heart-stricken

On the way home from school, DD told us about one of her friend's mother helping out during recess today. I asked her, "Well, do you know where I'm going to be on Tuesday?"

DD happily said, "Here," meaning school, because Tuesday morning I start my classroom volunteer time.

At the same time, though, DS1 said, "Texas."

Oh! My poor babies... I wanted to hug them all together, then, but of course I couldn't because I was driving. So I had to just tell DS1 that I'm not leaving next week, but I probably would find out when I was leaving, next week.

I do hope he didn't really believe that I would announce a big trip like that is such a silly way. I don't think he really thought about it, because it wouldn't make sense for me to ask that question -- it just means that the whole "Mom's going to Houston because of her cancer," idea is front-and-center in his mind.

Both DS2 and DD wigged out this afternoon in ways that I was hoping they had outgrown. It was the end of the week, and the afternoon was stacked with disappointments (the cafe at Borders is closed for renovations! yikes!), but still, it was the worst regression we have seen lately. I know it's all tied up together, their acting out, my own stress about this situation, the end of a long busy week, all that. I'm trying to stay on as even a keel as possible but I know that sometimes I'm just too sensitive myself. Of course they pick up even the slightest change in the emotional tide, and since they're in it, too, they are going to react.

I wish I could spare them this, more than anything in the world. But the only thing we can do is endure it as best we can, until times are better.