Wednesday, July 15, 2015

roller coaster

Mom was dreadfully sick over the weekend, with near continuous nausea and various pains.  She ate about 10 bites of food total over Saturday and Sunday.  Yesterday was a little better, and today better still - she ate about half a cup of cottage cheese and some fruit cocktail at supper, and it was the most I'd seen her eat in days.  But she couldn't walk yesterday, her knees kept giving out, and she says they didn't ask her to walk in p.t. today.  It's hard to know whether or not to trust her memory -- sometimes she's spot on, other times she's mixing up the days or just forgetting things entirely.  Her somewhat confused state has become the new normal and is not as disturbing to me now, but I do miss my old sharp Mom.

Her refrain, especially when she's feeling, as she says, "Lousy," is "I can't understand how I ended up in this place," so I remind her about not being able to walk and going to the hospital.  But I think she remembers the talk we had before she went to the hospital, and this whole month in rehab was really not supposed to happen.  But here we are, and at least these last couple of days have seemed better -- or at least she has put on a good front when I've visited in the evenings.

I suspect she is rallying because my brother is coming in from LA with his family late Wednesday.  I can't imagine that this upward trend is going to last.

I'm up very late because I took about a 2 hour nap while the kids watched Jaws after a spectacular Bastille Day dinner at Bleu in Mashpee.  So I'm not that tired, and I'm stressed, and I don't want to go to bed.

This wouldn't be a problem except that I have class in the morning at 9AM.  My first two days have been wonderful.  One of the best things is getting to spend time with other science teachers.  Professional development sessions during the school year are just too short, and my NAU classes are great but free discussion time is necessarily limited.  It's awesome spending time with so many other people with similar interests and issues.

I can't even list all the things I've learned about -- even how to canoe, even though I did not paddle, I would like to try if we go out again.  I find myself afraid of physical challenges much more than I used to be, and I don't know if it's because I'm chronically sleep-deprived, stressed because of Mom, or just getting older so I can't mask the fears I've always felt as well as I could, but I don't like it!

Anyway, I've got more sun in the past 2 days than I have in years.  At this rate I'll be going back to AZ with an actual tan, along with a stack of work that I have no idea when I'm going to be able to clear.  I'm stalled on my science project work but I'm hoping to get some of it done next week, because the week after -- it's back to AZ, and back to school!

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