ache

Beautiful new babies are everywhere these days. Back in Boston, I have a grand-nephew I won't get to meet for another 6 months, by which time he'll be way past the tiny baby stage. But GodsBody and VodkaPundit both just welcomed new little ones into their lives, and have posted the most beautiful photos of them.

So perfect, so peaceful.

I know, babies cry, and cry often, but newborns are different, they are just pure Life, they know only the most important things. Everything is distilled down to its most essential essence: food, warmth, comfort, love. It's all so very easy once you understand that. In the beginning it seems impossibly hard, caring for this tiny creature who appears to have limited means of communication. But then you see that there are many ways the baby will tell you what you need to know, and you realize that it will only get harder, as broken hearts or crushed hopes are not nearly as easy to fix as empty tummies.

I can't have any more babies, and I tell myself it's just as well since my health started its downward spiral during my last pregnancy. I'm exhausted keeping up with my current responsibilities. And since I've been through it three times already, I know that the demands of pregnancy and a new baby would be very hard on me; something would suffer, and that something would be the kids who are already here.

But there is a part of me that would love to do it again, in spite of all that. There's nothing like it. I'm jealous of all the new moms and dads out there, growing their families and learning about the new little people they've brought into the world. I remember, being pregnant, thinking about my babies, I can't wait to meet you.

Every one of them steals your heart away from you, and never, ever do you get it back. And that's OK. You get used to it.