Sometimes I think I can literally feel my systems slow down, as the last vestiges of thyroid hormones are scoured out of my bloodstream. Most of the time, I'm able to push past it, while worrying what my adrenals will be like after this is all over.
But there is no way around the brain fog. You just have to wait, hope, pray that it lifts.
I've been here before, in Hypothyroid Hell, after my initial diagnosis and while my meds were being optimized. At that time, I had no idea what was wrong with me, and I was pretty sure of two things: 1, my life as I had known it was over and 2, I was crazy.
Now I know I'm neither crazy nor (I sincerely hope) doomed, but I still hate feeling like I can't get a clear thought in my head.
Maybe it's post-election, Halloween, DD's birthday let-down. I don't know. I just find myself on the verge of not caring about much beyond food and keeping the house in relative good order, and getting the kids to bed on time.
Mom's leaving Wednesday, and the In-laws arrive less than 2 weeks later. Yay! I have the sense that the cavalry will arrive in the nick of time. I had a great talk with my mother-in-law today, and she said they could extend their visit if my hospital stay gets scheduled in a way that their staying would be helpful.
Everyone has been so kind. I said that to my mother-in-law. It's true. It really helps a lot.
It also helps a lot to know that this particular bout of "the stupids" is not permanent, and that we should be able to deal with it very easily in just a few more weeks. Gotta have that hope, you know.
I'm 17 days from my last thyroid meds... holding up fine so far, I guess. In some ways I don't feel as if I have much choice. I could fall apart, but that would just dump a bunch of work on others. There may come a time when I literally can't do what I need to do, but that time is not here yet. So I do what I can.
I was just thinking, this is going to get interesting as I get more and more hypo. Then I realized, no, it's not: it's going to get really boring around here as I get more and more stupid. And there really is no better word for it, I lack the capacity of higher reasoning when I am so hypo.
Have to talk to the kids about being kind to Mommy while she's dumb. They are not used to that. I expect they will run rings around me and make me cry, until they realize I am an idiot.
Today was a productive day, perhaps one of my last:
- called Boston to get my records for DH's RCIA class; the kind pastor at St Matthew's returned my call, having located everything, and he's sending it all off! What a great guy. He's so busy, too, working in 2 different parishes, and yet he did this on the same day that I called!
- made cranberry-squash muffins. Eh. Would've been better with pumpkin, don't want to risk the canned food. They're quite edible but could be lots better. I realized stupidly today that shortening could be subbed for butter (with a dash of butter extract for flavor if desired). See what I mean about stupid? I might make lemon muffins, using the coconut milk instead of yogurt... I think lemon and coconut would go together well. I need to do more baking and freezing while my brain is at least partially working...
- found some pants for DS2, and took the peewees out to Superstition Springs to fetch them. Let them ride the carousel and bought them totally superfluous cookies at Paradise Bakery, and did not eat even one bite myself
- dropped of the cat's x-ray at the vet
- returned the ugly slip covers to Target
- helped a little with dinner, more "chicken with crispy skin!", and I "crisped" two loaves of the awesome Il Fornaio bread, one of which we demolished with dinner, the rest of which I will eat gradually (I hope).
- the usual pickups, plus the drop-off at RE this evening.
And, I actually remembered to take a shower! (that's a key sign that I'm getting stupid again, I just sort of... forget.)
I'm itching on my shoulders and chest, not so much around my incision anymore, which is a relief.
My hands started out the day at around a 4, but settled down quickly. It has been rather damp and a bit rainy here the past 2 days.
Fatigue is holding at a moderate 4 or so, where is 1 is "peppy" and 10 is "can't move, must sleep."
Breakfast - muffins (see above), tea (black).
Lunch - last of the roast pork, sliced roma tomato, apple
Dinner - chicken, awesome bread with olive oil, lettuce/tomato/cuke salad, fresh green beans
There were a couple of snacks in there, great handfuls of pecans. Mmmmm.
I'm thinking about getting some cake. But then I'm also thinking about just getting some water, which would be better for me. This is why I didn't get really overweight when I was eating low-fat: because I would just not eat after a certain time at night, no matter how hungry I felt. I hate having to ignore my body's hunger cues, I know I'm just screwing myself up, short-term, anyway. But I did have lots of calories today, and I really don't need anymore. At least I don't think I do! I was much more liberal with the olive oil today. mmmmmmmm
I apologize for the tedious nature of this entry and warn that subsequent ones are likely to be worse. I need to do this to keep track of my progress, I suppose you could say, although I internally refer to it as (dunh dunh DUNH!) The Descent. Things look pretty murky down there. I'd really rather not go, but I don't have much choice.
Everything else seems OK.
Update: I ate some cake. And some frosting... arg.
DH came down for a snack and had a muffin, and I decided to do something about that cake, it was taking up too much space in the fridge. So I disposed of all the white, high-carb cake and frosting, sliced up the remaining chocolate, and repackaged it in a ziploc, where it will not dry out.
DS2 got a killer amount of homework from RE, prepping for his first confession after the New Year. Yowza! So much work out of the little ones. I have no doubt that he understands it all, but I do kind of feel bad that he has this extra work added. I'm glad he's not doing any sports this year. When he's not in sacramental prep, the RE requirements are a lot lighter. And yet, even DD has RE homework this year... why do I not remember this happening before? Maybe they have become stricter with making sure all the worksheets are completed. Ah, well. The kids like working through this stuff with me, and I like it, too. We have family prayers now before they all go to bed, to help them learn them all, and it is really lovely.
No comments:
Post a Comment