books I could be working on, but I'm not. I have innumerable article ideas that have literally gone nowhere. Because that's work, even though it is work I would enjoy doing. Those are much bigger, scarier projects. It's so much easier to come in here and dash off a few paragraphs than it is to work.
So it really does come down to writing versus blogging, and to be completely honest, it's not just writing here but reading other blogs that keeps me kind-of-busy, busy enough that I just "don't get to" that work that is back-burnered. Now is not the time to start anything, though -- next week is booked solid, and then my next round of diagnostics is coming up.
After that scan, though, I'll be able to make some plans, whether or not I'm working around more surgery or RAI. That gives me another 4 weeks or so of kicking around. I hope to be more than ready to move on to something more productive by then.
taste: Anjou pear
I wanted a snack just now, so I ate a pear. It was slightly under-ripe, but that was OK, it made it safe to eat while sitting at the keyboard.
I took it from the fruit bowl -- room temperature fruit is just right for me -- I washed it and dried it, and took a bite...
Christmas morning
It was just like Christmas morning.
Following a Polish tradition, we did not get presents or "stocking stuffers" in our Christmas stockings, but beautiful fruit, a few nuts and a silver dollar in the toe. Since Christmas morning was consumed by the discovering and sharing of the presents that Santa Claus had brought, breakfast was not offered on its usual reliable schedule. So, we would eat a piece of fruit to stave off hunger pangs until Mom herded us all into the kitchen for eggs and toast, or perhaps a slice of fruitcake and a cup of tea.
When I was very little I would eat my Anjou on Christmas morning whether or not it was ready, and that sensation of biting into a too-hard pear is one that will never leave me. Later I figured out it was a good idea to let it ripen for a day or two, and then eat it, letting the juice drip down my chin. Self-restraint pays off! I don't remember exactly when I figured it out but sometimes still I don't want to wait for that peak moment -- like tonight, I want a pear, I thought, and so I had one.
I remember, we always got 2 apples, one red, one yellow, both Delicious, usually; two pears, one brown, one green; and an orange or tangerine. They were all beautiful, spotless, perfect. My father spent some serious time picking out that fruit, I know. He was expert at it. He used to pick over every green bean he bought, too. Now that I find myself doing the same things, I admire his patience even more. I'm only feeding a very young family with three children, whereas he was providing -- and shopping -- for a family of seven kids. The enormity of that task is overwhelming. This week I despaired of finding 3 decent Macintosh apples for DH, they were all nicked and bruised. But the Anjou pears were lovely, so when I finally decided on the best possible Macs, I bought the pears, too.
And now here I am, on Christmas morning...
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
spotlight
I have been caught up, recently, reading not one but two very long comment-discussions about Catholicism as Christianity. There is an astonishing amount of misinformation about Catholicism out there, and we are certainly not helped by the disgraceful ineptitude and weakness of our administrators in handling all of the sexual abuse scandals. But still, I am appalled at the casual nature of the insults that are flung our way -- and how the insult-slinger will simply shrug off any accusations of ignorance, in essence saying, "It doesn't matter what you think, you're Catholic, and therefore, damned."
The first I found via Ambra, over at La Shawn Barber's Corner. La Shawn had posted this comment on the Pope's death:
This comment sparked quite a few hard feelings among La Shawn's Catholic readers. I can understand why. She's essentially calling the Pope a hypocrite with that "If the Pope believed..." construction. And then she's also requiring a salvation-by-faith-alone belief, as well, completing ignoring the Grace we receive via the Sacraments. The clearest thing that comes through in this comment is that La Shawn doesn't have the faintest idea of the basis of Catholic teachings. The other thing that comes through here is the whiff of bigotry, which is ignorance that refuses to be educated. I read through the lengthy comment trail, frustrated at my own poor apologetic skills, and let it go.
Then, today, I came across a similar thread on RedState, in which redstatesoccermom asks, Catholics v Baptist, help me out. She talked about having seen this lovely little ditty on a Baptist church's sign:No Truth, No Hope, Following a Hell-Bound Pope. Great, huh?
So I descended once again into the comments, which were fun in the same way that you just love it when you stop banging your head against that brick wall. No, seriously -- it's a snake pit, that discussion. There are so many people who do not understand even the smallest things, like our veneration of Mary, or the Communion of Saints. They brands us as idolators, and say we do not worship Christ. What do they think is the point of the Mass, and the Eucharist?
They don't have a clue.
It's only going to get worse, and it makes me squirm. I need to brush up on my apologetics, especially Scott Hahn's excellent defense against sola scriptura. Patrick Madrid had this great series, Pope Fiction that was just perfect for the kind of discussions we're going to be seeing a lot of, these days.
I need to prepare. I need to learn the material, and I also need to find a way to convey the information in some non-inflammatory way. I always end up pissing people off, when that is very rarely (I won't say never) my intention. It doesn't do any good to insult someone you're trying to educate. Of course, the very attempt at education is an insult to someone who is already sure they know everything, so right from the get-go you've got a bad situation in a lot of these internet debates. Yet, the attempt must be made. So far I've been content to let others fight these battles, but if one lands on my own doorstep, I won't back away from it.
The first I found via Ambra, over at La Shawn Barber's Corner. La Shawn had posted this comment on the Pope's death:
While I am not up to theological discussions about the matter just yet, I will say, preliminarily, that if the Pope believed Christ died for his sins, and that we are saved through faith alone in Christ alone by his grace alone, the Pope, like anyone else who believes these things, will be spared from God’s righteous and just punishment.
This comment sparked quite a few hard feelings among La Shawn's Catholic readers. I can understand why. She's essentially calling the Pope a hypocrite with that "If the Pope believed..." construction. And then she's also requiring a salvation-by-faith-alone belief, as well, completing ignoring the Grace we receive via the Sacraments. The clearest thing that comes through in this comment is that La Shawn doesn't have the faintest idea of the basis of Catholic teachings. The other thing that comes through here is the whiff of bigotry, which is ignorance that refuses to be educated. I read through the lengthy comment trail, frustrated at my own poor apologetic skills, and let it go.
Then, today, I came across a similar thread on RedState, in which redstatesoccermom asks, Catholics v Baptist, help me out. She talked about having seen this lovely little ditty on a Baptist church's sign:No Truth, No Hope, Following a Hell-Bound Pope. Great, huh?
So I descended once again into the comments, which were fun in the same way that you just love it when you stop banging your head against that brick wall. No, seriously -- it's a snake pit, that discussion. There are so many people who do not understand even the smallest things, like our veneration of Mary, or the Communion of Saints. They brands us as idolators, and say we do not worship Christ. What do they think is the point of the Mass, and the Eucharist?
They don't have a clue.
It's only going to get worse, and it makes me squirm. I need to brush up on my apologetics, especially Scott Hahn's excellent defense against sola scriptura. Patrick Madrid had this great series, Pope Fiction that was just perfect for the kind of discussions we're going to be seeing a lot of, these days.
I need to prepare. I need to learn the material, and I also need to find a way to convey the information in some non-inflammatory way. I always end up pissing people off, when that is very rarely (I won't say never) my intention. It doesn't do any good to insult someone you're trying to educate. Of course, the very attempt at education is an insult to someone who is already sure they know everything, so right from the get-go you've got a bad situation in a lot of these internet debates. Yet, the attempt must be made. So far I've been content to let others fight these battles, but if one lands on my own doorstep, I won't back away from it.
jr journalist
I wrote earlier about the suitability-for-LID dispute, and how terrible I felt about it -- the Thycans said, "It's not safe, it's a diary product," and I realized that I hadn't asked the appropriate questions.
Well, now I am feeling much better, since I followed up and talked with two different people at the company, one in customer relations, and one in R&D. The bottom line is that the whey is processed through multiple filters that almost assuredly scrub out the iodine. They cannot legally say that it is iodine free because it is derived from dairy, but in their tests it is virtually undetectable, a few parts per million.
That's good enough for me.
Best part is, I asked about posting this info over on the ThyCa Yahoo! group, and they said it was OK to do that. Clearly this will be a "use at your own risk, your mileage may vary," but they do not believe there should be an issue. Huzzah!
I love researching a concrete issue like this, and contacting the appropriate people and interviewing them. I like getting answers, even if I don't always like the answers I get. I think I could be really happy if I ever got healthy enough to pursue a real writing career.
Now I just have to work up the energy, and the nerve to post. I will, I will -- I'm just clearing the decks here, so to speak.
Well, now I am feeling much better, since I followed up and talked with two different people at the company, one in customer relations, and one in R&D. The bottom line is that the whey is processed through multiple filters that almost assuredly scrub out the iodine. They cannot legally say that it is iodine free because it is derived from dairy, but in their tests it is virtually undetectable, a few parts per million.
That's good enough for me.
Best part is, I asked about posting this info over on the ThyCa Yahoo! group, and they said it was OK to do that. Clearly this will be a "use at your own risk, your mileage may vary," but they do not believe there should be an issue. Huzzah!
I love researching a concrete issue like this, and contacting the appropriate people and interviewing them. I like getting answers, even if I don't always like the answers I get. I think I could be really happy if I ever got healthy enough to pursue a real writing career.
Now I just have to work up the energy, and the nerve to post. I will, I will -- I'm just clearing the decks here, so to speak.
maintenance & inventory
Haven't done one of these in a while...
Amazingly, miraculously, my RA and fibromyalgia both are not bothering me lately. I sleep and wake up and do not feel as if I have been hit by a truck. It is a blessing to wake up that way.
My piriformis still tweaks me and it feels sore, but I have been more regular about doing my strengthening exercises and keeping my hips aligned, and that is going well. I saw a new physical therapist today, D, and she was great. She checked my alignment and said it was perfect, yay! And she examined my sore tailbone and discovered that the tiny muscles down there were spasming on the right side and pulling it out of alignment. About 15 minutes of work and I felt cured, although she warned me that it would bother me this evening, which of course it did, but I put ice on it and it helped. I'm scheduled for Friday morning again, and hopefully we'll make more progress. It is such a relief to get help with this problem! The drive to Disney next week is looking much more do-able. Whew!
I got another call yesterday from my endo's assistant, who apparently didn't know I had already got my labs last week. That's OK, I appreciated the chance to tell her that I'm still feeling wiped out, and having palpitations and chest pains, and could we please lower the Cytomel a bit? My endo actually called back and left me a message and said I could go down to 12.5, to try that for a week and let her know how I'm feeling. Since I'm almost out of Cytomel I've actually only been taking 10 for the past 2 days, but I'll go up to 12.5 when my prescription comes (should come tomorrow). Hopefully that will help.
The wired-and-tired feeling is better but still there. There is a difference between hyper fatigue and hypo fatigue. With hypo fatigue, it's impossible to move, at least for me. With hyper fatigue, I feel as if I just ran a marathon, but I'm still able to get past it and get things done. So that's good. I have this pathetic sense of accomplishment every day when I get dinner on the table. That's the big task of the day: feed everyone something for dinner! The timing is horrible for dinner because by early evening I just want to curl up and pass out, having run around all day on various errands etc. But it has been more than a week (maybe even 2!) since I announced to DH, "We're doing take-out tonight," because I couldn't manage dinner. I realize it's pathetic but I am still happy about it.
My biopsy sites range from forgotten to really annoying. (Reminder: three at one time is too many. Don't do that again!) The one on my leg is the one I forget about, which is bad because when it itches I scratch it, and that hurts. The one on my aeriole is a consistent minor stabbing pain, just a little ow ow ow that I have to block out all the time. The one on my axial fold (the front margin of my armpit) is the worst; it gets pulled and twisted all the time, and the smaller bandages don't stay on well as a result. The larger bandage stayed on but gave me my adhesive-rash, and now that's bothering me, too. Lovely. Can't wait until Monday to get these stitches out!
You will be able to knock me over with a feather if any of these comes back as anything other than a compound nevus. I understand the need for caution in my case, but so far there really have not been any really scary things to biopsy in a very long time.
Last by not least, the thing that is bothering me the most is the return of the rapid-transit digestion. I'm sure this is related to my very low TSH. It doesn't matter what I eat, it all just goes through me rather quickly and unpleasantly, although if I eat junk that does make it worse. I'm not losing weight though, so I guess I shouldn't worry -- and I'll see if it abates when I step the Cytomel down.
I'm pretty functional, all in all. This is good timing because next week will be the big push, visitors and CA and DS1's First Communion. Then I have a week to recover before starting prep for my first follow-up scan. I do have that impending-doom feeling -- I'm just starting to get my act together, hopefully I won't need more surgery or anything, and I can continue this upward trend. I can't do anything about it so I'm trying not to think about it -- but I do have a very lumpy-feeling throat, and there are some firm and fixed nodes under my jaw, again... sigh.
Amazingly, miraculously, my RA and fibromyalgia both are not bothering me lately. I sleep and wake up and do not feel as if I have been hit by a truck. It is a blessing to wake up that way.
My piriformis still tweaks me and it feels sore, but I have been more regular about doing my strengthening exercises and keeping my hips aligned, and that is going well. I saw a new physical therapist today, D, and she was great. She checked my alignment and said it was perfect, yay! And she examined my sore tailbone and discovered that the tiny muscles down there were spasming on the right side and pulling it out of alignment. About 15 minutes of work and I felt cured, although she warned me that it would bother me this evening, which of course it did, but I put ice on it and it helped. I'm scheduled for Friday morning again, and hopefully we'll make more progress. It is such a relief to get help with this problem! The drive to Disney next week is looking much more do-able. Whew!
I got another call yesterday from my endo's assistant, who apparently didn't know I had already got my labs last week. That's OK, I appreciated the chance to tell her that I'm still feeling wiped out, and having palpitations and chest pains, and could we please lower the Cytomel a bit? My endo actually called back and left me a message and said I could go down to 12.5, to try that for a week and let her know how I'm feeling. Since I'm almost out of Cytomel I've actually only been taking 10 for the past 2 days, but I'll go up to 12.5 when my prescription comes (should come tomorrow). Hopefully that will help.
The wired-and-tired feeling is better but still there. There is a difference between hyper fatigue and hypo fatigue. With hypo fatigue, it's impossible to move, at least for me. With hyper fatigue, I feel as if I just ran a marathon, but I'm still able to get past it and get things done. So that's good. I have this pathetic sense of accomplishment every day when I get dinner on the table. That's the big task of the day: feed everyone something for dinner! The timing is horrible for dinner because by early evening I just want to curl up and pass out, having run around all day on various errands etc. But it has been more than a week (maybe even 2!) since I announced to DH, "We're doing take-out tonight," because I couldn't manage dinner. I realize it's pathetic but I am still happy about it.
My biopsy sites range from forgotten to really annoying. (Reminder: three at one time is too many. Don't do that again!) The one on my leg is the one I forget about, which is bad because when it itches I scratch it, and that hurts. The one on my aeriole is a consistent minor stabbing pain, just a little ow ow ow that I have to block out all the time. The one on my axial fold (the front margin of my armpit) is the worst; it gets pulled and twisted all the time, and the smaller bandages don't stay on well as a result. The larger bandage stayed on but gave me my adhesive-rash, and now that's bothering me, too. Lovely. Can't wait until Monday to get these stitches out!
You will be able to knock me over with a feather if any of these comes back as anything other than a compound nevus. I understand the need for caution in my case, but so far there really have not been any really scary things to biopsy in a very long time.
Last by not least, the thing that is bothering me the most is the return of the rapid-transit digestion. I'm sure this is related to my very low TSH. It doesn't matter what I eat, it all just goes through me rather quickly and unpleasantly, although if I eat junk that does make it worse. I'm not losing weight though, so I guess I shouldn't worry -- and I'll see if it abates when I step the Cytomel down.
I'm pretty functional, all in all. This is good timing because next week will be the big push, visitors and CA and DS1's First Communion. Then I have a week to recover before starting prep for my first follow-up scan. I do have that impending-doom feeling -- I'm just starting to get my act together, hopefully I won't need more surgery or anything, and I can continue this upward trend. I can't do anything about it so I'm trying not to think about it -- but I do have a very lumpy-feeling throat, and there are some firm and fixed nodes under my jaw, again... sigh.
tuesdaes
DD's latest thing is bananas. For a long time she didn't like them, in spite of loving them as a baby. Just recently she decided to taste them again, and now she loves them. Then I bought ice cream the other day, and she immediately proposed banana splits for dessert, but that day, she had to be content with "We'll see."
Since then, the idea of banana splits had been percolating in the back of my mind. So tonight's dinner was simple: roast chicken and broccoli and bread and butter, because I decided that we'd do the extravagant dessert thing -- for no reason other than it was possible.
The ice cream was in the freezer already. I chopped some bittersweet chocolate, melted it in the microwave, and stirred in heavy cream -- ganache is the easiest, tastiest chocolate sauce I know. Some frozen raspberries went into a dish with some sweetener, and into the microwave they went -- instant raspberry sauce. Dicing a banana took 30 seconds, and whipping some cream with vanilla syrup took only 2 or 3 minutes more.
The assembled desserts didn't look like much, but oh! they were heavenly, all the better for being put together from such freshly prepared components.
Everyone was pleased, especially me, since it was so easy to please everyone else.
The children have no idea that this kind of thing is atypical. They would most likely be just as happy with a few squirts of Hershey's syrup and a dollop of Redi-Whip on their ice cream, but I don't buy those things. If I'm going to indulge, I'll do it with the good stuff -- and if I'm educating three little palates along the way, so be it. Lots of good food takes only a little time, and a little money. We are lucky in having both to spend, and so I do.
Since then, the idea of banana splits had been percolating in the back of my mind. So tonight's dinner was simple: roast chicken and broccoli and bread and butter, because I decided that we'd do the extravagant dessert thing -- for no reason other than it was possible.
The ice cream was in the freezer already. I chopped some bittersweet chocolate, melted it in the microwave, and stirred in heavy cream -- ganache is the easiest, tastiest chocolate sauce I know. Some frozen raspberries went into a dish with some sweetener, and into the microwave they went -- instant raspberry sauce. Dicing a banana took 30 seconds, and whipping some cream with vanilla syrup took only 2 or 3 minutes more.
The assembled desserts didn't look like much, but oh! they were heavenly, all the better for being put together from such freshly prepared components.
Everyone was pleased, especially me, since it was so easy to please everyone else.
The children have no idea that this kind of thing is atypical. They would most likely be just as happy with a few squirts of Hershey's syrup and a dollop of Redi-Whip on their ice cream, but I don't buy those things. If I'm going to indulge, I'll do it with the good stuff -- and if I'm educating three little palates along the way, so be it. Lots of good food takes only a little time, and a little money. We are lucky in having both to spend, and so I do.
Monday, April 11, 2005
open arms
It was quite alarming to me to note that I haven't written anything in so long. I've been flitting about the blogosphere, commenting here & there, and reading a lot. Also doing a lot with the kids and trying not to stay up too late. And there you have it -- only so many hours in a day, etc.
Not that I don't have anything to say -- just not enough time to say it in. I expect things to free up in the next day or two.
Today once again Nina warmed my heart and finally got me writing again, with her sweetly nostalgic post about her grandmother's ample hugs. I remember being hugged that way as a small child, too. I remember it the same way I remember sitting on my father's lap so he could dry my hair. Those times were the closest I ever got to my father, who was reserved in that typical Scots-Irish way. He liked to be hugged but would always be gruff about it, "Aarrgghh! OK, OK, that's enough!" he'd say, but always with a smile. Those evenings when he'd drape a towel over my head and rub my hair dry were so special. The feeling of his big hands moving over my head, shush-shush-shush, gently but thoroughly knotting up all my hair in an effort to get the wet out of it. How funny that I have such good memories of the drying, but none at all (good or bad) of what must have been horrific combing-out sessions, afterwards! Selective amnesia, it's a blessing.
With my own three little ones, we have a lot of affectionate contact every day. Early on in my tenure as a mom, I discovered the very best way to call my children to me. It's completely silent -- I kneel down and open my arms to them, and they come to me. I gather them up in my arms as completely as I can, and just hold them tight for a half a minute, or a minute if I can get away with it.
I was surprised that this still works with DS1, who is a very big boy of 8 years old now. He's more than likely to say, "Uh, you can let go now, Mom," after a little while, but he will still come to my arms when I open them to him. But DS2, who is going through a rough patch of growing up too fast and too slowly all at the same time, can scarcely bear to leave, and will curl up in my lap for as long as he's allowed, after the active part of the hug is over.
But if someone is upset or sad or just tired, my open arms are the simplest way to offer them whatever comfort I can give. I imagine my heart will break the day I open my arms and one of them turns away. I hope that day never comes.
Not that I don't have anything to say -- just not enough time to say it in. I expect things to free up in the next day or two.
Today once again Nina warmed my heart and finally got me writing again, with her sweetly nostalgic post about her grandmother's ample hugs. I remember being hugged that way as a small child, too. I remember it the same way I remember sitting on my father's lap so he could dry my hair. Those times were the closest I ever got to my father, who was reserved in that typical Scots-Irish way. He liked to be hugged but would always be gruff about it, "Aarrgghh! OK, OK, that's enough!" he'd say, but always with a smile. Those evenings when he'd drape a towel over my head and rub my hair dry were so special. The feeling of his big hands moving over my head, shush-shush-shush, gently but thoroughly knotting up all my hair in an effort to get the wet out of it. How funny that I have such good memories of the drying, but none at all (good or bad) of what must have been horrific combing-out sessions, afterwards! Selective amnesia, it's a blessing.
With my own three little ones, we have a lot of affectionate contact every day. Early on in my tenure as a mom, I discovered the very best way to call my children to me. It's completely silent -- I kneel down and open my arms to them, and they come to me. I gather them up in my arms as completely as I can, and just hold them tight for a half a minute, or a minute if I can get away with it.
I was surprised that this still works with DS1, who is a very big boy of 8 years old now. He's more than likely to say, "Uh, you can let go now, Mom," after a little while, but he will still come to my arms when I open them to him. But DS2, who is going through a rough patch of growing up too fast and too slowly all at the same time, can scarcely bear to leave, and will curl up in my lap for as long as he's allowed, after the active part of the hug is over.
But if someone is upset or sad or just tired, my open arms are the simplest way to offer them whatever comfort I can give. I imagine my heart will break the day I open my arms and one of them turns away. I hope that day never comes.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
ninety-five years
When I'm agitated and looking for things to keep my brain occupied, I'll take the time to do pretty much any silly internet quiz. By strange coincidence, not one but two life-expectancy quizzes told me that my life expectancy is 95 years!
This one is very detailed: Living to 100 Healthspan Calculator
This one is a lot simpler: Longevity Test
I think it's weird that neither one asks if you yourself have been diagnosed with cancer, heart disease, or the like. A lot of time on family history, etc, but you? Nah, your own condition won't tell us a thing about how long you'll live!
This one is very detailed: Living to 100 Healthspan Calculator
This one is a lot simpler: Longevity Test
I think it's weird that neither one asks if you yourself have been diagnosed with cancer, heart disease, or the like. A lot of time on family history, etc, but you? Nah, your own condition won't tell us a thing about how long you'll live!
last three (for now)
I had my last three punch biopsies done this morning at the dermatologist. They're just little 3- or 5-mm disks of flesh, tiny things, really.
So why is it that I'm completely wrung out now? I was trembling for a good 15 minutes after I left the doctor's office.
In the past I've had major anxiety while waiting for biopsy results, but at this point, I'm fairly nonchalant. If there's anything there, we will have caught it early, so I'm not worried. Dealing with this stuff pales in comparison to the thyroid cancer business.
Best news: stitches come out in 12 days, so I can swim at the hotel in Anaheim!
Worst news: I'm a month overdue for my whole-body check. Since the last whole-body check yielded a crop of 10 suspicious moles, I'm not exactly thrilled about having another one... but it must be done. Maybe this time he won't find any that need to come off? I can always hope.
So why is it that I'm completely wrung out now? I was trembling for a good 15 minutes after I left the doctor's office.
In the past I've had major anxiety while waiting for biopsy results, but at this point, I'm fairly nonchalant. If there's anything there, we will have caught it early, so I'm not worried. Dealing with this stuff pales in comparison to the thyroid cancer business.
Best news: stitches come out in 12 days, so I can swim at the hotel in Anaheim!
Worst news: I'm a month overdue for my whole-body check. Since the last whole-body check yielded a crop of 10 suspicious moles, I'm not exactly thrilled about having another one... but it must be done. Maybe this time he won't find any that need to come off? I can always hope.
news fatigue
Stealth Fish is busting on Captain Ed about the relentless coverage of the big Canadian scandal.
Ed lives in Minnesota, he's allowed to be more interested in Canada and Canadian politics than I can fathom. He's also really good at covering this kind of thing, and I find his analyses to be generally thoughtful and thorough...
... when I read them. I'm sorry, I just can't get worked up over -- no, I can't even seem to get interested in -- this Canadian hoo-ha. I skim the headlines and move on. I know it's big, and I understand that the Canadian government could fall, but I'm still just not interested.
Same with, I'm embarassed to admit, the UN Oil-for-Food scandal. I know, it's the biggest scam in the history of mankind, but I'm still "meh" about it. Sandy Berger got a slap on the wrist? Wrong, but again -- meh.
I'm just exhausted. Exhausted by my day-to-day life and my periodic cancer crises, my children, my own ambitions or lack thereof. Exhausted by the Terri Schiavo situation and the death of the Pope, along with the momentous events in Iraq and the rest of the Middle East. Maybe at some point I'll have some energy left over to be interested in the rest of the world's events again, but for the forseeable future, I'll be sitting these scandals, and any new ones, out.
I need a vacation from reality. When is that new Harry Potter book coming out? (not till July! *sigh*)
Ed lives in Minnesota, he's allowed to be more interested in Canada and Canadian politics than I can fathom. He's also really good at covering this kind of thing, and I find his analyses to be generally thoughtful and thorough...
... when I read them. I'm sorry, I just can't get worked up over -- no, I can't even seem to get interested in -- this Canadian hoo-ha. I skim the headlines and move on. I know it's big, and I understand that the Canadian government could fall, but I'm still just not interested.
Same with, I'm embarassed to admit, the UN Oil-for-Food scandal. I know, it's the biggest scam in the history of mankind, but I'm still "meh" about it. Sandy Berger got a slap on the wrist? Wrong, but again -- meh.
I'm just exhausted. Exhausted by my day-to-day life and my periodic cancer crises, my children, my own ambitions or lack thereof. Exhausted by the Terri Schiavo situation and the death of the Pope, along with the momentous events in Iraq and the rest of the Middle East. Maybe at some point I'll have some energy left over to be interested in the rest of the world's events again, but for the forseeable future, I'll be sitting these scandals, and any new ones, out.
I need a vacation from reality. When is that new Harry Potter book coming out? (not till July! *sigh*)
target="_blank"
I read a lot of blogs. That BlogRoll on the right represents a lot of them, but not all. I read a lot of news and opinion sites, too. As Pilot once said, "I don't get out much, so I read."
And of all the sites I read, only one -- James Lileks's The Bleat -- consistently uses the 'target="_blank" ' tag for links outside of the site.
What is it? It's a piece of HTML, a tag. You put it inside the angle brackets with along with the "href=[url]" tag.
What does it do? It opens the link in a new window.
Why would you want to do that?
Think about it this way: don't you want people to read everything you've written, and not navigate away the first time they hit a link? Sure, it's easy to hit the Back button, but it's also just as easy to close that window, forgetting that you were in the middle of reading someone's blog.
Ok -- maybe that's just me, but I do get annoyed with myself when I realize I didn't mean to close that window!
Now I try to shift-click on links when I know I want to continue with the source, but of course I forget sometimes.
There are folks who are anti-new-window-spawning; they may be using machines with more limited resources, and my heart goes out to them. Computers are so cheap these days and the amount of processing power out there is really astonishing, so I tend to forget that not everyone has a screaming machine. But even when I'm using my nearly-5-year-old laptop I still want to open new windows when I click on a link... yeah, I'm done reading the text before the graphics all load, but that's OK.
I must conclude that I'm in the minority in caring about this, since nearly no one else does it. Is it that no one else wants to bother with the extra tag in their HTML? Or do only total web-addicts like me even give this stuff a thought? Or is just that folks figure that the people who want the extra window will ask for it by pressing the shift key? Does the general web-reading population know you can open a new window by shift-clicking on a link?
Clearly I have too much time on my hands. Not really, but this is a pretty good distraction from stuff I'm trying to ignore.
And of all the sites I read, only one -- James Lileks's The Bleat -- consistently uses the 'target="_blank" ' tag for links outside of the site.
What is it? It's a piece of HTML, a tag. You put it inside the angle brackets with along with the "href=[url]" tag.
What does it do? It opens the link in a new window.
Why would you want to do that?
Think about it this way: don't you want people to read everything you've written, and not navigate away the first time they hit a link? Sure, it's easy to hit the Back button, but it's also just as easy to close that window, forgetting that you were in the middle of reading someone's blog.
Ok -- maybe that's just me, but I do get annoyed with myself when I realize I didn't mean to close that window!
Now I try to shift-click on links when I know I want to continue with the source, but of course I forget sometimes.
There are folks who are anti-new-window-spawning; they may be using machines with more limited resources, and my heart goes out to them. Computers are so cheap these days and the amount of processing power out there is really astonishing, so I tend to forget that not everyone has a screaming machine. But even when I'm using my nearly-5-year-old laptop I still want to open new windows when I click on a link... yeah, I'm done reading the text before the graphics all load, but that's OK.
I must conclude that I'm in the minority in caring about this, since nearly no one else does it. Is it that no one else wants to bother with the extra tag in their HTML? Or do only total web-addicts like me even give this stuff a thought? Or is just that folks figure that the people who want the extra window will ask for it by pressing the shift key? Does the general web-reading population know you can open a new window by shift-clicking on a link?
Clearly I have too much time on my hands. Not really, but this is a pretty good distraction from stuff I'm trying to ignore.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
another vanity post
I am not wearing the same hairstyle I've had (whenever my hair's length made it possible) since high school.
No, not at all!
I'm wearing a mortal (as opposed to Elvish) version of Arwen's hair:
I realized this yesterday, getting ready for the zoo: Hey, I've got Arwen hair!
Just a few years ago, I had Chiana hair, except dark, of course -- and I got the cut before the character arrived on the show, so no snarky comments!
I think Arwen suits me better, these days, even if I am as pale as a Nebari.
No, not at all!
I'm wearing a mortal (as opposed to Elvish) version of Arwen's hair:
I realized this yesterday, getting ready for the zoo: Hey, I've got Arwen hair!
Just a few years ago, I had Chiana hair, except dark, of course -- and I got the cut before the character arrived on the show, so no snarky comments!
I think Arwen suits me better, these days, even if I am as pale as a Nebari.
Monday, April 04, 2005
loss upon loss
Saturday, the Holy Father died. I commented over at Amy Wellborn's Open Book that I felt an echo of the way I felt when my own father died, more than seven years ago. It's hard to imagine him not being there, even though he wasn't involved in my day-to-day life. Somehow, we'll survive.
Saturday evening we went to the vigil Mass, the whole family together, for the first time. Our pastor, Fr. Clemens, said a lovely homily about the Pope's life and the effect that he had on the world. It was a fitting service, and I especially enjoyed Father's homily since he was away for most of Lent on a forced sabbatical.
I was still feeling sad but at least peaceful until I opened the church bulletin, wherein the very first item announced that our pastor, effective July 1, will be the rector of the SS Simon and Jude Cathedral.
It didn't take long for Bishop Olmstead to recognize the ability and talent of our pastor, and it doesn't surprise me at all to see him being moved to this much more visible position. He's moving up, and I'm sure he will continue to do so.
I explained to the kids, "We can't expect to keep Fr Clemens all to ourselves here at St. Mary's, that would be selfish of us." But of course I want to be selfish and I'm nervous about who our new pastor will be. Mom and I attended a Mass at St. Andrew's a few years ago that was only barely recognizable as a Mass, and I would be horrified if the "new guy" came in and started "modernizing" things.
We'll survive, I'm sure. Life is change, after all.
Saturday evening we went to the vigil Mass, the whole family together, for the first time. Our pastor, Fr. Clemens, said a lovely homily about the Pope's life and the effect that he had on the world. It was a fitting service, and I especially enjoyed Father's homily since he was away for most of Lent on a forced sabbatical.
I was still feeling sad but at least peaceful until I opened the church bulletin, wherein the very first item announced that our pastor, effective July 1, will be the rector of the SS Simon and Jude Cathedral.
It didn't take long for Bishop Olmstead to recognize the ability and talent of our pastor, and it doesn't surprise me at all to see him being moved to this much more visible position. He's moving up, and I'm sure he will continue to do so.
I explained to the kids, "We can't expect to keep Fr Clemens all to ourselves here at St. Mary's, that would be selfish of us." But of course I want to be selfish and I'm nervous about who our new pastor will be. Mom and I attended a Mass at St. Andrew's a few years ago that was only barely recognizable as a Mass, and I would be horrified if the "new guy" came in and started "modernizing" things.
We'll survive, I'm sure. Life is change, after all.
warning...
Girlie posts below.
I am a girl, you know, and sometimes I want to blog about girlie things, so I don't want to hear anything about it, OK?
I am a girl, you know, and sometimes I want to blog about girlie things, so I don't want to hear anything about it, OK?
the brow
Nina wrote charmingly the other day about her stylist, who recommended waxing for her brows. She agreed, "a pair of waxed brow makes more of a statement."
I ignored my eyebrows for the first 39-some years of my life, but my advancing hypothyroidism made them do weird things, and I finally realized I needed to do something to tame the large furry caterpillars that were perched over my eyes. My eyes are very deep-set anyway, and having heavy brows hanging over them made them look even worse.
I like waxing in that it gets all the little tiny hairs, but I can't wax anymore because every time I do, the waxed area stays red for 3 or 4 days and it itches and I just look horrible. Besides, it's a pain to have to run to the salon to get it done. So I resort to tweezers, which allow for more precision work but also require more time.
Some days, I don't have the muscle coordination in my hands to do my own brows, and then I get very annoyed at my limitations. Lately I have been doing minimal maintenance work, but over the weekend I got a chance to really shape them and my hands for once cooperated. Now I have nice brows again. I actually look awake! How long will it last this time?
It would be just grand if I could get them symmetrical...
I ignored my eyebrows for the first 39-some years of my life, but my advancing hypothyroidism made them do weird things, and I finally realized I needed to do something to tame the large furry caterpillars that were perched over my eyes. My eyes are very deep-set anyway, and having heavy brows hanging over them made them look even worse.
I like waxing in that it gets all the little tiny hairs, but I can't wax anymore because every time I do, the waxed area stays red for 3 or 4 days and it itches and I just look horrible. Besides, it's a pain to have to run to the salon to get it done. So I resort to tweezers, which allow for more precision work but also require more time.
Some days, I don't have the muscle coordination in my hands to do my own brows, and then I get very annoyed at my limitations. Lately I have been doing minimal maintenance work, but over the weekend I got a chance to really shape them and my hands for once cooperated. Now I have nice brows again. I actually look awake! How long will it last this time?
It would be just grand if I could get them symmetrical...
summer shoes
These are my new summer shoes, although I love them so much I wonder if they will survive the spring. Can you see the butterflies on the wedge?
They are amazingly comfortable as well as adorable. I wish I could find more but I'm not having any luck. My little white sandals from last year are trashed, so I have to make do with these ones, my little black cheapie sandals from PayLess and my lime green kitten-heels from VS:
I am coming to hate shopping because I have an idea of what I want, and never find it. I'm sure I would do better shopping with no preconceived notions, and if I had time to just shop idly, I probably would. For now, though, I'll keep looking for something I like that both fits and feels good. There's no danger of having to go barefoot, after all.
pummeled
As TFran noted below, 9-2 isn't just having having a fit, it's getting pummeled.
As miserable as the game was last night, it was nice to watch sports again with DH. During Lent, he gave up TV during the work week, so we weren't watching much TV at all, recently. But even before then, the NHL-season-that-wasn't had an impact on our typical winter evening interactions.
I've liked sports since I was a little girl. I have often explained that when you have four older brothers and a Dad who rules the TV, you learn to like sports or just go do your own thing. I did my own thing a lot, but I loved hanging out with the boys, who were all very indulgent of their "baby" sister, and explained things to me. I still get a kick out of making a comment a second or two before the announcer does, about why a particular play failed or succeeded, or what penalty would be called. ("Hey! He was offsides!")
Anyway -- I've missed it, without even knowing I missed it. DH is annoyed with the Sox's inability to hit Randy Johnson and field a decent pitcher themselves, and he has a right to be frustrated, certainly. "They're already one game out of first place," he said last night.
"And how many games behind were they at the end of last season?" I reminded him -- because the Yankees did beat the Sox in their division, but we went on to win it all anyway.
There's a long season ahead of us. Games played in April are more or less meaningless extensions of Spring Training. No matter. In time, Schilling will be back and the rest of the crew will find their bats again, and by Memorial Day I expect things to be looking quite different.
As miserable as the game was last night, it was nice to watch sports again with DH. During Lent, he gave up TV during the work week, so we weren't watching much TV at all, recently. But even before then, the NHL-season-that-wasn't had an impact on our typical winter evening interactions.
I've liked sports since I was a little girl. I have often explained that when you have four older brothers and a Dad who rules the TV, you learn to like sports or just go do your own thing. I did my own thing a lot, but I loved hanging out with the boys, who were all very indulgent of their "baby" sister, and explained things to me. I still get a kick out of making a comment a second or two before the announcer does, about why a particular play failed or succeeded, or what penalty would be called. ("Hey! He was offsides!")
Anyway -- I've missed it, without even knowing I missed it. DH is annoyed with the Sox's inability to hit Randy Johnson and field a decent pitcher themselves, and he has a right to be frustrated, certainly. "They're already one game out of first place," he said last night.
"And how many games behind were they at the end of last season?" I reminded him -- because the Yankees did beat the Sox in their division, but we went on to win it all anyway.
There's a long season ahead of us. Games played in April are more or less meaningless extensions of Spring Training. No matter. In time, Schilling will be back and the rest of the crew will find their bats again, and by Memorial Day I expect things to be looking quite different.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
best zoo day ever
We went to the zoo today, and had a blast.
However, I will have to fill in details some other time, because it's Opening Day and Randy Johnson is giving the Red Sox fits at Yankee Stadium.
However, I will have to fill in details some other time, because it's Opening Day and Randy Johnson is giving the Red Sox fits at Yankee Stadium.
Friday, April 01, 2005
wired & tired
Definitely feeling over-medicated these days -- at least I'm hoping that's it, as it provides a handy, not-from-my-brain reason for why I'm feeling so raw these days.
Everything hits harder than it should. It's like all the buffer zones have evaporated. The kids' shouting, no louder than usual, immediately gives me a headache. A call from an old friend leaves me near tears for no good reason. An invitation to a kid's birthday party throws me into a near panic.
You would think from that short list that it wasn't a good day, but it was. There weren't any major dust-ups; perhaps the biggest crisis I had to deal with was one of the Lady Banks rose bushes blowing over and snapping the crossbar of its trellis; I had to tie it back up with that stretchy green plant-tying tape, and it looks fine. My arms and hands are covered with tiny annoying scratches. Those roses appear thornless, but they're not. They're covered in little stealth thorns that rip a corner of skin off your hand in a second if they catch it just right (I have 3 or 4 of those now.)
DS1 had his ENT appointment which went really well; we're trying a course of Flonase and some nose-breathing practice to see if we can get him to quit mouth breathing. He does have a deviated septum but it is only a partial obstruction, and not something that should be addressed now.
I think the biggest hit I took today was from an email exchange regarding the suitability of a particular item for the low iodine diet. I had corresponded with the company, and they gave me the all-clear, and I had passed on this info to other thyca patients. Today's email told me flat out that was wrong, or that it was too risky, and it surprisingly set off a flurry of emotions.
First, I was mortified. What a terrible thing to give out incorrect advice to others! What if I've screwed up someone's scan or treatment? Yikes!
Second, I was resentful -- no one likes to be told they're wrong. I have a very firm long-standing policy of admitting my mistakes and making things right afterwards. It's hard to admit when you're wrong but since none of us is perfect, we may as well get in all the practice admitting that, right? But still, I felt as if I was getting smacked down a bit. I'm a thyca newbie after all, what do I know?
Third, I was curious, and I still am. I don't understand any mechanism by which iodine could be in this stuff, since the company asserts they don't use iodized salt. Where's it going to bind, or is it somehow free-floating in suspension? It doesn't make any sense to me. So last, I'm feeling stubborn about this, and don't want to just say, "OK, you're right, I was wrong," and then go have to post mea culpas all over the place. I wrote to a biochemist friend and perhaps she can shed some light on this for me.
Of course, if it turns out I'm wrong, I'm more than willing to do all that retracting and apologizing. It's only the right thing to do.
I wish I could turn all this off, like I did over the weekend.
Today was day 4 with no chocolate or sugar, although I did have tortilla chips and a most awesome mahi-mahi burrito from Rubio's for dinner, with a little carnitas street taco for appetizer. It was awesome -- food tasted great, I didn't have to cook it, and it didn't cost us an arm and a leg. Life's good.
Everything hits harder than it should. It's like all the buffer zones have evaporated. The kids' shouting, no louder than usual, immediately gives me a headache. A call from an old friend leaves me near tears for no good reason. An invitation to a kid's birthday party throws me into a near panic.
You would think from that short list that it wasn't a good day, but it was. There weren't any major dust-ups; perhaps the biggest crisis I had to deal with was one of the Lady Banks rose bushes blowing over and snapping the crossbar of its trellis; I had to tie it back up with that stretchy green plant-tying tape, and it looks fine. My arms and hands are covered with tiny annoying scratches. Those roses appear thornless, but they're not. They're covered in little stealth thorns that rip a corner of skin off your hand in a second if they catch it just right (I have 3 or 4 of those now.)
DS1 had his ENT appointment which went really well; we're trying a course of Flonase and some nose-breathing practice to see if we can get him to quit mouth breathing. He does have a deviated septum but it is only a partial obstruction, and not something that should be addressed now.
I think the biggest hit I took today was from an email exchange regarding the suitability of a particular item for the low iodine diet. I had corresponded with the company, and they gave me the all-clear, and I had passed on this info to other thyca patients. Today's email told me flat out that was wrong, or that it was too risky, and it surprisingly set off a flurry of emotions.
First, I was mortified. What a terrible thing to give out incorrect advice to others! What if I've screwed up someone's scan or treatment? Yikes!
Second, I was resentful -- no one likes to be told they're wrong. I have a very firm long-standing policy of admitting my mistakes and making things right afterwards. It's hard to admit when you're wrong but since none of us is perfect, we may as well get in all the practice admitting that, right? But still, I felt as if I was getting smacked down a bit. I'm a thyca newbie after all, what do I know?
Third, I was curious, and I still am. I don't understand any mechanism by which iodine could be in this stuff, since the company asserts they don't use iodized salt. Where's it going to bind, or is it somehow free-floating in suspension? It doesn't make any sense to me. So last, I'm feeling stubborn about this, and don't want to just say, "OK, you're right, I was wrong," and then go have to post mea culpas all over the place. I wrote to a biochemist friend and perhaps she can shed some light on this for me.
Of course, if it turns out I'm wrong, I'm more than willing to do all that retracting and apologizing. It's only the right thing to do.
I wish I could turn all this off, like I did over the weekend.
Today was day 4 with no chocolate or sugar, although I did have tortilla chips and a most awesome mahi-mahi burrito from Rubio's for dinner, with a little carnitas street taco for appetizer. It was awesome -- food tasted great, I didn't have to cook it, and it didn't cost us an arm and a leg. Life's good.
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