There and back again

Somehow, it seemed like more than a week and a half. It was a very long time to be away. I could've journaled elsewhere but just didn't, there was always something else to do or some other way to procrastinate.

I've been working which is good, although the lack of defnition of the product is starting to get on my nerves a little bit. How am I supposed to write about something that it isn't defined yet? Or when the definition keeps changing? I have accepted the fact that I will need to do re-writes. That's OK because I'm paid by the hour!

Things with the kiddos are OK, my Mom is getting on my nerves, and I just want to run away and shack up with my husband for a weekend at a resort where we don't ever have to get out of bed. Oh, it would be nice if there were a beach, too...

I had my HIDA scan with CCK which seemed to indicate that there is a problem with my gallbladder, since I got the crampy pain when the CCK was injected. I had my EGD/endoscopy last Friday and that came back all clear. The labwork came back normal, too, so I guess that rules out celiac! YAY, but also, grrrrr, I still don't know what's wrong with me or causing all these auto-immune problems. Maybe my gallbladder is? That would be cool, just to know.

I realized that my new GE doc is the image of Vincent Ventresca, the actor who played Darien Fawkes on "The Invisible Man" series on SCIFI a few years ago (it used to be on before FARSCAPE -- that was a great 2-hour block of Friday night TV. Ahhhh, nostalgia.) We were chatting about "Curb Your Enthusiasm" when the anesthesia hit me, and the next thing I know I'm waking up in the recovery room... so now I'm wondering if I said anything ridiculously embarassing to the dr, like how I think he's cute (because he is, ! ) Well, I'll just assume that I didn't and be cool. Besides, no one can hold idiocies uttered while under the influence of fentanyl and versed against you, can they? hehehe

In the past 2 weeks, 2 total strangers have told me that I look like Tracy Nelson. I had never heard of her so I did a Google search, and I have decided that maybe I do, since my hair is getting longer... and also, that's not such a bad thing. It's weird to have people come over to you on purpose just to say something like that to you. Am I sending out a celebrity vibe? At the self-serve pump at the Arco station? I don't think so...

Interesting episode on "Sex & The City" tonight... Carrie's boyfriend (played by Baryshnikov, yum) is moving to Paris and he wants her to go with him, more or less as a kept woman. She quits her job and decides to go with him. Her friend Miranda is freaking out about it, and they argue. This scenario has many parallels to my own life when I moved from MA to AZ, except that I was married at the time, and knew I wanted to start a family... but it has been hard, leaving everything I knew behind, a lot harder than I thought it would be. There's a lot of food for thought, here.

The thing that bothered me most about Carrie's decision to leave is that there is no commitment between her and Alek whatsoever. It's also doubtful that she even loves him, the words have never been exchanged that we know of. But is love really that important? Should one person ever ask another to leave behind an entire life and move on with him? I never thought of it as being unfair when DH asked me about interviewing in AZ, and I was pretty excited about him getting the job out here, although moving was very scary.

I've gone through enough crazies to know that moving away from everything may not have been the best thing for me, but it was a good thing in the end. I love my family and my home and most important, how I have grown and changed over these years, and I wonder how I would be if I had stayed put. Would I have been able to break out of old destructive patterns? It's a lot easier to do something like that when you're in new surroundings, without all the same people around you expecting the same old behaviors.

Change is hard, and sometimes it's not even necessary. It can be very good, though, if it's what you want. It's hard to be brave and face a future you can't map, but if you've got the love of your life beside you, that makes it a lot easier to deal with. I'm blessed -- I was going to say lucky, but I don't really think it is luck -- in that I've been able to accomplish what I have this past decade... Feb 5th was my 10th anniversary of meeting DH.

It's funny because after so many years of "finding myself" pregnant/nursing/potty training/chauferring/whatever-ing, and wondering what the hell happened to ME, the essential, core me, I now find myself more ME than ever. I feel a bit Austin-Powers-ish, "I'm back, baby!"

Maybe it's the writing job, I think it probably has a lot to do with it, but I feel as if I'm hitting a stride I never want to get off of... I wonder how long this will last? Yeah, daily stresses (kids, Mom, housework, health) suck but I can deal with that, will deal with that...

It's good to be back.