all apologies

Please excuse my lack of posting lately. Bluntly, I feel like hell.

I had my drain removed this morning so I'm no longer a member of the Collective. That's good, but I had expected things to hurt less once the drain was removed, and that hasn't been the case at all. All the nerve weirdness along the right side of my jaw and around my ear has intensified. It's not the kind of thing painkillers help, either.

To make matters worse, I have a recurring dream (nightmare) in which I've gone back to MDA for my 4-month follow-up and they've found more cancer. I wake up from this dream both depressed and angry. Can't my psyche let me recover from the present surgery before torturing me with the prospect of more? At least I have slept better the past two nights.

I've spent some time on the phone getting those follow-up appointments in place, so maybe that's what fueled the dream. I'm still waiting to hear about the pathology report, and to perhaps get an update on my prognosis, which I now realize no one in Houston ever mentioned, post-op.