Friday, April 01, 2005

wired & tired

Definitely feeling over-medicated these days -- at least I'm hoping that's it, as it provides a handy, not-from-my-brain reason for why I'm feeling so raw these days.

Everything hits harder than it should. It's like all the buffer zones have evaporated. The kids' shouting, no louder than usual, immediately gives me a headache. A call from an old friend leaves me near tears for no good reason. An invitation to a kid's birthday party throws me into a near panic.

You would think from that short list that it wasn't a good day, but it was. There weren't any major dust-ups; perhaps the biggest crisis I had to deal with was one of the Lady Banks rose bushes blowing over and snapping the crossbar of its trellis; I had to tie it back up with that stretchy green plant-tying tape, and it looks fine. My arms and hands are covered with tiny annoying scratches. Those roses appear thornless, but they're not. They're covered in little stealth thorns that rip a corner of skin off your hand in a second if they catch it just right (I have 3 or 4 of those now.)

DS1 had his ENT appointment which went really well; we're trying a course of Flonase and some nose-breathing practice to see if we can get him to quit mouth breathing. He does have a deviated septum but it is only a partial obstruction, and not something that should be addressed now.

I think the biggest hit I took today was from an email exchange regarding the suitability of a particular item for the low iodine diet. I had corresponded with the company, and they gave me the all-clear, and I had passed on this info to other thyca patients. Today's email told me flat out that was wrong, or that it was too risky, and it surprisingly set off a flurry of emotions.

First, I was mortified. What a terrible thing to give out incorrect advice to others! What if I've screwed up someone's scan or treatment? Yikes!

Second, I was resentful -- no one likes to be told they're wrong. I have a very firm long-standing policy of admitting my mistakes and making things right afterwards. It's hard to admit when you're wrong but since none of us is perfect, we may as well get in all the practice admitting that, right? But still, I felt as if I was getting smacked down a bit. I'm a thyca newbie after all, what do I know?

Third, I was curious, and I still am. I don't understand any mechanism by which iodine could be in this stuff, since the company asserts they don't use iodized salt. Where's it going to bind, or is it somehow free-floating in suspension? It doesn't make any sense to me. So last, I'm feeling stubborn about this, and don't want to just say, "OK, you're right, I was wrong," and then go have to post mea culpas all over the place. I wrote to a biochemist friend and perhaps she can shed some light on this for me.

Of course, if it turns out I'm wrong, I'm more than willing to do all that retracting and apologizing. It's only the right thing to do.

I wish I could turn all this off, like I did over the weekend.
Today was day 4 with no chocolate or sugar, although I did have tortilla chips and a most awesome mahi-mahi burrito from Rubio's for dinner, with a little carnitas street taco for appetizer. It was awesome -- food tasted great, I didn't have to cook it, and it didn't cost us an arm and a leg. Life's good.


Sheik Yerbootie said...

"Today's email told me flat out that was wrong, or that it was too risky..."

The last part is probably more the case. People don't like to take chances.

One of the benefits of the WWW is that you can find lots of good information to base decisions on.

The bad part of the WWW is that too much information can lead to second guessing, confusion and distrust.

Keep that in mind when you give advice - there is always going to be somebody who goes "ya - but".

ChaiTime said...

Hey there. I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time. I hope that the thyroid meds can get regulated so that you don't feel so "wired and tired".

I still haven't had the chance to follow up with my NP. I'm hoping to really soon.

As for the internet thing, everyone is going to have an opinion. It sounds like you did all the research you could do. Everyone has their own line they won't cross and perhaps the person who batted the information back at you was more stringent than you would be. Who knows. I know it doesn't feel good to get it slapped back in your face.

I hope you feel better soon and that tomorrow is a better day.