more break downs

Having whined at length about my career, I can move on to the periodic physical health update.

I developed another ovarian cyst mid-April and, since it still hasn't resolved, went to the gynecologist, got the referral, and had the ultrasound.  It's amazing how easy it is to schedule procedures and tests when I'm not having to work around a school calendar.  I was able to get all of that done (including another CA-125 test) in just two days.  But now I have to wait and see what it says.  I've had so many of these that at this point, it's just a routine, I'm not expecting anything.  Except of course there is that tiny nagging doubt that maybe this time, there really is something going on.

That thought creeps in and I promptly ignore it.  I'll jump off that bridge when I get to it.

***

I'm going to be fifty years old in two months.  In all that time, I've had my hair colored (highlighted, I guess) exactly once.  Still never had a manicure (or a pedicure - too ticklish).

But yesterday, I had a laser procedure to try to reduce the nasty-looking appearance of the vein extending from a scar I have on my left leg.  It was very quick and while not exactly painless, I wouldn't call it painful, either.  A series of tiny pin-jabs.  The technician thought the results would be good, but it will take some time to see.  It wasn't that expensive, but I'm still kind of embarrassed about spending money on something so purely cosmetic, plus something that probably no one else ever noticed.  The scar itself is barely visible, but the vein was really noticeable (to me).

I'm noticing more gray hairs this year.  Generally I leave them alone but there are a few that stick straight up and out (they always seem to be more wiry), and those I pluck.  I don't want to be one of those women that's trying to stop the clock, but I also don't want to look like one of those ladies with the crazy hair.

And let's not even talk about clothes.  The return of 70s and 80s fashion is killing me; we're surrounded by ugly clothes, or clothes that only look good on stick figures, again.  And if I see something cute or nice, odds are it's designed for someone around my daughter's age.  It does make retail therapy difficult, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  There's always shoes.

***

Aside from the ovarian cyst, the health issues I was struggling with last year at this time are, I could say, in remission.  I think that's valid because I have this sense that they're just biding their time, waiting to get me, but they're not bothering me now.

My acid reflux/GERD is well-controlled (I can sing!),  and my arthritis/fibromyalgia only kick up when I'm very bad on my diet or I have a very strenuous day, like the last day of school  - slicing up six huge watermelons put a bruise on my hand, it's not easy with a plastic knife.  Mopping, sweeping, and moving a lot of furniture didn't help, either.

My weight fluctuates between 137 and 142.  I can live with it, although I have this ideal of settling around 130-133.  I can't let it get any higher because then none of my new pants for work will fit.  I can eat tortilla chips or potato chips or popcorn occasionally; carbs in general don't seem to cause problems for me, but wheat in particular does.  It's harder to be strictly low carb now since I have to avoid dairy, and I can't live on cheese anymore.  I'm grateful for almond milk.

My ultrasound technician on Monday was a talker, as they often are, to try and distract their really-need-to-pee patients from their discomforts.  I wasn't surprised to hear her say something I've thought myself, which is that about every seven years, our bodies go through some sort of realignment or change.  I'm 49, and this was a year of change for me; 49 was definitely better than 48.   I have a sense of figuring out a lot of what's been going on with me, my whole life, and how to manage better, now.  Shame it took nearly 50 years to figure it all out though.