Tuesday, November 24, 2015

it's all too much

The first batch of my students' science fair papers, the research part, came in last Friday.  The dozen or so I've looked at so far are wretched, and I don't want to read any more, but there's nothing to be done for it.  I just need to get over my resentment and do it.  This year, however, I have resolved: no comments, just a  score.  They had an opportunity to get comments from me earlier in the year, so it's too late now.  Besides, the vast majority just don't care.

I'm so burned out. I always seem to have at least one commitment too many.  I dropped teaching RE and thought that would free me up enough, but no.  This year I'm only taking one grad class, but I'm also implementing my portfolio project, so it's more like one-and-a-half.  Then of course is the kicker: I'm teaching 197 students.  When I saw the enrollment numbers at the beginning of the year, I thought, "It will drop off."  But it didn't.  The district is giving us a "class size stipend" and it's not small, but at this point, I don't want the money.  I want the time!

If science fair were part of the regular curriculum it would be OK, I wouldn't mind grading the nearly 200 papers.  But it's in addition to the regular curriculum, and that's what's killing me.

Of course I'm still reeling from Mom's death, expected as it was.  Every day there's something that brings back the idea that she's gone.  I suppose it will get easier but it's still hard right now. I just feel like I haven't had any time to process, and God only knows when I'll get it.

Last weekend we went up to the DBG to see the Bruce Munroe exhibit, Sonoran Light.  It was spectacular, and a lovely break.  How I wish I could do that kind of thing more often!

Last but not least:

I just realized it has been 10 years since my last treatment.

1 comment:

nina said...

How I hope there is an end in sight to all your work! Time -- pockets of free time each day, that's my holiday wish for you.