disquiet

The rhythmic sloshing cycles of the dishwasher somehow
preserve the stillness of the house.
The others drift in sleep, even the cat
breathes evenly amidst the familiar white noise.
Only I remain, grasping
Or failing, rather --
What is this vague shadow, hovering
elusive in the corner of my mind's eye?

Indistinct, it looms, yet patiently.
This hour, shadows take form.
Through this bright day I sailed, skimming the breezes,
a child's hand in each of mine.
But, now:

Something terrible is going to happen...

Something terrible always does happen, somewhere. So?

So, far from home,
a woman lingers, dying by court order,
hearsay hardened into law.
Many issues here perturb.
Love, law, life, all disturbed. Lost in all
the words, a woman starves, alone.

While in a file cabinet, unread
lie alphabet soup and my Tuesday numbers:
TSH, Tg, WBC, Ca
Therein, my future. The knife a certainty, temporary
reprieve, or... nothing at all.

It's just one test.
We really don't know.

For me, more tests will come, regardless.
None for Terri.

Two sides of the Coin: Heads, I don't know
Tails, It is certain.

Here are my two shadows, then:
For me, Heads;
the not-knowing gnaws away my calm resolve.
Tails for Terri.
Sorrow comes in a storm of anger,
regret, and disbelief at what is sure.

Time brings its resolutions.
The coin will be tossed again, and again.