stolen thunder

This morning DS2 insisted that I teach him how to tie his shoes. I obliged, patiently walking him through the steps. I'd explain a step, then show him, then let him do it. End result, he tied his own shoes. Yes, I helped, but! He's still only 4. Both DS1 and DD learned right about the time they turned 6.

I was talking to a friend who has kids close in age to mine, and I admit, I did brag on DS2 just a little - "[DS2] tied his shoes today -- I helped, of course, but he did do it himself."

So, do I get a "Wow, that's cool!" or maybe a "Good for him!" ?

No, I get: He's the youngest, he wants to do everything his big brother and sister do...

Yeah, I suppose. But if DS1 had tried to tie his shoes at 4, he wouldn't have had the fine motor skills to do it.

Oh, that's because you have so many smaller, bigger-kid toys around the house, that's why his motor skills are more advanced...

In a word, No. (I was much more polite in reality, and I think I hid my aggravation completely.) DD has always had exceptional fine motor skills and even she couldn't (or perhaps simply wouldn't) tie her shoes at four years old.

The kid did a cool thing today and I think he should be recognized for it. I'm not going to explain it away as an "Of course" accomplishment, because that is emphatically not the case.

It occurs to me much later that perhaps my friend's third child, a few months older than DS2, hasn't tied his own shoes, with or without help -- but so what? No one expects a 4-year-old to tie his own shoes. Does everything have to be a competition? Is that why she immediately (and unrelentingly) tried to minimize the accomplishment? I did not make a huge production out of it, I just thought it was cool. I still do. I guess I'm just not in the mood for the usual game of compare-and-contrast that moms often inflict on each other. I have the impression that if I want to stay out of it altogether I'll end up never saying anything about my kids at all.