staying on top of things

The shooting pains in my hip this morning convinced me to call my rheumatologist. I had perfect timing in calling, because they just had a cancellation so I'm getting to see her tomorrow afternoon. That's practically a miracle. It has been quite a while since I've been in (12/08), so they've sent me a new patient information packet to fill out -- I'm not looking forward to doing the pain inventory right now, mostly because it's pretty bad. I was trying to scale the hip pain and decided on a 6 (1-10 pain scale), which for me, means that it was so bad that I couldn't sit still, I kept moving trying to find a position that would relieve it. Nothing worked, although it did calm down a bit (the ibuprofen takes the edge off), so now it's about a 4, constantly calling attention to itself.

My hands are bothering me, too, to the point I haven't even been putting my rings on at all, although I have them on now -- but I can feel them, they feel heavy around my finger, and the hands themselves are at least a 4, too. Sheesh.

At least today my neck is not too bad... it occurred to me that the pain in my sinus might be TMJ-related, although I have absolutely no TMJ-related symptoms, my jaw feels fine, no clicking or anything like that. Plus I am religious about posture these days, especially the set of my shoulders, because my neck injury has been flaring up a bit.

Anyway: Day 4 of the Z-pack and while the sinus pain is somewhat reduced, at times it hurts just as much as ever, regardless of the ibuprofen status. I'm not holding out much hope for that Z-pack, but I am considering calling Dr. C and getting an opinion from him. I need to go dig out my speaking splint and start wearing it, and see if it makes any difference, and I'll continue with my neck/shoulder exercises too -- not that they are helping, but they're certainly not hurting.

My stomach is 'eh' these days. Easter was ridiculous, how much I ate -- and drank (mimosas!) -- but I didn't feel sick at all. I've been good since then, although not totally low carb (6 jellybeans last night, a couple of tiny lemon squares in the afternoon) -- but not crazy eating, either. I'm not paying any attention to my weight since my hands are so swollen, I have no way to evaluate how accurate it is, but it is nearly as high as it was when I started my "diet". Some days I feel normal, like I can eat anything I want and be fine, other days I feel as if nothing's working properly and I should stick with a liquid diet. (On that note, the Gold Standard vanilla ice cream flavor whey + cocoa + DaVinci sf dark cherry syrup = insane deliciousness.) I actually bought gum today, in the hope that chewing some would help my stomach wake up while I was out doing errands today.

I applied for my dream job on 3/31, still haven't heard anything. Still haven't heard about my practicum placement, either. I don't like waiting.

latest ows

A couple of things I need to keep track of...

I have an eye/sinus thing that's well into its third week. I let it go for a while but then it became painful -- I thought it was just a temporarily blocked tear duct, but then it moved into my face and is not fun. I broke down and went to the doctor last week, he started me on anti-biotic eye drops on the theory that whatever it is started in the eye. Instructions were to give a good 5 days, and if it wasn't better, to start the Z-pack. I started the Z-pack yesterday. No appreciable relief yet. My eyes are very dry and gritty -- I'm using the Refresh tears more often than I ever have before, but the eyes still burn all the time.

Coincidentally I had a follow-up with my ENT today, who anesthetized my nose and then scoped it (very cool gadget, that) and didn't see a thing indicating any kind of infection. No swelling, inflammation, discharge, nothing. He did say there could be a sub-clinical infection in the sinus which he wouldn't be able to see with the scope, so we should give the Z-pack a good 10 days to work -- and if it's not better by than, he'll send me for a CT scan.

I don't want a CT scan, for many reasons. First of all, whenever I hear the word "scan" my brain automatically goes directly to "metastases", which is absurd, but I've been living with cancer for five and a half years now, and that's just the way my brain works. Second, CTs are expensive, and third, it probably won't show anything. The ENT mentioned the possibility that it could be a nerve problem. On a certain level I'm pretty happy that everything looks OK up inside my head (at least the parts the doctor could see - nasal passages, ears, throat, heck even my eyes look fine), while at the same time I'm wishing this was just a simple, treatable sinus infection. It's not, and I know it's not, because I've had plenty of sinus infections in my day, and I can't recall a single one feeling like this and not responding at all to Sudafed, mucinex, sinus rinses and ibuprofen. All that OTC stuff gets a handle on congestion, drainage, and inflammation, and helps clear out the sinuses so they can heal -- and none of it has helped a bit this time.

So I'll just wait and see. Perhaps whatever this is related to this:

I'm in a wicked flare the past couple of days. It may have started before Easter but I was too busy to pay it much attention, but I'm hurting everywhere now, even on a steady diet of ibuprofen. I'm just keeping my rings off because my hands are swollen and I don't want them to get stuck. My left hip is particularly bad -- it has been bothering me for a few weeks now with limited range of motion, but nothing too horrible. I figured I'd pulled it working out and it would get better, but it hasn't. Pain in the joint has been increasing, which sucks, and now all the muscles in my butt/hip on the left side are all seized up. Which came first, the muscles seizing up or the joint pain? They are definitely related. I'm doing my best not to torque my hips around, which means sleeping with a pillow between my knees, never crossing my legs, and not curling up in a chair or on the couch or anywhere -- I can't tuck my feet under me or sit cross-legged and man, is that annoying and tiring and worst of all, it's not helping.

Stretching: the ones I can do aren't helping, and the ones I want to do I can't do because of that range-of-motion problem I mentioned. Copious amounts of Biofreeze gel help. I spoke to the 24-hour on call nurse at Blue Cross and she recommended I see the rheumatologist, but I kind of want to see the sinus thing through first. (Now I sound like my mother, who doesn't want to multi-task health issues.) Perhaps I'll call tomorrow.

Sleeping OK. Feeling a bit pukey from the antibiotics (I think, it feels different from the gastroparesis pukiness. No actual puking, though, as has been true for the last ~20 years.) Ate way too many sweets (too much in general) over Easter -- which may have contributed to the flare -- and am now back to eating sensibly. Was hoping that would have a more immediate impact on my general condition, but so far, no such luck.

diet, gastroparesis, etc

March 16th: cooked a bunch of new stuff, ate way too much, felt sick all night.
March 17th: diet!

Wait, how could I start a diet on St. Patrick's Day?

Honestly, it wasn't a problem. I didn't want to eat anything on St. Patrick's Day. I felt so miserable I was compelled to do something. A huge internet search led me to a new gastroparesis blog with some good suggestions.

Since the 17th, I've had protein shakes for breakfast and lunch, and then whatever we're having for dinner, although I've been watching portions, especially carbs. I decided to do this for two reasons: first, because I felt so very sick on the night of the 16th. It really upset me that just eating what for many people would be a normal dinner would make me so sick. Second, on the morning of the 17th, I stepped on the scale and looked at a number I hadn't seen since my pregnancy days. Clearly I had to do something to get things under control. I wasn't paying attention to what, when, or how much I was eating, and in spite of occasional bouts of misery, I had been gaining weight. A pound here or there every three or four months doesn't seem like much, but they were creeping up.

My gastroparesis seems to be responding well to this regimen. Not having to digest solid food for most of the day seems to make handling dinner not as much of a problem, although I am nibbling Trader Joe's candied ginger or Ginger Chews nearly every evening. The ginger was a piece of advice I picked up from Crystal's Living with Gastroparesis blog (linked above), and it has really helped.

So my stomach's doing better and I'm back to the weight on my driver's license, down 9 pounds since the 17th. It has been quite a while since that was true. (I'm not sure it was true on the day I got the license.) I'd like to lose a little more for bathing suit season (here's hoping we have some beach weather this summer), but mostly I'm happy I don't feel like puking all the time. Now that I'm back down to what is technically my "normal" weight, I'm curious to see what happens. Since I've cut back my carbs my appetite is pretty much gone -- but at the same time, I don't get that horrid nausea I used to get first thing in the morning when my stomach was empty.

Interestingly, I seem to have the worst gastroparesis symptoms when I eat more starches. I'm still taking digestive enzymes and omeprazole (Prilosec acid-reducer) twice a day. I tried peppermint oil but that seemed to make my reflux worse (a noted side effect), and I experimented with Betain to see if my problem was insufficient acid as opposed to too much, and that was definitely not the case. I've ordered some Iberogast after reading what Crystal had to say about it, it will be interesting to see if it helps when it arrives.

You'd think after nearly two weeks I'd be sick of the shakes, but I try to vary them. I'm also like them because they are fast and easy, and they don't make me sick. That last is a huge plus, and explains a lot of my fondness for them. Also, the Gold Standard Whey is a very good tasting whey protein shake mix, with a pleasant mouth feel (some leave the inside of your mouth feeling like it's coated with plastic.) Some shake recipes:
- coffee instead of water, sprinkle with cinnamon
- coffee, add a scoop of cocoa powder for a mocha
- add a scoop of cocoa powder and a tablespoon or so of peanut butter
- add a scoop of cocoa powder and some sugar free black cherry syrup (I have been corrupted by Starbuck's new Black Cherry Mocha. It's insanely delicious, I just wish they had a no-sugar option.)
- orange Powerade Zero instead of water to make a creamsicle shake

If you use cocoa powder or peanut butter, you have to leave it on the blender for a while. I usually throw in a couple of ice cubes and let it blend while I'm puttering around in the kitchen -- a good 3 or 4 minutes, at least. It gets nice and frothy, which makes it easier for me to drink. I'm thinking of trying cream cheese to see if I can get a cheesecake flavor.

signs of Spring

The neighborhood turtle comes out to bask in the warm afternoon sun.




And (finally!) blossoms appear on my peach tree.

new cure for hiccups

DS2 (9yo) gets the hiccups all the time. If he laughs for more than 10 seconds, he gets the hiccups. Sometimes he'll just get the hiccups for no reason. He used to get very frustrated because often it would take a while for them to go away -- the usual tricks of drinking water and holding his breath were useless.

Both boys had their well visits with the pediatrician last week, and the only issue that I had on my list to ask about was DS2's hiccups. Surprisingly, the doctor had some practical information and advice.

Information: frequent hiccup sufferers like DS2 are often shallow breathers. Hiccups are spasms of the diaphragm, the thin sheet of muscle below your lungs that we use to fill them with air. If your breathing is shallow, your diaphragm isn't getting a good workout, and it's much more likely to spasm.

Advice (the cure): Fill your lungs. This is the important part: being careful not to let any air escape, draw even more air in, so your lungs feel over-full. This has the effect of pushing down on your diaphragm. Hold for a moment, then release the air slowly. Repeat the process for best results.

DS2 reports great success with this technique. Not all hiccups are caused by shallow breathing, but it certainly won't hurt to try this technique next time you get them.

the LeapForce experience

About six months ago, I got a contract with LeapForce to work at home as a search engine evaluator. I've written about this before, and consequently I've received a handful of emails from people asking me how it worked out. I don't mind answering LeapForce-related questions because I had a lot of questions before going ahead with the contract, and I found other people's comments to be very helpful. At this point I thought it would be better to update the blog with my experience rather than having to keep sending individual emails to curious folks. This post is substantially copied from emails I have sent.

In short: I have found LeapForce to be 100% legit and on the level. I will risk breaching my confidentiality agreement to say that for a 6 month contract negotiated in October 2009, they paid me $13.50 per hour. Note that does NOT include taxes or Social Security, and LeapForce does not withhold anything. You will receive a 1099 statement of your earnings. It is up to you to keep track of your earnings and make sure you put enough aside to cover the taxes and other fees normally withheld.

I did run into a couple of issues. Occasionally there are no "tasks", that is, there isn't any work to do. Saturday and Monday mornings were the worst for this, but at most other times of day, including late at night, there was usually plenty to do.

You do have to keep very careful track of your time worked, to the minute. It is generally easy to do because you're doing everything on your computer, and most computers display the time in the lower right corner. So just make a note of when you start and when you finish, because each entry on your invoice must be to the minute. LeapForce's AtHome website has an invoice application that helps you to keep track of your hours. I recommend entering your time(s) at least once a day.

Keep in mind that this work is self-selecting. If you take the test and it makes you think your head is going to explode, this is not a good job for you. Initially I thought it was fun, but it can be repetitive, and you have to make a LOT of decisions rather quickly. LeapForce has "task per minute" (TPM) expectations of productivity which I think are reasonable, but some people commented that they disagreed. Your TPM is displayed in a little indicator on your LeapForce toolbar, and if it's not green you know you're being too slow. It seems odd to think that an innocuous little indicator going from green to yellow to red could cause your stress levels to rise, but it can. Somedays I dealt with it, other days it really got on my nerves.

For my first six weeks working, I didn't have too much trouble with making the tasks per minute targets, and I didn't have any problems getting my invoices approved. Subsequently I did have a problem getting my invoice approved when I included time I worked on "experimental" tasks. These tasks were supposed to take around 20 minutes, but I could not get them approved on my invoices no matter what explanatory notes I attached (as directed) and I ended up just dropping them. Overall I'd say that I wasted about 3 hours of my time on them, and since those particular tasks were holding up the rest of my invoice, I just deleted them and decided never to do "experimental" tasks with big warnings about how long they were going to take, again. (Other experimental tasks were shorter and I had no problem getting the time for them approved.)

About adult content: when you apply, you tell them up front whether or not you're willing to deal with it. I said I did not want to see that kind of thing, and generally I didn't. However, in some lists of results, a pørn site would occasionally show up. You can never be sure whether or not you're going to run into something like that, just like in a web search you're doing yourself at home. Very infrequently, a query would show up in a task that was clearly looking for pørn, and then you're kind of stuck: if you release the task (drop it), you don't get paid for any of the work you've done on it. So if you've invested 20 minutes in a task and hit a pørn query, you have to decide whether you want to kiss that 20 minutes' pay goodbye, or just evaluate the pørn query anyway. This did not happen often, but it did happen at least once or twice over the few months I was working for LeapForce. It is entirely possible that I've misinterpreted this policy, but I seem to recall getting a warning about not being able to bill any of that task's time if I were to drop it. It didn't happen often enough to me for me to pursue this for clarification.

I will say, the few times I sent email correspondence with a question, I received helpful replies with good turn-around time. They also sent checks right away after the invoices are approved.

Finally, pay attention to the small print: you have to work at least 200 tasks per pay period (month) to keep your contract current. Around Halloween and the beginning of November, I was very busy and didn't put in many hours, and they suspended my contract. They said I could re-qualify if took the test again, but I decided not to. I had to wait until December 1st to submit my invoice, which was annoying since I was no longer working; this further delayed my last paycheck.

Having my account suspended for not working the task minimum annoyed me, and I never really got over that. The experimental task issue and the TPM-pressure added to my negative impression. Neither of these was that big a deal, I just didn't want to deal with it anymore for the relatively tiny sum I was netting after taxes. I think this could be a great job for many people, but it's not one I would do with kids around to see the computer.

whither the blog?

Recently I checked my gMail inbox to find a message from Google: they will no longer be supporting FTP-published blogs. Originally the day of execution was set at March 26, but apparently there were enough screams from the FTP-publishing crowd that they pushed it back to May 1.

You may not know or care about blog publishing, FTP-based or otherwise, but I did when I set up this blog, and I still do. The biggest change under the new Blogger regime is that all blogs must be hosted at Blogger. That means all the content you place on your blog will reside on Google's servers somewhere, servers that you have no access to, other than through the Blogger software that Google makes available to you.

Now, Blogger is (so far) a free service provided by Google, but this looks like a power grab to me. Why do they want to host all blog content? Their explanations for what they're doing have to do with the percentage of FTP-published blogs (they say 0.5%) versus the amount of resources they devote to maintaining the FTP-publishing platform, which is many times that -- but let's face it, if it were 2% of their resources, that would be 4 times 0.5, and they could justifiably say that four is "many".

We all know there are millions of blogs out there where some goof published a single post and then never looked at it again. On the other hand, most FTP-published blogs are owned and operated, and updated frequently, by people who actively manage their web content, and for whom a blog is only part of what they're doing with their domain. I like having that level of control, and I especially like having my blog files on a host that I can access -- and back up -- whenever I feel like it, using simple tools like FireFTP.

I'm still trying to decide what to do with this blog. When I first started it, my children were very young and I was consequently stuck at home a lot, and it was a good outlet. Then when I was diagnosed with cancer, it was an invaluable tool, allowing me to document my diagnosis, treatment, and recovery. I still check my own archives for dates of procedures and specifics of treatment. Over the past few years, it has devolved into a sort-of diary, and I update most about vacations and special events that I'd like to remember. Even that usage has fallen off, as I use Facebook to update family and friends now.

Another consideration that weighs heavily on me is that I'll soon be looking to re-enter the workforce as a teacher. Anything I post on this blog is available to everyone to read, and it would be foolish for me to use this blog as a place to vent, as I have some times in the past. I'm trying to decide whether or not it makes sense to port this blog to a new platform, or to just leave it for now, hoping that Blogger won't someday discontinue their support for already-published, no longer updated, FTP blogs.

I don't trust Google to keep the read-only functionality in place, and I don't want them hosting my blog. I'll have to investigate what it will take to move to WordPress or TypePad or one of the other blogging platforms. I'm not holding out much hope that they'll back off from this decision (even though the release of their porting tool just hit a snag) -- since we've never paid for this service, we FTP-publishers have zero leverage.

Top 10 things '24' has done to piss me off (so far)

(Spoilers, in case you didn't know it)

10. Continued abuse of the "events occur in real time" conceit. Apparently, everything in New York City occurs within five or ten minutes of everything else. This is less egregious than it was when CTU was in L.A., but it's still laughable.

9. Letting CTU be redesigned by rejects from Top Design. Glass walls everywhere, again? Orange? Humongous room-sized displays so that every analyst, janitor, and visitor in the room can see the classified data you're working on? Please.

8. Amping up the Hispanicity of Freddie Prinze's character, Ortiz, by having him pronounce Hispanic last names as if he were speaking Spanish. I realize that Prinze may actually be Hispanic, but that's not the point. He played Fred in the Scooby Doo movies, and I don't think it gets much more Anglo than that. And over-pronouncing "Torres" is silly.

7. Arlo using security drones to spy on sunbathing women. We're not supposed to like Arlo, but every time he's on screen he says or does something obnoxious, and using the drones to play Peeping Tom is too much to ask me to accept. This is the kind of guy who downloads porn and asks co-workers if they want to watch. And he's working at CTU? Don't these people vet their employees? Oh, wait.

6.a. Miscasting Katee Sackhoff: the character as written should be, well, more girly. It's difficult if not impossible for any viewer of BSG to forget Starbuck, and so it's just weird to see Sackhoff batting her eyelashes, cringing, and getting flustered when some two-bit creep starts hassling her. When we heard that Sackhoff was going to appear this season, it's safe to say we assumed she'd be a field agent, a role which suits Sackhoff's physical presence more than the mousy data analyst role does. Does anyone believe that a woman with that face and body would have such a milksap personality?
6.b. Writing Sackhoff's character with such an impossible-to-believe backstory. She has a not-so-buried secret past? Don't these people vet their employees? Oh, wait.

5. Farhad walking away from the accident scene even though CTU and the police had set up a cordon to catch the would-be assassin. What, they couldn't look for 2 different guys? He was wearing a white suit! It's not like he was going to be able to blend in.

4. Agent Freckles has a deep cover with the Russian Mafia? No. The Irish Mob, sure, with her coloring she could pull that off. But there's no way Russian hoods would hang out with her.

3. Jack's completely fine after getting pounded on by the burly NYPD moron. He should have broken bones in his face after that.

2. The new head of CTU is written as more interested in covering his own ass than in realistically assessing and neutralizing any threats. Who put this guy in charge? He's ridiculously blinkered. Prime example: he knows the reporterette, Meredith, is lying about something. But when she finally breaks down and admits her affair with Omar, does he check to see whether the biometric data indicates she's lying? No, he does not. He thinks she's just blowing smoke, but he doesn't even bother to check his own data. Also, I get that he's a really tall guy, but in the fourth hour he started doing this hunching thing that's annoying. Stand up straight, Hastings. You look obsequious to your superiors and condescending to your employees.

1. Writing a NYC cop into a terrorist situation and having him go along with the terrorist's demands. Davros pulls the gun on the cop and his wife and all of sudden starts speaking in a (what we now know to be Russian) accent. At that point, the cop knows he and his wife are dead, so why did he go along with Davros? No way, no how would one of NYPD's finest give in so easily, even if his wife got shot in the leg. She's already dead, she just doesn't know it yet. If he goes along with the terrorist, not only will he and his wife be dead, but the terrorist's targets will be, too. The only chance he has to save either himself or his wife is to fight back. If he gets himself killed in the process, at least he hasn't helped the terrorist advance his plans.


Yeah, I'm still planning to watch the rest of the season. There's enough good (or at least OK) stuff for me to hang in there, but I'm not sure I'll be in for the long haul if they don't clean up some of these messes.

where did that month go?

Anniversary Roses -- 15 years!

Lots of stuff going on, mostly good, some minor irritations. Top of the list: Sonora Quest did not send my blood work out to CA for testing after my Thyrogen trial, so I don't have my results yet. Oh, they ran the test themselves and everything came back negative, but their tests aren't as sensitive and are not comparable to my previous results. And the order specifically asked for it to be sent out, so they really have no excuse. My endo said she wants to get them to pay for another Thyrogen trial, which would be OK with me (I guess) but I doubt they'll do it any time soon.

I hope to do a series of catch-up posts in tribute to a really nice Christmas season, but I'm not particularly motivated so it will probably be a while. There are a couple of situations (like the thyroid cancer tests) that are still up in the air that are a source of stress, but mostly I'm just cruising along working on my two classes, and hoping to wrap them up in the next week. I have a sense of making slight progress, so I'm not quite treading water these days, but yeah, that's pretty close to where I am.

Thyrogen trial, 2009

I managed to schedule my Thyrogen administration just before Christmas -- having already met my health insurance deductible this year, it was rather important to do it now rather than in January.

First shot (right arm) was on Thursday, second shot (left arm) was on Friday. Fortunately this time I have only a tiny bit of soreness around the injection site. The preliminary bloodwork drawn on Thursday was taken from my hand, and that hurts a lot worse than where they stuck me with the shots. The problem I had a before, with a numb, painful arm, are nowhere in evidence.

I go for my second blood draw tomorrow, and that's the important one, the one that will tell what my stimulated Thyroglobulin (Tg) production is. They'll be sending it out to Carole Spencer's lab, so it will take a while for the results to come in.

That's a source of frustration, sure, but there's no reason to expect much of an uptick. Last time it went up to 1.1, I think, scarcely worth mentioning. Here's hoping for the same or lower. I've rather gotten into the habit, these last few years, of being relatively healthy. I'd like to stay that way.

brief moment of clarity

I have a problem with staying up too late when I know the next day won't be too demanding, and that describes most of my days lately. I fall asleep in front of the tv (or computer) and then wake up and stay up, instead of hauling myself off to bed.

How late? Late enough to not want to admit how late, because it's embarrassing.

Even more embarrassing is why I stay up late. If I were doing something productive, it would be one thing. But lately, I'm watching either Food Network (not that embarrassing) or Nick at Nite, and there's something about watching The Nanny at 2:30AM that so pathetic I finally realized how stupid it is to stay up so late.

Yes, I'm up late today but that's because (see, I have a real reason) I was posting a video of the kids' piano recital over on my Facebook page, and that took a while, and now that's done and so am I.

I hope this lasts -- if I'm going to be up, I damn well better be doing something useful.

Nobody cries at a TSO concert

We saw the Trans Siberian Orchestra with the kids this afternoon. The first part of the concert was an extended song/story, interspersed with Christmas classics and original pieces, that told the story of an angel, a lonely man, and his daughter far from home on Christmas Eve. Through the intervention of the angel and the kindness of strangers, she's able to go home on Christmas Day.

TSO is really an orchestra, but it's an orchestra with rock-and-roll trappings, including smoke, flames, lasers, and lots of head-banging from the two lead violinists. They play classical pieces with hard rock beats and arrangements, and they shamelessly rewrote or supplied lyrics to a good half-dozen of the carols they played in nicely chosen mash-ups. ("The Holly and the Ivy" was particularly well done. Here's Christmas Eve/Sarajevo, a reworking of "Carol of the Bells" that is probably their most well-recognized piece.)

I liked the long set, with its prog-rock pretentious narration, even though the strutting and posing made me want to laugh, and parts of it were just exhausting. But the end of the sequence -- the payoff of the daughter coming home -- killed me. I wondered if the tightness in my throat would let up before I broke down sobbing. I thought about going to get a drink to help me compose myself.

The kids weren't paying attention to me, though, and eventually I got a grip. I wondered why I had such a strong reaction. Yes, I am a sap for Christmas music, but this was more than that. It took me a while to realize what it was.

As much as I love Advent and the coming of Christmas, I always have trouble around this day.

perfect

Thanksgiving was perfect, except I made too many pies.

Since then, we have been inordinately busy. It is much easier for me to be in school when the children are not, and trying to put in even a couple of hours of day at my job proved difficult to impossible for most of November.

I have to go fold laundry or else no one will have socks for tomorrow, but I did want to put up a post to remind me to go into the details later. Thanksgiving really was extraordinary, and it would be nice to be able to be as successful in the future.

This weekend, I spent great swaths of time working with DD on her homework project, and did none of my own. Saturday I spent great swaths of time cooking something I've never made before, lamb shanks. Delicious, but an unexpected time sink. So, we still don't have our Christmas tree up, or our Christmas cards ordered. I have a dozen things pending this week and somehow will manage it all, but I'm not exactly sure how.

First, that laundry --

blocked

School work and paying work have been sadly neglected this month. It's not that nothing is getting done, it's just that all sorts of things -- more interesting things -- keep interrupting, like dates with my husband and outings with the kids. And moving DS2 into his own room, which necessitated cleaning out the playroom and purging 5 years worth of toys the children never even look at.

It's delightful, but still I have assignments pending and it's making me antsy. Yet here I am posting on the blog. Like I'm going to be meaningfully productive at this hour? Ha!

Shopping for Thanksgiving is finished, at least I accomplished that today.

The other stuff? Maybe tomorrow.

bday + weekend recap

Chocolate peppermint birthday cake, with chocolate mint buttercream frosting, mint (green) glaze, and chocolate chips.

DD turned eleven last week, and it feels as if we've been celebrating her birthday for a month now. It started with the purchase of the netbook last Sunday at the Microsoft store, and it continued on her actual birthday straight through to the weekend.

The bday itself was full of all kinds of hectic, as the kids all had a half-day of school so I rescheduled their piano lessons for earlier in the day. We just had time for a quick lunch, then it was off to their lessons. Then home, when I frosted and "decorated" the cake -- I should remember to snip very, very small holes in the corners of the ziploc bags I'm using as impromptu pastry tubes, especially since glaze is much more runny than decorator frosting.

Then to the Y for our class, then home for her favorite dinner: tortellini and sausage, with red sauce. After dinner DS1 played "Happy Birthday" on the piano while we sang, so we actually sounded pretty good for once. DD was pleased with her day.

Friday, five of her friends (from both old and new schools) came over for a sleepover. I don't believe they slept at all. It necessitated me cleaning pretty much the whole house, with special attention paid to the playroom where the girls camped out. They had pizza and ice cream cake from Baskin-Robbins (chocolate chip cookie dough with white cake):
The second cake, gone before the first

They drank about a gallon of lemonade, ate lots of pizza, and made a small dent in DD's Halloween candy. In the morning, they had pancakes and bacon and were all gone promptly at 9:30AM so DD wouldn't miss her karate.

The boys stayed up as late as the girls (well, till 12:30 at least) and so all three kids were somewhat cranky and exhausted on Saturday.

Sunday we went to the zoo to see the komodo dragons. They're huge! The viewing area is very well designed.
Male, basking

This is his good side.

The animals were rather accomodating; both the lion and the tiger were napping where we could see them easily. Most fun is a toss-up between the otters, who were adorable but of some concern because some nimrod was letting his kid feed them kettle corn, and the monkeys in the monkey village, because they were playing very close to the path.
Idiots in the monkey village were trying to hand-feed these guys, too.

Please don't feed the otters.

From the zoo we went to Borders where I read a few more chapters of the next Ember book. It's a young adult post-apocalyptic tale but nowhere near as good as Lois Lowry's trilogy.

I haven't worked in days, and now schoolwork is waiting, too. I keep saying I've been busy (there has been other stuff going on, too, I couldn't possibly blog it all) but I still find time to dawdle on the computer and before I know it, entire days are gone. I continually fail to live up to my own expectations, but since no one else seems to care, I'm starting to wonder if I should, either?

yay!

Mammogram came back normal. *whew*

adventures in technology

Sunday we all trooped up to Scottsdale Fashion Center to go to the first ever anywhere Microsoft Store. We wanted to talk to them about Windows 7 and see what they were offering.

We ended up buying DD's birthday-Christmas computer, an Asus Eee. It's pink! And it came with Windows 7 Starter as its OS. Win7 Starter doesn't let you customize the desktop or change colors, but that wasn't important for DD. We chose this Asus because for $30 more it has a substantially better battery (6- vs 3-cell, giving 8.5 hours vs 3.5), and it has a bigger hard drive.

Our main concern with getting a Windows 7 netbook was that Win7 doesn't have web browser parental controls included. That functionality is included in Windows Live, which is free and seemed well-integrated, so we decided to go for it.

Oy. I was up until 1AM last night trying to install the parental controls from Windows Live Family Safety. Whenever I tried to add the account in Family Safety, it kept telling me "an error has occurred," and then some nonsense about logging into the account again and trying again, which of course never worked.

I did some websearching and found various forum postings indicating that this may have been caused by a corrupt installation of Windows Live, so I removed it, downloaded it again, and re-installed it. Still no dice.

Then I found another post somewhere that hinted that the accounts created with the bad version of Windows Live around were also corrupted somehow, so I had to delete those accounts (including the administrator account, which involved creating another admin account to delete the first one --) and then recreate them.

Once I did that, it all worked fine. I did have to jump through some unfortunate hoops because I had (foolishly) named the new admin account "Admin," and Family Safety does not like that. After at least 3 hours of creating and removing accounts and trying to set the restrictions, I finally got it to work.

Here, I think, are the actual steps to success:
1. Remove Windows Live immediately.
2. Download Windows Live and re-install it. Reboot.
3. Now create your Administrator account.
4. Important: use the Family Safety Filter (from the Start menu, choose All Programs, then Choose Windows Live, then choose Family Safety) to create the new (kid's) user account. If you use Control Panel Account functionality, it won't work.
5. Now add Windows Live Family Safety Parental Controls to the new account.
And now you can go in and customize the new user account via the Control Panel, also. I'm pretty sure this is correct. I was going around in circles for a while, but I still tried to keep track of what was working and what wasn't. This should work.

About the Microsoft Store: there were a ton of staff people there who were all uniformly friendly, but I had the feeling I knew more than many of them about OSs and all the issues with parental controls. It focuses on computers and software, although they do have an XBox section towards the back. It's not like the Apple Store which devotes as much real estate to the iPod family as any of the computers (at least that's my impression, I haven't spent too much time in one); they have dozens of computers all around the store perimeter with gorgeous screens, some showing live TV (on Sunday: NFL), and others showing videos or just available for surfing on. It has a very minimal, clean design that gets out of the way of the technology they're showing off. I was amused by the staff "uniform": long-sleeved t-shirts in one of the four "Windows" colors: red, green, blue, or yellow. Those colors were bright.

If I had thought about this beforehand, I would have brought my camera.

The netbook? Fantastic. DD loves it, she's doing her homework on it already. Windows 7 is quite zippy. It's funny how the tiniest computer in the house has the best performance (for now).

waiting

Patience is not my strong point.

I'm waiting for mammogram results. I don't have any particular reason to suspect that something will be wrong, other than my general, persistent belief that I will get breast cancer someday. I have many risk factors (family history, left-handedness, thyroid cancer, melanoma) but also some protective factors: my three children, all of whom nursed for about a year. I don't think the protective factors outweigh the risks, though, so every year I just wait.

I'm also waiting for Wednesday. I have an interview at the school where I would very much like to do my practicums (and student teaching when the time comes). I called to ask about it, and they called me back to schedule the appointment. I'm hoping this works, because if not I will be well and truly crushed.

Wednesday will be very busy. It's DD's birthday, but I'll start the day by hauling DS1 off to the orthodontist at 7AM to have a bracket re-glued. Then my interview at 10, then the kids get out at noon, piano lessons from 1-2:30, circuit class at 4:45. DD has already requested tortellini and sausage for dinner; sometime before then I'll be making her a chocolate peppermint cake. (Using a chocolate cake mix and peppermint extract - 1+1/2 tsp for the cake, and 1 tsp for the chocolate frosting.)

updates

The tail end of the cold I picked up in Tucson is still hanging on, and I often feel as if my brain has turned to oatmeal. The cold has dwindled into nothing more than an annoying post-nasal drip, and eventually that will be gone, too. Patience is required.

I finally got my blood work back from USC and it shows my Tg, my tumor marker, has further decreased to 0.21 from 0.23 last time. One of these days it will come back "undetectable" and then I can really relax. When I last spoke with my doctor she wanted me to do a Thyrogen protocol for bloodwork only, which wouldn't be too bad as it doesn't require going on the Low Iodine Diet. I'll call the office next month to see if I need to schedule something.

I finished the two little one-credit courses I was taking, and registered for the next two in my program, starting next Monday. I'm finally getting into the "methods" courses and am looking forward to learning more about managing lesson plans and curricula.

The constant topic of conversation between DH and me is the kids' schooling. We are going to try to move them into a different, very challenging, charter school in the fall. It's a K-12 school (or will be, next year), and working there while my children attended there would be a dream job. I called and spoke to the head of the middle school to ask about doing my practicums there, and I was straightforward about my desire to get the kids in there and my longer term career goals. I was pleased when he called me back to set up the interview, because they don't usually do that kind of thing. We'll see how it goes.

Also school-related, I am working on an enrichment curriculum for DS1 so that he will keep up his writing and math skills in the interim.

The holiday-birthday season gets underway shortly with Halloween followed by DD's birthday. We'll scarcely go three weeks without some kind of celebration in this house from now till Easter -- it's fun but exhausting. We've decided to stay home this Christmas and not go to DisneyLand; being away from home for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just didn't sit right with us.

My first paycheck arrived from LeapForce on October 22, three weeks after I submitted it. There were no issues whatsoever, and LeapForce emailed me to acknowledge receipt of the invoice, to tell me it had been approved, and to tell me it had been paid. Tasks have been scarce the past few days I've logged in to work, but timing is an important issue: weekends and Monday mornings are the worst times to get tasks, everybody's working then. It's going pretty well overall.

touring around Tucson

We left Wednesday after piano lessons, arriving at the Casa Grande National Monument just about a half hour before it closed at 5PM. The ride to Case Grande was easy, and the monument itself is very cool, and the little museum accompanying it is charming as well.

The Big House, a 4-story building made entirely of caliche, about 600-700 years old.

Leaving Case Grande, I realized that somehow the directions I had printed out included only the directions and not the mileage in between each step. Lacking the mileage markers and contending with road construction left me with an exercise in frustration. We wandered through Coolidge and serendipitously came upon this gorgeous courthouse in Florence:

1891 Pinal County Courthouse, the oldest public building continuously in use in Arizona.

I gave up trying to find the way to I-10 and on the spur of the moment decided to follow the sign that said "Tucson" and nothing else. It turned out to be Route 79, which was a long, gorgeous drive through a cactus forest all the way down to the foothills. Rte 79 merges into Rte 77 which is Oracle Parkway in Tucson, and our hotel was just off that street.

We stayed at the Comfort Suites, which was inexpensive, clean, and conveniently located. Breakfast was included, as was free wifi which worked very well. I took advantage of the wifi to put in some work hours each night after the kids were in bed -- and to get the mileage figures for all of our directions.

On Thursday morning we headed out to San Xavier del Bac. It was beautiful and I wish we could have spent more time there, but the kids were not in a contemplative mood at all.

Mission San Xavier del Bac

Lion figure flanking the altar

The back courtyard

From San Xavier, we headed to Colossal Cave Mountain Park where we took the cave tour. It was really splendid. DS1 was a little nervous about going down the stairs and falling into bottomless crevices, but there was never any danger. Our tour guide Bill was knowledgeable and interesting, and I was cracking up because all three of the kids made a point to stick close to him so they could hear him and ask (and answer) questions. Photographing the interior of the cave was difficult with my little point-and-shoot.

On the path to the cave entrance

The silent waterfall.

Bill, by the way, confirmed my good judgment in choosing Colossal Cave over Kartchner Caverns; "It's not a kid-friendly environment," he said. The only disappointment at the Colossal Cave park was lunch: I was very low on cash and the little eatery (it reminded me of a clam shack, but of course there were no fried clams) didn't take credit cards. We headed out and got some lunch in town, and then went back to the hotel to spend the rest of the afternoon at the pool. Sure, we could have gone somewhere else, but I really didn't want to over-extend anyone.



We even played chicken, and my neck is still paying for it.

The kids slept well both nights but I did not, and Friday morning I was so miserable I got up to take some ibuprofen at 5:30 in the hope that I could get at least an hour or two of decent sleep. It helped a little. After breakfast we packed up the room and checked out, and then headed out to The Arizona-Sonoran Desert Museum. I mis-transcribed the mileage on the directions and we ended up taking a round-about route that cost us about 20 minutes or so, but it wasn't a disaster. It was very hot for this time of year: 100 degrees. We all had water bottles and stopped frequently at the excellent (cold) water fountains to drink and refill our bottles. We somehow managed to walk all the trails at the museum and eat lunch and still got out of there just before 1PM. I think if it had been cooler we would have lingered more, but it was exhausting. The museum is like a combination zoo and garden, and we saw a lot native animals, plus exhibits on minerals, archeology, living underground and many others I'm forgetting.

Gorgeous landscape

A very accomodating coyote, resting in the shade of a bush quite near the fence of his enclosure.

Crayfish!


Evidence they weren't completely miserable.

We wandered through a bit of Saguaro National Monument but only for a few minutes; we'd seen more stunning cactus forests on the trip down Rte 79, where the chollas were as tall as trees, giving the saguaro some competition for tallest cacti in the area. We drove home up I-10 which must be one of the most boring drives ever; unlike Rte 79, there was nary a cactus to be seen, just miles of flat plain with the occasional tumbleweed or other shrub. We stopped at Borders for our usual Friday afternoon snack, and got DS1 to his doctor's appointment right on time at 4PM.

By the time we got home I knew I was sick: DS2 had a bit of something last week and ran a mild fever a couple of days. It seems to be a cold with a little bit of a kick, but I don't think it's the flu. I'm taking ibuprofen and Mucinex religiously and it's helping, but I think I just have to wait it out. Would I have gotten sick if we had stayed home? Probably not. The trip was still worth it, though.

fall break

© 1970 Mark A. Dimmitt / ASDM Sonoran Desert Digital Library

Growing up on the East Coast, I never had a fall break, because school didn't start until the Wednesday after Labor Day. Sure, we had a long weekend in October for Columbus Day, and an extra-long weekend in November for Thanksgiving, but our first vacation was over Christmas.

This year, the kids started school on August 10, and it's a very long haul from August 10 to Christmas. They have next week off, and I'm hoping we'll actually do something. The idea is to spend a few days in Tucson visiting interesting things down there, but we have appointments Monday and Friday and piano lessons on Wednesday, plus karate both Saturdays. We'll have to fit a trip in somewhere. We had such a great time at the Grand Canyon, etc last year that we are looking forward to doing something equally fun this year.

There's a lot to choose from, and here's our list of most-likely destinations: Colossal Cave Mountain Park, Casa Grande ruins, The Arizona-Sonoran Desert Museum, Tombstone, and San Xavier del Bac Mission.

We thought about Kartchner Caverns but decided against it for three reasons: 1) you need to make reservations in advance; we'd rather be flexible 2) the interior of the cave is warm (72 degrees) with 99% (not a typo) humidity all the time and 3) the rules and restrictions are not exactly kid-friendly; you can't even bring bottled water with you on the 90-minute tour. (If my salivary glands are acting up, I would have a hard time making it 90 minutes without having something to drink.) I understand they're trying to preserve the caverns, but I have no desire to take my kids to what is essentially an underground fishbowl where we'll be policed by fanatics lest we brush up against a wall and contaminate the environment. Colossal Cave is dry. That, I can deal with.

Now I get to play travel agent and find a hotel, plan an itinerary,and print out maps, if I can figure out when and where to go.

in a bit of a bad way, here

One of the reasons I wanted that job was to provide an external motivator to get to bed at a reasonable hour.

Of course, napping for an hour after dinner isn't exactly conducive to going to bed early.

accustomed to disappointment

I didn't get the job I interviewed for on Monday.

On balance, this is probably a good thing. It would have been very stressful, working a full school day and then having to dash to pick up the kids at their schools. In truth, I think my schedule requirements counted against me, which is not unreasonable.

I will continue to plug away at my at-home job, which isn't much but it is something, and above all it offers flexibility.

If I get really itchy to get in the classroom, I'll put my application in to substitute... Chandler's taking applications now, and Gilbert may be, too. In the meantime, my next classes have practicums that will require some classroom time -- that's better than nothing.

the invoice is in the ether

I just sent off my first invoice to my employers, LeapForce At Home.

As a contractor (they have a 1099 form on file for me, along with a signed contract), I send them a monthly invoice using the invoice creation system they have implemented. It's not the slickest user interface, but it works, allowing me to enter my daily hours -- to the minute -- as required by the agreement.

Their payment terms are net 30; I wonder how long it will take for the check to get here? They don't do direct deposit. I can live with that.

The Holy Rosary for children

I wrote a book last weekend.

The Holy Rosary: A coloring book with illustrations, explanations, and scripture passages for each mystery. I've always wanted a book for children that had illustrations for each mystery, and I've also always wanted a simple scriptural rosary that gave the basic texts aligning with them, also. The illustrations I found at St. John the Baptist's RE Page, and the scriptures are taken from the USCCB New Advent Bible.

What part did I write? A simple explanation of the events surrounding each mystery, followed by one or two lines intended to lead the reader to contemplation or meditation. Here's an example:

The First Joyful Mystery: The Annunciation

Annunciation is another way of saying announcement.

In this mystery, the angel announces to Mary that she has been chosen to be the mother of God's Son. The words he said to greet her became the beginning of the Hail Mary prayer: "Hail, Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women."

God sent the angel Gabriel to Mary to ask her if she would become Jesus' mother. Mary did not understand how this could happen, and she knew it would not be easy, but she had faith. Mary said, "Yes."

What is God asking us to do? How can we say "yes" to God?

Here is the pdf file.

This work may be freely copied and distributed for non-commercial educational purposes only.

not dead, just busy

A brief recounting:

- Working online, which is pretty much OK, except when there's no work when I want to work, when it's frustrating. The way it works is, I log in and "acquire a task." Sometimes there are no tasks to acquire. Sometimes after I've been logged in for a few minutes, tasks will start popping up, but it's pretty random. I'll have stretches where I can work for 3 or 4 hours (rare, for me), and then others when I work for 5 minutes and there are no more tasks forthcoming. Fortunately I am not dependent on this income for anything other than covering the kids' piano lessons, otherwise it would be stressful.

- Speaking of piano lessons, did I mention the barter arrangement I made with their teacher? We're trading cooking lessons for (part of) the piano lessons with some success. She would like to quit eating out pretty much all the time, but that's a huge transition to make. We're working on her cooking repertoire. I think she thinks that's an indulgent way to talk about it, but there it is: you have a repertoire of meals you rely on to get you through the days or weeks when you're lacking time, money, inspiration, or all three. So far she has liked what she has made, and that's good.

- Schoolwork -- finally knocked out the lesson plans and got good feedback on them, and attended my second seminar. Officially I have only 3 more assignments total and then I will be done with these two classes, and we'll see when I register for the next class or classes, because --

- I interviewed for a job on Monday. Last week I got a call, "Would you like to interview for the paraprofessional position?" I had to ask, "Which one?" because I had applied to so many different schools in different districts. It's not in the kids' school district but the calendar differences are manageable, so I said yes. The interview went really well, I think, and I think I would like the job -- Title I Paraprofessional, basically a floating instructional aide. I think. I should hear back on Friday. It's 6 hours per day so life would be much busier than it is now, but I think it would be really good for me to be working in a school again. I'm always so happy when I am teaching.

- I wrote a book last weekend, posted separately, for my RE (religious education) class, which started a couple of weeks ago. I'm teaching the same content as last year, and I'm sure we (me and the kids) will benefit from my having done it before. It's a smaller class and that helps, too.

- My own cooking, cleaning, shopping, working out; driving children everywhere; supervising kids' homework, reading, chores, piano & clarinet practice; wondering why the burners on the stove wouldn't light after I cleaned it (mismatched burner covers), cleaning up a quart of maple syrup that got all over the floor when the bottle was dropped and cracked... You know, that sort of thing. Oh, and laundry. Laundry is an afterthought now. I'm doing three loads a week instead of 5 or 6, and the drier is fast. I love those new machines. It is true that the clothes are a bit more wrinkled than with the old machines if I put the drier on "high heat" setting, but I really don't need to do that. The clothes look great. The whites really are whiter. Yes, I sound like an ad. I don't care.

- Watching, when I can, Top Chef, Project Runway, House, and Glee, and I almost forgot The Office. DH and I also are renting season one of Breaking Bad which is incredible. We're five episodes in and I'm thoroughly engrossed. The main character is such an odd dichotomy of normal good guy and amoral snake, but a terminal cancer diagnosis can have an odd effect on a person.

- Today, just to make things interesting, I went to school with DS1 for "shadow a student" day. There's nothing like being back in junior high. It was only a half day, thank God, and it went very quickly, but I can see why he chafes so about this new school. It is just not academically challenging at all. DH & I had thought this would be OK since he had so many other adjustments to make, but I'm wondering what the overall impact will be.

So you see nothing earth shattering, just a lot of things going on, the business of life. It's good.

"Even in an Eden such as this, wrongs do occur"

The quote is not applicable to anything happening in my life -- I was watching Deadwood on DirecTV's 101 Channel this evening, and the quote leaped out at me. What a great show, once your ear gets tuned to ignore the profanity.

In my life, the most recent "wrong" was the death of the 14-year-old dryer, long anticipated. DH and I spent a good deal of time this week discussing the options and figuring out what we wanted, and I ran around to all sorts of stores to see what was to be had. We bought Sears' HE3t washer & dryer, which was on sale for a ridiculously low price for the pair ($1378). We debated a Maytag 5000 Series pair for a moment or two, but decided the upcharge for the steam feature was too much for something that was basically a boondoggle (at least according to Consumer Reports.)

The new machines were installed this morning and I did what would have been 5 loads of laundry (having had no machines all week) in somewhere between 4 and 5 hours. I'm impressed. Next up, no doubt: the equally ancient refrigerator, and the move to HDTV. What's the typical lifetime of a gas range, or a microwave? I really like them and would rather not replace them any time soon -- the others, I know their time is coming.

In other news: I have a job! It's a work-at-home, search engine evaluator contractor gig. We'll see how it goes. The test was fun and easy for me. SEE's are expected to evaluate URLs at a rate of 2 minutes per, and most took much less than that for me. But that was in the test environment, and I haven't started the real work yet as I have to update the virus protection software on my laptop before I begin.

In other, other news, the kids are all doing great at school, karate started this weekend, and RE classes start tomorrow. I therefore have something scheduled for every day this week, so it will fly by.

And that may be the most significant wrong occurring in this Eden, after all: that great rush always sweeping forward, leaving scant opportunity to fathom the accumulation of events that is Life while it's happening.

that stings a bit

I had my audition for Kaplan last night, and just got my rejection via email.

Yesterday I settled on the topic, "How to Look for a Job," and practiced several times during the day, making sure I could cover the material in 5 minutes.

I arrived at Kaplan and was directed to a small classroom where there were 5 or 6 guys seated conspicuously at the back of the room. I was immediately sensitive to being the only woman there, not to mention being old enough to be mother to all but one of them. I made a teasing comment about them all sitting in the back and they laughed nervously. I put my things in the second row (the first row was too close to the board) and noticed the white board markers in the tray.

I have enough classroom experience to know that it's frustrating to grab a marker only to find that it doesn't write, so I took the opportunity to try them out and see which ones actually worked. I think the guys appreciated it.

The Kaplan guy came in and gave his spiel: the courses are very scripted, they only take the top, your timing has to be spot on. Nothing surprising there if you know anything about how these test prep places work.

Then he asked for a volunteer to go first and everyone froze, so I took a deep breath and went for it. I paced myself well although I may have been a little rushed, and my handwriting on the board was lousy -- I am out of practice and the board was higher than the ones I am used to, she said, making a couple of lame excuses. I finished within my five minutes, but I failed to include any interaction with the "class," which may be why they rejected me. Five minutes is a short time, and given my topic, I had a complete failure of imagination on how to integrate feedback and still include everything I wanted to say. Clearly I should have cut some material to give myself time for interaction, but as I said -- failure of imagination.

The guys did their presentations, at least one of them didn't finish in time. Here are their audition topics:

- How to do the Time Warp from Rocky Horror

- How to Clean Your Pool - now I know that you have to plug, vacuum, and then backwash for best results

- How to Survive a Zombie Attack

- How to Pick a Lock (we voted for that over "How to Build a Nuclear Bomb")

- How to Calculate the Odds of Winning Powerball

I won't comment on their auditions except to say that I liked the Powerball one the best.

I will say that from the moment that the Kaplan rep walked into the room I got the impression that he thought none of us were good enough. There was a definite "we are the best and you should be grateful we're giving you this chance to even be considered" vibe there -- it reminded me a lot of how some people were about MIT. There were many, many nice people at MIT when I was there, but there were also some arrogant idiots, and this guy had that demeanor. There's a way to talk about a position that requires very specific qualifications without implying that if you don't have those qualifications you're somehow a lesser individual, and this guy did not practice it.

I think it would have been great to get some class time with high school kids, and the money is not bad considering everything else out there (which is not much, at this point.) However, the hours would be all weekends and evenings, and frankly I would much prefer to spend those particular hours with my family. Maybe my ambivalence manifested as insufficient enthusiasm; even as I was driving to Tempe I was thinking, "Why am I even bothering with this?"

Even so, it's never fun getting rejected. My ego is slightly bruised, but I'll get over it.

a minor obsession

I'm spending far more time looking for a job than I am doing anything else, including all the stuff around the house that needs doing. I think I need to get a job simply to get myself off this hamster wheel.

On that positive note, I've decided what to do for my "how to" presentation: how to look for a job online! Hey, I can boil it down to 5 minutes and just hit the high points.

We appear to have stopped hemorrhaging money, so that's good, but we don't have a handle on what our new baseline monthly expenses are, either. DH is not in the least bit concerned (at least he does not appear to be) and so I suppose I should not be, either.

Tomorrow: my own school work first, then putting together and practicing my Kaplan audition for delivery in the evening. Should be fun, although the idea of taking an SAT-like qualifying test does not fill me with joy. We'll see how it goes.

crushed anyway

Turns out I wasn't passed over for that "ideal" job -- I had an interview today that went spectacularly well. There were four of them and they tag-teamed their questions, but it was completely stress-free. This was stuff I knew inside and out, and I didn't even feel nervous.

There are two problems: the distance, and the pay. It's at least a 30-minute drive away. I drive a 2000 Honda Odyssey, which gets decent gas mileage (20 mpg, usually) for a minivan, but putting 225 miles on that car every week is not a good idea.

The pay is the typical pittance, but even that wouldn't be so bad if the shifts were longer than three hours. So I'd be driving for an hour (round trip) to work for three, and using nearly an entire extra tank of gas every week, not to mention wear and tear on the old (and I do mean old) van. After taxes, it might work out to be a wash, or a very small net positive.

When I discussed all this with DH, he was perfect; he said he didn't think it was worth it, but he wasn't (he said) factoring in what a great job it would be and a terrific place to work and all that. So he didn't scoff, but he did point out that the cash flow situation wouldn't be helped much if at all by this particular job. I could tell he would worry about me doing all that highway driving in the old van every day, too.

The whole point of me getting job is, of course, to help out with the cash flow, what with three kids taking piano lessons, two new cell phones just added to our plan, and our health insurance premiums going up by another $150+ a month.

I saw yet another job a couple of days ago and discussed it with DH, and after supper I sent in my application online. We'll see if anything comes of it. I think that's the worst part of the whole job search process; you throw your resume out there, and all you can do is wait and see if you get a response. I'm not a patient person.

whoops

I saw my endocrinologist today, and was looking forward to getting my numbers -- the blood test results that would tell me if my cancer was acting up or, possibly, had finally gone away.

The lab screwed up and did not send it out to USC to Carole Spencer's lab as they were supposed to, so I don't know.

I'll go back into my endo's office if a few weeks and they'll do another draw and this time, they'll send it to USC and I'll find out.

This isn't that big of an issue, really, except I inevitably work myself into kind of a state whenever I'm going to get lab results on my tumor marker. It doesn't matter that nothing has been going on for nearly four years now, I still worry. Maybe after a few more years (and if the tumor marker ever becomes undetectable) I'll relax about it. But today's worry was wasted, and I don't even get to feel relieved now.

I rallied and did some schoolwork when I got home, but it was a tedious and unsettled day anyway. Here's to tomorrow, a day in which no medical issues need be considered.

another week, another Brontë

Heathcliff, tormented
If you're feeling flush, you can buy a copy with the original Eichenberg engravings for a measly $1,895.

Wuthering Heights, finished today. Grim and tumultuous, and affecting.
(Sorry, reading seven or eight hundred pages of Brontë has influenced my thinking, and my writing.)

In the meantime, looking for a job. I stopped at a school this week to put in an application, and it turned into an interview on the spot: I had what they needed, namely, the DPS fingerprint card and the county food service workers' card. Unfortunately, it was far too many hours (we won't even talk about the meager -- but market-standard -- pay); I can't manage full-time hours with the kids' school schedule, my volunteer commitments, and my own school.

Yes, I'm back in, too. I've registered for the first two classes of the next level of my program; they're both one credit and won't be difficult. I just have to do the work.

I've applied for a couple of other part-time jobs, too, either of which would be ideal, but one particularly. That's all I'll say about that so as not to be too crushed if I am passed over. Any job I apply for these days will likely have hundreds of other applicants; there's only so far a well-written cover letter and a reasonably applicable resume will get you. I'm simultaneously over- and under-qualified for nearly everything out there, except substitute teaching, and that I can't do since I must retrieve my own children from their schools promptly at the end of each day.

Our kids' school and my work situation the past few years was ideal, and I knew it then, just as I knew it over the course of the summer as we decided to leave the old school. I wouldn't do anything differently, but I'm still sorry we had to.

surviving

Made it through the first week of school, with piano lessons and work-outs at the Y, plus a support group meeting on Thursday.

I also finished Jane Eyre, slept from 8:30am to 1pm one day, and fretted about the curriculums at the kids' new schools.

I was notified today that I won't get an interview at the junior high, and so am coming to terms with applying to substitute in the various school systems, although there is an infinitesimal but non-zero chance I could get an interview at the elementary school.

Is it so bad that I prefer to do what would be easier?

busy day

It was the first day of school. This required getting the kids up much earlier than ever -- 6:30AM! -- making breakfasts and lunches and getting them out the door. It all went rather well, but I'm not making any assumptions about the future based on this, the first day.

I made them all get out of the car so I could take this picture. They were rather good-natured about it. They indulge me.

While they were at school I went to a late-morning show of Julie & Julia, which I enjoyed but at the same time, I understand Julia Child's attitude towards Julie Powell: she is not a serious cook, and she's not a particularly likable person, either. La Streep was superb and really made the movie, although I did envy the film's food stylist his job -- what a blast it must have been to cook all that stuff!

The rest of the day? School paperwork, cooking (stir fry, mmmmm), piano lessons, and the intriguing prospect of giving cooking lessons(!).

I'm waiting rather impatiently to hear if I will be called for an interview at either school to which I've applied, but realistically I don't hold out much hope; I've been scanning the online job ads for part-time positions, considering what I'm qualified for and what I could actually do during "mother's hours" that's not school-related, and I keep coming back to the sticking point: why would I?

I sent off an application to Kaplan, they're looking for test-prep teachers, and I have some idea what would be involved there, but that's often a weekend commitment. We'll see.

one more day

It's officially the last day of summer vacation: the weekend doesn't count.

We've spent this week lounging, mostly -- other than the baking and birthday activities I've already described, we haven't really done much of anything --

Except school visits to meet teachers, and returning to piano lessons.

After a lovely three years with all three children in the same school, we're back again to two schools, with DS1 in junior high and DD and DS2 at elementary. Both schools are physically enormous compared to their old school, but with the larger size comes more resources and opportunities. I can honestly say I did not get a bad vibe from a single one of the kids' teachers, although there was a PE coach at the jr. high that seemed very tough -- but he's not DS1's teacher this year.

As for me, substitute teaching jobs this year are expected to be in short supply, since many teachers were RIF'ed at the end of the school year in June due to state budget cuts. I made up a new resume and put in applications for paraprofessional positions at the kids' schools. I highlighted all the tests I've passed and the certifications I have, but still I think it will take some luck to get an interview. We shall see. I really just want a part-time job to cover the expense of the aforementioned piano lessons, and perhaps financing an upgrade to HDTV.

46

I had a wonderful birthday.

The house is quiet now, finally -- inspiring me to goof around with the camera for a birthday self-portrait:
Not much different from last year.
(From this angle, you can't see all my new gray hairs.)

I spent a good part of the day cooking, although I did manage to get us all out to the Y for our circuit class.

Before lunch, I made the lady fingers and brewed the espresso for the tiramisu. I couldn't find my notes from the last time I made it, so I winged it... again.
Somehow, these ingredients combine to produce...

... these lady fingers. Since they're going straight into the tiramisu, I form them with a spoon. It's quick and easy.

The espresso smelled divine, but we resisted the urge to drink it.
My Krups Il Primo, older than my children, still working perfectly.

We had lunch at Rubio's, since they emailed me a free lunch coupon for my birthday. How could I resist a free mahi-mahi burrito? DH joined us and we had a great time.

After lunch (and a few errands), I put together the filling (more separating and beating eggs: the first stage is to make a zabiglione), into which you fold the marscapone. Then you whip the egg whites separately and fold them into the marscapone mixture.

Once that was done (and fussing with the double boiler is such a pain!), assembly was a snap.
Trader Joe's Bittersweet Belgian Chocolate, grated with a small cheese grater, was the perfect accent.

For dinner, we had some quick-sauteed shrimp and then pasta puttanesca. Well, DH and I had the puttanesca; the kids had their usual Ragu.

A fine mess -- the prep for the puttanesca: olives, capers, anchovies, tomatoes; recipe from The New Basics Cookbook.


DD arranged the candles.
Yes, it says "4" in pink and "6" in green.

There wasn't much left.

Calls and messages from family and friends really made the day. If all birthdays could be like this -- I did what I wanted to do! -- no one would ever mind having one.

weekend baking q&a

DD, restless, has taken to leafing through The Fannie Farmer Baking Book looking for inspiration. Since we got home from our vacation she returned again and again to the Classic Angel Food Cake with White Mountain Icing "basic master recipe."

Last weekend, I finally yielded.

Q: Is it possible to bake an angel food cake in a bundt pan?
A: Yes. Don't grease the pan.

The cake rose above the top of the pan, but it did not cook over

Q: But how do you hang it?
A: If you can't find a bottle with a narrow enough neck, perch it on a juice glass.
We left the cake to cool overnight.

Q: How do you get it out?
A: With patience, gently working the cake free of the surface of the pan around the edges, and then along the bottom. It doesn't do to grease the pan to make it easier to come out, because the foamy cake needs to grip the sides of the pan to rise.
Yeah, one side did get a little squished.

Q: What do you frost it with?
A: White Mountain icing: sugar syrup brought to the soft-ball stage, beaten into whipped egg whites. Marshmallow fluff, but not as sticky or as sweet -- as delicious as it looks.

If you overheat the sugar, the icing will be rather sticky, as we discovered. No matter, it's still delightful.

Q: How many egg whites total did you say?
A: A dozen and a half. (DD did most of the separating, but making this cake was her idea.)

Q: Do you need any special equipment?
A: Yes. You really should use a tube pan with a removable bottom if you plan to do this often -- the bundt pan was more proof of concept than anything. And you need a candy thermometer to bring the sugar to the correct temperature for the icing. Other than that, the only gadget needed is an electric mixer.

Q: Well?
A: Totally worth the effort. The cake is light and moist, the icing light, smooth, and not too sweet. Miles better than store-bought angel food.

Q: Was it a good learning experience?
A: DD wanted to do it herself, but she has never made anything more complicated than cookies before. Cakes are not necessarily difficult but there are more steps, and the steps are more fussy, what with the sifted dry ingredients, the beaten egg whites, the folding, etc. I don't think she minded being the sous-chef this time, once she saw what was involved. (I don't think 10-year-olds should be drizzling 240-degree sugar syrup into beaten egg whites while simultaneously running an electric mixer, regardless of her wishes.)