disturbed

I'm up late again tonight, although I slept for probably an hour earlier, lying on the couch not-watching Hitchcock's Rope. I have been TiVOing a lot of old movies lately, and that was one that showed up, but I realized I have seen it before so I just drifted right off to sleep.

This is one of those times when there's just too much happening, and I don't know when I'll be able to just release everything... I have the kids all day, which is really fine, but it's better when I get more sleep. Then there's the Rosie situation, which is not fine even though it was a good decision and the right decision, but it's just there, hanging in the background, waiting for me to deal with it.

Then there are people around me who are dealing with various stresses of their own, and I am of no help whatsoever, which sucks.

Last, I'm still feeling punked from the radiation etc. My salivaries do weird things from time to time, not as bad as they were in February, just not normal. Taste and digestion are still shot, and my diet has been terrible. Nothing really tastes good and eating just makes me feel (and be) sick, so -- ick. But I do eat, and I'm trying to be good about taking my supplements as well as my meds. Drinking is really a problem, since water tastes particularly horrible these days. Ice-cold Propel is about the only thing that tastes decent; my sense of sweet taste is working the best. Great! Just what I need -- only my sweet tastebuds are working! My teeth have become really sensitive but I have been too lazy to do flouride treatments. And my hands are killing me.

It's a vicious cycle, this is. The radiation causes physical side effects which produce stress, and the stress feeds into its own physical manifestations, which of course creates more stress...

Tomorrow: shopping, and probably making cookies. We need to shop for DH for Father's Day, we'll see how that goes. I should make a list of the things I want to get done before I leave, but that will probably send me right over the edge. I'm going to take it day by day and try to manage better that way.