photo diary

mouth math

2 new crowns = 1 new smile 😁

When my new dentist asked me, Do you like your teeth?, the only thing I could honestly answer was, It's complicated.   

I did (do) like how my teeth are strong and healthy and easy to take care of, all that is true.  But did I like the way my teeth looked?  I can honestly say it has been a very long time since that was true, before today.   When I was an infant, I had really high fevers and the hospital ER gave me tetracycline.  At the time, it wasn't known that this strong antibiotic destroyed the enamel on developing teeth, so many of my secondary teeth came in without enamel.  Fortunately not all of them!  My 2 front incisors on top and the 4 on the bottom had no enamel at all. My canines have enamel except for the very tip, which just makes them look like incisors.  My 6-year molars had no enamel but they were removed when I needed room in my mouth for braces.  

To say I was self-conscious about my teeth is a gross understatement.  Every year the school nurse would send home nasty notes to my mother about how decayed my teeth were, even though there was a note in my file explaining they were not decayed at all.  Finally, in second grade, I got a set of caps on my front teeth and I was so happy to not have little brown teeth anymore!  But the caps were literally all wrong for me.  They were wildly different in color from my own teeth and they were much too big, giving me buck teeth.  I had those until junior high when they were replaced with some kind of acrylic coating on the teeth.  This looked fine, great actually, for a few months, but then they absorbed stains from everything, and back then I was drinking both tea and coffee every single day!  Fast forward to my last year of college, and I got my first set of real crowns, which were OK but also not the right shape or color for my mouth.  Just a few years later, I was working and making some money so I got another set of crowns, and these were much better, but still slightly too big and obviously fake-looking. 

All this is why I rarely smile for photos while showing my teeth! 

Today's transformation involved some extra running around because at first when the teeth came back from the shade lab, they were too dark.  It was kind of a close call.  I liked the way they looked when I was lying back in the dentist's chair, but before I let them cement them in place, I said, "Wait, I want to look at them sitting up," and then I took a selfie. It was really obvious that the crowns were much too gray.  Tiny changes in color can make a huge difference!  So then I went from the dentist's office back to the shade lab for adjustments, and within an hour I was back at the dentist, getting them glued in.   

I teared up when everything was done.  I can't remember ever looking at my smile and thinking, all of those teeth are real teeth.  Even when I was tiny, my teeth looked bad! Over the years, I've had the experience of thinking my teeth looked pretty good, but knowing all along the phrase considering I have crowns on my two front teeth should be included.  So now I think, if I smile, people won't look at me and wonder why my front teeth are fake.  (I'm also pretty sure very few people ever gave my teeth a second look or even a single thought, but when you're self-conscious about something, it's hard to break old habits.) They look like real teeth.  

I've been going to this dental practice for about twenty years, and the entire staff was blown away and so happy for me, it was awesome.  The only bummer was we couldn't hug because of COVID-19, but it was still a really great moment.  I was really on the fence about replacing the old ones, but my gums had receded a bit and there was that black line there and it just didn't look good.  The old crowns were like 30 years old and it was time for them to go, but the more frugal part of me kept thinking, they're working just fine, they don't look that bad, just let it go.  DH encouraged me to do it when I was waffling over the cost (close to $1100.)  Apparently the recent run up in the stock market has been good for our portfolio.  

Small change.  Much bigger psychological impact than I was anticipating, and really welcome lift during this depressing time. 😁 Really wish my Mom were here to see them, she would have loved them, too.

holding up

We were supposed to be on the East Coast this week!  Alas, it was not to be.  I am still struggling to get my mind around the fact that we are still in this pandemic-lock down situation.  When we started this back in March, I never imagined it would still be going on in July!  I'm tired of it, and I want my regular life back. 

/whining

Really, we're all fine, even if I am struggling with the ups and downs of minor depression.  I've stayed up past 4AM more times recently than I care to admit, then make up for it by sleeping until noon.  I don't have any particular reason to get up...

News?  When Shane Co. up in Scottsdale reopened, I dragged DH up there so I could get a new setting for worn-through engagement ring.  It was a lovely diversion and it should be ready for pick up tomorrow!   That was a bit of fun.  Other than that?  Just a couple of things... I finally listened to my dentist and am in the process of having my crowns replaced, so my mouth is kind of sore.  By the end of next week I'll have two lovely new teeth... I hope.  It's hard to think of anything as reliable these days.

The other thing is something I really can't see myself ever doing again: I cut my own hair.  It's all one length, sure, and it's long, and I just wanted to lop off a few inches.  Shouldn't be too bad, I thought.  I watched a half dozen YouTube videos and bought a good pair of scissors and went at it today.  I can truly say I was wholly unprepared! I just have so much hair, and the videos really didn't talk or show how to handle very thick or wavy hair, and mine is both.  Fortunately for me the wavey/curliness of it hides a multitude of sins, and it's pretty much always in a pony tail these days anyway.  I'll have a professional clean it up at some point, but it's nice that it's not such a weight anymore.

Everyone else is doing fine, too, more or less.  DH is growing a beard, a first for him!  It looks good but is still at the "kissing a hedgehog" stage.  DS1 is still working at Amazon and wondering why they keep making it difficult for him to actually do his job.  Alas, that is often life in corporate America, and probably other countries, too.  DD has a job interview in the morning, but otherwise has been living a life of relative leisure up in the cool north, and DS2 is pretty much recovered from his pre-enlistment minor surgery, and should get cleared to start training on Thursday.  All in all, we're very lucky.

Speaking of management making things more difficult... yet another one of the "emails from nowhere" dropped this week with admin announcing, "Hey, y'all are going to do cross-curricular project-based units this year, and so half of you need to switch rooms!"  Our heads were spinning, especially since we don't have any idea what going back to school is really going to look like this year. We have a strong suspicion we will be asked to support both in-person and online instruction, even though that will literally be twice as much work.  So now we're supposed to upend our curriculum maps, too?  You can't just drop a project-based-learning unit in anywhere, and every one of us already has curriculum that is sequenced to support student learning.  Plus, I have no idea whether or how this will impact the science fair this year, or even if we're going to have one.  So I spent literally three hours writing and re-writing an email and it boiled down to two questions, asking for explanations and expressing my concerns.  The whole thing was maybe twelve sentences.  The very quick reply came back with no explanations at all, just, "We're doing this, moves will be finished by July 15," plus my VP cc'd the pastor, who has never been looped into anything like this before.  What was that about?  I'm trying to let it go, but now I'm thinking I should ask about science fair.  If we're going to have one, I can and should start planning now, but since I don't know how/if that would work with the project-based-learning plans, I'll need some guidance on that.

That particular day wasn't fun, but I'm still trying not to get too stressed about it.  No one really knows what the school year will bring.  This time is really bringing home how complacent I was about everything just continuing as if on a course.  For most people throughout history, that's not the way it goes.  Disruption and problems are far more common, and so far I've been very, very lucky to have had the life I've led up to this point.  So I'm trying to keep that in mind, too.  But it's only human to chafe at all these restrictions and the general air of gloom that's hanging over everything! 

DH and I have planned a road trip for week after next.  Let's see if we can actually pull it off.