a little bit here & there

...
DH took the in-laws to the airport early (6AM) this morning, and let me sleep in until about 9, I think -- or was it 10? I think it was 10! OMG, I am so spoiled! However, I made up for it by taking the 3 kiddos out with me on my grocery run, and we got lunch while we were out, too. When we got home he was upstairs napping and didn't come down till nearly 4, so I hope he made up for his lost sleep.

The kids were good today, not too restless, playing with new toys and new computer games (love them) and watching Nickelodean -- now that Christmas is over I don't mind them being inundated with ads so much, ! I went off by myself to Target to pick up a few things and that was nice, then came home and put together dinner from the last of our Christmas turkey leftovers. I'm truly sad they are gone, as everything was sooo good. Ah, well.

So, it was an easy day, nothing much happened, just attended to drippy noses and little appetites and whatnot -- it's nice to have a day where you really don't have to think too much about anything. Or maybe that's just me, in denial, refusing to think about things? hehehe

At my last confession I told the priest, "I really feel like I should be doing more." He asked me how old the kids were, and when I told him, he said, immediately and with no trace of doubt, "You're doing enough right now. Don't worry about it!" Certainly DH doesn't pressure me to do any more than I do (besides the rare request to make cheesecake ), so I don't know why I have this feeling that I'm not "complete", something's missing, I should be doing something!

I think it goes back 4+ years to when I was laid off, really. Some part of me still thinks I should be earning some $$$, even though we are quite comfortable on DH's income. *sigh*

Stupid brain, so difficult to reprogram! After all these years, you'd think I'd be over that. Well, no, I don't, because I still occasionally have twinges of the doubts planted by my ex-husband surfacing, from time to time, and that was over 10 years ago! Yikes. Fortunately they are very weak and wispy now and so I can easily beat them off, but for years those doubts were very debilitating.

I've noticed quite a few women here at the forum going through similar recoveries, finding "themselves" again. While I'm glad that they are on this journey, it makes me sad to think that so many of us get into these relationships where we just lose ourselves, and the sense of our own values. It's the worst thing that can happen to a person, and it happens way, way too often. You can bet that I am on guard to teach my DD to be her own person and never, ever, let anyone take that away from her!

Still, I'm sure my own DM thought she did the same for me, and look where I ended up? Well, I ended up good but for almost a decade there I was "lost" to myself and to my own family! Yikes, again. What a colossal waste. Sometimes, I mourn those years. But then I think, if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met DH when we were both ready, and I wouldn't be here now. God works in mysterious ways, indeed.

"Be still, and know that I Am." I keep reminding myself of that, whenever I feel myself getting too wound up over something. So far, it's helping.

Bed!