don't quite know how to say this

This is... awkward.  It's my blog, and all that.

Let's back up a bit.

DD's graduation was lovely.  We went to Flancer's for dinner, just as we had done after her kindergarten graduation, because we needed to pack for Cleveland.

We left for Cleveland about 3AM, and had a lovely weekend for our niece's wedding.  The travel was long but not difficult.  The wedding on Sunday was lovely.  Monday we went to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, and then to my brother-in-laws and spent the afternoon hanging out with family.  Tuesday, DH took the two younger kids to Cedar Point to ride the roller coasters, while DS1 and I stayed behind and went first to Half Price Books and then to the Botanical Gardens, spending about the same amount of time in each.  Then we came home today.

It was nice.  Cleveland in the spring is really lovely.  We had some rain but nothing dreadful.  Nothing to make me think "mistake on the lake" at all, but I can imagine how hard it is in the winter, with lots of snow.

Let's back up a little bit more.

Last week of school: Monday, after school practice for the teacher dance routine we were performing on Wednesday after the talent show.  Tuesday, the same.  Wednesday morning, "switch day," talked to three different groups of 6th graders about what junior high math and science would be like.  Wednesday afternoon, the talent show, where I was roasted by one of my students doing stand up comedy -- he was quite good.  Then at the end, I did the dance routine with the other teachers, perfectly willing to be silly for the students.  Thursday, field trip with the students.  I spent a good part of the day talking to teachers from our other campuses who were there, so it was actually a productive day.  Friday: last day of school -- all-school award ceremony, then the last Pride Day for our students, to just hang out with each other.  I shopped for drinks before school, and picked up pizza for the kids.  It was a half-day, and DriveLine, our end-of-the-day pickup routine, was fine, because it wasn't so late in the day and so not hot at all.  I was so happy to be done!

In the evenings each night I pulled together the end-of-year stuff I had to do, documenting how I had met my personal goals, how I had communicated with parents, etc.  All these little details that were required of me.

About 1PM, DD came by to bring me a passion tea lemonade from Starbucks.  She was excited about getting ready for her graduation and we were talking about it when my phone rang.  It was my AP saying she needed me for a quick meeting in the small conference room...

A very quick meeting in which she told me, with the district representative sitting there with her laptop, that, because of my students' low test scores, and because a parent had complained to the district about me, they had decided to rescind my contract for next year.

Of course this made no sense to me whatsoever.  Wait, what?  Seriously?  I worked so hard, I said.  I sacrificed so much.  Doesn't mean a thing to them.

I turned in my badge and my keys and my walkie, and went upstairs, told my daughter.  Told my co-workers,  Cried.  Got many hugs.  Had my two boys come over to help me and my daughter pack up all my stuff and put it in the van, and the Fit.

I finally got out of there about 4:30, having sent DD home earlier to get ready .  She needed to be there at 5:30.   The final indignity was having to scrape the labels off the cabinets... and there were a lot of labels since there were so many cabinets.  My guy C, the regular maintenance guy, helped me out by loaning me an awesome scraper, else I would've missed my daughter's graduation.

Now I have literally an entire science curriculum's worth of stuff stacked in my garage, and no job come July.  Yet.  I've already applied to a few places, and more jobs will become available as the summer goes on.

I wouldn't let DH or the kids talk about this while we were in Cleveland.  I texted my friends at my old school, and my brothers & sisters.  Everyone is just as shocked as I am -- I didn't want anyone else to be distracted by this over the weekend, which was all about the wedding.  Now we're back home and I can focus on cleaning up the house for the flooring job, and getting another job.

I'm still turning this turn of events over and over, trying to figure out what I could have done differently.  I honestly don't know.   I'm angry and embarrassed.  Shouldn't I have known this was coming?  I don't see how I could have known.

But just today I remembered how, when an irrational parent attacked me at the science fair, that later came back during my performance evaluation in a negative way.  That parent was completely unjustified, just as this year's parent was, but that apparently doesn't matter.

I've been thinking of all the work I won't have to do, now.  That seems like a good thing, but I never minded the work.  I liked the work, even if there was often too much of it.

I've also been thinking about the kind of job I want to have. I don't want to work somewhere I don't fit.  I've had too many square-peg-round-hole situations.  Maybe I really shouldn't be a teacher?

This is not a path I expected to be on, at this point.  I was really looking forward to going back to work in late July with my team, and having way less work to do because all the prep was done this year.   I told DS2 I wouldn't sign up for any classes or do anything outside of work so I would be more available for him in his last 2 years of high school.  It's very doubtful at this point that I will be able to stick to that.

I'm still in shock, but mostly I'm really sad.  I'm sad about all the people I won't be working with anymore.  I'm sad about the students I have been forced to leave... the district made a liar out of me, because I told them I'd be back next year.

All the colleagues I talked to were so encouraging, and told me I would go on to something better.  We'll see.  I just need to make sure my health insurance doesn't run out.